no kissing before marriage?!?

[lummoxcooties]

I dont think it is wrong to kiss before marriage, but there are certain things that make this type of situation good and bad. I think it is a good idea to save your kissing ( heavy making-out especially), but it is a hard thing to do. It makes the kiss so much more meaningful than a casual dater who throws his/her lips around like they aren't worth anything. Kissing has different cultural importance and meaning too. As an American, the kiss is somewhat less meaningful to the US in my view.

What do you all think of virgin lips before marriage?

NOTE: I posted this in the "for all members section," but no one is taking it seriously.

 

[Joykins]

Might be a bit weird not kissing before the wedding and having sex that very night.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I dont think it is wrong to kiss before marriage, but there are certain things that make this type of situation good and bad. I think it is a good idea to save your kissing ( heavy making-out especially), but it is a hard thing to do. It makes the kiss so much more meaningful than a casual dater who throws his/her lips around like they aren't worth anything. Kissing has different cultural importance and meaning too. As an American, the kiss is somewhat less meaningful to the US in my view.

What do you all think of virgin lips before marriage?

NOTE: I posted this in the "for all members section," but no one is taking it seriously.

What compels you to believe that no one is taking it seriously? After reading the other thread, I got the feeling it is just because you are not getting the sort of replies you want.

 

[lummoxcooties]

What compels you to believe that no one is taking it seriously? After reading the other thread, I got the feeling it is just because you are not getting the sort of replies you want.

It's not that I am getting replies I don't want to hear. I actually agree with some of the statement. I would rather have Christians have an intelligent discussion. People saying "I think it's stupid" doesn't lead to a good conversation. At least bring up some points or something.

I just want to know everyone's thoughts.

 

[BlackSaab52]

I don't see what's wrong with kissing before marriage. Just don't put yourself in a position where you're tempted to more than that, though.

 

[msortwell]

If we are talking about kissing the one you will marry, before you are actually married, then the question would be, "Why the rush?"

If we are talking about kissing someone whom you are not "surely" going to marry, then the issue is, "Why would you want to share such intimacy with someone other than your life partner?"

The principle behind remaining pure for marriage is not simply avoiding specific sexual acts. The principle is to avoid intimate sensual, and sexual interaction until it is within the blessing of God ordained marriage . . . to save the many facets intimacy of marriage for your spouse.

Is there some legitimate reason for kissing before marriage? I believe the only real motivation is one of sensual desire, anyththing else (awkwardnees, weirdness of that first kiss on the evening that you are first sexually intimate) would seem to be no more than a thinly veiled excuse.

Also worthy of consideration . . .

Rom 14:23
23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin. NKJV

I understand this to have application to this matter. If you doubt the propriety of kissing before marriage, but allow your own desires to convince you to do so anyway, it is sin. This is not to say that it you are NOT sinning just because you have convinced yourself that there is nothing wrong with the practice!

My 2 cents.

msortwell

 

[.Mikha'el.]

If we are talking about kissing the one you will marry, before you are actually married, then the question would be, "Why the rush?"

If we are talking about kissing someone whom you are not "surely" going to marry, then the issue is, "Why would you want to share such intimacy with someone other than your life partner?"

I still think that the decision to delay kissing until marriage is largely a personal choice. Kissing is largely a display of affection for another person, and therefore would not be considered a violation of sexual purity.

 

[Joykins]

If we are talking about kissing the one you will marry, before you are actually married, then the question would be, "Why the rush?"

I like to splash around in the shallow end of the pool before diving off the high dive.

 

[LukeBritt]

Kissing is good for marriage. I would go as far as saying that is a sin before marriage, but I did wait to kiss my bride; it was before we were married. We waited until we knew that we were going to stay together. We waited until our wedding day to have sex and we now enjoy a perfect sexual relationship. Kissing can lead to heavy struggles, which we faced before marriage. I believe that "making out" is a sin, but that's another issue, I guess...

 

[Pyrogenesis]

Like almost everything else, God is concerned with our heart motivation. What's in your heart when you're kissing your girlfriend? Pure love and Godly affection or sexual desire and lust?

A kiss goodbye standing on her parents doorstep is prehaps one of the most time-worn traditions out there; given in love with honourable and pure intent then I'm sure God's more than happy to endorse it. However the extended make-out session in the back seat that teeters on the edge of a moral cliff is foolish and wrong.

Study your heart motives; if someone kissed your daughter with those motives, would you know she was safe with him or would you punch him in the face? Because that girl you're kissing has a really, really big Dad...

 

[ebia]

I stand by what I said in the open thread.

Intimacy while you are dating isn't just ok, it's vital.

 

[LukeBritt]

Vital?

 

[ebia]

Vital?

Yep

 

[swingnscream]

As an American, the kiss is somewhat less meaningful to the US in my view.

that can definitely be true [though not always]. It does seem like most of the time a kiss just gets used as a stepping stone or foot-in-the-door.

I like to splash around in the shallow end of the pool before diving off the high dive.

wow, if that was a statement from a guy that would totally creep me out.

Might be a bit weird not kissing before the wedding and having sex that very night.

On the other hand, you don't have to worry about limits of going too far, and techinically no one said ya had to do it all in one night. If you're going to be married then i think that'd give ya sometime to figure it all out ...and guilt-free even!

If we are talking about kissing the one you will marry, before you are actually married, then the question would be, "Why the rush?"

If we are talking about kissing someone whom you are not "surely" going to marry, then the issue is, "Why would you want to share such intimacy with someone other than your life partner?"

that's cute.
I think not kissing before your wedding day makes more sense in the way, that it's better than drawing lines in the sand & saying, "you can go this far...but not this far". Why would you eat just the crust on your pie then wait for rest, just becuz you're hungry but don't want to get burned? It's easier to be tempted when you're closer to the temptation. Don't get me wrong...some ppl can do it apparently.

What do you all think of virgin lips before marriage?

I think it's tough, but I've never heard anybody say "I regret waiting till my wedding day to kiss my bride" ...never heard such a thing. I have heard plenty of regrets of people who jump the gun, even with just kisses.
I think the hardest part is when other ppl around you don't support that decision becuz they see it as extreme and unnecissary. Although sometimes it is the best choice.


I guess the basic point is don't be foolish or overly-eager, but cherish what's given to you.

 

[DailyBlessings]

It is rarely the act, and usually the intentions behind it that are the important issue.

As for the physical act of kissing, well:

2 Corinthians 13:12
Greet one another with a holy kiss.

...pretty much settles that. But follow your heart.

 

[ebia]

that's cute.
I think not kissing before your wedding day makes more sense in the way, that it's better than drawing lines in the sand & saying, "you can go this far...but not this far".

You aren't eliminating the line, just moving it.

What do you allow? A peck on the cheek? Holding hands? Touching at all? Looking at each other? (Burkas anyone?)

The only way to avoid drawing the line is to either:
allow everything
or
never allow the couple to even meet before the wedding

 

[texasheartache]

I personally have mixed feelings on the issue. I've never kissed a guy back, if that makes any sense, and so I have no idea what to do in the situation (that's fancy talk for: I'm a horrible kisser!) So, I can understand where there's that nervousness about being worried that you won't please your husband.

I've always been nervous about marriage in general. I would like to marry a virgin but, let's face it, those men are hard to find. I know that if he isn't a virgin, I'll feel as though I'm being compared to his previous lover(s) (heaven forbid there was more than one!)

My guy friend and I, for example, are in a school show together. Our characters are required to kiss, but he doesn't feel comfortable doing that, and I respect that. Sadly and embarrassingly enough, I was so nervous when we first tried to rehearse it that I laughed as he was kissing me! He has never let me live that down!

Anyways, the thought of it is beautiful, just like the idea that my future husband would wait to have sex with me instead of just giving it away before marriage. I don't think that a peck on the cheek, or lips is sinful, but I think you need to definately be careful if it starts to get advanced.

The reason I've never kissed a guy back is because all they wanted to do was shove their tongue down my throat!

Okay, I think I've rambled and not really done justice to the original question. Sorry bout that. T.H.

 

[Joykins]

wow, if that was a statement from a guy that would totally creep me out.


On the other hand, you don't have to worry about limits of going too far, and techinically no one said ya had to do it all in one night. If you're going to be married then i think that'd give ya sometime to figure it all out ...and guilt-free even!

Does it seem less creepy because I am a woman? Why or why not?

To flesh out my one-liners, I think it is very natural and appropriate for intimacy to develop gradually--not to go immediately from the first kiss to the marriage bed. It would be like learning to drive on the freeway rather than on local roads or in the parking lot. I respect other people's convictions on this matter, but it was not for me or my husband.

Joy

 

[little-man]

I've dealt with this issue in another forum, so I'm going to copy and paste my response from there.

[font=Arial,Helvetica][font=Arial,Helvetica]okay, here's my beef on this whole deal. It’s sortof long, but I didn’t want to leave anything out, so bear with me and try not to skip parts. And if you find any fault with my logic or a Bible passage the contradicts what I’ve said, please let me know (preferably in a respectful, non-confrontational way). I may find that I agree with you.


People often tend to stray into the trap of relativism. If you don't know what that is, it's the philosophy that there is no right and wrong standard for everyone. Something could be right for me and wrong for you. We just have to agree to disagree. Obviously that could lead to a problem if I want to kill you. Sorta hard for you to agree to disagree on that.

Now on the other side of the road is legalism, the complete opposite of relativism. The idea of legalism is that everything is either right or wrong. I mean everything. If you're a hardcore legalist, you have to decide whether eating a ham sandwich is right or wrong, and then hold everyone else to it.

So we've got the terms defined, now lets find out where Christianity falls on the relativism-legalism chart. Relativism is obviously unbiblical, because the Bible lays down rules for how we should live our lives to please God. Ten commandments anyone? See also 1 Corinthians 5. Ergo, relativism=false doctrine.

That must mean that Christ wants us to be legalists right? Unfortunately, a lot of Christians think this is the case, and I’ve seen a lot of it on this forum. I know of some people who have lists, oftentimes in order of worst to not so bad, saying what they can and can’t do, and they often enforce their list on others or else say that they’re false Christians. Those people are wrong, frankly, and not in tune with what the Bible says.

I'm going to give you a Bible verse to back this up, but first you need some background. During the Biblical times when Paul was writing his letters, the Romans worshipped pagan gods. They would often sacrifice parts of animals to these gods. However, since they were practical people who liked to turn a profit, they would take the sacrificed meat and sell it on the market. A large group of early Christians in Rome didn't like the idea of eating meat that had been sacrificed to pagan gods. Since the sacrificed meat would get mixed in with the non-sacrificed meat so there was no sure way to tell it apart, these Christians decided not to eat any meat at all. This belief even grew to encompass meat that they had slaughtered themselves, which they knew hadn't been "paganized." This group of Christians tried to force this belief on all Christians in Rome, condemning them if they weren't vegetarian. Now we get to Paul's letter to Rome, in which we find a passage specifically directed at the legalists. Romans 14:1-4 (NASB) says:

1 Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions.
2 One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only.
3 The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him.
4 Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

Paul continues on that subject for the rest of the chapter.

Therefore Christianity, it seems, stands right in the middle - we’re not supposed to be relativists, but we’re not supposed to be legalists either. If the Bible says something is wrong, then it’s wrong. And if the Bible says something is right, then it’s right. But if they Bible is silent on an issue, then it’s your personal choice. A choice which you should not impose on others or judge them by.

The Bible doesn’t say anything on whether kissing, holding hands, and hugging are wrong so that means it’s up to you. You can tell other people what your opinion is on the topic, but don’t force it on anyone and keep in mind that that conviction is your own and not God’s, so you need to keep an open mind about it. That applies to girlfriend-boyfriend relationships too. If your girlfriend wants to not kiss until her wedding day, respect that. But it doesn’t mean you have to agree with her. In the same way, if you want to save your first kiss for the altar, don’t tell anyone else that they have to do the same. It’s your personal conviction, so keep it personal.

~Mitchell
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[Pyrogenesis]

I personally have mixed feelings on the issue. I've never kissed a guy back, if that makes any sense, and so I have no idea what to do in the situation (that's fancy talk for: I'm a horrible kisser!) So, I can understand where there's that nervousness about being worried that you won't please your husband.

I've always been nervous about marriage in general. I would like to marry a virgin but, let's face it, those men are hard to find. I know that if he isn't a virgin, I'll feel as though I'm being compared to his previous lover(s) (heaven forbid there was more than one!)

My guy friend and I, for example, are in a school show together. Our characters are required to kiss, but he doesn't feel comfortable doing that, and I respect that. Sadly and embarrassingly enough, I was so nervous when we first tried to rehearse it that I laughed as he was kissing me! He has never let me live that down!

Anyways, the thought of it is beautiful, just like the idea that my future husband would wait to have sex with me instead of just giving it away before marriage. I don't think that a peck on the cheek, or lips is sinful, but I think you need to definately be careful if it starts to get advanced.

The reason I've never kissed a guy back is because all they wanted to do was shove their tongue down my throat!

Okay, I think I've rambled and not really done justice to the original question. Sorry bout that. T.H.

Don't sell us all short I'm 23 and I still haven't kissed anyone yet. To me a kiss is an expression of your heart, not a function of physical desire. While there are girls that I could have kissed, I want to be absolutely sure that my heart and motives are pure before God. If that means waiting until I'm married then so be it, but I don't think it needs to be confined to marriage.

I'm of the opinion that a kiss on the cheek given in love and purity is infinately more valuable than a kiss taken from personal desire. And there is definately a difference; you can give a kiss, and you can take a kiss, it depends entirely upon where your heart lies.