My boyfriend is ignoring me....

[Treedweller]

Hey! Long story short, I am 44 years old and sound like a 16 year old with this, but I havent dated for 6 years and met a guy at work and we started dating. We have been seeing each other for almost a year. I can honestly say I have never really been in love with anyone but him. I have been in relationships before and even been married before and I never was in love with anyone. Until now.
Anyway, he has gotten himself addicted to prescription medication. When he is on it he isn't himself. He says and does things that don't make any sense. I hate being around him when he's like that.
He finally admitted to being hooked and wanted to get off them. He stopped taking them but wasn't getting any sleep and the withdrawel symptoms were hard, but he seemed to be doing good. He was taking Oxycontin. We read online that Clonadine helps you sleep and eases withdrawel symptoms so he got some from his doctor.
Now he acts the same way as he did when he was on the Oxy's and he says it's the Clonadine. I don't believe him.
He ignores my texts and won't contact me. He has done this many times before and each time I have to go "dig" him out of his hole to get him to communicate with me again.
Now he's doing it again. No matter what I text him, he won't respond. I have even said I am going to leave, thinking that might wake him up but it never works. I have gone to his house but I just end up being angry because he's all drugged out and I think he's lying to me about what he's on. It's been three weeks since he stopped taking the Oxy's and the withdrawel symptoms should be significantly better by now. If it is Clonadine he's on, he shouldn't really need that anymore either. Clonadine is not supposed to be habit forming.
This man has told me he loves me more than anything in the world. I can't believe someone who feels that way about a person can totally ignore them when they know it's hurting them. I can't believe a person who feels the way he's said he feels could just let the relationship go like this.
He doesn't seem to care. I know he's capable of at least sending a simple text. I am starting to think he's lied to me the whole time and doesn't really feel the way he said he does. If he's lied about that, what else could he have lied about?
I have tried to help him with the drug thing but evidently I don't know how to because he just gets mad at everything I do. He has said he wants me to come and knock on his door when he retreats from the world and won't respond to me. I have done that but I can't talk to him when he appears to be "on" something and he gets mad if suggest that he is. I don't believe what he says so I end up leaving feeling hurt and angry. That's not working or helping.
I have tried to just forget about the relationship but I can't. I always say I'm not going to contact him but I always do. Of course, it never gets me anywhere but feeling worse than before.
This last time I told myself I was NOT going to contact him until he contacted me. I figured if I didn't contact him for long enough, he might be in fear the relationship was over and contact me, or he might just snap out of his whatever it is and decide to contact me. He hasn't, and I finally gave in last night and texted him. He didn't respond, of course. I told him if he didn't want to continue the relationship that he needs to tell me so I can have closure, but, no response.
I have asked him before why he hasn't answered my texts and he just comes off with a bunch of lame excuses. (he has done this ignoring me thing several times)
I have prayed for God to deliver him, I have prayed that God would help me forget him and give me peace, I have prayed for God to just cause him to contact me, but nothing ever changes.
I have no idea what's going on. I don't know if he's back on the drugs or not. I don't know if he just wants out of the relationship. I don't know if he's ever telling me the truth. His roomate is no help. I ask him stuff but he says he doesn't want to get involved. I don't know anyone else that knows him, too, to ask.
His family is from the east coast and I'm on the west coast. They don't know me so I can't ask them things like, has he always been this way? On and off drugs and depressed, ect.? I don't know his past and I can't find out.
This is killing me. I was fine before I met him. I don't mind being single.
If God knew that this wasn't going to be good for me, why did he allow me to go down this path? This guy wasn't even supposed to be here. He was a traveling contractor that was only supposed to be here two weeks. God could have arranged for him to have left when he was supposed to, then none of this would've happened. God could have just caused me to not be interested in him, or vice versa. I thought that's the way God worked. If you are heading down a path that's not good, He steers you in another direction. Many times I prayed if this is not good, cause him to have to leave or something. But nothing ever happened. Like I said, I have also prayed that God would deliver him from drugs and depression (which I'm not sure he really has....) but no such luck. I have prayed that God would change my mind so I don't WANT to be with him. You guessed it, nothing.
I do love him and I don't think it's just superficial or infatuation. God knows everything that is going to happen. He knew this would be the first person I would ever been truly in love with. He also knew the guy would have the issues he has which are not good. If it's not going to work, God knows that, too. Why would He do this when it would have been so easy for Him to have just changed circumstances, knowing that it wouldn't be good for me?? I didn't know any of this about my boyfriend when we first started dating. he seemed like a great guy. It wasn't until after I had feelings for him that I started finding out his problems. But God knew!
I can't talk to my family about this because I don't want them to know I'm going out with someone who has a drug problem. There isn't anyone to talk to about it. My church friends are all very busy and so am I. I talk to God about it all the time but it seems as though I'm talking to dead air.
I just don't understand it all.
I know I might just need to give this a big chunk of time (I haven't talked to him, other than last nights text, since Easter Sunday, which hasn't even been a week....) but I ask God to help me not to dwelll on it or try to contact him, but it doesn't help.
I have to work and take care of my kids. I don't need this crud making that hard to do. Don't know what to do.
Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

So...

-This guy is a drug addict who treats you like crap
-You don't trust him and think he lies
-He makes you angry
-He makes you sad
-He makes you worried
-He doesn't care or do anything when he does hear from you and he doesn't care or do anything when he does not

This man has told me he loves me more than anything in the world. [..]

His actions do not reflect his words.

Unfortunately, it appears that he loves the drugs more than he loves you (if he loves you, which I found doubtful given his behavior).

I have tried to just forget about the relationship but I can't. I always say I'm not going to contact him but I always do. Of course, it never gets me anywhere but feeling worse than before.

This last time I told myself I was NOT going to contact him until he contacted me. I figured if I didn't contact him for long enough, he might be in fear the relationship was over and contact me, or he might just snap out of his whatever it is and decide to contact me. He hasn't, and I finally gave in last night and texted him. He didn't respond, of course. I told him if he didn't want to continue the relationship that he needs to tell me so I can have closure, but, no response.

I have asked him before why he hasn't answered my texts and he just comes off with a bunch of lame excuses. (he has done this ignoring me thing several times)

I have prayed for God to deliver him, I have prayed that God would help me forget him and give me peace, I have prayed for God to just cause him to contact me, but nothing ever changes.

[...]

I thought that's the way God worked. If you are heading down a path that's not good, He steers you in another direction.

Sometimes you have to steer yourself in another direction.

That takes faith in God because you have to let go of the thing you're clinging to so hard. It helps your relationship with God when, after you let go of that thing, you realize God had your best interests in mind all along.

I do love him and I don't think it's just superficial or infatuation.

Why do you love him?

What is there to love? He treats you badly.

God knows everything that is going to happen. He knew this would be the first person I would ever been truly in love with. He also knew the guy would have the issues he has which are not good. If it's not going to work, God knows that, too. Why would He do this when it would have been so easy for Him to have just changed circumstances, knowing that it wouldn't be good for me?? I didn't know any of this about my boyfriend when we first started dating. he seemed like a great guy. It wasn't until after I had feelings for him that I started finding out his problems. But God knew!

He allowed it to happen because He is God and He knows what He is doing. I found myself feeling the same way many times when I was younger and time after time I've seen that God always has good reasons for what He does. I don't always find out the reason, but by now I can take it on faith that He has one and it is for good.

I can't talk to my family about this because I don't want them to know I'm going out with someone who has a drug problem. There isn't anyone to talk to about it. My church friends are all very busy and so am I. I talk to God about it all the time but it seems as though I'm talking to dead air.
I just don't understand it all.

Maybe you should talk with a counselor.

I know I might just need to give this a big chunk of time (I haven't talked to him, other than last nights text, since Easter Sunday, which hasn't even been a week....) but I ask God to help me not to dwelll on it or try to contact him, but it doesn't help.
I have to work and take care of my kids. I don't need this crud making that hard to do. Don't know what to do.
Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated!

My advice is to stop pursuing this guy and if he shows back up in your life, run. Change your contact information if you can so that he won't be able to get in touch with you. Because there's a possibility that he might eventually get in touch with you again, and if he does, he's not going to care about you anymore then than he does now, but there's a chance YOU are going to be thrown right back into this whole emotional mess. You don't need that.

 

[JdwB10]

God does have the power to change our circumstances and prevent bad things, hurtful things, from happening. But he doesn't. He's given us this thing called "free will". You decided to enter into this relationship. He could have prevented it, but the lessons you're learning through this would never have taken place.

From my experiene, anything that is painful and hurtful to us, God uses to teach us a lesson. You may not see the purpose of this until years from now, or you may never see the purpose, but there is a bigger picture. It's not all about you and what your going through; it's about the guy you're with as well, and anyone else who might be watching that you don't even know is there.

However, I don't think this relationship is a good thing. If you don't mind being single, end it. ASAP. You've given him chance after chance, and especially since you've already made threats to leave him and haven't followed up on those threats, he probably has it in his head that he controls you; owns you. In his mind you need him, so even though you say you're going to leave, you never do. He doesn't have anything to worry about.

End it. I liked the advice listed above about changing your contact info. And don't contact him. Let him know it's really, truly over, and that you don't want to see him again, and then leave. And stick to that statement. Don't contact him, see him or anything. No matter what he tells you, ignore it. Turn to God and he will lead you through it. It may seem like He's not there, but He's closer than you could ever imagine.

 

[angrySCORCH62]

So...

-This guy is a drug addict who treats you like crap
-You don't trust him and think he lies
-He makes you angry
-He makes you sad
-He makes you worried
-He doesn't care or do anything when he does hear from you and he doesn't care or do anything when he does not

Firstly, she never said he treates her like that (unless i missed it) and calling a guy a drug addict isn't nice or cool, it's a problem that some people have that can be hard.

Also he has made her angry but he has also made her happy.

You don't know if he cares about her or not, assuming that he does have a drug problem he could (not saying he is, just a possibility) think that he is protecting her.

 

[angrySCORCH62]

So...



My advice is to stop pursuing this guy and if he shows back up in your life, run. Change your contact information if you can so that he won't be able to get in touch with you. Because there's a possibility that he might eventually get in touch with you again, and if he does, he's not going to care about you anymore then than he does now, but there's a chance YOU are going to be thrown right back into this whole emotional mess. You don't need that.

Maybe it would be worth just sitting down and talking about this problem, don't give him an opertunity to leave or change the subject and don't be too harsh on him, this drug problem could be genuin, show him compassion but don't let him take advantage of that.

Also if you do stop pursuing this guy, and one day he does turn up in your life again, please give him another chance, people can and do change.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Firstly, she never said he treates her like that (unless i missed it) and calling a guy a drug addict isn't nice or cool, it's a problem that some people have that can be hard.

Also he has made her angry but he has also made her happy.

You don't know if he cares about her or not, assuming that he does have a drug problem he could (not saying he is, just a possibility) think that he is protecting her.

Um, yes she did...

I made the list in my post from statements she made all throughout her post...

Hey! Long story short, I am 44 years old and sound like a 16 year old with this, but I havent dated for 6 years and met a guy at work and we started dating. We have been seeing each other for almost a year. I can honestly say I have never really been in love with anyone but him. I have been in relationships before and even been married before and I never was in love with anyone. Until now.

Anyway, he has gotten himself addicted to prescription medication. When he is on it he isn't himself. He says and does things that don't make any sense. I hate being around him when he's like that.
He finally admitted to being hooked and wanted to get off them. He stopped taking them but wasn't getting any sleep and the withdrawel symptoms were hard, but he seemed to be doing good. He was taking Oxycontin. We read online that Clonadine helps you sleep and eases withdrawel symptoms so he got some from his doctor.

Now he acts the same way as he did when he was on the Oxy's and he says it's the Clonadine. I don't believe him.
He ignores my texts and won't contact me. He has done this many times before and each time I have to go "dig" him out of his hole to get him to communicate with me again.

Now he's doing it again. No matter what I text him, he won't respond. I have even said I am going to leave, thinking that might wake him up but it never works. I have gone to his house but I just end up being angry because he's all drugged out and I think he's lying to me about what he's on. It's been three weeks since he stopped taking the Oxy's and the withdrawel symptoms should be significantly better by now. If it is Clonadine he's on, he shouldn't really need that anymore either. Clonadine is not supposed to be habit forming.

This man has told me he loves me more than anything in the world. I can't believe someone who feels that way about a person can totally ignore them when they know it's hurting them. I can't believe a person who feels the way he's said he feels could just let the relationship go like this.

He doesn't seem to care. I know he's capable of at least sending a simple text. I am starting to think he's lied to me the whole time and doesn't really feel the way he said he does. If he's lied about that, what else could he have lied about?
I have tried to help him with the drug thing but evidently I don't know how to because he just gets mad at everything I do. He has said he wants me to come and knock on his door when he retreats from the world and won't respond to me. I have done that but I can't talk to him when he appears to be "on" something and he gets mad if suggest that he is. I don't believe what he says so I end up leaving feeling hurt and angry. That's not working or helping.

I have tried to just forget about the relationship but I can't. I always say I'm not going to contact him but I always do. Of course, it never gets me anywhere but feeling worse than before.

This last time I told myself I was NOT going to contact him until he contacted me. I figured if I didn't contact him for long enough, he might be in fear the relationship was over and contact me, or he might just snap out of his whatever it is and decide to contact me. He hasn't, and I finally gave in last night and texted him. He didn't respond, of course. I told him if he didn't want to continue the relationship that he needs to tell me so I can have closure, but, no response.

I have asked him before why he hasn't answered my texts and he just comes off with a bunch of lame excuses. (he has done this ignoring me thing several times) I have prayed for God to deliver him, I have prayed that God would help me forget him and give me peace, I have prayed for God to just cause him to contact me, but nothing ever changes.
I have no idea what's going on. I don't know if he's back on the drugs or not. I don't know if he just wants out of the relationship. I don't know if he's ever telling me the truth. His roomate is no help. I ask him stuff but he says he doesn't want to get involved. I don't know anyone else that knows him, too, to ask.

His family is from the east coast and I'm on the west coast. They don't know me so I can't ask them things like, has he always been this way? On and off drugs and depressed, ect.? I don't know his past and I can't find out.
This is killing me. I was fine before I met him. I don't mind being single.

If God knew that this wasn't going to be good for me, why did he allow me to go down this path? This guy wasn't even supposed to be here. He was a traveling contractor that was only supposed to be here two weeks. God could have arranged for him to have left when he was supposed to, then none of this would've happened. God could have just caused me to not be interested in him, or vice versa. I thought that's the way God worked. If you are heading down a path that's not good, He steers you in another direction. Many times I prayed if this is not good, cause him to have to leave or something. But nothing ever happened. Like I said, I have also prayed that God would deliver him from drugs and depression (which I'm not sure he really has....) but no such luck. I have prayed that God would change my mind so I don't WANT to be with him. You guessed it, nothing.

I do love him and I don't think it's just superficial or infatuation. God knows everything that is going to happen. He knew this would be the first person I would ever been truly in love with. He also knew the guy would have the issues he has which are not good. If it's not going to work, God knows that, too. Why would He do this when it would have been so easy for Him to have just changed circumstances, knowing that it wouldn't be good for me?? I didn't know any of this about my boyfriend when we first started dating. he seemed like a great guy. It wasn't until after I had feelings for him that I started finding out his problems. But God knew!

I can't talk to my family about this because I don't want them to know I'm going out with someone who has a drug problem. There isn't anyone to talk to about it. My church friends are all very busy and so am I. I talk to God about it all the time but it seems as though I'm talking to dead air.

I just don't understand it all.

I know I might just need to give this a big chunk of time (I haven't talked to him, other than last nights text, since Easter Sunday, which hasn't even been a week....) but I ask God to help me not to dwelll on it or try to contact him, but it doesn't help.
I have to work and take care of my kids. I don't need this crud making that hard to do. Don't know what to do.
Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated!

I don't know how anyone could read that post and get the impression this man cares about her. He is NOT treating her in a loving way.

 

[bliz]

Darlin', I'm sure you are in great pain, but you should be thanking God that all of this has happened before you married him and not after. Until he gets his act together, which he cannot do without serious help, the pain of these last few months could be there for the rest of your life.

Please get some counseling. It will help you figure out why you are attracted to such a guy i the first place, and help you sever the relationship for good.