Actually it's not really about sex. Feminism denies the idea that women need to under any circumstances be accountable to men. This is because it is not about it being a two way street of mutual accountability but about feminists doing whatever they want to and calling it good. Sex is merely a part of that picture. It can apply to everything from sex to emotional responses.
The Bible doesn't propose truth in that way. The Bible proposes that men and women alike sin, and that their sins are equal, and that each is capable of the same sins regardless of which is prone to what sins in particular. It requires us to equally be accountable to God for our sins and to repent likewise. Furthermore, it requires husbands and wives to love one another, and shows how there is a parallel to this love, whatever different perspective it begins from. Part of the way this love demonstrates itself in marriage is through sex. Tossing off pat phrases and avoiding the depth of meaning in scripture isn't good enough--we are called to do better than that.
It is not always about feminism. I sure as hell don't think about feminism when it comes to my relationship to my husband. I think about our desires/wants/needs as well as what the bible says about that- and as a later poster brings up, within Jewish tradition and midrashic study (study of the bible and it's subjects) - it is fully with the wife as to how things go in the bedroom as far as when she is available for both parties to engage in their marriage in a sexual fashion. It is also the wife's duty to let her husband know when she is unavailable due to Niddah (monthly menses and seperation) - and they do not engage in PDA or other relations at that time. There are other ways to be loving at that time, and they make use of those ways.
As far as prayer goes (in the instance Paul brings up), there are times where G-d calls for abstinance within marriage for certain seasons. Certain times of year, one can't be distracted by that. Certain reasons for fasting, or after the death of relatives.
[What does tradition forbid during Shivah? Among those things Jewish tradition generally proscribes during Shivah are:
- Leaving the house, except to go to synagogue on Shabbat, or even during the week if there is no minyan at the shivah house.
- Work or any business pursuits.
- Shaving or haircuts.
- Bathing, other than for basic hygiene.
- The use of cosmetics.
- The wearing of leather shoes.
- Festivities of any kind.
- The wearing of new clothes.
- Engaging in sexual relations.
- Study which gives pleasure, including reading the Bible, except for Job, Lamentations, and some sections of Jeremiah.]
In the case of Shiva, it's a whole week after the death of a family member that one does not engage in those 10 things.
...I would also point out that Paul is speaking to the Corinthians correcting a cultic belief that married couples should remain celibate.....
Among other things...
Isn't the logical conclusion then that couples can refrain from being benevolent to one another while they are fasting from sex? That's what I am getting at in the OP....
No? You can be benevolent at any time of the day you're not having sex, so while you're fasting from it for a time due to whatever reason. Being "benevolent" is just part of being selfless.
During
niddah, couples should avoid the sorts of frivolous or flirtatious interactions that could lead to a desire for intimacy. Purely romantic outings, such as a private scenic drive through the countryside, may also be considered inappropriate by some authorities. Couples need to be honest with themselves about which interactions can arouse feelings of intimacy. At the same time, they need to be sensitive to each others' needs and emotions, and certainly should continue to enjoy each other's company. Even though the physical aspect of the relationship is "on hold" during
niddah, caring, consideration, communication, and emotional support are essential at all points in a marriage - whether or not the wife is
tehorah.
Some couples find that thoughtful gestures (e.g., cards, small gifts, flowers for Shabbat - all of which are permitted during
niddah) can be very helpful when feelings can't be expressed physically. Common sense is invaluable in determining exactly which expressions of affection should be avoided, and in finding alternative ways to preserve the emotional connection between spouses.
Some of the emotional aspects of observing taharat hamishpacha are addressed in greater depth in the online pamphlet
Et Lirchok.
Sounds crazy I'm sure for some Christians to even consider it, but hey - the concept is in Scripture (granted the "Old Testament" - but it is in there) and many couples find that this time apart every month and after childbirth to be rather strengthening.
I think we all agree that porn is bad. So is looking on all the partially-clad people walking around in order to lust after them, or swimsuit-clad models on billboards. Those are a little harder to avoid in some places.
True, but as my DH says "you don't always have to look either".. I know Germany's not the worst by far for billboards, but there are things here one normally wouldn't find in parts of North America.
On benevolence, I appreciate this Jewish teaching from "Rabbi Lamm. I wish Christian men afflicted with the Centerfold Syndrome could get over it and understand "benevolence":
Sex As A Married Wifes Right and A Husbands Duty
The onah experience may not be mere mechanical fulfillment, for as such it does not conform to the biblical requirement to rejoice ones wife. Rejoicing means satisfying needs, and it signifies a sensitive and caring involvement of the whole person and a genuine sense of intimacy, (kiruv). Therefore, Mainonides teaches that one may not have intercourse without being mindful, sensitive, and alert. One may not have intercourse while either intoxicated or sluggish or in mourning; nor when [ones wife] is asleep, nor by overpowering her; but only with her consent and if both are in a happy mood. The act must be capable of expressing devotion. Thus one may not have intercourse if husband and wife are not committed to one another are thinking of divorce, nor if they quarreled during the daytime and have not resolved it by nightfall. Raavad refers to this as exploitation, using ones partner as a harlot. One should not perform the conjugal act while imagining some other partner. The physical onah must be expressive of love; otherwise, it is simply animalistic
Great sensitivity is a basic requirement in the Jewish attitude toward sex. No excuse of superior religiosity on one hand, or of rough-and-tumble masculinity on the other, may justify a less than delicate approach. The Midrash asserts, The groom may not enter the bridal chamber without the specific permission of the bride
Exactly, and you know, I find that many marriages that follow those principles go a lot better than ones who do not. It has nothing to do at all with feminism or one sex being better than the other, but deferring to common sense and caring when the other is not available sexually. It has everything to do with being selfless and putting the other before your want/need. It's not about 50-50, but "JOY" as they say in Christian-ese. (Jesus, others, yourself) or in Judiasm "GOY" (G-d, others, yourself)
It's not sin to say not tonight. There is nothing whatsoever to say that this is a sin.
Yep. There are so many reasons "not tonight" has nothing to do with rejecting the idea, the person propositioning or your relation.. and there are so many reasons that it's not sinful.
It might be hurtful to the other party, but it doesn't have to be.
((((Jane)))
