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Meaning of Due Benevolence

LinkH

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Some time back, there was a thread about sex in marriage. Psalm63 presented a case that Paul was saying that sex needed to be done with benevolence because of the phrase 'due benevolence' and the meaning of the Greek word.

Here is the passage in the KJV, which uses 'due benevolence'.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.



I asked a retired Classices (i.e. Greek and Latin) professor, a former chair at a state university, about this. If I recall correctly, he referred me to a related word in Romans 13:7 in which Paul says to give tribute to whom tribute is due. The word in Romans 13 is opheilas. The word in I Corinthians 7 is opheilomenEn. An Greek interlinear glosses the term in I Corinthians 7 as 'being-due' or 'being owed'. If etymologically, the term has to do with benevolence, it seems to have been used to refer to what is owed another person or entity.

I am wondering how verse 5 would be interpreted using Psalm63's interpretation that Paul is saying that sex needs to be done with a benevolent attitude. Is Paul saying that it is okay to withhold even nonsexual benevolence from one another while performing a fast which both parties agree to? I do not believe that, but if one were to say that Paul's point is that sex should be benevolent and argue that he is not saying that one is obligated to provide ones spouse with sex, this is where the argument would lead, imo.

I don't have a problem with the idea that sex should always be done with a benevolent attitude. We are taught to love one another. I do think it confuses the passage if this type of interpretation takes away from the fact that Paul is indicating here that providing sex for the other partner is something that is their 'due' that a married person is obligated to provide.
 

JRSut1000

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Sex is something that is 'due' the spouse. Giving and sharing in love-making is just that: it's about love and making love stronger. When my husband says he needs it, I know it's a real need and he should have it. And when I need it, it's the same - he should give it to me. Sex is an important part of marriage!

Try thinking of it this way, you wouldnt starve your spouse right? They deserve food! Well even more, what about sex? They cant just go to the grocery store nd pick up sex, no way! You are the only healthy source for your spouse. So don't starve him/her! I'm being serious, it kills a man/woman inside when their spouse refuses what belongs to them.
 
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LinkH

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Try thinking of it this way, you wouldnt starve your spouse right? They deserve food! Well even more, what about sex? They cant just go to the grocery store nd pick up sex, no way! You are the only healthy source for your spouse. So don't starve him/her! I'm being serious, it kills a man/woman inside when their spouse refuses what belongs to them.

I like the grocery store analogy.
 
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JRSut1000

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I said "kills [...] inside". You know, that aweful feeling of rejection. A skipped meal doesn't kill a person, but never eating again? Yes, that kills a person. If my husband refuses me a few times, I'll get over it. But if he's capable of giving me sex and doesnt for days on end, yes hopes deferred makes the heart sick.
 
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JaneFW

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I said "kills [...] inside". You know, that aweful feeling of rejection. A skipped meal doesn't kill a person, but never eating again? Yes, that kills a person. If my husband refuses me a few times, I'll get over it. But if he's capable of giving me sex and doesnt for days on end, yes hopes deferred makes the heart sick.
It's a false analogy though.

You don't have to tell me any of the other stuff. I know it.
 
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dallasapple

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I said "kills [...] inside". You know, that aweful feeling of rejection.

ONLY IF YOU ALLOW IT TO...and MANY things in marriage for that matter are a REJECTION and if you allow it too will "kill you on the inside"...

There are plenty OF THINGS my husband is "capable' of givign me if he WANTED to that I THOUGHT I "needed" not only did he not give me for a 'few days'..for all intensive purposes he NEVER DID...

And Im not 'dead" on the inside..because I dont rely on my husband for the reason to STAY ALIVE on the inside..thats far to much and completely UNREASONABLE to expect another single human being to provide you with..Thats what God is for..Besides I would be the walking dead right now..and I want to LIVE...
Dallas
 
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LinkH

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I said "kills [...] inside". You know, that aweful feeling of rejection. A skipped meal doesn't kill a person, but never eating again? Yes, that kills a person. If my husband refuses me a few times, I'll get over it. But if he's capable of giving me sex and doesnt for days on end, yes hopes deferred makes the heart sick.

This is kind of off-topic, but for some reason, the recent turn in the conversation reminds me of a T-shirt I saw on the University of Georgia Campus.

On the front it said, "Sex kills."
On the back it said, "So go to Georgia Tech and live forever."
 
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Psalm63

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Well, my point was that "benevolence" MEANS "kindness" and that there is an ENTITLEMENT to KINDNESS. Paul IS teaching an entitlement to sex in marriage, but it should be hand in hand with KINDNESS. It is not a one-sided entitlement to "sex on demand" regardless of how the other party feels.

If you read the whole chapter of 1 Cor and make two columns for husband and wife, you will find that Paul's instructions are very much reciprocal and mutual. Sex is not a "one way" activity. It needs to be reciprocal, mutual, and with an atmosphere of benevolence.
 
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Created2Write

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Sex is something that is 'due' the spouse. Giving and sharing in love-making is just that: it's about love and making love stronger. When my husband says he needs it, I know it's a real need and he should have it. And when I need it, it's the same - he should give it to me. Sex is an important part of marriage!

Try thinking of it this way, you wouldnt starve your spouse right? They deserve food! Well even more, what about sex? They cant just go to the grocery store nd pick up sex, no way! You are the only healthy source for your spouse. So don't starve him/her! I'm being serious, it kills a man/woman inside when their spouse refuses what belongs to them.

This deserves to be repeated! QFT! :thumbsup:
 
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Created2Write

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The sarcasm over her post is very unnecessary. There are those of us who hold sex in high regard, we enjoy partaking of it, and would be very devastated if our spouse willfully neglected us sexually. Imo, that's a form if infidelity.
 
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JaneFW

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lol. Sex is like oxygen. If I don't get it I'll die. Better get it from whomever and however I can, lest I die!
Nooooo. Now you got me humming that stupid song, except it's "Love is Like Oxygen." Grrrrr.

That kind of sentiment is best kept to pop songs anyway. Nobody will die without sex.
 
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JaneFW

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It's all in the mind anyway. Sorry, random thoughts. JR will be going without sex while her h is away. Oh, I know, "that's different". But really, it's not. It's still no sex. You just wait, is all, and you do without, and when it comes around, that's fine. But when it goes away ... oh well, it's gone. I don't think it's something that is worth getting stressed out about, not anymore.
 
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Created2Write

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It's all in the mind anyway. Sorry, random thoughts. JR will be going without sex while her h is away. Oh, I know, "that's different". But really, it's not. It's still no sex. You just wait, is all, and you do without, and when it comes around, that's fine. But when it goes away ... oh well, it's gone. I don't think it's something that is worth getting stressed out about, not anymore.

Firstly, there is a difference between a willful neglect when one is perfectly capable of having sex but they choose not to, and certain circumstances that may prevent it that are beyond our control. They are definitely not the same thing. Yes, you go without sex in each one, but they why is entirely different.

Second, not everyone is you, Jane. Perhaps you can be fine without sex, as I'm sure others can too. But some of us wouldn't be. The neglect involved would be very damaging to us, even if it isn't to you. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with holding sex in high regard. And no one has talked about making it "a god". That's ridiculous. But having a physical, emotional and relational need for sex with our spouse is not wrong.
 
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