Marriage and Monogamous Fornication: Some scenarios that have been puzzling my brain.

[linux.poet]

A. Two people, a Christian man and a woman, are engaged to be married in a week. You catch them in an act of blatant fornication. In spite of their sinful behavior, both of them want to go through with the wedding and marry each other. Do you allow them to do so? What do you do? Should they be allowed to marry?

(This is what my parents supposedly did, but they never got caught.)

B. Two unbelievers (a man and woman) are living together in a sinful relationship, and both of them become Christians at about the same time. Both of them want to get married because they want to continue living together. What would you advise this couple to do?

(This was the state that one of my Bible study friends found herself in long ago. The church that evangelized them forced them to live apart in purity for 6 months and endure counseling before they were allowed to marry and come back together again.)

C. An unbeliever woman wants to accept the Gospel, but is holding back because she wants to marry her boyfriend first. She is afraid that if she accepts the Gospel first and becomes a part of the church, the Church leaders will separate her and her significant other whom she badly wants to marry. What would you tell her to help her accept the Gospel?

(This was yet another friend of mine that I was trying to evangelize. I thought that she was making her boyfriend into an idol, but I honestly had no idea what to say.)

It should be noted that I and most of the churches I have been to my whole life agree with the beliefs expressed in the SOP for this section; I expect answers given here to be consistent with the listing of beliefs expressed there. I suspect that more liberal denominations would just let monogamous heterosexual fornicators get married without penalty, so I am looking for more conservative answers to these scenarios. Thanks!

 

[John G.]

A. Two people, a Christian man and a woman, are engaged to be married in a week. You catch them in an act of blatant fornication. In spite of their sinful behavior, both of them want to go through with the wedding and marry each other. Do you allow them to do so? What do you do? Should they be allowed to marry?

Of course they should be allowed to be married.
The two have already become one, they should not be separated.

 

[John G.]

B. Two unbelievers (a man and woman) are living together in a sinful relationship, and both of them become Christians at about the same time. Both of them want to get married because they want to continue living together. What would you advise this couple to do?

They should get married as they wish. The church has no right to prohibit or delay their wish.

 

[John G.]

C. An unbeliever woman wants to accept the Gospel, but is holding back because she wants to marry her boyfriend first. She is afraid that if she accepts the Gospel first and becomes a part of the church, the Church leaders will separate her and her significant other whom she badly wants to marry. What would you tell her to help her accept the Gospel?

This is a bit strange. When I accepted Jesus as my saviour it was a spontaneous thing. I didn't need to think it over or impose prerequisites.
Does she want to be a Christian or, instead, be a member of a particular church?
In any case, no church should prohibit a couple to marry if they are both eligible to do so and both want to do so.

 

[The Liturgist]

Do you allow them to do so? What do you do? Should they be allowed to marry?

While they have sinned, I think it would be more of a problem to prevent them from marrying, particularly since there now exists a risk their child might be born out of wedlock.

Like many conservative Christians I am uncomfortable with the use of birth control.

 

[The Liturgist]

They should get married as they wish. The church has no right to prohibit or delay their wish.

The Orthodox Church will not perform or bless a marriage that violates standards of consanguinity (for example, between relatives too closely related, or between two people who have the same godparent or between a godparent and their godchild), or remarry someone who has been married three times before. One can be married up to three times - anything beyond that limit is unacceptable to us, and furthermore, for all second and third marriages, the marriage liturgy is penitential rather than celebratory in character, to reflect the fact that in permitting these marriages at all we are making a concession via the principle of oikonomia (spiritual economy) to human weakness. Clergy who remarry are required to resign from holy orders and be laicized (returned to the state of laity), whether they are of the rank of readers or psaltis or another of the minor orders, or of the major orders (subdeacons, deacons, presbyters and bishops).

 

[timf]

You want to avoid the trap of using a sharp pencil to determine what is and isn't allowed. This path leads to legalism and ends up with the Pharisees. It is perhaps better to encourage those who have followed the flesh to instead walk by the Spirit.

 

[DragonFox91]

linux, I would question if indeed the true Holy Spirit is working if this is the kind of Bible Study groups you participate in. Just a bit concerned for your own well-being, it just makes me question what's attracting the people to these Bible Studies.

A. John G is right. God sees them as married when that event happens. It is not a ceremony & signing a piece of paper. The couple s/ continue w/ their plan to make it public (by a ceremony & a piece of paper)

B. The church is correct in wanting to disciple them further. Since they've already committed adultery, marriage should be encouraged. I think it's very wise what the church chose to do to have them live in purity for a time. If they can't make it 6 months pure, how will they expect to be married. The church wants to make sure they're focus is truly on Christ. The church wants to see a good marriage. It's not enforcing rules b/c 'they're mean.'
Not that long ago there was a thread here of a younger man complaining he wasn't getting the sex he thought he would in marriage. It makes me think if he had a bit more discipleship he wouldn't be in the struggle he's in.

C. I think the church would be correct in discouraging marriage at that point. I don't understand how at all how a genuine Christian would want to marry someone who's not. You are one & you as one can't serve 2 masters, it will be a house & body divided. But this scenario gets tricky b/c I think they already committed adultery. What gets trump - the one flesh already or not unequally yoked? I think unequally yoked wins out b/c unity in the Body of Christ is different then unity w/ another body. I would question him why he's interested in an unbeliever. I would ask her that

I lean towards if people are living like they're married & that's how the Lord sees marriage, the correct thing to do is to 'get married.' Churches need to recognize God's law & encourage people to live to that law the best they can. God's view on what marriage is hasn't changed, & it was given even before Moses's law

There's a woman I know that claims to be Christian & has been living together w/ her partner for a long time now & they don't get married & have no interest in marriage. I just want to tell her 'you're already married, God sees you as married.'

 

[linux.poet]

linux, I would question if indeed the true Holy Spirit is working if this is the kind of Bible Study groups you participate in. Just a bit concerned for your own well-being, it just makes me question what's attracting the people to these Bible Studies.

It was one person who attended the Bible study, not the whole group. I think we were studying the Minor Prophets at the time. It’s basically the same reasons anyone would attend a Bible study, though most of my companions there are women who are much older than me.

To be clear, it was a woman’s Bible study, and it was a woman who was telling this story, not a man who was angry with the church for separating him from the object of his fleshly desires for 6 months. That would change the context considerably!

 

[DragonFox91]

One verse I find relevant to these scenarios is Matthew ‘Joseph had mind to divorce her quietly.’ Note at this time of this verse they were still only engaged. And Matthew uses the word ‘divorce.’