Length of time between engagement and wedding day

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

My boyfriend and I are still only dating, but I figured this was the best place to post this. We have had several serious talks in the past couple months about the condition (which it's very good) of our relationship, the timing of engagement and marriage, and so forth. This past June 16th, we celebrated our 3-year anniversary. I am ready for marriage, like, yesterday He is taking his time. But I don't think it's a bad thing. He is really thinking things through and praying. He is making sure that at this present point that he is prepared and ready and willing to take on the pressures and responsibilities of marriage. However, I do think he is putting a little too much pressure on himself, but I am praying for him and trying my best to reassure him when necessary. I am standing back though (even if it's hard) and letting him figure things out on his own. Anyway, during these talks, I have discovered that at the longest, he wants the engagement period to last 6 months. He said maybe even just 5 months. In a way it is sweet, but I told him that while we can aim for that, it may not happen. I don't want a rushed engagement time. I want to enjoy it while planning for a wedding. I don't desire a huge fancy wedding, but I do want to put a good deal of detail into it. I told him all this too. He said he could see where I was coming from.

Just wondering, have any of you had a discussion similar with your SO? What time frame from engagement to wedding day have you both desired or planned for?

P.S. I have imagined the time span being more like 8 or 9 months. Definitely not an entire year though!

 

[-SEEKING-]

Well from the time me and my wife got together as a couple to the time we got married was about 7 months and 7 days. But I knew from day one, and she did too, that we were going to get married.

 

[Manda_24]

I have 12 days left of an about 6 month engagement and I wish we had done it months ago. I have everything ready, have for a while and I hate the waiting.
Six months sounded good at the time, we both thought it would be good. He was ready to get married but still nervous (not second guessing his decision). I was ready for him to propose a while before he did (one year anniversary). I'd say about 2 months ago we got to the point where we were thinking we were stupid for waiting 6 months. A very nice wedding is totally doable in less than 6 months.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

I have 12 days left of an about 6 month engagement and I wish we had done it months ago. I have everything ready, have for a while and I hate the waiting.
Six months sounded good at the time, we both thought it would be good. He was ready to get married but still nervous (not second guessing his decision). I was ready for him to propose a while before he did (one year anniversary). I'd say about 2 months ago we got to the point where we were thinking we were stupid for waiting 6 months. A very nice wedding is totally doable in less than 6 months.

It must be excruiciating waiting like that! Thanks for your reply. I can see that now, like you said, a great wedding can be done in a "short" time frame. And my boyfriend's desire for length of time can totally be acheived. We know so many people as well who can help us in all areas of the wedding (from planning to singing to cooking), that it shouldn't be too difficult. The only thing that might could affect the date is the locale we pick for the reception, based on its availability. We want a church wedding but a reception elsewhere. And we'll cross that bridge whenever we get to it

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

I just got engaged (yesterday! Whoohoo!) and we're going for six months (haven't set the exact date but we've got it narrowed down to two weekends). I think the length of time is great but I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into planning mode yet, even if I'm excessively excited about the whole thing.

-- I had no idea but once you get engaged, everyone knows it and they have ideas! Over at his house today and his sisters were already making suggestions, mom's asking about location and bridesmaids and how much family and what kind of dress and and and and -

It'd only been 22 hours for corn's sake! lol! Let me get introduced as "fiancee" a few more times before we start looking at cakes. XD

 

[Manda_24]

It must be excruiciating waiting like that! Thanks for your reply. I can see that now, like you said, a great wedding can be done in a "short" time frame. And my boyfriend's desire for length of time can totally be acheived. We know so many people as well who can help us in all areas of the wedding (from planning to singing to cooking), that it shouldn't be too difficult. The only thing that might could affect the date is the locale we pick for the reception, based on its availability. We want a church wedding but a reception elsewhere. And we'll cross that bridge whenever we get to it

A dinner reception would be one of the things to worry about with a short engagement. Another thing I would do as soon as possible is schedule a hair appointment. I tried to schedule one not long ago and the place I wanted had been booked for that day for over 6 months. I did get into another place just as good for the day thankfully.

I just got engaged (yesterday! Whoohoo!) and we're going for six months (haven't set the exact date but we've got it narrowed down to two weekends). I think the length of time is great but I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into planning mode yet, even if I'm excessively excited about the whole thing.

-- I had no idea but once you get engaged, everyone knows it and they have ideas! Over at his house today and his sisters were already making suggestions, mom's asking about location and bridesmaids and how much family and what kind of dress and and and and -

It'd only been 22 hours for corn's sake! lol! Let me get introduced as "fiancee" a few more times before we start looking at cakes. XD

haha, everyone finds out quickly. It is nice when you get people that offer to help. I have several at church that offered to do anything that I needed them to do and others who had decorations from their childrens weddings.
My mom was a big pain at the beginning, still is sorta. I guess she's trying to be helpful but it's making me frustrated. Just listen to their advice then do what you will with it. You'll get through it.

 

[gzt]

We managed in about 5 months. It is kind of amusing to me that we men always seem to think we have to get all the ducks in a row before actually asking the woman to marry us when it's a done deal, as it were. My philosophy, of course, was to just propose and get it over with, and we felt then that, well, we could manage in 5 months, so let's have at it. However, we had an afternoon reception on a Sunday in the "off season", so no dinner and easy to find a venue for the reception. Plus, we had a (professional) friend do the hair and makeup, so no worries about an appointment or whatever.

 

[r035198x]

Yes, yes. I have always said that it is very dangerous to attempt an engangement period of one year or longer. Of course it has been done before zillions of times but a LOT can change in a year. If you are both sure, ready and in close contact(*) then six months should be sufficient.



(*) I don't really have a recommendation for those not in close contact.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

We got engaged January 26 and we're not getting married until May 14. It just wasn't possible to do it any sooner. I wanted to get married in October, but he has class and work..he also has summer class so that's why we didn't get married this summer. I don't mind waiting that long..gives us more time to plan and pay for the wedding. But initially I had wanted a shorter engagement..around 9 months..but it doesn't matter and it just wasn't doable.

In one of my many wedding magazines it said that most couples are engaged for an average of 16 months, so I didn't feel too bad for being engaged so long.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

Originally Posted by somethingBEAUTIFUL

It must be excruiciating waiting like that! Thanks for your reply. I can see that now, like you said, a great wedding can be done in a "short" time frame. And my boyfriend's desire for length of time can totally be acheived. We know so many people as well who can help us in all areas of the wedding (from planning to singing to cooking), that it shouldn't be too difficult. The only thing that might could affect the date is the locale we pick for the reception, based on its availability. We want a church wedding but a reception elsewhere. And we'll cross that bridge whenever we get to it

​

A dinner reception would be one of the things to worry about with a short engagement. Another thing I would do as soon as possible is schedule a hair appointment. I tried to schedule one not long ago and the place I wanted had been booked for that day for over 6 months. I did get into another place just as good for the day thankfully.


I hear ya! I don't think we would necessarily have a sit-down dinner reception, more like a small, early supper (heavy snacks like meatballs, chicken salad sandwiches, fruit salad, mini chicken wings, etc.) reception. I think I would like to time the start of the wedding around 4 or 5 PM. Still though places around here stay booked like crazy, way in advance, so that is definitely something to think about. My current hairdresser who works part-time from her home, or either my aunt, would be the one to do my hair, so I think it would probably work out in that area. Thank you for the advice though!!!

gzt......Seems like my boyfriend is one who thinks he needs to have ALL the ducks in a row, and the frogs and the fish too

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

We planned for about 8 months from engagement to marriage, but God had other plans. We don't know why, but he had us wait for what seemed forever.

We got engaged September 20th 2004 and got married November 4th 2009, so over 5 years elapsed.

I think our marriage is better for it than it would have been if we had not had to wait that long.

 

[pressingon17]

Were waiting a year,or less,hopefully.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

We planned for about 8 months from engagement to marriage, but God had other plans. We don't know why, but he had us wait for what seemed forever.

We got engaged September 20th 2004 and got married November 4th 2009, so over 5 years elapsed.

I think our marriage is better for it than it would have been if we had not had to wait that long.

You got married on my birthday

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

4 months. We got engaged 3 weeks ago today and are getting married on November.13th.

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

Now that I'm actually LOOKING at the things that go along with planning a wedding and timelines, I've got to ask the ones who had shorter ones...

... How in the world did you get all that together in six months? We did bump our wedding date up a month but hooboy... x_x According to one timeline we were already supposed to send out invites and have a place reserved but we haven't even got a number of guests yet.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

It really depends on how formal or informal you want your wedding, or if you know people who would be happy to help you out. For instance my husband and I ended up eloping but our original plan was to use my cousin's husband's family for the florist, one of my aunts as the photographer (she did wedding photos regularly) and I was going to make my dress, and instead of cake we would have had tiers of chocolate chip cookies. Also we would have had it in the church we normally attended and people offered to do a potluck reception. All told we would have paid out maybe $1,000.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone but I kind of think that timelines are stupid unless you're going for a Bridezilla formal occasion. I think a good wedding could be planned in a week, and invitations sent out the next, with a date two months down the line.

Another hint: Avoid the month of June.

 

[Angeldove97]

My boyfriend and I didn't plan to date for such a long time before getting engaged, but there were a few family issues and after 4 years, we're finally moving on to bringing out two families together and getting married. Looking back, the four years have been a blessing because it has strengthened our friendship and it has prepared us for the challenges of marriage.

Now that we know we're getting married, we're still allowing a year to pass before we say "I do" and in that time we'll be doing the marriage preparation the Catholic Church requires us to do. I'm sure the marriage prep will help us even more to make sure we're really making the right decision--- I know having a priest or another couple around to discuss things will help us to clearly see the situation we're in.

 

[Luther073082]

Our engagement was about a year and 1 month.

We where engaged on March 14, 2009

We married on April 10, 2010.

Note: We would have probably married a month or so earlier, BUT Lutheran churchs rarely do weddings during Lent. April 10, was the first Saturday after Easter Sunday and so the earliest possible Saturday after Lent.

It was tough to wait that long but I think it was for the best. It allowed us to save some money, and it gave us more time to plan and prepare the wedding.

I can't imagine trying to put together a wedding with anything less then 6 months. And then that would feel rather rushed.

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

It really depends on how formal or informal you want your wedding, or if you know people who would be happy to help you out. For instance my husband and I ended up eloping but our original plan was to use my cousin's husband's family for the florist, one of my aunts as the photographer (she did wedding photos regularly) and I was going to make my dress, and instead of cake we would have had tiers of chocolate chip cookies. Also we would have had it in the church we normally attended and people offered to do a potluck reception. All told we would have paid out maybe $1,000.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone but I kind of think that timelines are stupid unless you're going for a Bridezilla formal occasion. I think a good wedding could be planned in a week, and invitations sent out the next, with a date two months down the line.

Another hint: Avoid the month of June.

Moderately formal - He wants to wear a top hat.
"Really?"
"Yeah"
"Why?"
"When ELSE am I going to be able to wear a top hat?"

♥ He makes me laugh.

I think the timelines are good for the most part but you're right. Those are for some really big weddings and we're going for a modest one.

Bridezillas freak me out though. I watched that show a few times and.. could not look away. I've given out strict orders that if I end up acting like one of those for multiple people to slap me and dump me off in a third world country for a few days/month.

 

[gzt]

Top hats are awesome.