Is it possible for an Orthodox Christian to get married in this day and age?

[F.E.A.R.]

Is it possible in this age of decadence, immorality, money and materialistic driven world to get married? Has marriage become impossible?

Huge percent of marriages end up in divorce. Obviously there are a lot of reasons behind these divorces. However the way I see it, for one to have a successful relationship and then marriage, both need to be billionaires or the one just needs to be a billionaire (always men) and the other a nobody (women). Without any materialistic satisfaction, a marriage (or a relationship) will not last long. It's what makes people happy. You just need to be a big fat pig with tons of money in order to be happy. You just need to be a big capitalist (it's one of the many reasons why I don't like Capitalism).

Also what I've noticed in the majority men and women something (long ago) is that, men look at women as sex toys while women look at men as banks with never ending cash supply. And this tends to create the "Men are always the same" or vice versa.

Personally I think a good relationship and then a life time marriage is impossible today and in the near future, marriage will become null and void.

PS: For the records I'm young and I don't want to get married, but since I don't want to live a monastic life, there's no choice for me later on than to get married. But I had to think about this so many times and I came to the conclusion that marriage is indeed impossible without having gazillion cash in your pockets. Because it has to do with Capitalism and Hollywood movies and TVs. With TV and movies, when it come to women, it's monkey see, monkey do. But I guess that living a normal Orthodox marriage is impossible.

Also non-Orthodox should not comment.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I know many an Orthodox Christian who has been recently married. of course they should.

marriage is a sacrament, it will never be null and void.

 

[All4Christ]

Honestly, I disagree wholeheartedly. I am blessed with a marriage to another Orthodox Christian, and we both love and respect each other very much. He doesn’t see me as a “sex toy” and neither of us are “billionaires” or anything of the sort.

You don’t have to get married if you aren’t a monastic. I recommend praying for guidance. Just know that your impressions of marriage aren’t accurate across the board. Honestly, I haven’t seen this in any marriage in our parish community, including recent marriages.

 

[F.E.A.R.]

I know many an Orthodox Christian who has been recently married. of course they should.

marriage is a sacrament, it will never be null and void.

As the world gets worse, there will be a lot less marriages.

Honestly, I disagree wholeheartedly. I am blessed with a marriage to another Orthodox Christian, and we both love and respect each other very much. He doesn’t see me as a “sex toy” and neither of us are “billionaires” or anything of the sort.

You don’t have to get married if you aren’t a monastic. I recommend praying for guidance. Just know that your impressions of marriage aren’t accurate across the board. Honestly, I haven’t seen this in any marriage in our parish community, including recent marriages.

It's true that majority of men look at women as sex toys while women look at men as banks with never ending cash supply. But this does not account for you or me or anyone else here. From my age up to 30-35 it's the way it is. Because these people (not just Orthodox) have forgotten about God and can't find any satisfaction. That's why they go after worldly desires.

 

[ArmyMatt]

As the world gets worse, there will be a lot less marriages.

even if that's true, that's a far cry from null and void

 

[Glaucus]

What a bizarre take on things. No doubt that there are many people who have the mentality that you're lamenting, but there are also many people who do not think like this at all. What you see on TV and the internet is rarely the reality. You should also consider the company you keep if you suspect this to be a problem in your own life. As with all things, take things slow, be prayerful, be mindful, and you'll marry the right person.

 

[Toolbelt]

As the world gets worse, there will be a lot less marriages.

It's true that majority of men look at women as sex toys while women look at men as banks with never ending cash supply. But this does not account for you or me or anyone else here. From my age up to 30-35 it's the way it is. Because these people (not just Orthodox) have forgotten about God and can't find any satisfaction. That's why they go after worldly desires.

You are correct from one point of view. Materialism is a driving force in cities these days. People are valued as net worth in a lot of instances. Don't give up though. Remember. Birds of a feather flock together. Get involved in your community and a lot of doors will open.

 

[Plmokn9821]

This generation is no worse than any other and thousands of happy marriges happen everyday

 

[Toolbelt]

This generation is no worse than any other and thousands of happy marriges happen everyday

This generation is documented very well though. My advice is to keep company with people who are like minded. A lot of people are antisocial today and don't know what's really going around them. Only through social media.

 

[All4Christ]

As the world gets worse, there will be a lot less marriages.

It's true that majority of men look at women as sex toys while women look at men as banks with never ending cash supply. But this does not account for you or me or anyone else here. From my age up to 30-35 it's the way it is. Because these people (not just Orthodox) have forgotten about God and can't find any satisfaction. That's why they go after worldly desires.

Romans 12:2
2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

As a woman in this age group, I certainly don’t see men that way. Many others don’t as well. It isn’t “just the way it is”. Certainly there will be some like that, but definitely not all. Either way, we are called to be conformed to God’s path, not to the world.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I would simply agree that this is not the defining state of all people.

I am perhaps older, so it may not matter that I say I certainly didn't see things that way. We are approaching our 9th anniversary. I had several men pursuing me before I married, and I married the guy in construction - as opposed to others who I won't go into detail but they all had a great deal more wealth.

My daughter is younger though and just getting to the age many marry. She and her young man plan to marry. He is coming not from a wealthy family, and his family doesn't support him, so he brings only himself. He has been working in food service and jobs requiring minor skills to put himself through a modest college education. They do both have decent jobs now working for a bank, but she makes more than him. I know it's about who he is, how they interact, and such rather than what he brings her.

I know of some people who view things as you say, but they are a minority among the people I know.

I think you have to question where you're getting your impressions from, and what/who you surround yourself with, etc.? But it's nowhere near as bleak as you are seeing things.

Seek God in this - I pray it will all work out for you.

 

[prodromos]

My wife and I were both unemployed when we got married. We figured that we would rather be unemployed and married to each other than to be unemployed and not married.
We've just celebrated our 25th anniversary

 

[archer75]

I am a man and, to be honest, I disagree with your understanding that all men see women as "sex toys" - whether in the context of the OC or not. It is true that many men are interested in sex (many women, too), and I think it is true that there is massive social pressure, especially at certain stages of life, to think of sexual relationships as the only relationships worth having, and I can see where you get this idea. But I don't think it's accurate.

As to the notion that women just want men to be giant sacks of cash - well, I'm not a woman, but again, this is not in accordance with my experience. I am not at all a giant sack of cash and I have had women interested in me (shocking as that is). I also have close woman friends whose "dating behavior" I've observed over many years, and again, I don't get the impression that they're hunting for the fullest sack. Unfortunately, money has some importance in the world. Perhaps some women are more aware of it than some men. But generalizing from an extreme case to all women is just not accurate, nor even close.

There is certainly plenty of junk depicted on TV, including junk that shows either undesirable or just inaccurate pictures of intimate relationships. But again, I disagree when you suggest that women as a class (over half of the human race, I hear) form their behaviors on no basis other than what they see on television.

The tone of your post gives me the impression that you have formed these opinions if not exactly in a vacuum, then at least without having many sober consultations. In my experience, this is not a healthy way to go. If you want advice, I'd suggest you talk (at some length and regularly) to a clergyman who may be familiar with these issues, or a secular counselor. You might be surprised how your ideas can change over time, and how the world looks different once they do.

 

[dzheremi]

I can't add to archer75's good post above, nor the other good posts in this thread by other posters, but I just wanted to say congratulations to Prodromos and Anastasia on their respective anniversaries. Congratulations to you both, and many happy years!

You see, OP, not all is lost! There are those among you at all times who do not fall for the materialist trap of greater society...and if for whatever reason that doesn't reflect your experience, then you need some new/different people around you, because it should be -- and can be -- true for everyone.

 

[Mary of Bethany]

My husband and I just celebrated 43 years together! He's a blue collar worker and I'm an office worker and we've never made a lot of money by US standards, but we managed to raise two wonderful boys and our marriage is better than ever! He's not Orthodox (and neither was I when we married) but he is a committed Christian, so we've always had a shared faith in Christ, and our sons and their wives are also faithful Christians in their own churches.

Yes, it is do-able. Take heart, F.E.A.R!

 

[F.E.A.R.]

This generation is documented very well though. My advice is to keep company with people who are like minded. A lot of people are antisocial today and don't know what's really going around them. Only through social media.

I'm not antisocial and that's how society is here. Even in my neighboring countries. This has nothing to do with social media. This is because of Western EU influence and the USA.

I think you have to question where you're getting your impressions from, and what/who you surround yourself with, etc.? But it's nowhere near as bleak as you are seeing things.

Seek God in this - I pray it will all work out for you.

I'm surrounded by majority of people who only think about having sex, money and going out. It's just how it is here and in the neighboring countries.

I am a man and, to be honest, I disagree with your understanding that all men see women as "sex toys" - whether in the context of the OC or not. It is true that many men are interested in sex (many women, too), and I think it is true that there is massive social pressure, especially at certain stages of life, to think of sexual relationships as the only relationships worth having, and I can see where you get this idea. But I don't think it's accurate.

Not all. The majority are. And where do you think I'm getting this idea? Hollywood films?

The tone of your post gives me the impression that you have formed these opinions if not exactly in a vacuum, then at least without having many sober consultations. In my experience, this is not a healthy way to go. If you want advice, I'd suggest you talk (at some length and regularly) to a clergyman who may be familiar with these issues, or a secular counselor. You might be surprised how your ideas can change over time, and how the world looks different once they do.

I did not form my impression in a vacuum. I know a monk whom I can talk to. Don't worry.

 

[E.C.]

You need better examples in your life and to ignore the media. Hang out with like minded people. Want to find a good Orthodox gal? Go visit another church. Or go on a mission.

The Western World in general has fallen so far away from God that it has gotten it's priorities on life all fouled up. Yes, today secular men and women have weird priorities about what they look for in a mate that will lead to disaster. As Orthodox Christians we should not have these same priorities (sex, money) but we are human and not perfect.

Find like-minded people. My fiancee is Salvadoran and is still in El Salvador for the time being. I met her when I was deployed there two years ago. She is not Orthodox, but she believes in God, is a good person, and, promises to go to whatever church I go to (lucky!) We have similar ways of thinking and despite the religious, cultural and linguistic differences, we want the same things in life. We have had those long conversations that people quit having and need to have.

Both sets of my grandparents loved each other. One grandpa was a Seattle Metro bus driver for almost fifty years when he retired. Back in the 1960s when a fellow bus driver was shot and killed my grandma rode the bus with him for a week until the killer was found. She sat in the seat immediately behind him with her hand on a revolver in her purse on her lap! That's love. They were together 51 years when he died. She followed four years later.

My other grandparents. Grandma fell and broke her leg fifteen years ago and was wheelchair bound for a while because if it. Grandpa traded in the truck he'd had for decades for a van that was wheelchair accessible. He called my mom, aunts, and uncles to the house so they could build a ramp in the garage for grandma. He passed this last January from Alzheimer's and was 90. They were married 65 years.

The point is ignore the media. Ignore the negativity, the gold diggers and those who are marrying for the wrong reasons. Find better role models, like my grandparents.

You're not the only one surrounded by idiots with messed up priorities. I've been in the Navy for six years now (two to go and we'll see after that). I'm temporarily in Hawaii for a few months surrounded by a lot of people who just want to get drunk and have sex with the first decent looking person they see. This includes some married people. What do I do? I ignore it. When I'm not at work I stay in my room, read my books, play my videogames, and have a ride to church. I'll work with these people but I don't associate with most of them outside of work because I don't want them to turn me into one of them.

I haven't watched American news since 2014, and the newest show I have watched was "Last Man Standing". Great show. I decided two years ago what I wanted in this life. Anything that doesn't help me achieve that in some way, shape or form doesn't matter. I learned this from my roommate who's been away from his family for three years so his wife can go to law school. They've been married ten years with two kids.

EDIT: is it possible for an Orthodox Christian to marry in this day and age? Yes. Is it easy to find a willing person to marry? No. In the USA we're roughly one percent of the whole population, so that narrows the Orthodox potentials a bit. Consider that there's more men than women in this Church and that lowers it more. If you can find someone with a good head on her shoulders who's at least open to the Church than you've already fought half the battle. If you want an Orthodox wife, than travel and go where the Orthodox are. Tap into the matushki network - they have directions.

 

[SaintCody777]

I know the Scripture says about the 7 fruits of the Holy Spirit, as listed in Galations 5:22, this is the guide I use when I evaluate whether a professing Christian girlfriend I am attracted to should be the right one for dating.
Now that I'm in the process of converting to Orthodoxy, I feel quite isolated in the dating world. Because from a conservative or traditionalist Orthodox point of view, Orthodox Christians are better off dating another Orthodox Christian than a non Orthodox Christian, which does make sense. I do know of Ukranian girl who was at my Middle and High School combo. I remember once that my brother dated her and watched James Cameron's Avatar and she even came into my family home one New Year's Day. She does regularly attend an Orthodox Church and her family is Orthodox. However, her family dysfunctional and she had to break off with my brother.
And like I said, becoming Orthodox makes me feel isolated in the dating world because many non Orthodox Christian girls, like the many American Evangelical girls who look physically attractive and are true to their Christian faith and trust Jesus. I am physically attracted to blonde women, especially ones with straight long hair. I do have a crush on a girl at college who leads an Intraversity Bible club. Though she is not blonde, is bubbly, gentle, and is true to her Christian faith. She has never criticized me for being Orthodox. She and I often but each other when we see each other.
the other big hurdle I see in Orthodox Orthodox dating is that many Orthodox parishes in South Florida, including the one I go to, does not have more than 10 people at a time, even during Pascha. So it seems to me that there are very limited dating options in the Orthodox Church.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I think isolation and needing to look for someone is common because we are so spread out.

The matuska network, as mentioned, is pretty active.

Otherwise perhaps some meet online.

There is my goddaughter - who is of an age to marry and is interested, VERY sweet girl, and her faith is her first priority. I tell her that she would be VERY in demand, and in just reaching out, I know there would be interest. We have only a couple of young men associated with our parish, but I think they both live elsewhere and only come when visiting, so she's barely able to get to know them. Another couple of young catechumen/inquirers that are promising young men. And we have two or three other young ladies away at college. They all have trouble connecting with each other, and I suppose our parish is of medium size.

I know the interest is out there. And I know there are young people. They are just seldom in the same place at the same time in order to begin to build relationships. If that is the situation, there may be a need to reach out in order to meet others.

 

[F.E.A.R.]

You need better examples in your life and to ignore the media. Hang out with like minded people. Want to find a good Orthodox gal? Go visit another church. Or go on a mission.

I'm not into women yet. My mission is to find and visit an elder.

The Western World in general has fallen so far away from God that it has gotten it's priorities on life all fouled up. Yes, today secular men and women have weird priorities about what they look for in a mate that will lead to disaster. As Orthodox Christians we should not have these same priorities (sex, money) but we are human and not perfect.

I do not have the same priorities.

Find like-minded people. My fiancee is Salvadoran and is still in El Salvador for the time being. I met her when I was deployed there two years ago. She is not Orthodox, but she believes in God, is a good person, and, promises to go to whatever church I go to (lucky!) We have similar ways of thinking and despite the religious, cultural and linguistic differences, we want the same things in life. We have had those long conversations that people quit having and need to have.

Well that's wonderful.

Both sets of my grandparents loved each other. One grandpa was a Seattle Metro bus driver for almost fifty years when he retired. Back in the 1960s when a fellow bus driver was shot and killed my grandma rode the bus with him for a week until the killer was found. She sat in the seat immediately behind him with her hand on a revolver in her purse on her lap! That's love. They were together 51 years when he died. She followed four years later.

My other grandparents. Grandma fell and broke her leg fifteen years ago and was wheelchair bound for a while because if it. Grandpa traded in the truck he'd had for decades for a van that was wheelchair accessible. He called my mom, aunts, and uncles to the house so they could build a ramp in the garage for grandma. He passed this last January from Alzheimer's and was 90. They were married 65 years.

Great stories. My great grandparents also loved each to the end. When my great grandmother died, my great grandpa fell ill and in despair and died 5 years after her. He just couldn't let go off her.

The point is ignore the media. Ignore the negativity, the gold diggers and those who are marrying for the wrong reasons. Find better role models, like my grandparents.

Never cared for American news in the first place.

Actually I don't have any role models, but I could follow the example of my great grandparents? I don't know. I'll take advice only when I visit an elder.

You're not the only one surrounded by idiots with messed up priorities. I've been in the Navy for six years now (two to go and we'll see after that). I'm temporarily in Hawaii for a few months surrounded by a lot of people who just want to get drunk and have sex with the first decent looking person they see. This includes some married people. What do I do? I ignore it. When I'm not at work I stay in my room, read my books, play my videogames, and have a ride to church. I'll work with these people but I don't associate with most of them outside of work because I don't want them to turn me into one of them.

I ignore it and yet it still makes me ANGRY.

EDIT: is it possible for an Orthodox Christian to marry in this day and age? Yes. Is it easy to find a willing person to marry? No. In the USA we're roughly one percent of the whole population, so that narrows the Orthodox potentials a bit. Consider that there's more men than women in this Church and that lowers it more. If you can find someone with a good head on her shoulders who's at least open to the Church than you've already fought half the battle. If you want an Orthodox wife, than travel and go where the Orthodox are. Tap into the matushki network - they have directions.

First off I should change the Canada thing since I'm not from Canada. Before they updated the personal infos and stuff, it didn't require "where are you from" and I clicked whatever country it came to mind.

I'm Slavic from an Orthodox country, and the Orthodox here, like I said Orthodox are turning away from their faith. There are less practicing Orthodox thanks to Western EU and USA influence. It's also the same in Eastern Europe. Ukraine, Belarus, Russia. Yes there are more practicing Orthodox in Ukraine and Russia because obviously there are more people. But the majority aren't.

Now that I'm in the process of converting to Orthodoxy, I feel quite isolated in the dating world. Because from a conservative or traditionalist Orthodox point of view, Orthodox Christians are better off dating another Orthodox Christian than a non Orthodox Christian, which does make sense.

Yes it's better.

I do know of Ukrainian girl who was at my Middle and High School combo. I remember once that my brother dated her and watched James Cameron's Avatar and she even came into my family home one New Year's Day. She does regularly attend an Orthodox Church and her family is Orthodox. However, her family dysfunctional and she had to break off with my brother.

Fixed.
So am I and my family and my forefathers Orthodox.

And like I said, becoming Orthodox makes me feel isolated in the dating world because many non Orthodox Christian girls, like the many American Evangelical girls who look physically attractive and are true to their Christian faith and trust Jesus.

I'm surprised that physically attractive girls stay true to their faith. The same thing goes for guys (not saying I'm not physically attractive, I do get compliments, but I never looked at myself to ask myself how do I look. Never bothered to. The turn down I do, as that I do not dress fancy).

I am physically attracted to blonde women, especially ones with straight long hair. I do have a crush on a girl at college who leads an Intraversity Bible club. Though she is not blonde, is bubbly, gentle, and is true to her Christian faith. She has never criticized me for being Orthodox. She and I often but each other when we see each other.
the other big hurdle I see in Orthodox Orthodox dating is that many Orthodox parishes in South Florida, including the one I go to, does not have more than 10 people at a time, even during Pascha. So it seems to me that there are very limited dating options in the Orthodox Church.

So do I prefer blonde. But I do not want a woman yet. There are too many things do as of now and a woman is simply not one of my top priorities.

I think isolation and needing to look for someone is common because we are so spread out.

The matuska network, as mentioned, is pretty active.

Otherwise perhaps some meet online.

There is my goddaughter - who is of an age to marry and is interested, VERY sweet girl, and her faith is her first priority. I tell her that she would be VERY in demand, and in just reaching out, I know there would be interest. We have only a couple of young men associated with our parish, but I think they both live elsewhere and only come when visiting, so she's barely able to get to know them. Another couple of young catechumen/inquirers that are promising young men. And we have two or three other young ladies away at college. They all have trouble connecting with each other, and I suppose our parish is of medium size.

I know the interest is out there. And I know there are young people. They are just seldom in the same place at the same time in order to begin to build relationships. If that is the situation, there may be a need to reach out in order to meet others.

I'm happy for your goddaughter, but I don't understand why would she want to get married early.