is it ok for a christian couple to kiss and hug?

[YoungandUnashame101]

I'm just wondering we wont have sex or anything.

 

[elenore]

God desired sexual intimacy to be enjoyed by a married couple only. Two people who had commited to each other permanently. Covenanted.

Once you've cross the line from affection to sexual intimacy outside of that you're sinning.
Do you kiss friends on the lips? Give them long cuddles. You shouldn't.

A hug is a hug is a hug, unless you turn it into more. A hold is a hold. Why are you holding them?

Honour your spouse. That starts before you even meet them.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

I find nothing wrong with it, I've known plenty of Christian couples (okay, maybe three or four, I don't know very many Christian couples or Christians for that matter) who cuddle, kiss, hug everyday.

I'd be destined for Hell now if hugging was sinful.

 

[BFine]

Is it OK for you and your girlfriend?
I don't know.

What are your feelings/opinion on the matter?
What are her feelings/opinion on the matter?

What boundaries and or precautions do you have in place
to prevent you and her from straying into promiscuity?

 

[parsley]

In Bible days, people kissed as a friendly gesture, so it couldn't be completely scripturally wrong.

2Sa 15:5And when a man came near to prostrate himself before him, he would put out his hand and take hold of him and kiss him.

Lu 7:45 You gave Me (Jesus) no kiss; but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet.
1Co 16:20
2Co 13:12
1Th 5:26
1Pe 5:14
Ro 16:16 Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you.


But there is also evidence of romantic kisses before marriage:

So 1:2
May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.

So 8:1
If I found you outdoors, I would kiss you; No one would despise me, either.

You will also find other indiscretions

Ge 30:16
Ruth 3 -- sleeping at a man's feet all night

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Geneva]2Sa 11:4
David sent messengers and took her, and when she came to him, he lay with her;[/FONT](Not saying it was godly, but God continued to work through David)

Micah 7:5Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with her who lies in your embrace be careful of your words.


I think the thing to watch, is that you don't build up a progression of justifications where little by little you put each other into a deeper commitment than you are ready for. Men have a higher tendency to push an agenda, so to speak. Women are traditionally the ones left with the resulting long-term responsibility.

 

[parsley]

The verses in SoS are about Jesus and us, not a man and women.

If so, then was God sinning while pursuing His Bride with physical romance?

The verses were attributed with some probability to Solomon-- poetry that [he] wrote with no knowledge of Jesus.

Read SOS carefully -- there is no claim within the verses that it is clearly about a relationship with Jesus. (Or even written by Solomon.) We can make parallels and gain insight from SOS, but the Jews who preserved this document never claimed it was about Jesus.

http://www.studylight.org/enc/isb/view.cgi?number=T8288

W.R. Smith regarded Canticles as a protest against the luxury and the extensive harem of Solomon. True love could not exist in such an environment. The fidelity of the Shulammite to her shepherd lover, notwithstanding the blandishments of the wealthy and gifted king, stands as a rebuke to the notion that every woman has her price.

All interpreters of all ages agree in saying that Canticles is a poem of love; but who the lovers are is a subject of keen debate, especially in modern times.

The Jewish rabbis, from the latter part of the 1st century AD down to our own day, taught that the poem celebrates a spiritual love, Yahweh being the bridegroom and Israel the bride. The So is read by the Jews at Passover.

Among Christian scholars Theodore of Mopsuestia interpreted Canticles as a song in celebration of the marriage of Solomon and Pharaoh's daughter.

Herder in 1778 ... advanced theory that Canticles is a collection of independent erotic songs..arranged by a collector as to trace "the gradual growth of true love in its various nuances and stages, till it finds its consummation in wedlock" (Cheyne).
But the greatest and most influential advocate of the literal interpretation of Canticles was Heinrich Ewald, ..1826... two suitors compete for the hand of the Shulammite, the one a shepherd and poor, the other a wise and wealthy king.

Many of the ablest Old Testament critics have followed Ewald in his general theory that Canticles is a drama celebrating the loyalty of a lowly maiden to her shepherd lover.


​

In any case, there is quite descriptive physical romance going on in an entire book canonized in our Bible. If it were a sin to kiss and hug, it would appear in the laws of Moses or other spots. God wouldn't expect us to follow a law He didn't give.

 

[powerpoint]

Rather than asking us if its wrong, why don't you go to your Bible, read a passage on it (Ephesians 5 and Genesis 2 would be good starts) and ask God to speak to you about it. This is a far better way to determine if something is wrong or right, rather than relying on others to give you opinion. God has made the spiritual gift of discernment available, and Solomon said that God would always give wisdom if you prayed for it, why not ask God first, rather than a bunch of people you don't know? Also, you need to understand that, just because something is or isn't right for someone in their Christian walk, doesn't mean the same applies to you.

My question to you is this. Why are you asking this question? Are you asking it because God has challenged you in this area in your life, or its an area you are weak in and God wants to work in it, or are you living an unrepentant lifestyle? If thats the case, I would say it's probably not ok, because God is telling you its not and your role in life is to glorify Him.

If your asking because a Christian friend has told you Christians behave this way, then you need to test it. See, I think as Christians we get caught up on saying "x/y/z isn't Christian" and "a/b/c are the things Christians do", we have a culture as Christians which means people feel they have to behave and perform in certain ways for the approval of others, rather than being focused on living for an audience of one. We know that Galatians 5:4 says "For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God's grace." So you need to test it. We know God's will, according to Romans 12, is "Good, Pleasing and Perfect", you can test His will, pray into it and see what Gods answer is.

As for myself, I kiss my girlfriend. I prayed about it and I went as God guided.

 

[Forge3]

They are signs of love and affection. So I don't see a problem with them in and of themselves. They can of course lead to arousal. One would need to guard the heart and mind from taking it further.

 

[Peripatetic]

They are signs of love and affection. So I don't see a problem with them in and of themselves. They can of course lead to arousal. One would need to guard the heart and mind from taking it further.

I agree. Attraction and affection are from God. Suppressing them too much can contribute to worse perversions. Kissing and cuddling are fine if they don't lead you to a place where you lose control. If both of you agree on your limitations, it is much more attainable than if one wants to go farther than the other.

 

[aiki]

As at least a couple of people on this thread have noted, kissing and cuddling can lead very easily to more intimate activities. How many times I've heard young people confessing sexual sin, explaining that it all began with a "harmless" kiss.

Romans 13:14
14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.

Selah.

 

[Larry Mondello]

As at least a couple of people on this thread have noted, kissing and cuddling can lead very easily to more intimate activities. How many times I've heard young people confessing sexual sin, explaining that it all began with a "harmless" kiss.

Romans 13:14
14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.

Selah.

Have dated many Christian women where we kissed, usually light pecks or short kisses. Some kissing was more passionate.
But made sure my hands didn't wander too much.

With some women I dated, my hands did wander too far and we went way too far, close to, but not actual sex.... (a big regret), so know how that can easily happen.

You have to be responsible and not let your hands "wander...."

It might be good to discuss this with your GF.

 

[iambren]

Kissing and hugging is SIN and will send you to hell in a hand basket!


Just kidding. What I am concerned more about is that a 22 year old man has to ask such a question! The question seems almost inhuman, as if normal affection between man and woman is perverse. It's not.

As far as S of S once you get past the prudish (including the OT rabbis) the most common interp is simply what it appears, a celebration of human love. God is VERY pro sex; all of nature depends on it. It's EVERYWHERE! Gosh, birds, plants, the animal kingdom, are all using skills to tackle their gender opposite and have sex, with their own form of hugging and kissing!!!

 

[alatir]

It's hard to pin down exactly in the Bible that kissing is sin, but I think it creates and temptation to have also premarital sex which definitely is not something that God approves . I felt God rebuking me through His Spirit when I was dating and we were kissing each other.

So I'd advice just to keep your hands off each other until the marriage.

 

[TruthSeeker2012]

I'm just wondering we wont have sex or anything.

To hug and kiss on the cheek is a biblical teaching, so that is fine.

But passionate kissing and sex is forbidden outside of marriage.

Do the RIGHT THING and avoid passionate kissing and sex. DO NOT conform to the world, do not become apathetic towards this. Sadly, most Christians encourage others to NOT stay completely pure, they have gone astray, they have conformed to the world.

Stay pure, live a holy life, hug and kiss each other on the cheek, but NOTHING more until after marriage.

If you truly love and respect God and want to honour God, then do as I suggest. And never ever listen to people or Christians who tell you it's OK to passionately kiss and have sex before marriage, they have gone astray and slid away from God and holy living.

God bless.

 

[NewUser777]

Kissing and hugging is SIN and will send you to hell in a hand basket!

LOL! Always enjoy the bren posts.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

To hug and kiss on the cheek is a biblical teaching, so that is fine.

But passionate kissing and sex is forbidden outside of marriage.

Do the RIGHT THING and avoid passionate kissing and sex. DO NOT conform to the world, do not become apathetic towards this. Sadly, most Christians encourage others to NOT stay completely pure, they have gone astray, they have conformed to the world.

Stay pure, live a holy life, hug and kiss each other on the cheek, but NOTHING more until after marriage.

If you truly love and respect God and want to honour God, then do as I suggest. And never ever listen to people or Christians who tell you it's OK to passionately kiss and have sex before marriage, they have gone astray and slid away from God and holy living.

God bless.

NOWHERE in the bible does it say that kissing on the lips is a sin. Don't add to the Word where it is not explicitly written.

Song of Solomon MAY have some references that could be applied to Jesus and the Church, but it was understood as a book of romance between Solomon and his bride. Some of the stuff in there (including kissing) happens BEFORE the wedding, by the way.


I'm willing to bet that this young man was raised with books such as "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "When God Writes Your Love Story".

Again, there is nothing scripturally wrong with kissing; but you need to be careful that you don't stumble into sexual activity. There's a line between affection and sexual activity, but kissing doesn't necessarily lead to it.

 

[Thusia Zao]

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

 

[Larry Mondello]

staff edit

Some (many?) have a different view of affection, and waiting until marriage/ engagement or at least until the right one comes along.

Christianity and other religious traditions espouse chastity before marriage. Unfortunately, humans being what they are, don't always follow such teachings to the letter.

Many people don't consider sex before marriage wrong. But many do.
Many who consider it wrong (in their heart) still fall to it bec. sexual desire is a strong drive.

When I was in my early 20s in college and a new Christian, I wanted to date and marry a
"...godly, Christian virgin woman...."
Of course, I gave-up that "requirement" (it was more of a preference) as I got older and now realize a woman can be the first two without being the third.

Plus, many women, like the one I married and some I dated, though they weren't virgins, had only one partner, like a former fiance she had sex with after engagement (in my wife's case).
Or, she thought the guy loved her so gave it up to later learn he was a jerk.

My "preference" was also invalid as I wasn't a virgin.
Lost mine in HS @17-18 to a girl I dated but likely didn't love. We both felt a lot of guilt (she was Catholic) and is a big regret of mine, how I wasn't nearly the man I should have been to her.


You never forget who you had sex with.

From experience can tell you
..... it's sooooooooooo much better to ML --- where you put your heart, soul and passion into the other --- vs. just having sex.
There's a difference.

If someone gave me a "mulligan" (or do-over), it would be to not have had sex in HS, which I think messed me up some and scared me away from productive relationships with women during most of my 20s...

For the record, I respect and admire those that wait. Wished I had.

 

[parsley]

the way I see it, marriage is just a man-made c oncept, it is not a sin to have sex or kiss.

Here's the thing. If a woman has sex, even protected, she has a high probability of getting pregnant. Taking care of a child changes her life drastically. And it should change the man's life too, but history shows that is not always the case.

It changes her ability to get a job, pay for day care, finish any schooling/training... on and on. Pregnancy turns an ambitious, driven person into a tired, overloaded person.

A free stance on sex puts a person into a lifestyle of multiple partners, bringing a much higher risk of disease. You know that. You might not want to admit how much it can impact a person, but a high percentage of the world is dying from AIDS/HIV now. The problem exists.

God created laws to protect people. It is not that He has a random rule that people should match up in formal marriages. There are reasons for fidelity, limited partners, a structure for children to be raised in, a way for women (and men) to better manage the financial drain that occurs when children are young.

It is not about God inventing rules out of spite or a power play. He tries to protect people.

 

[fuji]

I am still looking for a bible verse that says what marriage actually is. Not American marriage, but how the bible explains it. The best I can find is a man leaving home and being united with a woman to become one flesh. Nothing about papers, ceremonies, receptions, flower girls, etc.

So I have left home and united myself with a woman, does that mean we are married?