Is it against the Bible to have a female best man at a wedding?

[Messy]

Concerning this passage: It talks mainly about teaching. At the beginning of it, it talks about learning, and then goes on about how he doesn't permit a woman to teach or have authority. I don't think this relates at all to a woman being the best man/woman at a wedding ceremony. There is no teaching or instructing going on in that role.

Oh yes, well tell his wife to shut up the rest of her life. She has to be silent.
A best man just arranges things, so what? Then don't let women arrange the meal either.
By the way if you believe a woman shouldn't lead anything, she's not leading, I thought a best man just did what the couple wants, so then she is neatly obeying a man, the bridegroom who wants her to do that.

 

[Von Davidicus]

You could look at things two ways:

1) Nowhere does the Bible condone wedding ceremonies (which means they are unbiblical from beginning to end).

2) Nowhere does the Bible condemn wedding ceremonies (which means that the customs are neutral).

 

[Paradoxum]

I thought woman weren't suppose to work in a church, until they got a certain age. I would think being a best man might be considered work.

Where does the Bible say that?

I wouldn't say being a best man is church work anyway.

 

[Tree of Life]

My cousin wants his best friend, who is a woman, to be his best man. But he's worried his church won't allow it because it's against the Bible. Is it? I keep telling him it isn't, but he's still worried.

No it's not against the Bible. Having a "best man" is a post-biblical cultural practice. But I do wonder... if this person is his best friend, why isn't he marrying her?

 

[Dave-W]

A few years ago I was asked to be a groomsman at my best friend's wedding. We have been friends since kindergarten (back in 1960) We were both 54. It was his first marriage (her 2nd) and it was in the congregation he pastored.

It turned out I was the only male on the groomsman side (the gals were his cousins) and there was only one female on her side (her daughter) - the "maid" of honor was her brother.

Bottom line: there is no mention of best man, maid of honor or groomsmen, etc. in the bible. In fact our whole ceremony is totally different than what happened in NT times.

 

[Dave-W]

if this person is his best friend, why isn't he marrying her?

Big difference between friendship love and romantic love.

 

[Tree of Life]

Big difference between friendship love and romantic love.

Oh yeah? What's the difference?

 

[Arcangl86]

Oh yeah? What's the difference?

Physical attraction for one.

 

[Tree of Life]

Physical attraction for one.

Meh. If you can't marry your best friend because you're not physically attracted to her you've got bigger problems. Physical beauty fades. And it's easy to acquire a taste for a person's physical appearance, especially if you deeply love their spirit.

 

[Arcangl86]

Meh. If you can't marry your best friend because you're not physically attracted to her you've got bigger problems. Physical beauty fades. And it's easy to acquire a taste for a person's physical appearance, especially if you deeply love their spirit.

What if your best friend is the same gender as you? Also, there is a big difference I think between being able to be somebody's friend, and being their partner. I mean come on, there are even a lot of cases where best friends end up hating each other after sharing an apartment, which is a completely platonic relationship. There can be any other number of reasons as well. For instance my best friend is also a woman, but she is 10 years older then me. We talked about dating, but we decided against it because we were in completely different life stages. And that is just one possible reason, and I can think of at least one or two more off the top of my head.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Perhaps I should be more specific. He's the argument:

"Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression" (1 Timothy 2:11-14).

Yes. I believe some churches might not allow it, but if you go to a newer younger type a church. They might allow it.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

My cousin wants his best friend, who is a woman, to be his best man. But he's worried his church won't allow it because it's against the Bible. Is it? I keep telling him it isn't, but he's still worried.
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I would tell him to ask, they might allow it. But if they don't I would look into getting married else where. I personally don't want to marry in a church, since I rather get married in a flower garden or park with flowers. I really don't understand why anyone would want to get married in a building, closed in by walls.

 

[Dave-W]

Big difference between friendship love and romantic love.

Oh yeah? What's the difference?

This is from an anti-courtship blog by Thomas Umstattd Jr. After explaining the jist of C.S. Lewis' book The Four Loves, the author says this:

3 Pitfalls of Friendship Before Romance

Trying to be best friends before romance may not be all the roses and butterflies the courtship advocates promised you.


1. Pursuing a Romantic Relationship Puts the Friendship at Risk


As a friendship grows, it grows into something separate from the individual friends. The more of a friendship you build, the more precious it is and the less you want to put it at risk.


There is no turning back from the moment when you discuss whether or not to change the Philia love you share as friends into to an Eros Romantic Love you share as lovers. This loss of the friendship makes the rejection of the Romance all the worse.


Ladies, if you are wondering why the men in your life are not pursuing you, it may be because they don’t want to risk losing your friendship.


2. Friendship Love is Not Monogamous


It is normal for a close friendship to include more than two people. While C.S. Lewis was Philia Friends with J.R.R. Tolkien, he was also close friends with the other members of the Inklings.


In fact, Philia Love can be so intertwined with the group of friends that it can be hard to parse out your specific feelings for a specific friend within the group. This is not a problem since Philia is rarely self-reflecting.


That is, unless one friend is thinking about changing his Philia friendship with one of his circle of friends into an Eros Romance. Then suddenly he has a problem on his hands. He has just changed not only his relationship with the one woman, but he has also altered the dynamics of the group. The romance introduces a foreign element into the community that has the potential to break it apart.


This path of "groups of friends" then "friends together" then "lovers together" is difficult and in some ways unnatural. The natural change for a love is that, with the influence of the Holy Spirit, it matures into Agape love, not morphing into a different lesser love. Is it any wonder that so many people are failing to make these transitions and are stuck in singleness?


3. The Friendzone Can Become a Relational Cul-De-Sac


Let’s imagine that a guy, "Gus" and a girl, "Sally", are friends. They are part of a group of friends who regularly meet in real life to "hang out" and to participate in group activities. As they become closer friends, Gus sees them as just friends while Sally has secretly started trying out wedding dresses in her mind.


Since friendship is rarely self-reflecting, Gus has no idea that Sally is starting to think of the relationship as something more. Gus, who rarely thinks about the relationship, thinks it is cruising along nicely on the highway of friendship. But for Sally, the relationship is a cul-de-sac of broken dreams. The faster things move for her the more likely everything is to topple over.


This is such a common occurrence, my generation now has a word for it. We would say that Sally is stuck in the "friendzone." She is hoping for an Eros Romance and all she has is a friendship.


http://www.thomasumstattd.com/2015/...ou-shouldnt-marry-your-best-friend/#more-2042

 

[RDKirk]

No it's not against the Bible. Having a "best man" is a post-biblical cultural practice. But I do wonder... if this person is his best friend, why isn't he marrying her?

Yeah, this. And it was noted earlier that having a woman who is your best friend--but having some other woman as your wife--could lead to problems.

I can almost completely get away with saying, "I do things with him that I don't do with your because it's a 'man thing'" or "I can say things to him that I don't say to you because it's a 'man thing,'" and my wife will buy off on that because for her some things are a "woman's thing."

But I don't think she'd buy the "man's thing" argument if I'm doing it with a woman.

 

[RDKirk]

My cousin wants his best friend, who is a woman, to be his best man. But he's worried his church won't allow it because it's against the Bible. Is it? I keep telling him it isn't, but he's still worried.

Is his fiancee allowing it? I didn't see a statement that she is fine with it.

 

[Tree of Life]

What if your best friend is the same gender as you? Also, there is a big difference I think between being able to be somebody's friend, and being their partner. I mean come on, there are even a lot of cases where best friends end up hating each other after sharing an apartment, which is a completely platonic relationship. There can be any other number of reasons as well. For instance my best friend is also a woman, but she is 10 years older then me. We talked about dating, but we decided against it because we were in completely different life stages. And that is just one possible reason, and I can think of at least one or two more off the top of my head.

If your best friend is the same gender then you obviously should not marry them as you cannot marry a person of the same gender.

You are under no obligation to marry a woman just because she is your best friend. But if you're going to marry someone I think you probably ought to marry your best friend (assuming he or she is of the opposite gender).

 

[Neogaia777]

My cousin wants his best friend, who is a woman, to be his best man. But he's worried his church won't allow it because it's against the Bible. Is it? I keep telling him it isn't, but he's still worried.

How does the wife/bride feel about that?

 

[Neogaia777]

Where does the Bible say that?

I wouldn't say being a best man is church work anyway.

Paul says that he does not permit a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, in the congregation.

 

[Shemjaza]

Paul says that he does not permit a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, in the congregation.

For the part of a wedding that involves a church the best "man" has to smile, stand at the end of a long rug, hand over a ring, sign a document and finally walk out beside a woman they barely know. I'm not seeing any great acts of education or authority there.

 

[SkyWriting]

My cousin wants his best friend, who is a woman, to be his best man. But he's worried his church won't allow it because it's against the Bible. Is it? I keep telling him it isn't, but he's still worried.

He should have the wedding in his living room. That should end the worries
about others making rules.