Is it against the Bible to have a female best man at a wedding?

[jericho1326]

My cousin wants his best friend, who is a woman, to be his best man. But he's worried his church won't allow it because it's against the Bible. Is it? I keep telling him it isn't, but he's still worried.

 

[RiverS48]

Just ask your friend where he got the idea that its "against the bible"? Most of the text's in the bible where written from 5000 years ago to 2000 years ago when their idea of a marriage ceremony was completely different to the one what we have in western society now.

Stuff the haters, do it.

 

[Messy]

No I never read that in the Bible.

 

[Paradoxum]

I'm not sure there's anything about best men in the Bible. A lot of the modern ceremony is just tradition.

Pretty sure there's nothing about wedding rings either.

 

[desmalia]

The Bible gives no format for the marriage ceremony. Traditional ceremonies are beautiful and have lots of good purpose, but are ultimately simply that - tradition. So, who we choose to have stand with us in the ceremony is up to us. My concern would be for the couple getting married and their relationship with the woman. It is not realistic or a good idea for a man to have a female best friend other than his wife. That may seem odd now, but once they are married it will become an issue, if it isn't already. If she's a relative (sister or cousin), no problem. If not, that could be an issue particularly if she's his close friend, not the bride's. Hopefully this is what his pastor will focus on, as it is infinitely more important than the format of the ceremony.

 

[MehGuy]

Read Mark 6:16.

 

[keith99]

Only problem related to scripture I can think of is will she be wearing a Tux?

If she is dressed like a man one could make a legitimate case.

Which of course is a reason to NOT be shy and ask the Church in question now. That issue can be dealt with.

Oh I just realized the irony. Legend has it the best man tradition comes from a Scottish custom because brides were actually kidnapped (with varying degrees of cooperation from her family). So the best man really was the best man in the warrior sense that the groom could get. And we all know what a real Scotsman wears.

 

[desmalia]

 

[Aldebaran]

Only problem related to scripture I can think of is will she be wearing a Tux?

If she is dressed like a man one could make a legitimate case.

Which of course is a reason to NOT be shy and ask the Church in question now. That issue can be dealt with.

Oh I just realized the irony. Legend has it the best man tradition comes from a Scottish custom because brides were actually kidnapped (with varying degrees of cooperation from her family). So the best man really was the best man in the warrior sense that the groom could get. And we all know what a real Scotsman wears.

I thought it was the role of bridesmaids to keep the bride from being kidnapped. That's why they dress the way they do, in order to confuse a kidnapper about who was actually the bride. I might be thinking of a different tradition though.

 

[jericho1326]

Perhaps I should be more specific. He's the argument:

"Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression" (1 Timothy 2:11-14).

 

[Aldebaran]

Perhaps I should be more specific. He's the argument:

"Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression" (1 Timothy 2:11-14).

Concerning this passage: It talks mainly about teaching. At the beginning of it, it talks about learning, and then goes on about how he doesn't permit a woman to teach or have authority. I don't think this relates at all to a woman being the best man/woman at a wedding ceremony. There is no teaching or instructing going on in that role.

 

[Lost Angel]

Follow the rules of the church. It is a wild stretch to pull anything about it from The Bible.

 

[Architeuthus]

My cousin wants his best friend, who is a woman, to be his best man.

It's not "against the Bible," but it still sounds like a really bad idea.

 

[David Brider]

Given that the Bible says nothing at all about the concept of having a Best Man at a wedding, you could argue that having one at all is "against the Bible". Or you could, more reasonably, argue that it's something the Bible is silent about but that having a Best Man is a modern tradition. That being the case, if your cousin wants his female best friend to be his Best Man, the church has no legitimate Biblical reason to be against it...

 

[jayem]

Only problem related to scripture I can think of is will she be wearing a Tux?

If she is dressed like a man one could make a legitimate case.

Which of course is a reason to NOT be shy and ask the Church in question now. That issue can be dealt with.

Oh I just realized the irony. Legend has it the best man tradition comes from a Scottish custom because brides were actually kidnapped (with varying degrees of cooperation from her family). So the best man really was the best man in the warrior sense that the groom could get. And we all know what a real Scotsman wears.

The one time I was a Best Man, my functions were to give the toast to the newlyweds at the reception, and sign the marriage license as an official witness. Which are gender-neutral actions.

However, isn't it another traditional BM task to throw the bachelor party? And honestly, a dude might be better at that.

 

[Albion]

Agreed. There is nothing in the Bible that prohibits this. Or talks about this. Personally, I wish people wouldn't innovate too much when it comes to the wedding ceremony, but this isn't anything all that remarkable if he wants to go ahead with it.

 

[Shemjaza]

I'm pretty sure the bible doesn't make any mention of groomsmen, bridesmaids or even rings.

It's not "against the Bible," but it still sounds like a really bad idea.

Why? If she's his best friend, the isn't she the best one to speak for him?
Or are you concerned about married man with a female best friend not being faithful?

 

[TheDag]

There is nothing in the bible prohibiting it. In fact it used to be traditional to have both a male & female generally a married couple. I have a friend who had a guy in place of the matron of honour. The only issue was that at certain times he needed to leave the room while she was gettting dressed but otherwise no problem.

I suggest he approach the church and ask them about it in private. At the end of the day if the church is not happy with it then I would advise against it out of respect even though it is not unbiblical. For all you know they may surprise him and agree. Be polite and non-confrontational and any reasonable church would be fine with it unless they are twisting scripture.

Of course there is nothing saying that you have to have bridesmaids & groomsmen. At my wedding we had none and when it was time to sign the paperwork two friends who we had asked got up from their seats and came forward to sign. The only legal role they have is as witnesses. They don't need to be up front the whole time for that. Could be a way around it if the church is not receptive.

In regards to the passage in Timothy you mentioned no matter which interpretation one applies (and they are all interpretations) then that still does not forbid a female in place of a best man. Logically if it did then there would not be allowed a matron of honour.

 

[jericho1326]

Has anyone known a church to prohibit it, anyway?

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I thought woman weren't suppose to work in a church, until they got a certain age. I would think being a best man might be considered work.