If it's meant to be?

[hawkeyelovejs]

I am curious if you believe in the phrases "If it's meant to be, it will be" and "Everything happens for a reason"?

I know that when it comes to other matters in my life I have certainly been able to say this is true. When it comes to the guys I've dated, the breakups were hard, but I can definitely say I'm glad none of the relationships worked out. I am trying to trust that since the desire of my heart is to be married, God will make that happen for me. But I'm struggling to keep the faith.

Thoughts?

 

[Purge187]

Billy Graham's wife once said something to the effect of, "If I hadn't have listened to God, I would've ended up marrying the wrong man--five times." Sometimes the end of a relationship is a blessing in disguise.

And I know first-hand that making the pursuit of a mate can be a troublesome thing if you put too much focus on it. Keep your eyes on Jesus and not the sometimes stormy sea of life around you.

 

[Luther073082]

I am curious if you believe in the phrases "If it's meant to be, it will be" and "Everything happens for a reason"?

I know that when it comes to other matters in my life I have certainly been able to say this is true. When it comes to the guys I've dated, the breakups were hard, but I can definitely say I'm glad none of the relationships worked out. I am trying to trust that since the desire of my heart is to be married, God will make that happen for me. But I'm struggling to keep the faith.

Thoughts?

No I don't.

If it's ment to be seems to indicate some belief in a soul mate. An idea in which I find to be stupid, destructive, and borderline heretical.

 

[dayhiker]

Since I'm a Christian when I think of, "If its meant to be" then I think its if God commands it. But I honestly don't think God commands Jane to marry Dick. Clearly some couples have a relationship that works so well and feels so good and loving that it feels as if God has perfectly joined them together. It we set that as a standard then clearly a lot of couples would feel God didn't put them together and quite a few would separate looking for that one God commanded. I don't think that would be healthy for people in the long run.
Now God has used every relationship: marriage, GFs, work friends, church friends etc to teach me and make me into a person who now has compassion/love as I had very little when I was young. I love that God does that.

 

[JCLover779]

Clearly some couples have a relationship that works so well and feels so good and loving that it feels as if God has perfectly joined them together. It we set that as a standard then clearly a lot of couples would feel God didn't put them together and quite a few would separate looking for that one God commanded.

Amazing words. Thanks.

Now God has used every relationship: marriage, GFs, work friends, church friends etc to teach me and make me into a person who now has compassion/love as I had very little when I was young. I love that God does that.

You always have a lot of compassion/wisdom/and love in your posts. Those relationships must have taught you the lessons well.

 

[ValleyGal]

The phrase "if it's meant to be" implies passivity, and I do not believe we are called to live passive lives. I think that's part of what makes the Bible a "living" word - the fact that we apply it to life and live it. The phrase also implies predestination. If you believe in that, then it would work for you. But this does not work for me since I believe that since God exists outside of time, he simply knows what we are going to do, but he has not necessarily pre-planned everything. If he did, how would you ever decide what his plans are for you for eating carrots or peas for supper? I believe that we are given guidelines in the Bible for choosing our own mate. This would include being equally yoked (have many things in common) and being free to marry "in the Lord" meaning someone of the Faith.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but I don't like how it's phrased. It also implies passivity, leaving us without any responsibility for what happens. Yet we know that we are responsible for a lot of what happens. There are things beyond our control, and yes, they happen for a reason. But those things that happen as a result of our own choices and behaviours - God can use them for our own good. Joseph's brothers left him for dead, and Joseph was mature enough in his faith to say that what they intended for evil, God used for good. I think responsibility here is the key - what are we responsible for, and what is beyond our scope? And then when we are responsible for something, accepting the consequences of it, for good or bad. God can (and does) work all things out for his own sake, and for the good of those who love him. So that is also a key - your job is to love him, as he commanded to love the Lord your God, and then to love your neighbour as well as yourself.

If you are looking to apply this to finding a partner, then you have a couple of things to do. First, love God, abide in Christ, keep your eyes fixed on him. This will do amazing things...not only will it bring him glory, but it will also help you in finding a partner. When your eyes are fixed on him, you will make dating choices in alignment with his word and his will. As your own character transforms into his likeness, you will automatically be drawn to those who also have godly character, and as you align your will to his, you will automatically be repulsed by the sin that repulses God (such as pride).

I must give you fair warning, though. It may not happen quickly, which is even more reason to stay fixed on Jesus. When you abide in him, you will bear spiritual fruit. They are love: joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control... So the patience and self control will see you through a lot if it does not happen quickly.

 

[hawkeyelovejs]

This is a really nice response...although a bit difficult to hear because I think sometimes it's easier and more comforting to believe everything is just all worked out for us and we just have to get there! Thank you for taking the time to respond.

The phrase "if it's meant to be" implies passivity, and I do not believe we are called to live passive lives. I think that's part of what makes the Bible a "living" word - the fact that we apply it to life and live it. The phrase also implies predestination. If you believe in that, then it would work for you. But this does not work for me since I believe that since God exists outside of time, he simply knows what we are going to do, but he has not necessarily pre-planned everything. If he did, how would you ever decide what his plans are for you for eating carrots or peas for supper? I believe that we are given guidelines in the Bible for choosing our own mate. This would include being equally yoked (have many things in common) and being free to marry "in the Lord" meaning someone of the Faith.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but I don't like how it's phrased. It also implies passivity, leaving us without any responsibility for what happens. Yet we know that we are responsible for a lot of what happens. There are things beyond our control, and yes, they happen for a reason. But those things that happen as a result of our own choices and behaviours - God can use them for our own good. Joseph's brothers left him for dead, and Joseph was mature enough in his faith to say that what they intended for evil, God used for good. I think responsibility here is the key - what are we responsible for, and what is beyond our scope? And then when we are responsible for something, accepting the consequences of it, for good or bad. God can (and does) work all things out for his own sake, and for the good of those who love him. So that is also a key - your job is to love him, as he commanded to love the Lord your God, and then to love your neighbour as well as yourself.

If you are looking to apply this to finding a partner, then you have a couple of things to do. First, love God, abide in Christ, keep your eyes fixed on him. This will do amazing things...not only will it bring him glory, but it will also help you in finding a partner. When your eyes are fixed on him, you will make dating choices in alignment with his word and his will. As your own character transforms into his likeness, you will automatically be drawn to those who also have godly character, and as you align your will to his, you will automatically be repulsed by the sin that repulses God (such as pride).

I must give you fair warning, though. It may not happen quickly, which is even more reason to stay fixed on Jesus. When you abide in him, you will bear spiritual fruit. They are love: joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control... So the patience and self control will see you through a lot if it does not happen quickly.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Well I believe in terms of love for example. There is no "One"" for you. The people you meet can be married even if God doesn't want you too. Its free will afterall. But there may be some you meet who God seems to bless you with alot because He really thinks you should marry them. He will give you signs on who you should or should not be with.

My past relationships were terrible. Mind you I did ignore many signs that said to avoid these people. And these were mostly women within driving range. My wife though, she lives 8,000+ miles away and the world would say "The odds are very much stocked against you!". And yet everything has worked out as smooth as silk pretty much. God keeps providing and blessing us.

Now we are in a situation of waiting for her visa to be approved. We were told it could be by the middle of 2014. But we still pray it happens before then. But we have both mutually agreed that whatever we pray for we know its in Gods time. So I believe if she is meant to be approved early then she will be. If not then God will have us wait until later one.

I know during the process of flying to her, getting married we had "plans". But they some of them got delayed. And it turns out its great they were delayed because something better kept happening. Example on our honeymoon we were at a fully booked resort for a week. Near the end of the week I called my mom (she was there for the wedding) and said "Can we stay here for another week if we have the money?". She said they were fully booked for months.

So I went to the front desk and asked and said we wanted to stay like 5 more days. They said the people that were staying in the room after us for 5 days happen to just have cancelled. So we got to stay longer and she gave us a discount. So even though we didn't think it would work out. Gods plan was in action and we were meant to stay longer.

Since God is all knowing, all powerful...etc. I believe in His mind he can see literally every decision we will ever make. So its infinite really. While he has paths He would like us to take. It doesn't mean we will take them because of our free will. I'd say more but VG summed it up perfectly.

 

[Johnnz]

God has created us to be creative, interactive beings, not something akin to a robot. We are to take initiatives, make judgements, come to decisions in conjunction with God. Adam, not God, named the animals.

John
NZ

 

[hawkeyelovejs]

So I guess my next question is...if I have my own free will and finding a husband is up to me...yet getting married and having children is the desire of my heart and God promises to fulfill the desire of my heart...wouldn't there be something God has planned to see this through?

I'm so frustrated with being single. I don't want to marry just anybody -- I want to marry the RIGHT guy. I had relationships that were good and they didn't work out. I had relationships that were bad and thank GOD those didn't work. I've had relationships where I tried to practically force it to work and there was absolutely nothing I could do to keep it together. I finally wised up to waiting for Mr. Right and my last relationship was 4.5 years ago. I've gone on dates throughout that time and I go out and I work and volunteer and I have friends and I've tried online dating...yet nothing. I feel like at 31 I am running out of time to have the family I desire.

I'm so confused because if God promises to fulfill the desires of my heart, and my heart is hurting so much being single and feeling ready to be married and start a family...what is the hold up?!

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Because wanting something, even if you want it badly, doesn't make it happen and doesn't mean you're actually ready for it.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I know people dislike when I say this but the female mind tends to very muchy obsess about having kids, more so because its a natural instinct for her. So on that end I think sometimes women don't end up with children because its not what God intended.

As for marriage I do believe most are meant for marriage. Those who are meant to be single never even think about it because they are already happy. Now the bible never says when or who you will marry. You could meet someone and marry at 21 or at 90. But as humans we think about time alot such as "I am getting older!" or "I need to marry while young so I can enjoy it!"...etc. But to God there is no time. So if you marry at 21 or 90 its all the same to Him.

I got married at 31. My dads best friend in his very late 40s. Its just trust in Gods timing and try not to think about marriage to much. Because if you make it your goal then God may say "You will not find someone until you let go of that control!". WHich admittedly we as humans have control issues in many areas of our life. If God told me to spend stop what I am doing and go to another country right now. I'd probably freak out because I have my life scheduled. And bills to pay...etc. So control is a big weakness we have.

Admittedly you even said you feel at 31 that time is running out. So then you know what I just said is true. Your human side is telling you about time running out. And likely you have married friends which only reminds you more of your age and probably makes you feel sad.

I am 100% guilty of that before I got married this year. I spent my life trying to find someone, dating offline and online. It wasn't until I gave control to God fully and focused on everything else that I met my wife. Which really makes me want to kick myself in the butt for not doing that earlier in life.

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks for those really kind words JCL.

Amazing words. Thanks.
You always have a lot of compassion/wisdom/and love in your posts. Those relationships must have taught you the lessons well.

 

[hawkeyelovejs]

I love this, xfreakazoidx...thank you! I can feel God trying to ease my claws out of the control. It is so hard to let go. I've also noticed in the last few weeks I'm suddenly meeting a lot of single women...of all ages, sizes, pretty intelligent, etc., and I think it's been God's way of telling me your marital status does not define your worth.

I know people dislike when I say this but the female mind tends to very muchy obsess about having kids, more so because its a natural instinct for her. So on that end I think sometimes women don't end up with children because its not what God intended.

As for marriage I do believe most are meant for marriage. Those who are meant to be single never even think about it because they are already happy. Now the bible never says when or who you will marry. You could meet someone and marry at 21 or at 90. But as humans we think about time alot such as "I am getting older!" or "I need to marry while young so I can enjoy it!"...etc. But to God there is no time. So if you marry at 21 or 90 its all the same to Him.

I got married at 31. My dads best friend in his very late 40s. Its just trust in Gods timing and try not to think about marriage to much. Because if you make it your goal then God may say "You will not find someone until you let go of that control!". WHich admittedly we as humans have control issues in many areas of our life. If God told me to spend stop what I am doing and go to another country right now. I'd probably freak out because I have my life scheduled. And bills to pay...etc. So control is a big weakness we have.

Admittedly you even said you feel at 31 that time is running out. So then you know what I just said is true. Your human side is telling you about time running out. And likely you have married friends which only reminds you more of your age and probably makes you feel sad.

I am 100% guilty of that before I got married this year. I spent my life trying to find someone, dating offline and online. It wasn't until I gave control to God fully and focused on everything else that I met my wife. Which really makes me want to kick myself in the butt for not doing that earlier in life.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Your welcome.

 

[AmericanSamurai]

Wow, this thread is helping me a lot because I have a lot of turmoil in my dating life right now. I'm back in the dating game as a 38 year old single dad, and its frustrating with the people I'm meeting.


I won't date non-believers.

 

[ValleyGal]

I'm so confused because if God promises to fulfill the desires of my heart, and my heart is hurting so much being single and feeling ready to be married and start a family...what is the hold up?!

If you are basing this belief on Psa 37, I might challenge you a little. You say God will "fulfill" the desire of your heart, but that is not what it actually says. The Hebrew, according to Strongs, could mean any of the following:

give, put, deliver, made, set, up, lay, grant, suffer, yield, bring, cause, utter, laid, send, recompense, appoint, she

In other words, it might not mean "fulfill" but rather that God laid that desire on your heart, or that he put it there. That's only one thing to think about.

Another thing to consider is really what your heart's desire really is. It is completely normal to desire a husband and family - I had it really, really bad - so bad that I did things my way in order to ensure that I got what I desired. Notice all the "I's"? My desire was for my fulfillment, for my family, for my children, for me... So my desire needed to change. I needed to align my heart's desire to God's. That is, to seek first his Kingdom - the rest will be added. I needed to take my desire - my longing for husband and children - and change that into a longing for God first, for his will first. I needed to want God more than I wanted a husband. I needed to love God more than I would love a husband. It was a very hard and lonely lesson for me to learn.

That does not make it easy, and does not take away the loneliness, the pain. It almost makes it even harder because God himself placed this desire in my heart. But I needed to want God and his will and his glory more than I wanted anything or anyone for myself.