Hi, I'm not here for advice because to be painfully honest I cannot assure you that I'd be able to follow any. I'm just here to express myself because I can't take it. I don't know if there's any point to saying how I'm feeling about my dad's situation if I'm trapped in it, and I hate to sound "manipulative" because my brother uses suicidal ideation to manipulate me and my dad, but living with my dad's insufferable personality is making me feel suicidal ideation every day and it's unbearable. I know I'm not going to do anything, but I can't handle living with him, yet there's no other way out. I don't think I can literally live that long like this. I'm always thinking that I want to die. It's not necessarily about the care he needs, it's his attitude. He is excruciatingly clingy, summons me nonstop, biches extremely easily at the slightest provocation, and is actually getting worse in his attitude about religion the more I pray for him. He doesn't let me sleep yet wonders why I sleep during the day instead of at night. Well no sheet Sherlock, can't you connect the dots? Today he was saying how Islam is the best religion because of "porn sites that are damaging his computer." He did walk that back though, but for all the prayer I'm doing (specifically, it's a "Mother of Perpetual Help" prayer for the "Conversion of a Sinner"), it's driving him to Islam instead of to the Lord and I'm about to say phuk it and quit praying for him. I think Calvinism has a point in that there are some people who are doomed from the getgo not to accept the Lord.
I also can't even go to church functions anymore because of how his attitude destroys my attitude and sleep. I'm getting worried because the parish I am a member of (and want to remain a member of) does not offer as many Mass times as other backup parishes I go to. I have not attended a Mass at my "home" parish since October 31. I want to be back there yet something always gets in the way.
There is hardly a good way to look at this but I'm worried that the ideation I experience every day will lead to some sort of dementia or Alzheimer's down the road.
I also can't even go to church functions anymore because of how his attitude destroys my attitude and sleep. I'm getting worried because the parish I am a member of (and want to remain a member of) does not offer as many Mass times as other backup parishes I go to. I have not attended a Mass at my "home" parish since October 31. I want to be back there yet something always gets in the way.
There is hardly a good way to look at this but I'm worried that the ideation I experience every day will lead to some sort of dementia or Alzheimer's down the road.
