I Planned to Save Myself For Marriage, But Messed Up

[ganlynde]

As long as I can remember knowing about sex, I'd planned to save myself for marriage. I believe it's what God intended, I believe it's the safest thing, I believe it would make a great wedding present to my future husband, and I believe my family would be devistated and angry if I failed to reach that goal.

But, like the title says, I messed up. I've been dating this guy for a while now. It's the most adult relationship I've been in and the longest lasting one, even though it's only been 4 months and it's mostly long-distance.

We met, then started hanging out and cuddling and one night he asked me to stay with him. I declined several nights in a row, but gave in eventually, letting him know that we would definitely NOT be having sex because I was waiting for marriage.

That was back in October. We each moved at the beginning of november and I've been to stay with him a handful of times since then. Each visit we would do more and more things that I wasn't comfortable with and I knew would lead me to trouble, but it's so hard to say no to him.

A few nights ago, we were in his bed and he took my clothes off and then... it just happened.

I don't know what to do with myself now. I feel like I failed myself, my family, friends, God, everyone who believed in me and my decision to wait. I just gave in to him, a boy I don't even like that much, let alone LOVE or want to marry.

I'm just looking for some people to talk to about this and decided to come here. Maybe you had a similar experience and can offer me some comfort?

 

[ganlynde]

Anyone out there?

 

[ganlynde]

Aaaaanybody?

 

[flicka]

You have just went through what the majority of young girls go through, with the additional burden of a vow you made to yourself. Remember, this isn't the most serious thing that could have happened, you are still alive and healthy and able to recommit yourself to your vow! They don't have that old adage about falling off the horse and getting back on again for nothing! Nobody is perfect in all aspects. NOBODY. I will caution you to keep your vow private this time and not make grand announcements because it only sets you up for more guilt, like you are now feeling about your parents, etc. But it can be done! Do it for yourself this time and don't worry what other people think!

I'm not a Christian myself but you must know that your sins have already been forgiven and that you are only human after all. I know you are disappointed in yourself but try to look at this as a learning experience, and see where you went wrong so you can avoid this kind of thing in the future. And don't be surprised that, when you meet the man of your dreams, you discover mistakes he made as well. You haven't ruined yourself or anything, you just picked up a ding in the school of hard knocks.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful

 

[ganlynde]

You have just went through what the majority of young girls go through, with the additional burden of a vow you made to yourself. Remember, this isn't the most serious thing that could have happened, you are still alive and healthy and able to recommit yourself to your vow! They don't have that old adage about falling off the horse and getting back on again for nothing! Nobody is perfect in all aspects. NOBODY. I will caution you to keep your vow private this time and not make grand announcements because it only sets you up for more guilt, like you are now feeling about your parents, etc. But it can be done! Do it for yourself this time and don't worry what other people think!

I'm not a Christian myself but you must know that your sins have already been forgiven and that you are only human after all. I know you are disappointed in yourself but try to look at this as a learning experience, and see where you went wrong so you can avoid this kind of thing in the future. And don't be surprised that, when you meet the man of your dreams, you discover mistakes he made as well. You haven't ruined yourself or anything, you just picked up a ding in the school of hard knocks.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful

So far you're the only helpful person, so thank you very much!

I didn't mean to imply that i'd made any grand announcements to anyone that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. If someone asked, i'd say I was a virgin by choice, obviously my friends and I have talked about it, and my sister as well. I will be keeping the fact that I have had sex as quiet as possible. [there's no way anyone could figure out who I am through this website].

I'm just so confused now. I know what I'm going through is normal, I just never thought I'd be going through it. I was SO certain that I'd wait. I can't believe it came to this.

I don't feel guilty about what we did, I'm just scared what other people would think if they knew.

 

[LonesomeTexan]

once you get going, it's hard to stop. Temptation is so hard to resist, even when you know what you are doing is wrong. To be honest, if you really want to put the flame of desire out so you don't end up repeating, I'd suggest cutting off all physical contact that gets you hot. No hugging, no kissing, no being alone with him. Act like your parents are in the room with you and don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of them. I'm sorry it happend like this. I hope this is the right guy and you end up marrying him. It'll make it easier to get over if you do end up getting married. That being said, you are probably going to feel like crap if he leaves you because you wont have sex anymore. And even worse is that you meet the guy of your dreams and find out he waited for you, but you gave your gift of virginity to a guy that didn't even love you. I'll pray for you. Lust is something I struggle with as well, but faith can certainly help put out the flames.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

Repent and ask for forgiveness in Jesus' name, and will God forgive. When we truly repent, God forgives, what a relief! I'd listen to LonesomeTexan too and take precautions so it won't happen again.

 

[Johnnz]

Life went BUMP didn't it?

We can underestimate and suppress our sexuality. That's sometimes like putting a cork in a fizzy drink and hoping it will stay there when we shake the bottle. Suddenly, something happens.

As with all of life's disasters we must work through the issues sensibly and constructively.

God has already forgiven you. Period.
Forgiving yourself will be harder. That will take some working through. But done well you will actually be wiser and stronger as a person. God is great at creating beauty from ashes.
You don't need to tell other people. You may chose to one day, but it' s not necessary right now.
You are not a terrible person, a failure as a Christian. You have not doomed your future marriage. Sex is still a precious gift from God. Don't despise it.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[ganlynde]

Thank you everyone who's responded. You've given me hope and I'm a little more at ease about this situation. My boyfriend is now on the road working, so I haven't seen him for a while and probably won't see him again for a long time- which is really the best thing that could happen.

But, why is sex before marriage so wrong? The big reasons I wanted to wait are fear of disappointing my family, fear of getting pregnant, and fear of what God would think. But why should I make decisions based on what other people think? there are contraceptives out there. and how could I POSSIBLY know what God really wants for/from me?

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

Thank you everyone who's responded. You've given me hope and I'm a little more at ease about this situation. My boyfriend is now on the road working, so I haven't seen him for a while and probably won't see him again for a long time- which is really the best thing that could happen.

But, why is sex before marriage so wrong? The big reasons I wanted to wait are fear of disappointing my family, fear of getting pregnant, and fear of what God would think. But why should I make decisions based on what other people think? there are contraceptives out there. and how could I POSSIBLY know what God really wants for/from me?

There's a thread discussing this in the Christian Advice forum, you'll probably find it interesting. Here is the link.

 

[flicka]

Thank you everyone who's responded. You've given me hope and I'm a little more at ease about this situation. My boyfriend is now on the road working, so I haven't seen him for a while and probably won't see him again for a long time- which is really the best thing that could happen.

But, why is sex before marriage so wrong? The big reasons I wanted to wait are fear of disappointing my family, fear of getting pregnant, and fear of what God would think. But why should I make decisions based on what other people think? there are contraceptives out there. and how could I POSSIBLY know what God really wants for/from me?

One of the best reason to wait in your case is this guilt you feel now. All these questions and issues you have now will only get pushed into the back of your subconscious if you ignore them and can explode on you at some point in the future. I guess what I'm trying to say is that as long as you have any questions or doubt or guilt about premarital sex do not do it. If not for moral reasons then for your own emotional health.

If you decide sometime in the future that there isn't a good reason not to then that's fine, but don't try to work out the issues WHILE you are involved sexually with your bf, that never works.

 

[BK4G]

ive heard from others that once u lose your virginity it gets harder to stop...and so u develop more problems with lust..thats probably why the bible says to keep virginity until marriage so at least you will be doing it within a committed and secure relationship

 

[lavenderskies]

All that matters is your relationship with God, and how you feel about yourself, not what other people think of you.