I know this is bizarre- but I hate saying grace

[BlackSabb]

Hey all, how is everyone? I grew up in a religous home, although I must confess I have an awful lot of issues regarding Christianity because of partly my upbringing and churches that I attended afterwards.

My wife also grew up in a religous home, (I really hesitate to say Christian). She grew up saying grace regularly before meals, and I didn't.

In my later years, I came to abhor and despise utterly much of Christendom for all its pomp, ceremony, pretention and of course, hypocrisy. I have a special place in my heart of hatred towards outward ceremonies, as I've seen too many of them with of course little inward conviction.

With this in mind, I really hate "saying" grace. My wife laments when I don't say it and accuses me of being ungrateful. However, I really despise a silly man made ceremony that gives a good outward impression but reveals nothing of the heart. But the church my wife my grew up in (SDA) is big on ceremony and lots of rules and regulations about all manner of things.

However, because of my distaste of much of Christendom, I despise ceremonies that everyone participates in just because everyone participates in. Without any real thought. Just because I don't "say" grace doesn't mean in my heart I am not grateful for the things I have. I really object in participating like some brainless sheep in some man made ceremony. I feel like I am on display before others and have to prove my spiritually and thankfulness by uttering a few words-words that may or may not reflect my heart.

I know at times when I have had troubles that I have uttered these silly external words before others when in my heart I haven't been thankful because I have been preoccupied with my difficulties.

I have come to the decision that I don't mind sitting at a table when "grace" is being said, but that I won't say it myself.

Why don't we say "grace" in relation to other aspects of our lives? When you go to work, do you say "grace" before starting, being thankful for the job you have? When you come home, do you say "grace" before you enter, being thankful for having somewhere to stay? When you go to sleep, do you say "grace", being thankful for somewhere safe to sleep? When participating in some sport, hobby or other recreational activity, do you say "grace", being thankful for having the time and means to enjoy these things? The Bible says to be thankful in your heart 'always' for the many blessings in our lives.

I don't need to vocalise it to show my spirituality before others.

Anyone else feel the same way about "saying" grace?

 

[catlover]

Hey all, how is everyone? I grew up in a religous home, although I must confess I have an awful lot of issues regarding Christianity because of partly my upbringing and churches that I attended afterwards.

My wife also grew up in a religous home, (I really hesitate to say Christian). She grew up saying grace regularly before meals, and I didn't.

In my later years, I came to abhor and despise utterly much of Christendom for all its pomp, ceremony, pretention and of course, hypocrisy. I have a special place in my heart of hatred towards outward ceremonies, as I've seen too many of them with of course little inward conviction.

With this in mind, I really hate "saying" grace. My wife laments when I don't say it and accuses me of being ungrateful. However, I really despise a silly man made ceremony that gives a good outward impression but reveals nothing of the heart. But the church my wife my grew up in (SDA) is big on ceremony and lots of rules and regulations about all manner of things.

However, because of my distaste of much of Christendom, I despise ceremonies that everyone participates in just because everyone participates in. Without any real thought. Just because I don't "say" grace doesn't mean in my heart I am not grateful for the things I have. I really object in participating like some brainless sheep in some man made ceremony. I feel like I am on display before others and have to prove my spiritually and thankfulness by uttering a few words-words that may or may not reflect my heart.

I know at times when I have had troubles that I have uttered these silly external words before others when in my heart I haven't been thankful because I have been preoccupied with my difficulties.

I have come to the decision that I don't mind sitting at a table when "grace" is being said, but that I won't say it myself.

Anyone else feel the same way about "saying" grace?

My family is weird. We each say a seperate prayer before the meal.

We don't do it because we feel we have to but because it's just the way it ended up.

 

[GregoryTurner]

I thank God for the food that I eat because when Jesus fed all the people 4000, 5000, last supper; the bible says that when He gave thanks... that is where I get it from.
I thank God for being capable to go to work, being able to drive, giving me a home to live in, etc. Verbal, sometimes... I work at a golf course and everytime I go to tee off, I thank God for allowing me the ability to play. If I am playing with someone and I make a good shot, I say, "Thank you Jesus." I may get funny looks and laughed at, but that may be a seed planted for the Kingdom... This is just my way of looking at giving of thanks for anything... Bless you...
G

 

[ChuRoo]

I normally don't say grace before my meals either, but I don't mind saying it. I say all my thanks to the Lord before I go to bed, when I wake up, and sometimes before I start my day at work.

 

[snoogans460]

I truly believe that God won't hold these specific choices against you... persay. After all, if you're sincerely grateful in your heart, then God will see your character and thankfulness from within. Besides, even the Pharisees liked to put on shows for public display, yet, their hearts were self-centered and their motives were ultimately for the wrong reasons.

Not to say this happens to be the case for all Christians who say grace before a meal. Personally, I usually ask God to please bless the food I'm about to eat, but its usually just a small thanks directed from within. This may be how I was raised, possibly habit, but either way, it helps me to remember that he's the provider for all these gracious provisions.

During family get-togethers, I do question the authenticity of our group prayer. Not that we're not thankful, but sometimes it feels so put-on just for the sake of it. Sure, I love having these devotional moments to connect with loved ones, but it can also be slightly awkward.

My brother happens to be a pastor and whenever we eat out at a restaurant, his family usually says a pretty visible prayer for others around to see. Now, I'm not ashamed of my faith - heck, I have plenty of Christain tattoos which are clear as day and also love sharing my faith - but certain things feel comfortable while others don't. Don't feel bad my man, you'll be just fine.

 

[JonF]

Praying and offering thanks for your food is good, but it should be heartfelt and not just a ritual that is to be rushed through as fast as possible so you can eat. My view on blessing food comes from 1 timothy 3:3-5,

“3They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.”

My brother happens to be a pastor and whenever we eat out at a restaurant, his family usually says a pretty visible prayer for others around to see. Now, I'm not ashamed of my faith - heck, I have plenty of Christain tattoos which are clear as day and also love sharing my faith - but certain things feel comfortable while others don't. Don't feel bad my man, you'll be just fine.

You should feel uncomfortable when people make showy prayers. My view on prayer comes from Matthew 6:5-7,

5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words

 

[Ave Maria]

I never say a prayer before each meal except for very rarely. Usually I give thanks for all the food and drink I had during my evening or night prayer.

 

[ebia]

Hey all, how is everyone? I grew up in a religous home, although I must confess I have an awful lot of issues regarding Christianity because of partly my upbringing and churches that I attended afterwards.

My wife also grew up in a religous home, (I really hesitate to say Christian). She grew up saying grace regularly before meals, and I didn't.

In my later years, I came to abhor and despise utterly much of Christendom for all its pomp, ceremony, pretention and of course, hypocrisy. I have a special place in my heart of hatred towards outward ceremonies, as I've seen too many of them with of course little inward conviction.

With this in mind, I really hate "saying" grace. My wife laments when I don't say it and accuses me of being ungrateful. However, I really despise a silly man made ceremony that gives a good outward impression but reveals nothing of the heart.

Clearly saying grace to impress those around you is inappropriate.

Don't pray something you don't agree with - either don't pray, or pray something that you do agree with.

But the church my wife my grew up in (SDA) is big on ceremony and lots of rules and regulations about all manner of things.

However, because of my distaste of much of Christendom, I despise ceremonies that everyone participates in just because everyone participates in.

I think you undervalue ceremony, but that's a different discussion.

Without any real thought. Just because I don't "say" grace doesn't mean in my heart I am not grateful for the things I have. I really object in participating like some brainless sheep in some man made ceremony. I feel like I am on display before others and have to prove my spiritually and thankfulness by uttering a few words-words that may or may not reflect my heart.

Can't you say some words that do reflect your heart - or are you all expected to say the same thing?

I know at times when I have had troubles that I have uttered these silly external words before others when in my heart I haven't been thankful because I have been preoccupied with my difficulties.

There is a value in saying 'thanks', even when we don't feel thankful.

Why don't we say "grace" in relation to other aspects of our lives? When you go to work, do you say "grace" before starting, being thankful for the job you have? When you come home, do you say "grace" before you enter, being thankful for having somewhere to stay? When you go to sleep, do you say "grace", being thankful for somewhere safe to sleep? When participating in some sport, hobby or other recreational activity, do you say "grace", being thankful for having the time and means to enjoy these things? The Bible says to be thankful in your heart 'always' for the many blessings in our lives.

Ideally we should, but few of us manage it. Meals hold a special place in the Christian tradition - "He took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it..." is at the heart of so many of the most profound gospel stories and, when Christ is the bread, at the heart of the faith itself. Meals quite rightly hold a special symbolism in our faith for a heap of reasons, so a prayer at mealtimes stands as a symbol for so much else if done with the right intent.

 

[shredhead320]

If I think of the fact that I am being in front of people and doing it then I don't do it because I don't want to come off as holier than thou and feel prideful - because that defeats the purpose of prayer so I say it in my head but occasionally I bow my head.

 

[mcwhittemore]

With this in mind, I really hate "saying" grace. My wife laments when I don't say it and accuses me of being ungrateful. However, I really despise a silly man made ceremony that gives a good outward impression but reveals nothing of the heart. But the church my wife my grew up in (SDA) is big on ceremony and lots of rules and regulations about all manner of things.

I struggle with praying when I don't really mean it, which is what is seems you are defining "saying grace" as.

I see thanking God (honestly thanking him, or at least wanting to and trying to) as a good thing. These rituals are only bad if praying to God before a mean becomes "saying grace" or communion becomes eating stale breed and sipping warm grape juice.

It is sad that this world cares so much about appearance that we will scarifice inward oneness with God for outward appearance of His pressence in our lives.

 

[lilymarie]

I say grace with the Christians I gather together with and we also did as a family when we all lived together.

If I eat meals alone, I may or may not say a quick thank you Lord... I try to remember, but it doesn't always happen... though I do spend most of my thankful time to God in my alone time prayer.

So saying grace is not an everyday thing for me, but trying to always be thankful is no matter what it is. I thank him for all kinds of things, as Gregory stated. It's kind of a move of the heart... I don't have a schedule of thankfulness that is the same every day.

Though grace with my family when we all get together is still a wonderful experience.

 

[helenofbritain]

With this in mind, I really hate "saying" grace. My wife laments when I don't say it and accuses me of being ungrateful. However, I really despise a silly man made ceremony that gives a good outward impression but reveals nothing of the heart.

Well Jesus said grace too, and I reckon he could see through silly man made cermonies - so it can't be all bad, right?

Why don't we say "grace" in relation to other aspects of our lives? When you go to work, do you say "grace" before starting, being thankful for the job you have? When you come home, do you say "grace" before you enter, being thankful for having somewhere to stay? When you go to sleep, do you say "grace", being thankful for somewhere safe to sleep? When participating in some sport, hobby or other recreational activity, do you say "grace", being thankful for having the time and means to enjoy these things? The Bible says to be thankful in your heart 'always' for the many blessings in our lives.

What you are talking about is prayer life. Whether or not we say them out loud, we should be praying to God and thanking Him for the good stuff.

I think 'grace' is a special category, because it usually is said with family, and it is therefore helpful to say it out loud - so you know where you're up to!

I suppose the actual words of the prayer also have some relation to how silly (or otherwise) you feel about it.

Do you feel silly praying the Our Father out loud?

My brother happens to be a pastor and whenever we eat out at a restaurant, his family usually says a pretty visible prayer for others around to see.

Funny story...
We always say grace before meals - my three year old loves it. One night we were out to tea with my husband's Godfather - an Anglican priest. Dinner arrive and Fr Bruce was about to tuck in, when Angus pipes up "Hey! You forgot to say grace!" and insists on us all holding hands (family tradition to stop kids eating before grace) and saying it together. Fr Bruce was suitably chastised He hasn't forgotten grace when Angus is around since...

 

[ArcticFox]

I understand your feelings. I had such feelings myself. It can be easy to judge things that seem to be done without feeling or true conviction.

However, I learned with time to hold my judgment. I cannot say how many times, but I have frequently been brought to prayer and a keen sense of my own sin and helplessness during the Lord's Supper. I always think about my condition, and whether I am truly fighting the sin in my life. I do not want to eat or drink judgment to myself, and so I take it seriously.

I don't know how many others are cavalierly doing it. Maybe they don't even think about it, but just do it cause it's what they've always done. What's important is that I don't know. And what's also important is that people show their 'seriousness' in different ways. Some get emotional, some do not. Some speak about it afterwards or before, and some keep it to themselves. Some do it quickly, some do it very slowly.

If you have difficulty saying grace with seriousness and true thankfulness, pray about it. You don't have to say grace, but it would help if you could find it edifying, as I'm sure you'll end up in such situations frequently. And besides, such pet peeves will only hurt our spiritual walk, as I can tell you from personal experience.

I pray you learn to love giving thanks for your food!

 

[Zeena]

Me too, in my unique flesh..

'Tis why I lean on Jesus!

For apart from Him I can do nothing..

 

[Controverse]

I do not feel I should use words to convey my gratefulness - God can easily see it as it is. Just remaining conscious of your gratefulness is the thing.

Arkaine