I’m at rock bottom once again. The only thing that gave me comfort was watching tarot readings on YouTube. People predicting good things happening in your life based on which month you were born. I became addicted and watched 10 a day. I haven’t watched any for at least a year. It did give me a sense of comfort. And most importantly, a sense of hope..
I’m tempted to do it again because I don’t want to lose hope. I’ve prayed for help. I want something to look forward to, even if it’s potentially false. I need something to keep me going.
Do you have a group of friends that you can trust and make plans with?
I get it, that is I get wanting to have something to look forward to--it fills each day with a sense of purpose and anticipation for the next. And otherwise it can feel like you're just floating along, existing but not really feeling like you're living.
I have diagnosed major depression and also anxiety disorder, even with prescription medication I often feel like it is an exhausting full time job just to keep my mind in a healthy emotional state.
But you aren't going to benefit from Tarot, that's just nonsense used by charlatans and con artists. Nobody can predict the future, nobody can tell you what is going to happen an hour from now, let alone tomorrow or a year from now.
I don't know your mind, I don't know how you individually and personally "tick"; but for me I need a healthy balance of private time and social time. I need group activity with other human beings, and so even if that means getting together with a couple friends to play video games, or go have lunch together, and having people I can confide in, trust, and who I can depend on for emotional support is incredibly vital for my own emotional and mental well being.
Do you have a church home? I know that with the pandemic church has been difficult, for myself included. My church has only relatively recently started having in house services again, but requires a signup sheet and proof of vaccination (the church I attend is a relatively small Lutheran church with a primarily aging congregation, and so we've been extra careful for the benefit of those more susceptible to COVID).
That feeling of desperation to cling onto something--even something ridiculous like cards or crystals or the like--can be very strong. It's pretty human actually. Which is why having people that can support you and help you and direct your--and their--focus onto something meaningful and real is really important.
You don't need to turn to superstition for hope, you can find that hope in the Church, and in the love of friends and neighbors loving one another. Though I will add that the fact that so many Christians are living in this swirling sea of desperation and anxiety from the lack of real Christian community should be very alarming for us in the Church and a warning sign that we need to do a whole lot better for one another.
-CryptoLutheran
