Husband Admitted to kissing another woman. What to do?

[MilkandHoney]

Greetings everyone. Today my heart is heavy because last night my husband confessed to kissing another woman three or four times. I feel so betrayed I can hardly breath. We have been married for over twenty years and have an adult son. Do you think it is cheating when your husband just kisses another woman. He stated that he did nothing else with this woman, but i still cannot help feeling so hurt by this.... and he says he cares for her and doesn't want to hurt either of us. Friends I did not know where to turn , I am in need of serious prayer so is my husband. Please any advice would be such a comfort.

 

[tall73]

Do you think it is cheating when your husband just kisses another woman.

Yes. But the bigger issue is that he doesn't seem to want to deal with it.


I will pray for you both.

 

[joyful11]

Milkandhoney,
Yes, kissing another woman is cheating. Did this happen recently? It sounds like it did if he's afraid of hurting her. Kissing can easily lead to an affair. You need to be loving, but set some clear boundaries. He needs to cut off all contact with her if he wants to be in your marriage. NO exceptions. I'm sorry that he brought another woman's feelings into this, but you are his wife. Your feelings and needs come first. And afterall, she shouldn't have pursued a married man. That is asking for trouble. It's different, but I understand your feelings to an extent- my husband struggles with porn and lust. It hurts bad. I'm sorry you are struggling. Don't let him minimize his behavior. You are NOT overreacting. Kissing another woman when you are married is a HUGE deal. Do you guys have a counselor or pastor you can speak to? Praying.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Yes, I consider kissing someone else to be cheating. The only exception I see is if it's a cultural greeting (in some European countries it's common for everyone to kiss each other on the lips when they meet).

I agree with Joyful... if he wants to show his love for you as his wife, he needs to cut the kissing woman out of his life for good. I'd also suggest seeing a counselor, as I'm sure there are trust issues...

 

[ib4au]

Kissing another woman is cheating, plain and simple. First and foremost he needs to ask forgiveness from God. Second, he needs to ask forgiveness from you. Third, being a Christian, you should forgive him and tell him that if he loves all of you (God,you,and your son) he needs to cut off ties with this woman. It would be wise to speak with a pastor because there are some underlying issues on his side. If there weren't, he wouldn't have done it. Prayers for all of you.

 

[theend0218]

I feel for you. Obviously it is too late not to hurt one or both of you. I hate that phrase. It shows an amazing lack of awareness and self-control. That he includes this woman in such a phrase says way too much about where his head is at right now.

I would encourage you to think this through as to where and when you want to draw the line - do not make a threat you are not willing to live with or carry out. If you can do it, though, I would tell him that this is not acceptable and that it will stop now or you will begin to do what is necessary to take care of yourself.

 

[AngeliaTurner]

If God tells us in his word that to even lust after another in their heart then they have already comitted adultry, then I would have to say that kissing another woman is cheating. I agree with the others here you need to draw the line and tell him that it is unacceptable that you are his wife and the other woman has to go.

 

[BigNorsk]

You have a very serious situation, and he admits as much when he says he doesn't want to hurt either of you. If you stop and think a minute, does it hurt you when some other man doesn't kiss you? No, of course not, but you husband is saying that if he breaks off whatever he is doing with this woman that it will hurt her. If that is what he thinks. It indicates a lot more than just kissing her, it indicates, at the least, that he believes she is emotionally attached to him and that him not being involved with her would hurt her.

He basically said as much as that he considers his relationship with her equal or maybe more to his relationship with you, because while he was saying that he doesn't want to hurt either of you, of course he does hurt you by having a relationship with her. He probably thought that as long as you didn't know you wouldn't be hurt.

In any case, it really is time for a counselor to help you sort out this whole mess.

Marv

 

[JulySheMustFly]

Praying for you both. I'd be very hurt. It is not ok behavior. I think for me it would hurt even more to hear him say that he doesn't want to hurt either or you. That would sting the most as it implies there is more than a physical thing involved. Prayers again.

 

[clycleader]

I'm so sorry. I feel for you.
Yes, I do think that kissing another person is cheating too. I do agree w/ what someone else said tho... that the bigger issue is that he seems to not want to deal with it and end the kissing or other emotional relationship w/ this person.
Prayers to you sister. I"m so sorry that you're hurting.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Coming out of the same situation myself ... I know where you're at, and I will pray for you.

 

[purpleunicorn_Andi]

you are in my prayers... I agree with the other posters that his statement seems to indicate that atleast emotionally there is something going on. I would definately recomind counsiling, and have a couple of other suggestions... the book the 5 languages of love is a really good read, (for both of you) and also go on a married couples retreat...my husband and I went on a marriage encounter retreat, and it has really brought us back to where we were when we fell in love with each other... also helped me get over some past hurts that I just couldn't see past...
God bless what ever is to be

 

[ImperialPhantom]

That's ABSOLUTELY cheating. And his "I don't want to hurt either of you" statement by him is just asinine - when it comes down to it, you choose the person you married.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Greetings everyone. Today my heart is heavy because last night my husband confessed to kissing another woman three or four times. I feel so betrayed I can hardly breath. We have been married for over twenty years and have an adult son. Do you think it is cheating when your husband just kisses another woman. He stated that he did nothing else with this woman, but i still cannot help feeling so hurt by this.... and he says he cares for her and doesn't want to hurt either of us. Friends I did not know where to turn , I am in need of serious prayer so is my husband. Please any advice would be such a comfort.

Wow, that is heart breaking. Yes, it is still cheating. My advice is not to take any responsibility for his decision upon yourself. Continue to be yourself, give him room and let the responsibility of the decision solely lay on his shoulders. That is hurtful. God Bless you in this time of need!

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I feel for you. Obviously it is too late not to hurt one or both of you. I hate that phrase. It shows an amazing lack of awareness and self-control. That he includes this woman in such a phrase says way too much about where his head is at right now.

I would encourage you to think this through as to where and when you want to draw the line - do not make a threat you are not willing to live with or carry out. If you can do it, though, I would tell him that this is not acceptable and that it will stop now or you will begin to do what is necessary to take care of yourself.

Amen!

 

[tp65]

.... and he says he cares for her and doesn't want to hurt either of us.

Kind of late to be worrying about that. He has already hurt you and now it is time for him to start the healing process. Her feelings, at this point, should not be considered...she knew what she was doing and she certainly wasn't worrying about you. I agree with everyone else, he needs to cut all ties with her, get some counseling and work on building trust again. I am truly, truly sorry for your pain...take it to the LORD and we will lift you in prayer as well.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

Greetings everyone. Today my heart is heavy because last night my husband confessed to kissing another woman three or four times. I feel so betrayed I can hardly breath. We have been married for over twenty years and have an adult son. Do you think it is cheating when your husband just kisses another woman. He stated that he did nothing else with this woman, but i still cannot help feeling so hurt by this.... and he says he cares for her and doesn't want to hurt either of us. Friends I did not know where to turn , I am in need of serious prayer so is my husband. Please any advice would be such a comfort.

Wow! Sorry to hear that. I have said a prayer for you, and I hope God gives you the strength to get through this.

 

[MilkandHoney]

Thank You so kindly for all of your prayers and advice. My husband and I are trying to work this out. But I still feel like my whole world is upside down, I am doing much better than before when I posted this. There is one thing I forgot to write in my first post... the kicker is... this woman works at the same place as my husband. She's only been working there a few weeks but I am sure you can imagine how I must feel knowing he is around her everday. The place where they work is Chrisian oriented and I know for a fact that my husbands employer would have never approved of this. I want this woman out of there so badly. At the moment I'm debating whether I should tell his employer or not. Because he has told all of the employees there that "he did not want that sort of thing going on". What do you think I should do friends, should I tell him or not? He's also a very good friend of ours and has done much for us, being the good christian man he is. I'm so confused at this point. Please pray for me I'm desperately seeking answers from God. Any more advice would be appreciated. God bless You today.

 

[tp65]

MilkandHoney, I believe that I would insist that my dh tell the employer. He needs to be honest with his friend and say that this has happened and he needs to be able to work without this further distraction. If she is new it is likely that she will be the one to be removed from the workplace. If your dh is at all serious about healing your marriage he will understand that this needs to be done. His other option is to find a new job for himself. However, staying on there with the honesty with his friend sounds like a good idea. He would then have some accountability. If he refuses to tell then give it some more prayer and consider telling the boss yourself. Blessings, T

 

[Cright]

My prayers will be with you.... not only is he physically cheating (the kissing) he is emotionally cheating (cares for her).

The bible says to flee from temptation. Your husband needs to find a new job IMHO... or that girl needs to realise she's runing a family and leave.

Your husband has some hard choices to make to save the crashing disaster of a marriage he made... I will pray that he'll wise up quickly and get himself away from this woman. They should NOT communicate at all.

my .02

(and of course prayer)

Carina