How to select a marriage partner

[Forealzchola]

If you have a few young men who are interested in you as it relates to marriage...how do you figure out which one God has for you?

 

[sharjoy2011]

you pray and follow your heart, you'll just know

 

[quietpraiyze]

I'm not really of the school that believes God picks your mate. I think the Holy Spirit leads and guides but He doesn't choose for us.

In saying that I would think you would start with 1st things 1st. If somebody isn't saved that is an automatic disqualifyer. You cannot marry an unbeliever.

What is the character, integrity, and daily lifestyle of each individual as it concerns God and others? I'm not talking about going to "church". I'm talking about who is the person really? on the street? What is his reputation around the way? What do you really know about each of them and their families? What is their vision and personal goals?

When you close your eyes and think of each of them what is the 1st thing you feel emotionally, spiritually, physically?

Who are you most compatible with?

Which one makes you feel safe?

Do you have a "list"? You know...the kind of man you want to marry. Does any of the young men come close?

These are just some questions I was thinking. I don't know...you're the one who is going to have to do the choosing. I always think patience is your friend concerning getting married. I would say take your time, pay attention, and enjoy the ride. Remember just because someone doesn't prove to be a match for you doesn't make them a bad person. They just weren't for you. May the Lord bless you in your search as well as selection.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Not to sound cliche but you will know the right one. You will not see any issues with them, any imperfections won't matter because you will see them as perfect for you!

The first time I fell in love I thought like that but it wasn't until 3 relationships alter I realized I always had a few issues with the girls I was with but sort of ignored it depsite hte fact it shoudl have been proof they weren't for me.

Now with my fiance currently there are NO issues, not even small ones. I've prayed for months, fasted....etc and just know shes for me.

 

[Johnnz]

Its largely up to you. See what you can identify about what you would want in a husband, get to know guys socially, if someone appeals in some way develop things about further. Do all that encased in trusting prayer. if something dos really develop,. then a prayer of committal to God, wise counsel from mature people who know you well, preferably both of you, and if you don't get a divine unease, its your call.

I love the title of this book and its contents too!

Just Do Something: How to Make a Decision Without Dreams, Visions, Fleeces, Open Doors, Ransom Bible Verses, Casting Lots, Liver Shivers, Writing in the Sky etc Kevin De Young​

John
NZ



John
NZ

 

[BFine]

If you have a few young men who are interested in you as it relates to marriage...how do you figure out which one God has for you?

*Seriously, if you have a few guys pursuing you for marriage
and you can't select one of them based upon what you
are looking for in a Christian husband... keep searching.

Scriptures for you to consider as you seek the one who is suitable
for you as a help-mate/help-meet(spouse).
Amos 3:3
Ephesians 5:1-2
Romans 12:9-16
Micah 6:8
1 John 2: 16
1 Corinthians 5:11
2 Thessalonians 3:10
Romans 16:17
2 Corinthians 6:14
1 John 3:16-18
I Thessalonians 4:1-8
Song of Solomon 2:7
Titus 2: 1-8

 

[BridgeAcrossCultures]

Although I am not yet married, I believe God plays a very important role in bringing people together and if I marry, I know whom.

Personally, I do not believe in the idea of us searching and "selecting" a partner based on their qualities or deficiencies. That would be a bit like recruiting, job-hunting, or even shopping Why? Because it is like a competition for the best, for a "winner".
Furthermore, there will always be someone better, and even the "winner" will change every now and then, as people change all the time!

Rather, I believe that it is the events that lead us together, the time and activities spent together, the union and love for a person that develop, that will eventually lead to marriage with a person.

I hope we are not anymore in the times where 10 "candidates" propose to marry and we must chose the winner and eliminate the losers... (I know that in some cultures/religions it still is like that!)

If I were in your situation, I would find out whom I love through time and actions together. And be open because it may also very well be that the "right one" doesn't even show you right from the beginning.

 

[Humble Pie]

Rather, I believe that it is the events that lead us together, the time and activities spent together, the union and love for a person that develop, that will eventually lead to marriage with a person.

 

[JoeyArnold]

Instead of picking, choose to get to know them better while actively pursuing God's will for your life in loving others: I'm betting that the right man will be on the same path that you are on. In other words, don't change your course just so that you can get a man. Stay focus & stay patience on the path that you're destined to take. Don't wait up for the guys. Don't follow them. It may take several years before you find out which guy is going the same direction in life that you are.

 

[JoeyArnold]

Sometimes the best thing you can do is the complete opposite. Instead of asking yourself which one is the right one, you could abandon those thoughts all together in order to dedicate yourself into become the best future wife that you can become because the right man will most likely & eventually find a way to get to your heart without your need to compensate. In other words, don't rush the process, & the closer you are to living for God the easier it gets in picking the right mate. But mates are developed over time & eventually it just works & falls together because God designed it to work that way. Be very patient but also be very active in running after Christ, your First Love.

 

[BridgeAcrossCultures]

I thought I'd leave it... but then had a phone call from an old friend, and thought I'd actually share it. While it is not frequent in society, I personally believe that love is not necessarily limited to two people who must "match" each other.

It can be between two individuals on entirely different paths, doing entirely different things in life, but still they can somehow nurture each other and love each other.

An extreme idea of "match" I am quite sad about, which they even promote on some TV shows for teenagers, is "sexual compatibility". If one person has a higher drive than another, then they should not love each other... How sad! >.<
And I have also heard horrible things such as people should have the same level of physical attractiveness on a scale of social standards (i.e. if everyone considers you geeky, you shouldn't be with someone who is considered extremely hot). I have abandoned such ideas while I was a teenager.

All in all, it may just be that the more two people have in common, the more they are predisposed to understand each other automatically, solve problems more easily, cooperate rather than diverge - however, a relationship can be enriched also by diversity and addition of things unknown to each other!

Is it better if both like opera and go to a performance every weekend, if both like traveling and go to a new place every weekend, or to alternate between opera and travel?
Just a simplification of many things, but I personally prefer diversity.

 

[JoeyArnold]

It can be between two individuals on entirely different paths.

All in all, it may just be that the more two people have in common, the more they are predisposed to understand each other automatically, solve problems more easily, cooperate rather than diverge - however:

A relationship can be enriched also by diversity and addition of things unknown to each other.

Connection occurs less on the physical level, even if you two are on the same literal path:

Because it is more the spiritual alignment that matters more. In others words, to me, being on the same path means choosing to share your live with your soul-mate: a spiritual path is less carved in stone, a paved road, & more a journey of self-discovery & mate-discovery, where you choose to go wherever the relationship takes you two at the spiritual level: well, that is as long as you don't compromise your original destiny at the physical level of the path God wants you to take in loving others.

We are all one body but many members: so if you're an eye & you marry an ear then of course you guys won't be the same or be on the same physical path but you can still choose to share in the experience with each other just like Batman & Robin does.

Compatibility is developed, not discovered: love is a choice, a journey: not a feeling or a designation (yet).

 

[BridgeAcrossCultures]

Compatibility is developed, not discovered: love is a choice, a journey: not a feeling or a designation (yet).

Yes, I can relate with this as well.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Compatibility is developed, not discovered: love is a choice, a journey: not a feeling or a designation (yet).

I've told my fiance that we are molded by God. So since I knows shes the one, then it means God has molded us both so that we would meet at the right time just when we needed love the most. God knew all this before we were even in our mothers womb.

 

[Sailor_A]

If you have a few young men who are interested in you as it relates to marriage...how do you figure out which one God has for you?

Well I'm married so hopefully my advice will be of some help.

I'd say first live your life, continue praying to God and consulting him first but living your life is the most important thing. You want a mate who will go on your journey with you.

Secondly be a good Christian friend, get to know these guys who may find you have nothing in common with any of them so before considering them as a possible mate consider them as possible friends.

Thirdly be practical. There is a saying that opposites attract but do not always work. I'd say find someone with similar goals as you.

 

[parsley]

*Seriously, if you have a few guys pursuing you for marriage
and you can't select one of them based upon what you
are looking for in a Christian husband... keep searching.

I am skeptical of the fact that several men think they know you well enough to marry you. To some men, marriage is like ownership and if they secure the prize, they have won that round. Others might think it's better to marry a Christian woman fast for celibacy issues. Others might just say what they think you want to hear.

When a man has said that to me too early in a relationship, I immediately conclude they have no clue what marriage means, and no clue who I am.

You've had some serious relationships, so maybe these were established friends from the past... people you concluded were not right for you. Oppressor, moocher, the one who brought a thief into your house... you have already assessed these relationships and found them more harm than good. Don't welcome them back even if they say they've been pining and can't eat or enjoy life without you.

After the initial glow of the decision, marriage is very normal. It becomes your daily life. You move through a house with the person, moan over property taxes going up, clean up dog fur from the pet you hadn't planned to get, buy food you wouldn't eat because they want it, debate over how balanced holiday hours are, yield to them spending money on odd hobbies... this becomes your life.

Who would be a sensible and trustworthy roommate? Who spends money wisely, that you trust to share expenses with? Who would raise your children the way you'd want? Look beyond the adoration and find someone you respect, who honestly respects you. You create your future by the decisions you make.

Does each man really know you, or just see you as the beautiful woman that must be captured before someone else gets her?

 

[Hospes]

If you have a few young men who are interested in you as it relates to marriage...how do you figure out which one God has for you?

If I had a daughter, I'd tell her to look for a man, not an adolescent that shaves. There seems to be a trend for males to not grow up, i.e. not readily step up and take on God-given responsibilities. Peter Pan is fun to date, but he'll get old when he can't do well in a job, can't provide for you and your children, won't forego nights out with the boys, waste time on video games, etc.

 

[JoeyArnold]

You could secretly run away & the lucky man who accidentally finds you years later will win the prize of being your wife.

 

[parsley]

You could secretly run away & the lucky man who accidentally finds you years later will win the prize of being your wife.

Is that like Rumplestiltskin or something?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

From my expierience listening to men talk, most men "fall in love" with you for other reasons. Most men have told me when talking about their "loved one" that they think that person is beautiful. Some even admit they just say anything so they can marry you for sex. They often think because your married you are their property so thats all that matters.

Sex shouldn't even be an issue when it comes to finding someone. Me and my fiance don't talk about sex. Sure it will be nice when married but we love each other for many reasons, the most being we both believe the other is godly and God fearing.