My middle child seems to be determined to make my life and my husband's completely unbearable. He is rude, disrespectful and we as yet have not found a way to discipline him since he became a teenager.He uses profanity constantly and my husband told me he found pornography on his computer some of it even self made involving himself and another boy. Furthermore he stays out late and pays no attention when we ground him. He has confessed to us that he is a homosexual and that he no longer wishes to be a Christian. His father and I do try to talk to him. We took his computer and most of his technological equipment away as a result of this incident but instead of showing remorse he is more violent and angry towards us. I'm worried his behavior will effect my other children. Honestly I'm waiting for the day he is old enough to move out of our house.
We have brought up all three children as Christians in what we hoped has been a loving and strict home. If any of you have dealt with teenagers maybe you could offer some suggestions.
I think you need to decide between 'loving' and 'strict'. If you go with the former, you may get your son back. If you stick with the latter, then you certainly won't.
Your choice, really.
Meanwhile, if you took my PC away I would be angry too. In other words, he is behaving perfectly normally in rebelling, and sadly so are you in trying to put the lid on that rebellion. It can't be done. Try to recognise that a teen is not a child, and cannot be controlled in the same way as a 5 year old.
Your son is growing up; give him the space to do so, or else you will lose him. Middle children find life harder than older or younger siblings; try to give him a bit more understanding.
I have a teenage daughter, we are very close and we have a superb relationship. There are very few rules in my house. The main one is, treat me with respect and you get the same. The next is, no crossing boundaries. In other words, I don't read my d's diary, phone messages, computer history or letters etc, and she doesn't read mine. She gets a lock on her door, and we both knock before entering one another's room.
With that kind of mutual respect in place there is no need for strictness, to be honest. She has never let me down, never betrayed my trust and never disappointed me. There is no reason for her to do so, and no petty rules to rebel against. I would suggest you sit down with your son and ask him to help you work out a way to have this same kind of situation, where the rules apply to
everyone equally. Simply waiting for him to move out is not the answer; imo that is rather a disgrace, to be honest.
In relation to the computer content, I would advise pointing out the potential illegality of having explicit teen porn on his computer, and that it is not a good idea. After that, tell him that the computer must be clean of illegal porn as long as he stays in your house (ie the same rule as everyone else has), but that you will trust him to make sure it is (ie treat him as responsible and trustworthy). And then stop looking at his computer to try to check up on him.
And ignore the profanity; he is using that to get your attention. If you stop noticing it, then he will stop using it. Try to catch him doing something right for a change, and see what happens.
Either you can build a relationship of trust or else you can't. If you can't, then what have you been doing all his life? As I said above, your choice.