How do I find the desire to be a christian?

[Skyblue98]

Right now It feels incredibly difficult for me to follow god even when I most need to. Probably a month ago, I had felt a strong pull towards god. I felt like I was changing. I was reading the bible and praying and I felt like I wanted to be by god's side always. It was like someone had been praying for me at that time. I think I just had the desire to read the bible and talk to god on my own.

I've been struggling with some dark spirtual things. I get anxious about my future. I wonder whether or not my life Is going to change. When I was younger, I got on disability for bipolar disorder. I was 11 when I fell and hit my head on a propane tank. After that, my whole life changed. I seemed to becone more timid whereas before, I had gotten bullied that same year, I was becoming incredibly extroverted and popular.

After that accident and everything that transpired, I became noticeably different and the bullying I had experienced in that school seemed to follow me everywhere, including the church I recently got invited to by my counselor who was a good friend and christian.

That was when I was 24, I'm 25, but anyway, I'm always looking to the future. Worried about whether or not I'll ever be able to work again. My life feels over, honestly. I always think I will never work and will never actually move off of my parent's property. I live there, just in their rv. I almost feel embarassed because when I was a young child and teenager, I was incredibly smart. My dad told me he thought I would be a doctor or scientist and life just didn't turn out that way.

What really proved to me that god exists was how It seemed like he was always listening to my prayers. Not for cars or expensive things, but for answers to questions I had. Though in recent weeks, It seems I've lost all desire to pray and spend time with god.

What really scared me was hearing demonic laughter one night before going to sleep. Rather, as I was going to sleep, but I wasn't even in a hypnagogic state. I was more awake.

Also, I started going back to youtube tarot readings just to feel secure or to know something that made me feel more secure about my future, but after all the experiences I had with this evil, you'd think I'd turn away and never come back.

I guess, I need help with this somehow. To let all of this new age and paranormal stuff go. I was a huge fan of the paranormal and when I get bored, I watch it. I have a problem with boredom too. It's when I'm bored that I go to these things.

 

[Sabertooth]

How do I find the desire to be a christian?

Do you recognize your fallen, unclean state and/or your flesh's natural tendency toward that state?
Do you want Jesus to wash you (and re-wash you) as necessary??

Start there.

Pray, read your Bible & go to Church, so He can begin to change your mind.

Barry McGuire: Brainwashed

 

[timf]

Becoming a Christian is less about what you can make happen than a result of letting go. There is a story used to describe faith.

A man was setting up an attraction at Niagara Falls. He had stretched a rope across the falls and was going to cross pushing a wheelbarrow. One man watching him set up was asked if he believed he could do it. The man said he did. The the man who was setting up then asked him if he would ride in the wheelbarrow.

In a way this differentiates belief from faith. Faith is trusting. When we can trust that Jesus died for our sins and rose again, we are placed into the body of Christ (1Cor 15:1-4). This allows us to have the power of God in us so that we can be transformed and transition from walking in the flesh to walking by the Spirit (Gal 5)

This also allows us to take more control over our imagination. For example, thoughts about the occult can be less menacing and more like a science fiction story.

If you still deal with bipolar, you may be interested in a documentary with Steven Fry about bipolar. In it towards the end he interviews a woman doctor in England who has it and she discovered that taking Omega 3 from fish oil was helpful enough for her to be able to return to work.

 

[Sabertooth]

When we lived in Florissant, we went to church at Hallelujah House in Maryland Heights.

 

[Clare73]

Right now It feels incredibly difficult for me to follow god even when I most need to. Probably a month ago, I had felt a strong pull towards god. I felt like I was changing. I was reading the bible and praying and I felt like I wanted to be by god's side always. It was like someone had been praying for me at that time. I think I just had the desire to read the bible and talk to god on my own.

I've been struggling with some dark spirtual things. I get anxious about my future. I wonder whether or not my life Is going to change. When I was younger, I got on disability for bipolar disorder. I was 11 when I fell and hit my head on a propane tank. After that, my whole life changed. I seemed to becone more timid whereas before, I had gotten bullied that same year, I was becoming incredibly extroverted and popular.

After that accident and everything that transpired, I became noticeably different and the bullying I had experienced in that school seemed to follow me everywhere, including the church I recently got invited to by my counselor who was a good friend and christian.

That was when I was 24, I'm 25, but anyway, I'm always looking to the future. Worried about whether or not I'll ever be able to work again. My life feels over, honestly. I always think I will never work and will never actually move off of my parent's property. I live there, just in their rv. I almost feel embarassed because when I was a young child and teenager, I was incredibly smart. My dad told me he thought I would be a doctor or scientist and life just didn't turn out that way.

What really proved to me that god exists was how It seemed like he was always listening to my prayers. Not for cars or expensive things, but for answers to questions I had. Though in recent weeks, It seems I've lost all desire to pray and spend time with god.

What really scared me was hearing demonic laughter one night before going to sleep. Rather, as I was going to sleep, but I wasn't even in a hypnagogic state. I was more awake.

Also, I started going back to youtube tarot readings just to feel secure or to know something that made me feel more secure about my future, but after all the experiences I had with this evil, you'd think I'd turn away and never come back.

I guess, I need help with this somehow. To let all of this new age and paranormal stuff go. I was a huge fan of the paranormal and when I get bored, I watch it. I have a problem with boredom too. It's when I'm bored that I go to these things.

Stay on your meds.

 

[Sabertooth]

If there is mental illness on-board, go to a church that is good at dealing with them.

The Church & Mental Illness...

These USA churches are good at dealing with mental illnesses (such as schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc.), Vineyard, Assembly of God, Foursquare Church (Links above are locators.) They are present in other countries, as well...

www.christianforums.com

 

[Skyblue98]

If there is mental illness on-board, go to a church that is good at dealing with them.

The Church & Mental Illness...

These USA churches are good at dealing with mental illnesses (such as schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc.), Vineyard, Assembly of God, Foursquare Church (Links above are locators.) They are present in other countries, as well...

www.christianforums.com

That's really cool! I've never heard of thede!

 

[Lost Witness]

The enemy of your soul doesn't want you getting into the word and spending time with the Lord be it in his word or in prayer.
That's most likely the reason why you are struggling to get into the word or to pray.
Your being attacked.
I'd also renounce all occult ties as tarot is witchcraft or divination? I'm not exactly sure I can tell you it's something the Lord doesn't want any of us being involved in.

So my suggestion is, you might not what to get into the word or pray, but that's when you need to most.
We're to deny ourselves and if our flesh or the enemy says no.. that should give you reason to do it all the more

 

[Lukaris]

What motivates my faith is basic prayer for my own salvation & well being and that of my neighbor. I pray the Lord’s commandments ( Matthew 22:36-40), then golden rule ( Matthew 7:12), for evangelism ( Matthew 9:36-38) and they the Lord’s Prayer ( Matthew 6:9-13 ). I pray in other ways but this is my overall outlook for my faith and prayer.

It seems like your physical situation is difficult and there is no strict requirement as to how long we are to pray. A few minutes or however long one wants to pray it is our heart we put into it for ourselves and people in general ( see 1 Timothy 2:1-6).

Personally, I still struggle with my sins but prayer for myself and others helps me work out my salvation despite myself ( Philippians 2:12),

 

[Sabertooth]

How do I find the desire to be a christian?

Another song that is relevant to this topic,...

Love God, Hate Sin; Mylon LeFevre & Broken Heart (1987)

 

[BobRyan]

Right now It feels incredibly difficult for me to follow god even when I most need to. Probably a month ago, I had felt a strong pull towards god. I felt like I was changing. I was reading the bible and praying and I felt like I wanted to be by god's side always. It was like someone had been praying for me at that time. I think I just had the desire to read the bible and talk to god on my own.

I've been struggling with some dark spirtual things. I get anxious about my future. I wonder whether or not my life Is going to change. When I was younger, I got on disability for bipolar disorder. I was 11 when I fell and hit my head on a propane tank. After that, my whole life changed. I seemed to becone more timid whereas before, I had gotten bullied that same year, I was becoming incredibly extroverted and popular.

After that accident and everything that transpired, I became noticeably different and the bullying I had experienced in that school seemed to follow me everywhere, including the church I recently got invited to by my counselor who was a good friend and christian.

That was when I was 24, I'm 25, but anyway, I'm always looking to the future. Worried about whether or not I'll ever be able to work again. My life feels over, honestly. I always think I will never work and will never actually move off of my parent's property. I live there, just in their rv. I almost feel embarassed because when I was a young child and teenager, I was incredibly smart. My dad told me he thought I would be a doctor or scientist and life just didn't turn out that way.

choose life.

When I was three years old - I was run over by a drunk driver as I walked down the middle of the road. That was lights out. He did not even see in time to hit his breaks. Needless to say I am still here due to many answered prayers.

What really proved to me that god exists was how It seemed like he was always listening to my prayers. Not for cars or expensive things, but for answers to questions I had. Though in recent weeks, It seems I've lost all desire to pray and spend time with god.

What really scared me was hearing demonic laughter one night before going to sleep. Rather, as I was going to sleep, but I wasn't even in a hypnagogic state. I was more awake.

Also, I started going back to youtube tarot readings just to feel secure or to know something that made me feel more secure

Go into the lion's den -- you get the lion.

Choose life. Be very careful what you allow your eyes to see, ears to hear, mouth to speak.

Do not open doors to your enemy.

you said " I was a huge fan of the paranormal and when I get bored, I watch it. I have a problem with boredom too. It's when I'm bored that I go to these things."

Real life is more amazing than fiction.

For example :

The Story of Redemption — Ellen G. White Writings

m.egwwritings.org

The Story of Redemption

m.egwwritings.org

 

[Jermayn]

What type of work to you envision yourself doing? What career would you be most happy in?

What do you think is different between last month when you feel God was answering your prayers and now?

What is it about tarot reading and the paranormal that makes it so desirable to you?

Is there anything else that interests you that could replace tarot reading and the paranormal when you are bored? Something more aligned with Christian values?