How can I forgive my cheating husband??

[isaiah5213]

tnc,

i have been praying that we would find out what happened, that we would get an update...

i am sorry that this is the update...when he confessed it, was it because you caught him again?? at something?? still hiding?? still trying to only expose what he had to?? or was it because he couldn't take the sin anymore?

i will continue to pray that this be a godly sorrow he has, so that he will never do this again, and so that he will really see his wrong, and make sure to end this relationship for real, if it is not ended already...

i will also pray for your hurt and pain... really realize here, that this is grief you are feeling and this is really normal, for what you have been thru... of course you are sickened! of course you haven't eaten! your husband humiliated you, embarrassed you, lied, deceived you, manipulated you, your children, yours & his families, his job, etc etc etc to get what he wanted, out of selfishness, and immaturity. you expect to have to deal w/all this lying and sneakiness and running around w/children. because they--especially teenagers-- will do that, and you are told they will do that... and you can discipline your children...and it hurts, but you see the sin for what it is.. a child's selfishness and immaturity... but when an adult does it?? your spouse???? ohh, that really really hurts. and especially like here, when you kept confronting and kept confronting, and he lied and he lied and he lied, till you had proof.. oops, well... and oops, uh...

i know when our children do it, we feel betrayed, and disappointed, and the discipline is so much more firmer, because they kept trying to lie, even when they knew they were caught!! and our children sound so convincing, and they sound so... real about it, and we want to believe them, but we look at the facts, and we feel even more sicker, because w/out these facts, we know we would have believed our children... aaaahhhhhh!!!! but we can discipline them.. we know we are in the right. we know there is nothing we did, that excuses the lying, deceit, manipulativeness, etc etc etc...

the world, again i say, teaches us that we married people did something to egg it, when spouses cheat.. don't ever believe that, tnc.. you two have a long road to walk... because of his initial sin, of lack of godly sorrow here, the hole is way way deeper then it needed to be.. for the sake of your marriage, and your family, and your relationship w/God, please please please keep praying that the truth continue to be revealed--that your husband be godly convicted to change, not worldly so.. that he do what it takes to stop the nasty circle he has made for himself... that if he is godly convicted, that God reveal it to you so completely and clearly, and if worldly, that not only that God reveal it to you, but that you be strong, and courageous, and do what God needs you to do to pull that man out of satan's fire--& push him into God's fire, to burn out that selfishness and immaturity! sigh.. i sound like a charismatic evangelist, and i am sorry...

i feel hurt that he hurt you like this.. i feel hurt at the distrust, the anger, the bitterness, and the rage you have had to go thru these past several months, because he refused to admit his wrongs!!!! uuurrrggghhh!!!

lol! i wanna say: tell me where you guys live, & i will come over, & i will push him into God's fire for ya!!! lol!!! sigh.

again, i am sorry tnc.. i will be praying all these things for you...

really, your rage must be so overwhelming for you right now!!! God is really taking care of you...it doesn't feel like it, it doesn't look like it, but he really is.. and i am sure you are angry at God for letting this happen, too... i know i would be... but God loves you.. think how much he does, and thank you God, that it is revealed before worse things could happen!!

 

[NitrousInfected]

first thing you do is hit your knees and pray that God will give you peace on this matter, and that he will put forgiveness in your heart for your husband.

 

[heartnsoul]

Have you tried to temporarily "separate" from your husband? Divorce should be a last option if "adultery" hasn't been committed yet. Lust is not good, however, it's not a grounds for a divorce. You owe to yourself, your marriage, and God, to at least go to counseling (like others have mentioned already) and try to rebuild the trust that has been severely violated.

I think you are too close to the fire, so to speak, to see things objectively and clearly. You owe it to yourself to separate from your husband temporarily so you can pray, focus and gain a better perspective of the situation. Trust is paramount in a marriage...well, for that matter, in ANY relationship. When that trust is violated, it severely negatively impacts the relationship. You have every right to feel betrayed, hurt, and untrusting of your husband. Trust is earned. If your husband has failed to earn your trust, then he needs to bear the burden to regain your trust. It's a two-way street. Women aren't put on earth to be martyrs nor are women suppose to just nonchalantly forgive and forget. Humans don't work that way. Humans just can't turn their emotions off and on like a light switch. Honor your feelings, accept your anger and cry it all out to God when you pray. Let God know your feelings and ask God to help give you wisdom and strength.

During this time of separation between you & your husband, it could be a test. Let that separation time be a time for healing for yourself, counseling for both of you, and see if your husband has made any significant changes in his behaviors. Time will be the test. You can't rush things. It didn't take 3 days for the relationship to deteriorate, so it won't take 3 days to heal either. Give it time. Definitely separate and let God work things out in time. I believe God values marriages. However, God gives us all free will. So your husband has a choice of whether he will honor God's will or honor his own. It's your husband's choice and whatever he decides, you will know how to proceed from there. Don't be too hard on yourself about forgiveness. Give your heart a chance to heal. Everything in time... Be patient with yourself. In time, forgiveness will come.

So, pray, cry it out, let God know how you feel. Separate from your husband, and let time pass. God is so powerful if we let Him in our lives and let Him work his miracles. If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, God will have another plan for you. When one door closes, another one opens. Never lose faith. Trust in Him with all your heart. I will keep you in my prayers. Remember, God loves you!!

 

[FranklinNoble]

You missed the part where she found out that he HAD committed adultery.

I'm not encouraging her to divorce. However, I do think she would be Biblically justified in doing so.

 

[bliz]

TNC -

How are you doing? Are you eating? Have you rethought antidepression medication? How are you sleeping?

You need to take care of yourself and stay in good physical condition. I would encourage you to try the Zoloft. All healing is from God - by medicine, surgery or direct interaction of God, no healing takes place except as God wishes. You are going through a very tough time. No medicine will change that. You are going to have to walk through the deep, dark forest. But you don't have to do it with a broken leg.

If you cannot eat and sleep and heal with your husband in the house, ask him to move out as you continue counseling and continue to see him and work on the relationship. Seperation does not equal divorce. But if you continue to deteriorate, you will not be able to think clearly.

 

[heartnsoul]

TNC,

I'm sorry. I didn't know you your husband already confessed that he did commit adultery. I just read your most recent thread about that. Well, I guess I need to retract my last post on this. Since he has committed adultery, it is definitely more serious than what I originally thought.

First I would like to say I am so sorry to hear that. At least he gets an "A" for finally confessing, but he gets an "F" for failure to meet the commitments of a Christian husband. I would still suggest that you go to counseling for yourself, continue to pray for healing, and still maybe temporarily separate from your husband. I still believe you need to clear your head and gain perspective of the situation before you consider a divorce. If it were me, I would definitely pursue divorce because trust has been violated and like I said in my previous post, trust is the foundation for any relationship.

Give yourself time to grieve, rage, and get all your emotions out. Embrace all of your emotions and let God in your heart to begin healing. I believe everything happens for a reason and there are always lessons to be learned from every situation, whether it's bad or good. So, take this as yet another lesson learned on your spiritual journey. Just as your husband will (I hope!) learn and grow from this experience, I am sure you will also learn and grow from this experience. Some of my greatest lessons learned were from growing pains. They are so painful!! Anyway, I know in my heart that given time, you will one day step back from all of this and see things from a new perspective. As the dust settles, your mind clears, heart begins healing, you will one day come out of the trees, see the forest for what it is, and walk away thanking God for drawing you closer to God. I will keep you in my prayers. Thinking of you...

 

[isaiah5213]

i was looking back over this post, and i was reading what i typed also, and i need to put a disclaimer!

tnc,

please forgive me! i am not threatening you nor your husband! i have no intentions of going to anyone's house and setting them on fire! i pray that you didn't take it that way!

i know sometimes, you might be too afraid to be angry for the hurt you have. sometimes we Christian women distort the scriptures, and we think that anger is bad bad bad, or that if we weren't angry, then the hurt would go away. or we are not used to deep deep anger, and the feeling scares us. i only wanted to type that it is justified..

i want to tell you that i believe in the both of you. i believe that God will change and heal your marriage. i believe that your husband will be convicted, and will do whatever it takes to make sure that he doesn't hurt his family anymore, when it comes to another woman. i believe that God will give you a heart of forgiveness, w/no more bitterness, nor rage, but peace and joy in you...

again, forgive me, please! if i had the chance and opportunity to come over, i would pray with you and cry with you! i will not push anyone into a fire! lol! rueful laugh is here....