Hello, I'm new seeking Christian advice

[BlondeMom93]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in disappointing God?

I am living with my son's dad out of wedlock, I have been with him for 6 years. I have already repented for the acts, but I feel my son is a gift at the same time. (Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, jeramiah 1:5)
My partner wants me sexually, I always repent. At times I feel like we should just get married so I don't feel guilty. So I don't keep sinning, so I can be a real good Christian and feel I have a secure place in heaven. The problem is sometimes we fight and then I'm glad I didn't rush, he's been abusive in these past but not for a year after our son was born and I think I'm turning him to christ. But what if I regret marrying him? Then I'll be stuck in the marriage with probably no grounds for a biblical divorce. I know he won't cheat on me, He never has. I don't know if I should marry him to please God before my time ends or if I would be rushing to be stuck in a worse biblical predicament.

 

[Albion]

Hi, and welcome!

From a moral point of view, is 'living in sin' more acceptable to God than a divorce?

There are acceptable grounds for some divorces but none that I know of when it comes to an ongoing sexual relationship coupled with a conscious decision not to marry.

We welcome your question and want to help, but the issue I'm referring to jumped out to me in bold fashion as I read your post. It does look like there is reason for you to reassess the entirely of your situation rather than simply addressing one troubling part of it.

 

[spiritfilledjm]

Welcome!

There are plenty of questions to ask yourself. Such as, do you even want to marry this man? Is it something that you want or are you just doing it to please your religious convictions? If you don't want to then you should break it off now and move, or have him move.

 

[BobRyan]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in disappointing God?

I am living with my son's dad out of wedlock, I have been with him for 6 years. I have already repented for the acts, but I feel my son is a gift at the same time. (Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, jeramiah 1:5)
My partner wants me sexually, I always repent. At times I feel like we should just get married so I don't feel guilty. So I don't keep sinning, so I can be a real good Christian and feel I have a secure place in heaven. The problem is sometimes we fight and then I'm glad I didn't rush, he's been abusive in these past but not for a year after our son was born and I think I'm turning him to christ. But what if I regret marrying him? Then I'll be stuck in the marriage with probably no grounds for a biblical divorce. I know he won't cheat on me, He never has. I don't know if I should rush into marriage to please God before jesus comes or if I would be rushing to be stuck in a worse biblical predicament.

Do what you know is right today and let God take care of tomorrow. Let your husband know that you love him and want to marry him - and that you're trusting God that your husband will not return to being abusive. Get into a church fellowship and ask for prayers in support of your marriage.

BTW - if his abusive behavior is related to alcohol or drugs he needs to show love for you by getting some professional help. Even if it is not related to drugs he needs to find out what his anger management issue is - if he feels he must hit someone small and weaker than he is to make his point, because that will eventually extend to hitting your children if he just lets it go.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

What is "common law" in your state in this regard? If you have lived as man and wife for several years the state can consider you legally married. Of course the Christian marriage is bound by God, not the state.

 

[Albion]

What is "common law" in your state in this regard? If you have lived as man and wife for several years the state can consider you legally married.

If the couple has a record of having represented themselves in public as being married, that is.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

If the couple has a record of having represented themselves in public as being married, that is.

In the case of "palimony" suits the state may confer certain rights and obligations even if there was no pretense of marriage by the couple. Actually few today 'pretend' to be married, as living together out of wedlock is generally accepted by society.

 

[rturner76]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in disappointing God?

I am living with my son's dad out of wedlock, I have been with him for 6 years. I have already repented for the acts, but I feel my son is a gift at the same time. (Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, jeramiah 1:5)
My partner wants me sexually, I always repent. At times I feel like we should just get married so I don't feel guilty. So I don't keep sinning, so I can be a real good Christian and feel I have a secure place in heaven. The problem is sometimes we fight and then I'm glad I didn't rush, he's been abusive in these past but not for a year after our son was born and I think I'm turning him to christ. But what if I regret marrying him? Then I'll be stuck in the marriage with probably no grounds for a biblical divorce. I know he won't cheat on me, He never has. I don't know if I should marry him to please God before my time ends or if I would be rushing to be stuck in a worse biblical predicament.

If you have a good relationship with a Pastor or elder at your church, you can talk with them about your apprehension to this marriage. You need to address what is stopping you and not ignore it.

The abuse issue is a red flag but if it has ceased since the birth of your child, there is a chance he will keep respecting the mother of his child. I don't know him so I don't know how likely he is to abuse again. Seriously consider that issue and know your husband is your protector. If you don't see him as fulfilling that role, think about your options.

I don't feel right advising you other than listen to your own inner voice. If you don't feel safe, that is detrimental to your relationship. A good wife is submissive but a good husband respects loves and protects his wife. You need that for you and your child. At the same time some people stay together for the kids and take whatever comes.

A lot for you to think about. I don't envy your position

 

[Albion]

In the case of "palimony" suits the state may confer certain rights and obligations even if there was no pretense of marriage by the couple. Actually few today 'pretend' to be married, as living together out of wedlock is generally accepted by society.

That's true, but "palimony" is a matter of someone having incurred a financial obligation. That's something separate from whether or not a 'living together' arrangement will be recognized in law as a marriage.

Most states have by now given them up, although the idea is still in people's minds.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in disappointing God?

I am living with my son's dad out of wedlock, I have been with him for 6 years. I have already repented for the acts, but I feel my son is a gift at the same time. (Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, jeramiah 1:5)
My partner wants me sexually, I always repent. At times I feel like we should just get married so I don't feel guilty. So I don't keep sinning, so I can be a real good Christian and feel I have a secure place in heaven. The problem is sometimes we fight and then I'm glad I didn't rush, he's been abusive in these past but not for a year after our son was born and I think I'm turning him to christ. But what if I regret marrying him? Then I'll be stuck in the marriage with probably no grounds for a biblical divorce. I know he won't cheat on me, He never has. I don't know if I should marry him to please God before my time ends or if I would be rushing to be stuck in a worse biblical predicament.

Hi, Welcome to the forum in Jesus name, it is a great place to be to talk through problems and receive prayer support.

 

[Element432]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in disappointing God?

If you feel you are disappointing God, then have FAITH in God to show you the right path.
Go into your room, be still, "Surrender Yourself" to The Father, Son and Holy Spirit and pray to God to show you the way.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in disappointing God?

I am living with my son's dad out of wedlock, I have been with him for 6 years. I have already repented for the acts, but I feel my son is a gift at the same time. (Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, jeramiah 1:5)
My partner wants me sexually, I always repent. At times I feel like we should just get married so I don't feel guilty. So I don't keep sinning, so I can be a real good Christian and feel I have a secure place in heaven. The problem is sometimes we fight and then I'm glad I didn't rush, he's been abusive in these past but not for a year after our son was born and I think I'm turning him to christ. But what if I regret marrying him? Then I'll be stuck in the marriage with probably no grounds for a biblical divorce. I know he won't cheat on me, He never has. I don't know if I should marry him to please God before my time ends or if I would be rushing to be stuck in a worse biblical predicament.

Welcome! I have been with the same man for 20 years, unmarried. Then about 5 years ago, I repented. This actually means, changing your mind. It does not mean seeking forgiveness over and over, this is not repenting. So now, I am in a celibate relationship, going on now for 5 years. He wont leave me and he still has not married me. So what is a girl to do? STAY CELIBATE. There is no way I would go back to the sinful act of fornication.

Your love for Jesus Christ of Nazareth has to be more than your love for sex. Be blessed.

 

[Sabertooth]

Hello & welcome @BlondeMom93.

The issues in the OP are probably too complex to be resolved on-line, by strangers
--though you are certainly welcome here.
They can be dealt with better by an effective, local home church who can get to know you & your family (such as it is).
Do you have such a church?

 

[William J]

So I don't keep sinning, so I can be a real good Christian and feel I have a secure place in heaven.

Please remember that we should obey God's commands because we love God, not to try to earn a place in Heaven. You cannot deserve Heaven by doing lots of good deeds or being sexually chaste. If you believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for your sins, you have a secure place in Heaven.

 

[dqhall]

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in disappointing God?

I am living with my son's dad out of wedlock, I have been with him for 6 years. I have already repented for the acts, but I feel my son is a gift at the same time. (Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, jeramiah 1:5)
My partner wants me sexually, I always repent. At times I feel like we should just get married so I don't feel guilty. So I don't keep sinning, so I can be a real good Christian and feel I have a secure place in heaven. The problem is sometimes we fight and then I'm glad I didn't rush, he's been abusive in these past but not for a year after our son was born and I think I'm turning him to christ. But what if I regret marrying him? Then I'll be stuck in the marriage with probably no grounds for a biblical divorce. I know he won't cheat on me, He never has. I don't know if I should marry him to please God before my time ends or if I would be rushing to be stuck in a worse biblical predicament.

Years ago I dated a widow who married an older man and helped raise their children. She quit a job to stay home while he went to work. He died of an aneurism while driving to work. He was retirement age. She told me she would get Social Security widow’s benefits from the years he worked when and if she reached a certain age and remained unmarried until she was eligible. If she and her husband had remained unmarried living together, it would be less potential support for her. She was his wife. She inherited their house and retirement funds. She had two daughters at home and several children fully grown. They had adopted one daughter from a foreign land. I got sick and needed surgery. She found someone else to date.

 

[Freth]

Welcome to the forums!

• Even one incident of abuse is reason enough to end the relationship.
• Getting married will not keep your partner from bringing sin into your life. It will be an ongoing issue, because he does not share your faith.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

Hi and welcome here.

 

[dqhall]

Welcome to the forums!

• Even one incident of abuse is reason enough to end the relationship.
• Getting married will not keep your partner from bringing sin into your life. It will be an ongoing issue, because he does not share your faith.

In times past, when a couple had a child out of wedlock, there may have been family pressure towards the couple marrying. In present times the father may be court ordered to pay child support, even if he had no intention of marrying her. They have DNA paternity tests available to prove who the responsible individual is.

 

[Freth]

In times past, when a couple had a child out of wedlock, there may have been family pressure towards the couple marrying. In present times the father may be court ordered to pay child support, even if he had no intention of marrying her. They have DNA paternity tests available to prove who the responsible individual is.

Are you sure you quoted the right post? My post mentioned nothing about having a child out of wedlock.

 

[Deade]

Hello BlondeMom, welcome to CF.
I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

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