Q
Quoth
Guest
This is part of what will hopefully be a series of "spiritual studies". They are not exactly Bible studies, since they don't go verse-by-verse through any portion of Scripture, but they are my personal insights on my walk with the Lord and the music I'm into. While this is certainly not something every Christian can or should get into, I often "find God" (that is, His principles and precepts) in secular music that was not necessarily intended to comment on God. If any of you can gain edification from these insights, I am encouraged in that, and it is for that reason I'm posting these.
Original Song: Numb (String Quartet Tribute)
Original Artist: Linkin Park
Biblical Inspiration: Romans 7
Original Song: Numb (String Quartet Tribute)
Original Artist: Linkin Park
Biblical Inspiration: Romans 7
In my teenage years, I often found inspiration in music, as I still do. Very rarely would I listen to a song I liked and not picture myself in some sort of music video atmosphere while the song played. In this particular song, I pictured myself standing in front of a mirror, as the "real me" stared into the eyes of the "me in the mirror". The "mirror-me" would be singing and moving, full of fervent emotion, trying to drive the point home to the "real me".
Romans 7 mentions Paul's struggle with his two natures: the one that wills to do good, but is made spiritually impotent by his sinful nature, and the sinful nature that wills to do evil, but is frustrated by the successes of the spiritual nature.
I often struggle with doubts concerning my salvation, because--so very often--my sinful nature controls me for a season, and in the sway of the world, I find it at times nearly impossible to do good. In this way, I grow tired of being what my sinful nature wants me to be, as I feel faithless and "lost under the surface" of my outward man.
At this point, I sometimes can picture my parents aside the "real me", but not in the image in the mirror. That is where I can say, "I don't know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes". One thing my family seems very big on is the idea of tradition and expectation. While I love my family, I also have very little in common with them, because I see no point in tradition when God is the one who dictates where I go in life--or at least, He should dictate it if I let Him.
All of this turmoil initiates a response within my "passively rebellious" nature, and instead of lashing out at people physically, I often shut down. My parents have even noticed this, especially my dad. This leads to me being numb. Unfortunately, in being numb, I often turn to God and say, "I can't feel You there". I grow so tired, but in my weariness, I pause and become much more aware of where I'm at, what I need to do, and where I need to go. The final thrust of all of it is that I desire to be an individual, not caught up in traditions and in lists of right and wrong, but rather, less like "the real me" and more like the pure individual in the mirror.
The second verse is a verse I dedicate to my parents, in love, but also in frustration. I dearly want them to see that all of the traditions and expectations are overwhelming, and I can see it's because my parents want me to succeed--on their terms. They have an idea that a certain job, education, and lifestyle are successful, and they have my best interests in mind, but they want to control me--at least subconsciously.
Unfortunately for all involved, God's idea, my idea, and my parents' idea of success are rarely the same. While I know that God gives me the desires of my heart if I follow His will, I wish to succeed in those, and yet, I'm caught in the undertow of wanting to honor my parents and "obey them in the Lord (for this is right)".
Finally, there comes the realization that with the risk of success, there is the risk of failure. I know that in "strutting my stuff" to become who God wants me to be and who I want to be, I will fail on some level in the eyes of my parents or in the eyes of others who care for me. Yet, I realize they have also failed others in their lifetime, and that is the common ground from which I have love for them.
Where all of this leads me is to the point that while we struggle with our sinful nature, we will fail. We will, at times, fail God. If we succeed in God's eyes, we will fail in the eyes of others, including those who love us, but none of that matters. Nevertheless, to fail our loved ones hurts them and it hurts us. This song is largely a song that I take hope from, because it reminds me that--while there is pain--there is a reward to be expected from God for doing well.
Romans 7 mentions Paul's struggle with his two natures: the one that wills to do good, but is made spiritually impotent by his sinful nature, and the sinful nature that wills to do evil, but is frustrated by the successes of the spiritual nature.
I often struggle with doubts concerning my salvation, because--so very often--my sinful nature controls me for a season, and in the sway of the world, I find it at times nearly impossible to do good. In this way, I grow tired of being what my sinful nature wants me to be, as I feel faithless and "lost under the surface" of my outward man.
At this point, I sometimes can picture my parents aside the "real me", but not in the image in the mirror. That is where I can say, "I don't know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes". One thing my family seems very big on is the idea of tradition and expectation. While I love my family, I also have very little in common with them, because I see no point in tradition when God is the one who dictates where I go in life--or at least, He should dictate it if I let Him.
All of this turmoil initiates a response within my "passively rebellious" nature, and instead of lashing out at people physically, I often shut down. My parents have even noticed this, especially my dad. This leads to me being numb. Unfortunately, in being numb, I often turn to God and say, "I can't feel You there". I grow so tired, but in my weariness, I pause and become much more aware of where I'm at, what I need to do, and where I need to go. The final thrust of all of it is that I desire to be an individual, not caught up in traditions and in lists of right and wrong, but rather, less like "the real me" and more like the pure individual in the mirror.
The second verse is a verse I dedicate to my parents, in love, but also in frustration. I dearly want them to see that all of the traditions and expectations are overwhelming, and I can see it's because my parents want me to succeed--on their terms. They have an idea that a certain job, education, and lifestyle are successful, and they have my best interests in mind, but they want to control me--at least subconsciously.
Unfortunately for all involved, God's idea, my idea, and my parents' idea of success are rarely the same. While I know that God gives me the desires of my heart if I follow His will, I wish to succeed in those, and yet, I'm caught in the undertow of wanting to honor my parents and "obey them in the Lord (for this is right)".
Finally, there comes the realization that with the risk of success, there is the risk of failure. I know that in "strutting my stuff" to become who God wants me to be and who I want to be, I will fail on some level in the eyes of my parents or in the eyes of others who care for me. Yet, I realize they have also failed others in their lifetime, and that is the common ground from which I have love for them.
Where all of this leads me is to the point that while we struggle with our sinful nature, we will fail. We will, at times, fail God. If we succeed in God's eyes, we will fail in the eyes of others, including those who love us, but none of that matters. Nevertheless, to fail our loved ones hurts them and it hurts us. This song is largely a song that I take hope from, because it reminds me that--while there is pain--there is a reward to be expected from God for doing well.
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