Feelings for someone else while married

[Holiday]

I need help. I have feelings for someone at work (mostly that schoolgirl crush type feelings) and I wish it would just stop or go away. Isn't suppose to be a sin to even think of adultrey? Part of me knows that is it human to have these feelings and that it is not a big deal but on the other hand I would be crushed if my husband felt this way about another woman. Also there is nothing wrong with our marriage, this crush doesn't make me like my husband less. If anything the love for my husband has really grown the last maybe 6 months. Just when I think I love him more than I ever have the feelings just get stronger. What would you do?

 

[GreenPartyVoter]

It's normal to have these feelings. Eventually the will die off. Just keep nurturing your marriage, and make sure that your marriage is nurturing you.

Is this work person intriguing because:

He's something different?

He offers something that hubby does not? (Perhaps a similar taste in music or politics)


I wouldn't recommend mentioning this to hubby, unless you are certain that you both want to spend the rest of your lives admitting your crushes to each other. If you can both withstand that, then my hat is off to you.

Otherwise, chalk it up to normal life, and ride it out. And pay extra attention to your marriage. Just go do something, fun and silly and romantic, just for the heck of it.

 

[seebs]

GPV's advice is good.

 

[Chartreuse]

I get crushes occasionally. Maybe I'm just old and jaded, but I just find myself thinking, "Huh, neat, a crush. Guess I'm not dead yet."

There's a concept one of my friends invented in high school which I still find amusing (and rather useful): the Courtesy Crush. This is when someone is just so cool that of course you have to crush on them, but you have absolutely no intention of doing anything about it. I'll admit this to people's faces: "I love your artwork and you're such a snappy dresser -- Courtesy Crush!"

I don't think admiring someone and getting the occasional schoolgirl swoons is committing adultery in your heart. Fantasizing about them and scheming how you could get with them, that could be a problem. Doesn't sound like you're doing anything of the sort, though.

 

[mark53]

I need help. I have feelings for someone at work (mostly that schoolgirl crush type feelings) and I wish it would just stop or go away. Isn't suppose to be a sin to even think of adultrey? Part of me knows that is it human to have these feelings and that it is not a big deal but on the other hand I would be crushed if my husband felt this way about another woman. Also there is nothing wrong with our marriage, this crush doesn't make me like my husband less. If anything the love for my husband has really grown the last maybe 6 months. Just when I think I love him more than I ever have the feelings just get stronger. What would you do?

What type of feelings are you getting?
Sometimes we have feelings of warmth, caring, brotherly/sisterly love, feelings that remind us of someone else now gone, etc.
Is there an issue form the past that these feelings are trying to bring to the surface?

Just a few thoughts. I hope they may help.

 

[Sitswithamouse]

I have to agree with others on this.
We are all human and are prone to our feelings at times.
If I had a chocolate muffin for everytime I got an attractive feeling to someone, I wouldn't be able to get out of my front door.
As long as you don't act on it then you should be okay. If this bothers you why not ask God for guidance in helping you determine your feelings for this person and ask if he can help you deal with them.
If you have a loving relationship with your hubby then concentrating on your relationship with him can help you prioritize your feelings.

I hope you work this out and sorry I couldn't be of more help on this.

 

[Dee235]

GPV's advice is good.

I also think GPV's advice is good. Once heard a sermon about why people can end up being unfaithful, and the Pastor said that there could be an area of your life that is not being fulfilled in your marriage and the other person fulfills it. Maybe you should see if this is your case, and somehow address the matter with your husband.

Firstly, I think that you are aware of it is a good thing, but I would say that maybe you should try not to think too much about it. What we fill our minds with are the things that can become important to us.

A suggestion would be to maybe make time to have dates with your husband again. A couple in our home group have started doing this. I think for them they need it as they have two young children, but it may be what you need.

Lastly, remember this is only advice and you should perhaps seek the Lord and His guidance. You have to do what is right for your situation and only you can make that decision, because you are the one that will have to live with the consequences.

I pray that the Lord will guide and lead you, that temptation will be removed, that the feelings will disappear. May the Lord bless you and your marriage and strenghten it.

 

[Willo]

The problem with saying that "Its natural to have those feelings" is this:

1) It is natural for man to lie
2) It is natural for man to covert
3) It is natural for man to put things before God
4) It is natural for people to be rebllious.

Basically, natural feeling dictates that it is ok to sin, as it comes naturally.

The Bible says, that having lustful thoughts is the same as adultery (Matt 5:28)

We need to put off the old flesh, and put on the Lord Jesus Christ, its a standard of Holiness. It is something that you need to take to God in prayer, and if you have had lustful thoughts towards this person, you need to repent.

God Bless

Willo

 

[seebs]

You must distinguish between desire and action. It is natural to experience attraction. Sin comes in how you deal with the attraction that comes with having a mortal body. The attraction itself is neither faith nor sin, but simply physics.

 

[RedTulipMom]

I need help. I have feelings for someone at work (mostly that schoolgirl crush type feelings) and I wish it would just stop or go away. Isn't suppose to be a sin to even think of adultrey? Part of me knows that is it human to have these feelings and that it is not a big deal but on the other hand I would be crushed if my husband felt this way about another woman. Also there is nothing wrong with our marriage, this crush doesn't make me like my husband less. If anything the love for my husband has really grown the last maybe 6 months. Just when I think I love him more than I ever have the feelings just get stronger. What would you do?

i would say it is normal to have feelings like this. However, don't dwell on them or think about them. Don't make them bigger than they are. Try NOT to think about this other man. thought gives birth to sin. Be careful. Right now your ok, but keep thinking on this man and you may be sorry! Give these feelings to God. Ask him to take away these feelings. Concentrate on your dh and think about him!! God bless.
karen

 

[CSMR]

In Willo's referenced verses Jesus does distinguish desire and action and calls the desire sin. Jesus does not believe that sin is a matter of choice. Sin is a fundamental flaw of humanity, and precedes choice.

Mat 5:27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

This is normal; it is also sin.

 

[seebs]

Jesus does not call desire sin. He calls indulgence in desire sin.

Not all desire is lust.

The concept of lust as a sin is a term of art. It's like "pride". Thinking you did something well is not a sin, even though we call it pride. Many words for sins have this property.