Robert, I don't know what you have been taught, but it sure sounds like someone has really messed you up, for you are relying too much on you saving yourself instead of allowing Christ to save you, and after we become saved, our walk is as growing up in the flesh, the Bible speaks of those babes on milk, and of others on meat, you are letting some feed you meat, and they are choking you by doing so. when we try to save ourselves and keep ourselves saved it is hard, actually the Bible says it is impossible. But with God all things are possible. Romans 10 says if we believe with our Heart that God hath raised Jesus from the dead and confess with our mouth that He is Lord, this is not to confess all our sins, if we had to confess all ours sins some of us would still be confessing when He cames back. this says to confess Him, Jesus as Lord. if we have confessed Him as Lord, then the Bible says that whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved, but to call upon the name of the Lord again doesn't mean we call to Him, but UPON him, this means we humble ourselves and realize that we Need Him as Lord of our Life. and then our faith insures that He has saved us as He has promised, He would. now as our walk matures in this new relationship with Our Heavenly Father, we grow closer to Him each and every day, even though to us some days it may seem like we slip a step or two in the wrong direction. It is our faith in Him that gets us back on the right track. this is one error that I also see in faith + works = salvation. if we start off as babes in Christ, how much work can a baby do, nothing until they learn to crawl or even walk in Christ, as Babes we have to rely on Christ to do eveything for us, to keep us clean, to clean us up when we mess up, to move us from one place to another as He would have us to be, as babes we need Christ for everything, but even as adults some never muture up to the fact that we even need God as adult christians, we need God for that breath of life. so some never learn that without God giving us that breath, than we still can't do anything with out Him. My friend your salvation needs alot more Jesus and Him Crucified for you and a whole lot less religion.
John 3:17-18
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
KJV