Hi,
My name is Anthony. While I am not sure if this is exactly the same I can try to relate and see if it helps.
Thank
I also was very spiritual. Then I also received urgent messages of needing to repent and the phrase "Have faith in me" but it felt like he meant that I WASN'T HAVING FAITH in Him and that I NEEDED to repent and start having faith, which I didn't understand fully at the time. I would ask repent from what and "dont I already have faith"? But then anxiety and my gut would just grip me and i lost my peace, so much so that I went into the hospital. I was fine at the hospital until I heard the phrase, "you have committed the unforgivable sin" then I panicked all over trying to see if I could get my salvation back. I was so sure I heard that phrase and it scared me silly.
I was admitted to the hospital, diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and drugged up pretty heavily. It still didn't take away any of my pseudo-'logical ' fears about falling away and the unforgivable sin.
Also, about demonic influences and the laughing sounds of demons, I had something similar where parts of my face would grin at ungodly things all of a sudden after I thought I had committed the unforgivable sin. It felt like the Holy Spirit left me and because he wasn't protecting anymore, I felt like demons were entering me or attacking me or controlling me. Even at night sometimes then my face would contort and my teeth would automatically be gnashing its teeth. As if they were saying to me that I would be in hell where there would always be this gnashing of teeth.
It was HORRIBLE what I went through. Federal court ordered that I have to take medications or the police could lock me in cuffs back to the hospital where they would force me to take medication or stay in hospital indefinitely. Very dark time in my life.
I used to pray and ask God did I commit the unforgivable sin? No answer that I could tell. Silence. I also used to be afraid that God could not hear my prayers, because of the Bible verse that says, "God hears not sinners." So I thought because of all my sins God didn't hear me. At least, I just didn't know.
Now the good news:
A friend prayed for me and told me that if I was hungry for God, come to this workshop. Of course I snatched his offer up really quick because i was STARVING for God.
At this workshop they preached that the supernatural miracles are in scripture, and have not passed away yet. As in, they are available to all Christian's today still. I looked in 1 Corinthians chapter 12 and saw that it was true. So I asked for it.
They led me to the back of the facility and laid their hands on me and prayed that i be baptized in the Holy Spirit (apparently its scripturally different than just a water baptism).
Then I spoke in tongues and then later I heard a gentle warm voice quote a bible verse to me like "as a deer long for streams of water so does my heart long for you o God", then i saw a vision of words written with pure light write and the voice read, "I KNOW ANTHONY WHAT YOU WANT TO TELL ME"
Those words were so accurate and powerful that I broke down in tears because God heard me. He heard me and knew what I wanted to tell him, and he even knew that I wanted to tell him that I longed for him. I finally heard an audible voice of the Holy Spirit and from then on, my life was forever changed.
The Holy Spirit is telling me now that he also knows that you long for him also and he is preparing to heal you and speak to you again and prove his Spirit is within you still.
And believe me, he proved to me that I was authentically hearing the true Holy Spirit by showing me miracles after miracles. I used to be blinded like Paul and mute also for a season, but God healed me supernaturally. The Holy Spirit also proved his words to me by ministering healing through me in Jesus name. Since that first encounter, I have prayed and people with acute and chronic pain, pre-liver failure , psoriasis, cancer, and other diseases have been healed completely in Jesus name.
These glory miracles are miracles that only the Holy Spirit can do. And so with much love and gentleness and much proof, he has assured me that I consistently hear from the HOLY Spirit now. And even now, its confirmed with the Word of God and many miracles.
I now walk in the office of a prophet (technically speaking) to encourage others in the church but I still have lots to learn.
I say this to encourage you that you have much hope and blessing still.
Regarding falling away or some kind of unforgivable sin, you have never and WILL NEVER commit these bad things, God wont let it even be possible for you to commit these things because he will supernaturally protect you.
Give it some time, and he will restore you. The Holy Spirit is still inside you, so dont worry. He's just been quiet sometimes to increase your hunger and thirst for righteousness. Almost like a spiritual fast to recharge you.
"You will also see miracles to prove God is still with you" -- Thus saith the Lord.
These things are what the Holy Spirit showed to say to you. I hope you are encouraged. You have nothing to worry about.
Let me know if you need any more help or would like to question me about my experiences.
I am also hosting this workshop about hearing God audibly. If you are hungry for God, and want to cultivate this blessing of hearing the Holy Spirit, we go over scripture, and witness testimonies so that people have a nice foundation scripturally. Then we do exercises that help you hear from the Holy Spirit better.
Let me know if this interests you.
Blessings and Peace be unto you.
