Did The Holy Spirit Depart From Me??

[KPhillips]

SO. Here's the situation that I just can't seem to put my finger on and I wondered it the Holy Spirit departed from me (& I Pray NOT!):

I was in church when I had offenses with leadership and things in the children's ministry. I felt the Lord say repent and trust Him, I don't have to be Holy Spirit. I asked the Lord to show me in the scriptures of what He was saying in regards to this situation. I believe He showed me Matt. 18 in regards to woe to the one to whom offenses come, and don't be a stumbling block to these little ones who believe in Me.

I was hurt about the situation and looking for answers so I talked to others inside and outside of the church for advice, but I realized later that that was a form of gossip and my leaders weren't there to speak for themselves. (it was messy, I made mistakes). I wasn't trying to slander, I was just hurt and didn't understand.

In 3 sermons my pastor preached, each sermon the children's ministry was mentioned and I felt that the Lord was speaking to me. During that time, I was reading a book called Submission and Authority by Watchman Nee and it talked about how Miriam had a problem with Moses (though he was younger, Moses was God's "deputy authority" over her and Aaron). Miriam had a problem with who Moses was going to marry and God heard. Although Moses wasn't offended, God was, and God called all three and instead of getting onto Moses about his decision, God reprimanded Miriam and she was excluded for 7 days with leprosy. I felt like Miriam during that time of offense and stepping out of the children's ministry.

From there I repented, apologized to leadership, forgave, and rejoined the children's ministry and put my "convictions" and offenses away and just trust God and let Him take care of things. From there life was amazing! Soon after, God used me in amazing ways and my relationship with Him was growing so much stronger.

WELL! One day I felt pretty cocky of myself and said outloud that no devil in hell can stop me. From there I felt something in the spirit realm say, "Oh really??" From there I felt intently watched, and I things all around me got out of control. Work was hectic, I would be exhuasted when I woke up, and I just didn't take the time to really just sit and pray things through, because I could tell I was under attack and being set up.

One day I felt something alarming in my body saying "You need to go pray RIGHT NOW!" I ran to my room and surprisingly prayed, "Lord, don't take Your Spirit from me" like King David from Ps. 51. From there I was fine. Then one day I felt like the Lord or an angel of the Lord say, "I beseech you!!" I realized that beseech means an urgent request. I asked, "What?" didn't hear anything, didn't take the time to press in and pray about it. So continued on my day and prayed a general prayer, "Nothing formed against shall prosper, no plans of the enemy shall work against me in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth." From there, I went about my day.

HERE'S THE TURNING POINT:
One day at work soon after the encounter of "I beseech you!!", I felt intently watch by an army of demons outside of my classroom window as I was changing diapers as a toddler teacher. I immediately felt that alarming feeling in my body again saying, "You need to go pray RIGHT NOW!" I couldn't run out of the classroom, I felt awkward praying outloud, and I thought management would take too long to excuse me for a restroom break if I called up front, so I mummered under my breath the same prayer previously mentioned.. Soon after I was hit with all thoughts, old convictions, and just rehashed the past to where I was just circling over and over again in my mind. From there it felt like my thoughts dropped to my heart and from my heart it seemed set in place. Immediately it felt like the glory cloud and my anointing was stripped and the atmosphere changed. I literally said out loud, "Really, God!?!"

FROM THERE MY WHOLE LIFE CHANGED:
My eyes changed, light was dimmed in my vision, my mind was set on a spinning wheel that I didn't know how to stop. From there I was double minded. I wanted to just re-repent like before, but it seemed like I couldn't find repentance (but I PRAY that's not the case!!- I'm still seeking). I asked to talk with leadership, but instead of repenting I started just rehashing the past with them, and the conversation was not what I had wanted, and I was surprised as to what was coming out of my mouth. Instead of saying to them, "Hey! I rehashed the past of old offenses and convictions and it feels like the Holy Spirit left me, and I'm scared and I'm sorry, What should I do?"- I basically just went over where I felt like I was right, where I felt like I needed to get things off of my chest to talk about when I was offended for them to see my point of view...it was messy- not like me in Christ...
My church still showed me grace and allowed me to serve and just keep moving forward, to be honest and stay connected.

Eventually, I would hear cracking noises in my mind when I would try to go to sleep like someone was trying to break in. I would wake up feeling different, spiritually naked, and unprotected. I would pray and it felt like my prayers were just bouncing off of the ceiling. Not too alarming, but I was definitely concerned when I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling like life itself was being sucked out of me and I would pray, "Please God, give me your Spirit back!! I'm sorry! Please give me another chance!" I'm freaking out at this point, because inwardly something was off and I was rebuke, bind, and take authority over demonic attacks and demonic spirits trying to invade me...

Over time, I lost memories, I lost my appetite and lost around 10lbs in one week. My countenance changed, my speech no longer seemed to produce life and I felt more worldly. My spirit longer felt like it was in heavenly places (again, I PRAY that's not the case!!). I would pray, sing, repent, confess sins, cry out, attend church, read my bible, talk with healthy Christians, everything I could think of- but things just didn't seem to get any better which is very abnormal...

People would tell me things such as: you're being chastened, you're going through a testing period, you're in the wilderness right now, you just need to trust God, you're just looking for someone to fix you, God doesn't take the Holy Spirit away from you- it's you who walked away from God, this isn't an unforgiveable sin, because you want God shows proof that you have the Holy Spirit, you were triggered and are experiencing emotional PTSD and all the trauma that you may haven't dealt with is coming up and what you used before to cope and deal with isn't helping anymore and your body is manifesting itself and it's trying to surface, you have anxiety that's just causing this pain, etc..

Now, I'm not saying they are wrong, but no one could explain why I was experiencing so much torment, blockage, and pain...every time I told my story and explained how it would feel like something was trying to take my soul from my body, it would hurt to fall asleep like something was pulling at my heart like a riptide affect right when I was going unconscious to fall asleep and my heart would wake me up like I'm in crisis mode to fight off death itself, I would feel empty and desolate inside like I'm hollow, how when someone would pray for me in Holy Spirit tongues (which is normally very edifying for me) because uncomfortable for me where it felt like I was on fire, tingling all over my body and my face and uncontrollably contorting my fingers, and how my heart would feel literal pain inside and felt numb- like I couldn't emotionally connect with myself or others (I wasn't able to produce the fruit of the spirit nor operate in my gifting of spiritual discernment), and started to have major depression and panic attacks almost every single day. The anti depressant and anti panic attack medication along with Christian counseling and a program from Christian Lifestyles Coaching just seemed to not help. I also did blood work, a heart scan, an EKG scan to see how I'm physically doing- nope, just a healthy 25 year old, no problems physically--however, I felt like I needed a spiritual ER!!

My church gently told me to find another church, because what I believe was said to me was I was confused and causing divination which is a form of witchcraft & my thoughts are- rebellion. They didn't explain to me what exactly they meant by divination and I know they prayed for me for a week long and that they hear from the Lord.

ALL of this happened in a matter of about 3 months!!!! I've been waking up now wondering am I still saved? Will I wake up tomorrow morning? What more can I do? Is there still hope for me? Even an evangelist named John Ramirez prayed over me (whom which I know hears from the Lord and Holy Spirit in him read my "mail" 2 years ago about things I've never told him before)- and in May this past year when he visited my church he prayed over me, "Eviction notice and fire". I don't know what that means & I didn't think to ask him at the time to see what he meant when he prayed that, but that really scares me. Either evicting a demon in me and fire of purification of the Holy Spirit or I'm evicted (which I was from my church and now also my job because of the severity of my condition) and fire like burn in hell (which I PRAY NOT!!!!).


Long story short, I feel like I'm on borrowed time and I just don't know what else to do. If there is ANYONE out there that knows or experienced EXACTLY or near to exactly what I'm talking about, PLEEAASSEEE inbox me, Please let me know how you are- I'm seeking hope.


Thank you!

 

[ripple the car]

Lots of feelings in here.

So, our feelings may or may not be of God. Generally, they're not. They're just feelings.

I think you could indeed be struggling with an emotional health issue, which you are confusing with the Holy Spirit. Sometimes the Enemy can confuse us with counterfeit convictions, thoughts, voices, and promptings, too.

Prayers, brother. Hopefully some folks in here can offer more concrete advice. I would think about taking time away from church, spending time with God in prayer and with the Bible, and unplugging from the spiritual culture you've been involved in.

 

[KPhillips]

Lots of feelings in here.

So, our feelings may or may not be of God. Generally, they're not. They're just feelings.

I think you could indeed be struggling with an emotional health issue, which you are confusing with the Holy Spirit. Sometimes the Enemy can confuse us with counterfeit convictions, thoughts, voices, and promptings, too.

Prayers, brother. Hopefully some folks in here can offer more concrete advice. I would think about taking time away from church, spending time with God in prayer and with the Bible, and unplugging from the spiritual culture you've been involved in.

Thank you for your Insight, I've also been told that it's just an emotional thing. Have you experienced what I had posted? (also, I'm a girl )

 

[KPhillips]

Thank you for your Insight, I've also been told that it's just an emotional thing. Have you experienced what I had posted? (also, I'm a girl )

I'm sorry if I sounded rude, I dont mean to be- just really looking for those that have gone through what I'm talking about

 

[ripple the car]

Thank you for your Insight, I've also been told that it's just an emotional thing. Have you experienced what I had posted? (also, I'm a girl )

Oh, whoops, sorry!

I haven't experienced this phenomenon as intensely but I *have* been deeply mislead by my feelings on theological issues, which caused a lot of spiritual stunting, frustration, confusion, anger, counter-growth, and tiredness. It is very, very easy to mistake our thoughts and feelings, compulsions, habits, and worries for God's prompting.

Don't worry so much about your feelings. God is God. Let Him guide you. Maybe focus less on the Holy Spirit as you've understood Him, and more on following Christ.

 

[friend of]

In short, we don't fully comprehend why God allows some of us, who have nothing but strong intentions to follow and glorify Him, to undergo this season of mental/spiritual suffering. But there is always a purpose to what God allows and we must hang on to that. These attacks may come as the result of grand feelings of self-sufficiency that we may be prone to after being under the Lord's care for so long. This reminds us of our need of Him.

It sounds like you're undergoing spiritual attack. Remember that the Lord will never leave you nor forsake you and that His great work has been accomplished against the forces of darkness. Your soul rests in His finished work, which has destroyed the powers of sin and death. Continue to rebuke spirits that sow doubt and confusion and fear. Remember that you are His child and He loves you more than a human parent can love you. Spiritual attacks may leave you feeling helpless, but remember that they cannot harm you. Read Romans 8 (especially the end of it) nothing can separate you from God's love. Continue to pray and seek His will for your life. Continue to find a congregation that will help you and build you up spiritually. If that means finding a different church with more experienced pastors that may be better equipped to handle spiritual warfare, so be it. Maybe find another Christian counselor. Remember that you are special and worth it!

Message me anytime.

Love,

 

[Bobber]

SO. Here's the situation that I just can't seem to put my finger on and I wondered it the Holy Spirit departed from me (& I Pray NOT!):

I was in church when I had offenses with leadership and things in the children's ministry. I felt the Lord say repent and trust Him, I don't have to be Holy Spirit. I asked the Lord to show me in the scriptures of what He was saying in regards to this situation. I believe He showed me Matt. 18 in regards to woe to the one to whom offenses come, and don't be a stumbling block to these little ones who believe in Me.

I was hurt about the situation and looking for answers so I talked to others inside and outside of the church for advice, but I realized later that that was a form of gossip and my leaders weren't there to speak for themselves. (it was messy, I made mistakes). I wasn't trying to slander, I was just hurt and didn't understand.

In 3 sermons my pastor preached, each sermon the children's ministry was mentioned and I felt that the Lord was speaking to me. During that time, I was reading a book called Submission and Authority by Watchman Nee and it talked about how Miriam had a problem with Moses (though he was younger, Moses was God's "deputy authority" over her and Aaron). Miriam had a problem with who Moses was going to marry and God heard. Although Moses wasn't offended, God was, and God called all three and instead of getting onto Moses about his decision, God reprimanded Miriam and she was excluded for 7 days with leprosy. I felt like Miriam during that time of offense and stepping out of the children's ministry.

From there I repented, apologized to leadership, forgave, and rejoined the children's ministry and put my "convictions" and offenses away and just trust God and let Him take care of things. From there life was amazing! Soon after, God used me in amazing ways and my relationship with Him was growing so much stronger.

Well through those first 4 paragraphs you did everything right. You repented and apologized and you felt the Lord restored you. So not sure why you mentioned all this.

WELL! One day I felt pretty cocky of myself and said outloud that no devil in hell can stop me. From there I felt something in the spirit realm say, "Oh really??"

And I would have answered, "YES REALLY! And I'm speaking about from my position in Christ Jesus who gave me authority over ALL of the power of the enemy. I have the Name of Jesus and every demon force is under my feet. (one must however live a life in fellowship with God in praise and worship on a daily basis and if you've drifted from that God is more than willing to draw near to you and bring you into the place of victory)And what I mean by that you have the victory now, legally being In Christ but I'm talking about the manifested victory.

From there I felt intently watched, and I things all around me got out of control.

And you do know don't you that ALL Christians are being watched from the spirit realm? Good spirits meaning Good Angels plus Satanic forces too. That will never change for any of us not until we leave this world. But don't focus on the negative aspect. If you're going to talk about the spirit realm don't just talk about the dark side BUT put the focus on the LIGHT side. Mediate and declare all the scriptures about the good angels of God which surround you and will bring you God's help. Psalms 91:11, Gen 19:1, Gen 32:1, Ps 68:17, Lk 15:10, & Matt 4:11 and many others.

Work was hectic, I would be exhuasted when I woke up, and I just didn't take the time to really just sit and pray things through, because I could tell I was under attack and being set up.

Why wouldn't that have been the time to pray than? But whatever. You can't change the past. What you do now going forward is the thing that makes the difference.

One day I felt something alarming in my body saying "You need to go pray RIGHT NOW!" I ran to my room and surprisingly prayed, "Lord, don't take Your Spirit from me" like King David from Ps. 51. From there I was fine. Then one day I felt like the Lord or an angel of the Lord say, "I beseech you!!" I realized that beseech means an urgent request. I asked, "What?" didn't hear anything, didn't take the time to press in and pray about it.

No, no, no, no, no! I'm not denying you heard such a thing what I exhort you is NOT TO BELIEVE such a thing was from God. God doesn't come on the scene and make a very vague unclear statement and leave you hanging! Why would he? That would lead to mere confusion and your loving, heavenly Father loves you too much to do something like that.

From there it felt like my thoughts dropped to my heart and from my heart it seemed set in place. Immediately it felt like the glory cloud and my anointing was stripped and the atmosphere changed. I literally said out loud, "Really, God!?!"

If you're insinuating God left you not true. He isn't looking for a way to throw his children out of his family but longs to see them strengthened and if needed to be restored that as well.

I wanted to just re-repent like before, but it seemed like I couldn't find repentance (but I PRAY that's not the case!!- I'm still seeking).

But repent from what? You haven't told us anything you need to repent of? And as long as you hold on to a concept that you can't "find repentance" look if you're sincere in your writing you've always left the impression that if you've done something displeasing to the Lord you're sorry for it. Well what else do you think the Lord wants from you? That's it my friend. If you confess your sins he's faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you but you must side in with that and do it boldly and don't side in with spirit of condemnation which did not come from God.

I asked to talk with leadership, but instead of repenting I started just rehashing the past with them,

Again repenting of what? You don't offer any clarity to your statements?

Long story short, I feel like I'm on borrowed time and I just don't know what else to do. If there is ANYONE out there that knows or experienced EXACTLY or near to exactly what I'm talking about, PLEEAASSEEE inbox me,

Yeah well I fell into that through the first 4 years of my Christians experience. Always seeking to get the victory, always pleading for it always this and always that.....I always would hope that someday a breakthrough would happen....that light would pierce my darkness. God did however seek to get across to me the how to walk in victory but I refused to listen. Finally did though. Many scriptural truths I gleaned but one crucial one.

Stop trying to get into a room that I already was IN. Meaning we have the victory in Christ (the victory room) and that's how he's made us In Christ. You don't have to try to get into something you're already IN! You see that's the deception of the devil. Make you think you've got to get something you've already got. Now to see it manifested one has to having done all to stand keep standing declaring that truth, and yes I'd mix in with that praise and worship to God and the feeding of his word into one's spirit. How long does one have to do that? Forever! But to know the past tense of the victory you have in Christ is most important.

 

[KPhillips]

Well through those first 4 paragraphs you did everything right. You repented and apologized and you felt the Lord restored you. So not sure why you mentioned all this.



And I would have answered, "YES REALLY! And I'm speaking about from my position in Christ Jesus who gave me authority over ALL of the power of the enemy. I have the Name of Jesus and every demon force is under my feet. (one must however live a life in fellowship with God in praise and worship on a daily basis and if you've drifted from that God is more than willing to draw near to you and bring you into the place of victory)And what I mean by that you have the victory now, legally being In Christ but I'm talking about the manifested victory.



And you do know don't you that ALL Christians are being watched from the spirit realm? Good spirits meaning Good Angels plus Satanic forces too. That will never change for any of us not until we leave this world. But don't focus on the negative aspect. If you're going to talk about the spirit realm don't just talk about the dark side BUT put the focus on the LIGHT side. Mediate and declare all the scriptures about the good angels of God which surround you and will bring you God's help. Psalms 91:11, Gen 19:1, Gen 32:1, Ps 68:17, Lk 15:10, & Matt 4:11 and many others.




Why wouldn't that have been the time to pray than? But whatever. You can't change the past. What you do now going forward is the thing that makes the difference.



No, no, no, no, no! I'm not denying you heard such a thing what I exhort you is NOT TO BELIEVE such a thing was from God. God doesn't come on the scene and make a very vague unclear statement and leave you hanging! Why would he? That would lead to mere confusion and your loving, heavenly Father loves you too much to do something like that.



If you're insinuating God left you not true. He isn't looking for a way to throw his children out of his family but longs to see them strengthened and if needed to be restored that as well.



But repent from what? You haven't told us anything you need to repent of? And as long as you hold on to a concept that you can't "find repentance" look if you're sincere in your writing you've always left the impression that if you've done something displeasing to the Lord you're sorry for it. Well what else do you think the Lord wants from you? That's it my friend. If you confess your sins he's faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you but you must side in with that and do it boldly and don't side in with spirit of condemnation which did not come from God.




Again repenting of what? You don't offer any clarity to your statements?



Yeah well I fell into that through the first 4 years of my Christians experience. Always seeking to get the victory, always pleading for it always this and always that.....I always would hope that someday a breakthrough would happen....that light would pierce my darkness. God did however seek to get across to me the how to walk in victory but I refused to listen. Finally did though. Many scriptural truths I gleaned but one crucial one.

Stop trying to get into a room that I already was IN. Meaning we have the victory in Christ (the victory room) and that's how he's made us In Christ. You don't have to try to get into something you're already IN! You see that's the deception of the devil. Make you think you've got to get something you've already got. Now to see it manifested one has to having done all to stand keep standing declaring that truth, and yes I'd mix in with that praise and worship to God and the feeding of his word into one's spirit. How long does one have to do that? Forever! But to know the past tense of the victory you have in Christ is most important.

Thank you for you input-

 

[Aussie Pete]

SO. Here's the situation that I just can't seem to put my finger on and I wondered it the Holy Spirit departed from me (& I Pray NOT!):

I was in church when I had offenses with leadership and things in the children's ministry. I felt the Lord say repent and trust Him, I don't have to be Holy Spirit. I asked the Lord to show me in the scriptures of what He was saying in regards to this situation. I believe He showed me Matt. 18 in regards to woe to the one to whom offenses come, and don't be a stumbling block to these little ones who believe in Me.

I was hurt about the situation and looking for answers so I talked to others inside and outside of the church for advice, but I realized later that that was a form of gossip and my leaders weren't there to speak for themselves. (it was messy, I made mistakes). I wasn't trying to slander, I was just hurt and didn't understand.

In 3 sermons my pastor preached, each sermon the children's ministry was mentioned and I felt that the Lord was speaking to me. During that time, I was reading a book called Submission and Authority by Watchman Nee and it talked about how Miriam had a problem with Moses (though he was younger, Moses was God's "deputy authority" over her and Aaron). Miriam had a problem with who Moses was going to marry and God heard. Although Moses wasn't offended, God was, and God called all three and instead of getting onto Moses about his decision, God reprimanded Miriam and she was excluded for 7 days with leprosy. I felt like Miriam during that time of offense and stepping out of the children's ministry.

From there I repented, apologized to leadership, forgave, and rejoined the children's ministry and put my "convictions" and offenses away and just trust God and let Him take care of things. From there life was amazing! Soon after, God used me in amazing ways and my relationship with Him was growing so much stronger.

WELL! One day I felt pretty cocky of myself and said outloud that no devil in hell can stop me. From there I felt something in the spirit realm say, "Oh really??" From there I felt intently watched, and I things all around me got out of control. Work was hectic, I would be exhuasted when I woke up, and I just didn't take the time to really just sit and pray things through, because I could tell I was under attack and being set up.

One day I felt something alarming in my body saying "You need to go pray RIGHT NOW!" I ran to my room and surprisingly prayed, "Lord, don't take Your Spirit from me" like King David from Ps. 51. From there I was fine. Then one day I felt like the Lord or an angel of the Lord say, "I beseech you!!" I realized that beseech means an urgent request. I asked, "What?" didn't hear anything, didn't take the time to press in and pray about it. So continued on my day and prayed a general prayer, "Nothing formed against shall prosper, no plans of the enemy shall work against me in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth." From there, I went about my day.

HERE'S THE TURNING POINT:
One day at work soon after the encounter of "I beseech you!!", I felt intently watch by an army of demons outside of my classroom window as I was changing diapers as a toddler teacher. I immediately felt that alarming feeling in my body again saying, "You need to go pray RIGHT NOW!" I couldn't run out of the classroom, I felt awkward praying outloud, and I thought management would take too long to excuse me for a restroom break if I called up front, so I mummered under my breath the same prayer previously mentioned.. Soon after I was hit with all thoughts, old convictions, and just rehashed the past to where I was just circling over and over again in my mind. From there it felt like my thoughts dropped to my heart and from my heart it seemed set in place. Immediately it felt like the glory cloud and my anointing was stripped and the atmosphere changed. I literally said out loud, "Really, God!?!"

FROM THERE MY WHOLE LIFE CHANGED:
My eyes changed, light was dimmed in my vision, my mind was set on a spinning wheel that I didn't know how to stop. From there I was double minded. I wanted to just re-repent like before, but it seemed like I couldn't find repentance (but I PRAY that's not the case!!- I'm still seeking). I asked to talk with leadership, but instead of repenting I started just rehashing the past with them, and the conversation was not what I had wanted, and I was surprised as to what was coming out of my mouth. Instead of saying to them, "Hey! I rehashed the past of old offenses and convictions and it feels like the Holy Spirit left me, and I'm scared and I'm sorry, What should I do?"- I basically just went over where I felt like I was right, where I felt like I needed to get things off of my chest to talk about when I was offended for them to see my point of view...it was messy- not like me in Christ...
My church still showed me grace and allowed me to serve and just keep moving forward, to be honest and stay connected.

Eventually, I would hear cracking noises in my mind when I would try to go to sleep like someone was trying to break in. I would wake up feeling different, spiritually naked, and unprotected. I would pray and it felt like my prayers were just bouncing off of the ceiling. Not too alarming, but I was definitely concerned when I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling like life itself was being sucked out of me and I would pray, "Please God, give me your Spirit back!! I'm sorry! Please give me another chance!" I'm freaking out at this point, because inwardly something was off and I was rebuke, bind, and take authority over demonic attacks and demonic spirits trying to invade me...

Over time, I lost memories, I lost my appetite and lost around 10lbs in one week. My countenance changed, my speech no longer seemed to produce life and I felt more worldly. My spirit longer felt like it was in heavenly places (again, I PRAY that's not the case!!). I would pray, sing, repent, confess sins, cry out, attend church, read my bible, talk with healthy Christians, everything I could think of- but things just didn't seem to get any better which is very abnormal...

People would tell me things such as: you're being chastened, you're going through a testing period, you're in the wilderness right now, you just need to trust God, you're just looking for someone to fix you, God doesn't take the Holy Spirit away from you- it's you who walked away from God, this isn't an unforgiveable sin, because you want God shows proof that you have the Holy Spirit, you were triggered and are experiencing emotional PTSD and all the trauma that you may haven't dealt with is coming up and what you used before to cope and deal with isn't helping anymore and your body is manifesting itself and it's trying to surface, you have anxiety that's just causing this pain, etc..

Now, I'm not saying they are wrong, but no one could explain why I was experiencing so much torment, blockage, and pain...every time I told my story and explained how it would feel like something was trying to take my soul from my body, it would hurt to fall asleep like something was pulling at my heart like a riptide affect right when I was going unconscious to fall asleep and my heart would wake me up like I'm in crisis mode to fight off death itself, I would feel empty and desolate inside like I'm hollow, how when someone would pray for me in Holy Spirit tongues (which is normally very edifying for me) because uncomfortable for me where it felt like I was on fire, tingling all over my body and my face and uncontrollably contorting my fingers, and how my heart would feel literal pain inside and felt numb- like I couldn't emotionally connect with myself or others (I wasn't able to produce the fruit of the spirit nor operate in my gifting of spiritual discernment), and started to have major depression and panic attacks almost every single day. The anti depressant and anti panic attack medication along with Christian counseling and a program from Christian Lifestyles Coaching just seemed to not help. I also did blood work, a heart scan, an EKG scan to see how I'm physically doing- nope, just a healthy 25 year old, no problems physically--however, I felt like I needed a spiritual ER!!

My church gently told me to find another church, because what I believe was said to me was I was confused and causing divination which is a form of witchcraft & my thoughts are- rebellion. They didn't explain to me what exactly they meant by divination and I know they prayed for me for a week long and that they hear from the Lord.

ALL of this happened in a matter of about 3 months!!!! I've been waking up now wondering am I still saved? Will I wake up tomorrow morning? What more can I do? Is there still hope for me? Even an evangelist named John Ramirez prayed over me (whom which I know hears from the Lord and Holy Spirit in him read my "mail" 2 years ago about things I've never told him before)- and in May this past year when he visited my church he prayed over me, "Eviction notice and fire". I don't know what that means & I didn't think to ask him at the time to see what he meant when he prayed that, but that really scares me. Either evicting a demon in me and fire of purification of the Holy Spirit or I'm evicted (which I was from my church and now also my job because of the severity of my condition) and fire like burn in hell (which I PRAY NOT!!!!).


Long story short, I feel like I'm on borrowed time and I just don't know what else to do. If there is ANYONE out there that knows or experienced EXACTLY or near to exactly what I'm talking about, PLEEAASSEEE inbox me, Please let me know how you are- I'm seeking hope.


Thank you!

You are under condemnation. There is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus. Yes, you have been unwise. You've allowed Satan to push you around. You have sinned. God will restore you, but at once place only. You need to come to the Cross of Christ, where everything wrong is made right. Your feelings are not the truth, your raging thoughts are not the truth either. Lord Jesus is the Truth. Jesus died on the Cross, being made a curse so that you could be redeemed. All your sins, including pride, are paid for. Even more, God included you in Christ as He hung on that terrible cross. You died with Christ. Your sins are real, and you have confessed them. You are forgiven. God also deals with the root of sin, not just the sin itself. You died to sin, so it no longer has any hold over you. The sinful nature is also dead and buried. You no longer produce sin. It is an external temptation that we give into. Lord Jesus rose from the dead. You rose with Him. You are a new creation in Christ. Your wrong behaviour is not the real you. It is a lie imposed on you by Satan. Now it is "Christ in you, the hope of glory". It is "No longer I that lives but Christ that lives in me".

I have been where you are. Different circumstances but the same result. It hurts to be told to leave a fellowship and get sorted out. For me it had the right result. I sought the Lord, he heard me and restored me. When we see the reality of who we are in Christ, many of the troubles we suffer evaporate. We quit worrying about ourselves and just rest in who we are and what God has done for us. That place is called "the knowledge of the Truth". For me, it was as significant as being born again in the first place. When you are in trouble, run to God, not away from Him. I promise you that freedom and restoration are yours for the asking. It will take a little time. We do not out our troubles as easily as we got into them. Satan does not want let us go. The Truth will set us free. That is a promise.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

SO. Here's the situation that I just can't seem to put my finger on and I wondered it the Holy Spirit departed from me (& I Pray NOT!):

I was in church when I had offenses with leadership and things in the children's ministry. I felt the Lord say repent and trust Him, I don't have to be Holy Spirit. I asked the Lord to show me in the scriptures of what He was saying in regards to this situation. I believe He showed me Matt. 18 in regards to woe to the one to whom offenses come, and don't be a stumbling block to these little ones who believe in Me.

I was hurt about the situation and looking for answers so I talked to others inside and outside of the church for advice, but I realized later that that was a form of gossip and my leaders weren't there to speak for themselves. (it was messy, I made mistakes). I wasn't trying to slander, I was just hurt and didn't understand.

In 3 sermons my pastor preached, each sermon the children's ministry was mentioned and I felt that the Lord was speaking to me. During that time, I was reading a book called Submission and Authority by Watchman Nee and it talked about how Miriam had a problem with Moses (though he was younger, Moses was God's "deputy authority" over her and Aaron). Miriam had a problem with who Moses was going to marry and God heard. Although Moses wasn't offended, God was, and God called all three and instead of getting onto Moses about his decision, God reprimanded Miriam and she was excluded for 7 days with leprosy. I felt like Miriam during that time of offense and stepping out of the children's ministry.

From there I repented, apologized to leadership, forgave, and rejoined the children's ministry and put my "convictions" and offenses away and just trust God and let Him take care of things. From there life was amazing! Soon after, God used me in amazing ways and my relationship with Him was growing so much stronger.

WELL! One day I felt pretty cocky of myself and said outloud that no devil in hell can stop me. From there I felt something in the spirit realm say, "Oh really??" From there I felt intently watched, and I things all around me got out of control. Work was hectic, I would be exhuasted when I woke up, and I just didn't take the time to really just sit and pray things through, because I could tell I was under attack and being set up.

One day I felt something alarming in my body saying "You need to go pray RIGHT NOW!" I ran to my room and surprisingly prayed, "Lord, don't take Your Spirit from me" like King David from Ps. 51. From there I was fine. Then one day I felt like the Lord or an angel of the Lord say, "I beseech you!!" I realized that beseech means an urgent request. I asked, "What?" didn't hear anything, didn't take the time to press in and pray about it. So continued on my day and prayed a general prayer, "Nothing formed against shall prosper, no plans of the enemy shall work against me in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth." From there, I went about my day.

HERE'S THE TURNING POINT:
One day at work soon after the encounter of "I beseech you!!", I felt intently watch by an army of demons outside of my classroom window as I was changing diapers as a toddler teacher. I immediately felt that alarming feeling in my body again saying, "You need to go pray RIGHT NOW!" I couldn't run out of the classroom, I felt awkward praying outloud, and I thought management would take too long to excuse me for a restroom break if I called up front, so I mummered under my breath the same prayer previously mentioned.. Soon after I was hit with all thoughts, old convictions, and just rehashed the past to where I was just circling over and over again in my mind. From there it felt like my thoughts dropped to my heart and from my heart it seemed set in place. Immediately it felt like the glory cloud and my anointing was stripped and the atmosphere changed. I literally said out loud, "Really, God!?!"

FROM THERE MY WHOLE LIFE CHANGED:
My eyes changed, light was dimmed in my vision, my mind was set on a spinning wheel that I didn't know how to stop. From there I was double minded. I wanted to just re-repent like before, but it seemed like I couldn't find repentance (but I PRAY that's not the case!!- I'm still seeking). I asked to talk with leadership, but instead of repenting I started just rehashing the past with them, and the conversation was not what I had wanted, and I was surprised as to what was coming out of my mouth. Instead of saying to them, "Hey! I rehashed the past of old offenses and convictions and it feels like the Holy Spirit left me, and I'm scared and I'm sorry, What should I do?"- I basically just went over where I felt like I was right, where I felt like I needed to get things off of my chest to talk about when I was offended for them to see my point of view...it was messy- not like me in Christ...
My church still showed me grace and allowed me to serve and just keep moving forward, to be honest and stay connected.

Eventually, I would hear cracking noises in my mind when I would try to go to sleep like someone was trying to break in. I would wake up feeling different, spiritually naked, and unprotected. I would pray and it felt like my prayers were just bouncing off of the ceiling. Not too alarming, but I was definitely concerned when I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling like life itself was being sucked out of me and I would pray, "Please God, give me your Spirit back!! I'm sorry! Please give me another chance!" I'm freaking out at this point, because inwardly something was off and I was rebuke, bind, and take authority over demonic attacks and demonic spirits trying to invade me...

Over time, I lost memories, I lost my appetite and lost around 10lbs in one week. My countenance changed, my speech no longer seemed to produce life and I felt more worldly. My spirit longer felt like it was in heavenly places (again, I PRAY that's not the case!!). I would pray, sing, repent, confess sins, cry out, attend church, read my bible, talk with healthy Christians, everything I could think of- but things just didn't seem to get any better which is very abnormal...

People would tell me things such as: you're being chastened, you're going through a testing period, you're in the wilderness right now, you just need to trust God, you're just looking for someone to fix you, God doesn't take the Holy Spirit away from you- it's you who walked away from God, this isn't an unforgiveable sin, because you want God shows proof that you have the Holy Spirit, you were triggered and are experiencing emotional PTSD and all the trauma that you may haven't dealt with is coming up and what you used before to cope and deal with isn't helping anymore and your body is manifesting itself and it's trying to surface, you have anxiety that's just causing this pain, etc..

Now, I'm not saying they are wrong, but no one could explain why I was experiencing so much torment, blockage, and pain...every time I told my story and explained how it would feel like something was trying to take my soul from my body, it would hurt to fall asleep like something was pulling at my heart like a riptide affect right when I was going unconscious to fall asleep and my heart would wake me up like I'm in crisis mode to fight off death itself, I would feel empty and desolate inside like I'm hollow, how when someone would pray for me in Holy Spirit tongues (which is normally very edifying for me) because uncomfortable for me where it felt like I was on fire, tingling all over my body and my face and uncontrollably contorting my fingers, and how my heart would feel literal pain inside and felt numb- like I couldn't emotionally connect with myself or others (I wasn't able to produce the fruit of the spirit nor operate in my gifting of spiritual discernment), and started to have major depression and panic attacks almost every single day. The anti depressant and anti panic attack medication along with Christian counseling and a program from Christian Lifestyles Coaching just seemed to not help. I also did blood work, a heart scan, an EKG scan to see how I'm physically doing- nope, just a healthy 25 year old, no problems physically--however, I felt like I needed a spiritual ER!!

My church gently told me to find another church, because what I believe was said to me was I was confused and causing divination which is a form of witchcraft & my thoughts are- rebellion. They didn't explain to me what exactly they meant by divination and I know they prayed for me for a week long and that they hear from the Lord.

ALL of this happened in a matter of about 3 months!!!! I've been waking up now wondering am I still saved? Will I wake up tomorrow morning? What more can I do? Is there still hope for me? Even an evangelist named John Ramirez prayed over me (whom which I know hears from the Lord and Holy Spirit in him read my "mail" 2 years ago about things I've never told him before)- and in May this past year when he visited my church he prayed over me, "Eviction notice and fire". I don't know what that means & I didn't think to ask him at the time to see what he meant when he prayed that, but that really scares me. Either evicting a demon in me and fire of purification of the Holy Spirit or I'm evicted (which I was from my church and now also my job because of the severity of my condition) and fire like burn in hell (which I PRAY NOT!!!!).


Long story short, I feel like I'm on borrowed time and I just don't know what else to do. If there is ANYONE out there that knows or experienced EXACTLY or near to exactly what I'm talking about, PLEEAASSEEE inbox me, Please let me know how you are- I'm seeking hope.


Thank you!

When the Holy Spirit comes to indwell a believer under the New Covenant, He doesn't go away again. He knows that you are human with faults and failings, and is not upset or offended when your flesh seems to overwhelm your spiritual discernment. This is all part of the learning process and your development in sanctification.

God has already made you perfect in your heart and spirit and you have the righteousness of Christ, but the flesh wars against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh. The reason for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit is to assist you to grow in grace, so why should He leave you when you need Him the most? In reality, He stays in you to help you over the rough places and sets you in the right direction.

He is much more patient than we know, and he certainly doesn't give believers up as a bad job because they stumble and fall. He works in them to help them get up on their feet and carry on!

 

[KPhillips]

Thank you for sharing and giving me words of encouragement. Have you also experienced what I've gone through??
I'm at a point where I've had plenty of people share if not exactly what you're telling me but none of them really know what I'm talking about nor went through what I've experienced & that's who I'm seeking. Not to discredit anyone's input, but the trigger of hope for me is hearing that one person's story that's really been through it like me and actually made it on the other side.
I hope that makes sense- it's like a woman who went through a divorce seeking other women who went through the same thing and talk with those that are successful after their divorce..it's not as helpful (in my opion) if a married couple that's never been divorced or a single woman trying to help their friend that went through a divorce because they really dont know what it's like, they can only empathize with pain of loss but it's ot the same, especially situationally.
Nevertheless, I am thankful for the support in such a scary time in my life. It's definitely been crazy & I'm literally at His mercy, just doing what I can in my part & trusting He'll meet me right where I am.

 

[paul1149]

"Eviction notice and fire".

I would say that means the spirits that are troubling you have been served their eviction notice, and you will be purified with the Holy Spirit and fire. God promises to purify the sons of Levy, that is, the priesthood, which is what we are.

We have a better covenant with a more full revelation of the nature of God, and we know that morbid fear is not of Him. The fear of God is like what you feel close to the edge of the Grand Canyon. There's a VERY healthy respect there, and you know you don't want to cross the line. But you also know that feeling is for your own good. It is to protect you and give you life.

God does not play games. When He offers salvation in Christ He means it. When voices confuse or condemn, or in any other way contradict His revealed will as contained in the Bible, it's time to go back to what is written and take your stand there. That is exactly what Christ Himself did when tempted in the wilderness.

Isaiah says

Who is among you that fears the LORD, That obeys the voice of His servant, That walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. - Isa 50:10 NASB​

When the rhema gets crazy, return to the logos. If you can't see or are confused, return to your place of rest in Christ and trust in His name, which represents the highest authority over all creation. We call a name a "handle", and rightly so because it helps us grasp and understand what it represents. It's something you can hold on to when all else fails.

"I will give you the treasures of darkness And hidden wealth of secret places, So that you may know that it is I, The LORD, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name. - Isa 45:3 NASB​

And not only that, but God will use this season to show you new things and unearth new spiritual treasures for you, according to Rom 8.28. But you have to return to the stronghold of God and let Him perfect His power in your weakness. God is "faithful and true".

The devil wants to sow seeds of doubt so he can divert you from your position of authority in Christ. It's one of his schemes we're warned of at 2Cor 2. Don't let him trick you. Keep your trust in God, knowing that our position is not based on the filthy rags of our own righteousness, but on the perfect completed work of Christ on our behalf. Faith works through love.

 

[~Zao~]

Shouldn’t this thread be in Christian advise? Please read the statement of purpose.

PS,

God promises to purify the sons of Levy, that is, the priesthood, which is what we are.

Obsolete.

 

[KPhillips]

I didnt know where to put this thread..sorry about that

 

[Joy]

MOD HAT ON

This Thread has Moved
From Discipleship: Following Jesus
To Christian Advice

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[Angela Strande]

yes I’m going though the same thing please message me!!!

Thank you for sharing and giving me words of encouragement. Have you also experienced what I've gone through??
I'm at a point where I've had plenty of people share if not exactly what you're telling me but none of them really know what I'm talking about nor went through what I've experienced & that's who I'm seeking. Not to discredit anyone's input, but the trigger of hope for me is hearing that one person's story that's really been through it like me and actually made it on the other side.
I hope that makes sense- it's like a woman who went through a divorce seeking other women who went through the same thing and talk with those that are successful after their divorce..it's not as helpful (in my opion) if a married couple that's never been divorced or a single woman trying to help their friend that went through a divorce because they really dont know what it's like, they can only empathize with pain of loss but it's ot the same, especially situationally.
Nevertheless, I am thankful for the support in such a scary time in my life. It's definitely been crazy & I'm literally at His mercy, just doing what I can in my part & trusting He'll meet me right where I am.

 

[KPhillips]

Hey Angela, how are you??

 

[KPhillips]

yes I’m going though the same thing please message me!!!

Hey Angel, how are you??

 

[KPhillips]

Hey Angel, how are you??

Angela

 

[Angela Strande]

Hello