I've dated a lot lol ... and it took me some heavy, deep relationships (including marriage) to figure out a couple of things which are shockingly simple to understand ---
The thing with dating ... is that if you go into a date with someone you don't know, expecting to size up whether they are marriage material right away, you are not "dating". You are looking for a partner from the start, and you already have expectations of a
complete stranger. So you are not technically going out on a date ... you are going out to find someone to fill shoes you already have prepared and waiting.
Dating, on the other hand, is much more simple: it involves two people going out and hopefully enjoying each other
for who they are, not who you are wanting/needing/hoping them to be. See the difference ?
Let me give you an example:
Let's say you have a date with some dude named Shawn. Before the date, you are wondering, "Is Shawn going to be the one ? Is God going to approve of him ? Is he going to be tall like I want ? Is he going to be funny like I want ? Is he going to know this and that, and do this and that, etc and so forth <insert expectations list here> .... ?" Already, you are not interested in Shawn ... you are interested in finding out if Shawn is someone else, from the start lol. If Shawn isn't who you hope him to be ... you will be disappointed, upset, confused ... or perhaps you'll drop him after the date, or perhaps you'll go the opposite direction ... "Maybe I can mold Shawn into being who I want him to be ? Maybe he has *potential*" lol.
In that scenario, it's not "dating". It's more of a hunt to find something specific. It has little to do with the other person, and more to do with your needs/wants/expectations. The other person is more of a warm body which you hope has the soul you are looking for.
Now let's say you go out with Shawn, and instead of looking at him from a laundry list perspective ... you simply set that aside, and LEARN ABOUT WHO SHAWN REALLY IS AND IS NOT. You let Shawn SHOW you who he is. You let Shawn show you who he isn't. You learn about his potential as he stands on his own, not compared to your ideal. And you give it time ... you see if you are attracted, if you enjoy yourself, if he enjoys himself, etc and so forth. You "let things happen". In this way, if things go great .... then great. You are learning about someone new, for who they are, and they are effecting you. It's not your ideal which is the filter any longer ... it's more *real*. And if you don't hit it off, there is no let down, no confusion, little disappointment .... you got to know someone whom you didn't hit it off with, and that's that.
Dating can be a lot of fun, and each and every date can glean something interesting for both people involved ... to where you value even someone you don't hit it off with ... if you are honest with yourself about your expectations, where you are at in life with your needs, etc ... and don't try to project something otherwise to those you are going out with
If you are desperately looking for the next husband ... don't project that you are "just seeing what's out there, starting off slow, just wanting to have fun," because that's not true lol. You are desperately looking for a husband, not just wanting to have fun. If you are just wanting to have fun, get your feet wet ... then project that. And on your date ... you will likely have fun and get your feet wet. Hopefully you get the idea ... I could use a million different scenarios here.
I think where people get disenfranchised, confused, nervous and afraid and all of that, is largely when they aren't honest with themselves and others about where they are at in life, and try to pretend to be something else. Sometimes it's done out of thinking you need to "play the game that way to win" ... but imo that's nonsense and doesn't give you what you are looking for, or even allow changes and growth to take place within yourself, etc.
I'll stop there ... maybe I gave some food for thought that can help, maybe not
