Converts to Orthodoxy: How was your first confession?

[gurneyhalleck1]

I have heard different experiences from a few Orthodox acquaintances. Some say that the priest expected them to do a re-run of their sins up until now, going over past sins as best they could. Others have told me the priest practiced a little more economia and considered the past confessions they made as Catholics to be valid and only the sins they've committed since starting the Orthodox walk should be confessed.....

I have to admit some trepidation and nervousness at the thought of confession in Orthodoxy; it seems different than Catholicism and I have really appreciated and thrived with the Catholic system.

Any thoughts? Experiences?

 

[Ortho_Cat]

I almost passed out, I had to take a break halfway through. But then the second one I had a similar problem where I started to feel faint towards the end. I think i've come to the conclusion that it was the position I was in, kneeling in the same place with my head bent, rather than the actual anxiety. I think I might try to alter my position next time if I can.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

WOW!

I almost passed out, I had to take a break halfway through. But then the second one I had a similar problem where I started to feel faint towards the end. I think i've come to the conclusion that it was the position I was in, kneeling in the same place with my head bent, rather than the actual anxiety. I think I might try to alter my position next time if I can.

 

[Ortho_Cat]

WOW!

lol I hope I didn't scare you...honestly I wasn't really that nervous, but certainly felt humbled afterwards.

 

[E.C.]

The priest was kind enough to consider my confessions as a Roman Catholic kosher; especially since my last one was about two or three years prior.

Best thing to do is just chill.

 

[-Kyriaki-]

Nerve wreaking - I came from a Protestant tradition and it went against everything I'd grown up learning!

Once it was over though I quickly realized how freeing Orthodox confession is. I usually leave the Church (my spiritual father has us come during the week mostly) to catch my bus feeling joyful and light. I have to cross a major arterial road at peak hour to do this, without lights, and I've joked before that if I ever die in the process at least I'll be in good shape

I've been confessing every few months for the past four years and I've grown to love it and wish I could feel that lightening of spirit more often I still want to sink through the floor during the confession itself sometimes, but that's only natural.

The personal relationship between spiritual father and child in Orthodoxy is one I never would have expected but now value beyond words. Even my Protestant parerents love him!

 

[Silentchapel]

Ugh... My first confession wasn't as pretty - this is due to a bit of an unfortunate custom (which is slowly dying out) of people confessing during the Liturgy.
"Son, do you repent of all your sins?"
"Yes father, I repent of X, of Y, of Z-"
"Yes, yes, the Lord knows all your sins. Our Lord Jesus Christ, absolve Thy Servant..."
It was kinda of a downer, but then again, it is a bit of a prideful point wanting a 'perfect' Confession.

 

[ArmyMatt]

yeah, I was freaked out the first time I confessed. I didn't wanna do it, but it was one of the most liberating feelings when it was done. for my first confession, my priest basically ran down the 10 commandments and we discussed how I had fallen short of them.

 

[Joseph Hazen]

My first confession was on a Tuesday and I was absolved that Sunday. It was quick, Father George accepted my previous Roman confessions as valid so I just had to confess the last few months.

It's actually pretty easy. I stood before the Icon of Christ on the Icon stand, with Father sort of next to me/behind me. He said some prayers about withholding nothing from God and then asked me what I had to confess. I confessed facing the Icon, just started saying my sins. Father instructed me not to try to list them my number or anything because even once was enough. Then I knelt down, he covered my head with the stole and he absolved me. There wasn't anybody else in the temple.

That's the first one. More normally it's on Saturday after Vespers and Father will say prayers before Confession for everyone and we go up one by one. Some people wait in the nave, I and a few others generally wait in the narthex and go in one by one so nobody else is in near the confession. (I usually rig this so I'm the last one... ) Father will give advice usually, once he suggested a book for me, but he's never given me penance. He said he would generally only do so if I needed to make reparations for something.

Generally I go about every three to four weeks. Speaking of which I need to get going...

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I just got back from my Catholic parish confessing. It was a great experience. I try to go to confession every few weeks. Heck, even as an Anglican I've gone. I prefer the anonymous confessional but if I go Orthodox, that's history. I'm just trying to adjust to the thought I guess.

I appreciate you all sharing your stories. I hope more will come. It's very helpful....God bless all of you

 

[Ortho_Cat]

I just got back from my Catholic parish confessing. It was a great experience. I try to go to confession every few weeks. Heck, even as an Anglican I've gone. I prefer the anonymous confessional but if I go Orthodox, that's history. I'm just trying to adjust to the thought I guess.

I appreciate you all sharing your stories. I hope more will come. It's very helpful....God bless all of you

 

[rusmeister]

I had to do a lifetime confession, but only focused on major sins - took me ten minutes; I didn't spend time elaborating on them - the priest's hand was on my shoulder and he shuddered sympathetically when I recounted the worst ones.

I didn't see it as especially frightening; I had already been primed about complete revelation in trust by a secular men's group, so it was actually no big deal - but it WAS like having huge thorns pulled out. Now the sadness remains, deep sadness, but healing DID happen.

 

[MrJim]

1. Kyriaki says she confesses every few months, I've heard some say two or three times a year. Do you still receive communion even if you've not confessed for some weeks? I get the impression that you can't receive with unconfessed sin?

2. Particularly for converts that didn't have confession in their previous tradition do you find that, knowing you have to confess before your priest, that you sin less?

 

[rusmeister]

1. Kyriaki says she confesses every few months, I've heard some say two or three times a year. Do you still receive communion even if you've not confessed for some weeks? I get the impression that you can't receive with unconfessed sin?

2. Particularly for converts that didn't have confession in their previous tradition do you find that, knowing you have to confess before your priest, that you sin less?

I can say, as a frequent communer, that you simply can't approach the Chalice without the fear of God and repentance in your heart. My priest knows that we have four kids (3 of them young 'uns), and getting them to early Confession is pretty much impossible. I sneak out of the house once a month and make the drive to Church and back home once a month and try to get back in time to help them get ready. I cut my wife loose on Saturday evenings to make evening Confession (she's a night owl; I'm the early bird)
Legalism is definitely NOT the answer - although it may be the answer for a time for a person prone to laxity. It could be poison, though, to a person naturally prone to legalism, as I am. I would never commune at all if it weren't for Schmemann's "Holy Things for the Holy", which drove home the NECESSITY of the Eucharist - that it is NOT optional, or only for those who are 'holy enough'.

Of course, complete laxness is also uncool - so the eye of the paradox is in being afraid to partake, and being afraid to NOT partake.

On #2, I think it helps somewhat - but when we let a mood overtake us, we can fall anyways. Confession can seem a long way away, and justifications are pretty pernicious.

 

[-Kyriaki-]

It's between the spiritual father and their spiritual child what the rule is. I have both the blessing to receive every week and an obedience to do so, because my SF knows how much I (and everyone, for that matter) need it. He doesn't have time to hear the confessions of every one of his spiritual children every week, and I don't have the ability to get there every week, so the minimum is once every few months and if I ever feel that I have sin that would keep me from the chalice I am to ring him and confess it to receive a blessing to receive that week. It's all economia, done for the sake of the spiritual child. Greek parishes tend to be enormous and I doubt that he'd be able to hear the individual confessions (and give guidance) of all of those in his parish every week, let alone all of us who come from other parishes (only the oldest and wisest priests are given the blessing and task to hear confession in the Greek tradition). Besides, this works. I do my best, say the long repentance prayers before Holy Communion, and go to see him when I can and feel that I need to.

 

[Macarius]

1. Kyriaki says she confesses every few months, I've heard some say two or three times a year. Do you still receive communion even if you've not confessed for some weeks? I get the impression that you can't receive with unconfessed sin?

The only times confession is necessary before communion is if one has committed an egregious sin (adultery [including pornography], murder, apostasy, etc.), failed to go to communion for three weeks straight (which canonically excommunicates you until you confess), or if it has been a long time since your last confession (e.g. 4+ months).

It is NOT required otherwise, though obviously we sin enough that it isn't harmful. It would be harmful if someone thought it legally obligatory, but that would create an odd circumstance. IF we must confess before EVERY communion then, functionally, communion ex-communicates us (as the very act of communion requires us to go to confession before we take communion again).

The practice of frequent confession is good, but not ancient. It seems to have developed first in the monasteries (confession of thoughts to an elder) and then become imitated in the parishes centuries later.

I'll repeat: frequent confession is a spiritual boon; but not a legal requirement (like Rus said).

2. Particularly for converts that didn't have confession in their previous tradition do you find that, knowing you have to confess before your priest, that you sin less?

That helps for a time, but honestly the liberty provided by confession (e.g. the grace of the sacrament itself) helps even more. I still sin, though, which just turns into a double shame, as now I am without excuse.

To the OP: my first confession was a life-confession with the abbot of a monastery; we sat in an otherwise empty chapel and talked for over an hour. I had a prepared list, which I was then instructed to burn after my baptism (that is, after the absolution provided by baptism). It was harrowing, but one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

Confession face-to-face is high-risk and high-reward. It feels a bit like going to die (or at least, I like to think that my anxiety is the old-man in me anxious over his death). Seeing the compassion in my priest's face, though, and feeling his hand on my head making the sign of the cross during absolution - these are the physical representations of God's love and forgiveness. I can't imagine confession without them.

In Christ,
Macarius

 

[gracefullamb]

I had a lifetime confession to do and Father gave me a pamphlet with a series of questions on it so I could properly prepare myself. It really was not that bad, but I’ll admit after talking to someone beforehand about it, I was so nervous I was shaking like a leaf. Father actually had to twice place his hand on my shoulder to still me, I was shaking so hard. Anyhow it was actually very laid back, we sat and talked, I think for like 40 minutes to an hour and most of that was just him chatting with me about stuff not related to my confession to calm me down before my actual confession, which took about 10 minutes. I can laugh that now, but it was not so funny to me at the time.

It is the practice in my parish that you give a confession once about every two months, this is what my SF told me back when I made my first confession. Some go more often than every two months but he doesn't want it put off longer than that. He does want us to commune though, every Liturgy and has stated if we do not take communion on Sunday he would like us to try and get to the weekday Liturgy.

 

[OuterWater]

I had a lifetime confession, even though I converted from Roman Catholicism and had confessed many times before. Confessing face to face was challenging at first, but now I can't imagine going back to the old way of sitting behind the screen. Confession is a soothing balm for the soul. It's the perfect medicine. And I have been so thoroughly impressed by the humility of all of the Orthodox priests who I have confessed to. The first time my priest said "Remember that I am a worse sinner than you and do not hold anything back because of embarassment" everything was fine and my anxiety was washed away.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

In the Catholic Church the way mortal vs. venial sins are delineated, and the way there is a hard and fast criterion laid out in writing, it makes it pretty obvious as to when one must confess. You know when you're in a state of grace, or out of one. Legalism makes things very easy. I'm not saying legalism is GOOD! I'm just saying that the Catholic Church has a systematic way of looking at things.

I'm wondering how I'd know when to confess, when I shouldn't approach the Eucharist, and when I can? I'm just curious to know how it all works if there are not mortal or venial sins? I'm just wondering if Orthodoxy sees one in a "state" of sin and unworthiness? It seems that Orthodoxy approaches confession with more of a corrective, therapeutic angle and less on a state of unworthiness mortal sin angle?

I know in the Catholic Church, people with habitual sins are encouraged to go to confession daily or weekly. I don't know if Orthodoxy would see it that way or not? I don't see the Orthodox as being as legal, etc. Catholicism would see a person's "state" as being their destiny. For instance, a person could've lived a holy and wonderful life but if they viewed pornography or stole something and got in a car wreck on the way home, straight to hell :o

 

[-Kyriaki-]

We definitely would not agree with the last thing you said! Those with habitual sins may be encouraged to confess more often, but for the good of their soul, not because they're likely to go to hell.

The sins that bar you from the Chalice are: adultery, killing someone, apostasy and not attending church for a long period of time (more than three weeks) unless there is a very good reason (hospitalisations, etc) although we are encouraged to do our best regardless. Teaching heresy or the like would also do it! If you do any of the above, you can't commune until you've confessed.

As for how you know? Well, the rhythm of the church year is useful, since we have a rule to confess four times a year minimum and there are four major fasts. But also, we just know. Just like you know when you feel sick, you go to the doctor, there's a heavy feeling and weight in our lives. I feel that, and go see my spiritual father and walk out dancing, it feels so different and light and free.