Confused feelings about Christianity

[KingGeorge]

Hi guys,

I'm going through difficult times in my life and I wanted to seek some advice on what I can do. Some background on me, I am a 19 year old university student studying electrical engineering for my second year. School right now is stressful and I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. A lot of my thoughts and worries are really preventing me from listening to lectures, and a lot of these worries have to do with Christianity and religion on the whole. Please read about my past experiences and help me understand why I feel this way and what I can do about it.

During my first year at university I began doing meditation based off a book on Hinduism I was reading at the time. I was very focused on improving myself through meditation, and I was sleeping very little during the first 6 months of university and studying all the time. I was very egotistical about my marks and wanted to become the best in the class. Even during the first few months of school I began having intrusive sexual and harmful thoughts. For example, I would see a goose and feel an urge to have sexual intercourse with it, which I knew I would never do. Nevertheless this created a lot of anxiety for me, not to mention my thoughts of stabbing people or hurting myself. After a few months of poor self care where I didn't share my problems with anyone, I began developing bad anxiety pain and had trouble concentrating on anything. At this point I can't read a textbook for more than 10 minutes straight. I started prioritizing my health, so I stopped my bad study habits and egotistical desires. I started talking my problems out to my parents, which helped a load. Most importantly is that I began believing in God. Before this time I was raised in a household of non religious faith, but both my parents believed in God yet never talked to me about God.

So, one day during the school term I prayed to God to help me recover, and on the same day I met with some Christian mercenaries at my school. They preached to me about Christianity, and gave me a free version of the Bible to read. I started reading a little bit of Genesis, with no serious intention on understanding anything. My dad told me soon after to stop reading all these different books on philosophy, so I quit reading the Bible. I also soon quit meditation because I feared it may have also caused some anxiety to come up from my past wounds (but maybe now I feel like that may not be true).

Now after 8 months of torment, I went back home to relax and recover for 4 months. I was doubtful of my belief in God, uncomfortable with praying to Him. My mom influenced me to start believing more in God when she told me about how her belief in God made her strong. She told me how she was going through very difficult times in university and how prayer really helped her. She told me that I need to trust God and believe in good, and that God will never abandon me. I'm still a little skeptical but I became more serious about praying each morning after evening for my health and happiness.

One day I prayed for a mentor to help me get better. The same day, I volunteered for an old family friend of mine and I shared my problems with him. He recommended me to read the Bible, telling me that it was a road map that teaches you between right and wrong. He told me to connect spiritually to God, to never give up and keep praying. But I was so afraid of reading the Bible, fearing that it would cause me to start overthinking a lot of things, because at this time my mind would not stop constantly thinking about things I was uncertain about. I would be in a constant state of fear, and worries would not leave me. I was afraid that reading the Bible would cause it to get worse, and I told myself to stay simple. At this point though, I recognized that both times when I prayed for health, the very same day a Christian told me to read the Bible, and now I think it's an omen. I told myself to ignore it, but I constantly felt guilty that I was just being weak, and that I should try reading it. So, after a long time I summoned the courage to read it, and realized that I don't overthink the things in the Bible as much as I thought I would.

Now I am in university again and I just cannot stop thinking about becoming Christian. After the past 4 months my health improved but I feel like I still have a lot of problems, and I'm so scared. It seems like I am always analyzing my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and I hate it. It's so hard for me to live a simple life. So once again I prayed for God to show me the way, and the next day I saw a flyer about a religious conference. I went to it, but now I still feel confused as to what to do. I don't feel like I want to become Christian because I was always non religious in my life, and I'm afraid religious belief is going to bind me and remove some of my freedoms. My mom told me how religion can also be destructive in a way, and I'm just stuck in these feelings of guilt. Feeling guilty that I'm not following the path God laid for me, or feeling guilty that I'm not strong enough to look into Christianity. Personally now I know that God respects my decision, and I realize that I cannot know what God wants for me. I have to make this decision on my own.

So I was thinking of joining a Christian Club as a way to get out of my comfort zone and see how Christians are in real life. Yet I'm afraid because I cannot keep the anxious feelings and thoughts away from my mind. It's difficult for me to make a decision. I have a religious therapist now, so I'm more confident I can direct my questions to him. He told me to take it at my own pace, and yet I still constantly think if I should join the club later in a few months when I feel like I have less workload or if I should join now. A large part of me wants to remain a simple believer in God like my parents and not become Christian, yet another part of me tells me to explore Christianity and make a decision based on what I feel is right for me. Should I be courageous, not let my anxiety control me, and go attend the club? Should I stop relying on omens to lead me, and just simply not force myself to religious???? I just feel so confused and I don't feel confident in my self. I really just want to study engineering, but I need to become healthy to do that... Please help!

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

.... ....

 

[Tolworth John]

I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder.

What are you doing about this 'general anxiety disorder' ?
Have you seen a councellor, do you have any medication to help you calm down?

You need to priorities on your health and studing.

May I suggest sorting those out and then think about doing a daily bible reading. I'd suggest reading the gospel of John.

If your health and study is up to it then contact the local Christian group and see what the meetings are like.

 

[com7fy8]

Welcome to Christian Forums; we are glad to have you

We have compassionate and knowledgeable people who can help you here, in this forum, plus you might also post in the "Christian Advice" place in case some of our people specialize in sharing there but not here.

God bless you I am Bill, very pleased to meet with you. I hope to see you more.

 

[eleos1954]

Hi guys,

I'm going through difficult times in my life and I wanted to seek some advice on what I can do. Some background on me, I am a 19 year old university student studying electrical engineering for my second year. School right now is stressful and I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. A lot of my thoughts and worries are really preventing me from listening to lectures, and a lot of these worries have to do with Christianity and religion on the whole. Please read about my past experiences and help me understand why I feel this way and what I can do about it.

During my first year at university I began doing meditation based off a book on Hinduism I was reading at the time. I was very focused on improving myself through meditation, and I was sleeping very little during the first 6 months of university and studying all the time. I was very egotistical about my marks and wanted to become the best in the class. Even during the first few months of school I began having intrusive sexual and harmful thoughts. For example, I would see a goose and feel an urge to have sexual intercourse with it, which I knew I would never do. Nevertheless this created a lot of anxiety for me, not to mention my thoughts of stabbing people or hurting myself. After a few months of poor self care where I didn't share my problems with anyone, I began developing bad anxiety pain and had trouble concentrating on anything. At this point I can't read a textbook for more than 10 minutes straight. I started prioritizing my health, so I stopped my bad study habits and egotistical desires. I started talking my problems out to my parents, which helped a load. Most importantly is that I began believing in God. Before this time I was raised in a household of non religious faith, but both my parents believed in God yet never talked to me about God.

So, one day during the school term I prayed to God to help me recover, and on the same day I met with some Christian mercenaries at my school. They preached to me about Christianity, and gave me a free version of the Bible to read. I started reading a little bit of Genesis, with no serious intention on understanding anything. My dad told me soon after to stop reading all these different books on philosophy, so I quit reading the Bible. I also soon quit meditation because I feared it may have also caused some anxiety to come up from my past wounds (but maybe now I feel like that may not be true).

Now after 8 months of torment, I went back home to relax and recover for 4 months. I was doubtful of my belief in God, uncomfortable with praying to Him. My mom influenced me to start believing more in God when she told me about how her belief in God made her strong. She told me how she was going through very difficult times in university and how prayer really helped her. She told me that I need to trust God and believe in good, and that God will never abandon me. I'm still a little skeptical but I became more serious about praying each morning after evening for my health and happiness.

One day I prayed for a mentor to help me get better. The same day, I volunteered for an old family friend of mine and I shared my problems with him. He recommended me to read the Bible, telling me that it was a road map that teaches you between right and wrong. He told me to connect spiritually to God, to never give up and keep praying. But I was so afraid of reading the Bible, fearing that it would cause me to start overthinking a lot of things, because at this time my mind would not stop constantly thinking about things I was uncertain about. I would be in a constant state of fear, and worries would not leave me. I was afraid that reading the Bible would cause it to get worse, and I told myself to stay simple. At this point though, I recognized that both times when I prayed for health, the very same day a Christian told me to read the Bible, and now I think it's an omen. I told myself to ignore it, but I constantly felt guilty that I was just being weak, and that I should try reading it. So, after a long time I summoned the courage to read it, and realized that I don't overthink the things in the Bible as much as I thought I would.

Now I am in university again and I just cannot stop thinking about becoming Christian. After the past 4 months my health improved but I feel like I still have a lot of problems, and I'm so scared. It seems like I am always analyzing my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and I hate it. It's so hard for me to live a simple life. So once again I prayed for God to show me the way, and the next day I saw a flyer about a religious conference. I went to it, but now I still feel confused as to what to do. I don't feel like I want to become Christian because I was always non religious in my life, and I'm afraid religious belief is going to bind me and remove some of my freedoms. My mom told me how religion can also be destructive in a way, and I'm just stuck in these feelings of guilt. Feeling guilty that I'm not following the path God laid for me, or feeling guilty that I'm not strong enough to look into Christianity. Personally now I know that God respects my decision, and I realize that I cannot know what God wants for me. I have to make this decision on my own.

So I was thinking of joining a Christian Club as a way to get out of my comfort zone and see how Christians are in real life. Yet I'm afraid because I cannot keep the anxious feelings and thoughts away from my mind. It's difficult for me to make a decision. I have a religious therapist now, so I'm more confident I can direct my questions to him. He told me to take it at my own pace, and yet I still constantly think if I should join the club later in a few months when I feel like I have less workload or if I should join now. A large part of me wants to remain a simple believer in God like my parents and not become Christian, yet another part of me tells me to explore Christianity and make a decision based on what I feel is right for me. Should I be courageous, not let my anxiety control me, and go attend the club? Should I stop relying on omens to lead me, and just simply not force myself to religious???? I just feel so confused and I don't feel confident in my self. I really just want to study engineering, but I need to become healthy to do that... Please help!

I would encourage you start studying Gods Word and do so topically. Go here
www.biblehub.com
and run some searches on words/phrases you are interested in or are in need of help with ... like anxious, love etc.

Have you repented of your sins, asked Jesus for forgiveness and asked Jesus to fill you with His Holy Spirit? He is so kind and loving but won't come into your heart unless you ask Him.

Not ready or sure about that yet? That's ok. Go read God's word until you are sure about it. Go read about Gods Love.

Phillippians 4
6
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 John 4
15 All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God.16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.

May God show you the way to Him. Amen

God Bless

 

[com7fy8]

You have gotten into a lot in your first post. Below, I am just getting started, not meaning to say all that I might share about what you have said. You have shared very personally, and we want to spend time with you and not hurry. God bless you

School right now is stressful and I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder.

So, it looks like you know that stress and anxiety are a problem. And the Bible clearly says we can have "rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:28-30), if we trust and obey Jesus and learn from Jesus.

I began doing meditation based off a book on Hinduism I was reading at the time. I was very focused on improving myself through meditation, and I was sleeping very little during the first 6 months of university and studying all the time. I was very egotistical about my marks and wanted to become the best in the class.

To my knowledge, most basic Bible believing people would warn you to stay clear of Hinduism. Among other things, to my knowledge, Hinduism is polytheistic, versus how Christianity is monotheistic but God is three Persons. And God is personal with each of us who are His children, even personally sharing His own love with each of us, "in our hearts" (Romans 5:5) while personally ruling every one of us in our "hearts" with His own peace > Colossians 3:15, and His love has us relating kindly with one another > Ephesians 4:2, Ephesians 4:31-32.

And . . . by the way . . . in case you get involved with any false way, you can be effected by a wrong spirit which has you doing what is wrong, and the wrong spiritual being can mess us up with stress and anxiety. Sometimes, though, we can be doing what God wants, but we are not doing it the way He wants, and so we miss out on how we could be in His love and joy and peace.

For example, God does want you to take care of yourself, but not for a self-seeking motive!!!! Good health can be used for wrong things, or for good things. God bless you to be honest with God about all He desires for us all, and not only for you

Even during the first few months of school I began having intrusive sexual and harmful thoughts.

Ok, so you understand this is wrong; this is good that you know this; but God does not want us to keep on suffering and being confused and degraded by wrong stuff. And Jesus is almighty to easily change you so wrong things can't get the better of you. And we help one another with this. So, it is good to have Christians who are obviously helping you and they are not just a social club of ones your own age and interests and preferences. But trust God to make you able to know who to trust and share with. I offer, this is all included in Christianity > you have God through Jesus, plus ones God trusts to help you and share with you as family so you find out how to love and share in our Heavenly Father's family caring and sharing way.

And as we get more and more into this loving, we find sense with strength to stay clear of the negative and nasty and naughty stuff. Because God's love has us intimately sharing with God and one another, plus there is His almighty power of His peace to keep us safe emotionally and sexually and in our feelings and thinking. But this comes with lifelong correction and maturing in Jesus; this is a life-long investment And if you read your Bible, you can see and feed on how the Bible is talking about God doing this with you.

So trust in Jesus for forgiveness and reconciliation with God and then how our Father corrects and matures us and shares with us - - - as His children < you will not be alone, but it will not be only a social club of peers and buddies.

I started prioritizing my health, so I stopped my bad study habits and egotistical desires.

Again, we need to stop our wrong stuff, because of the right motive. It can not work if you only are trying to save your own life and feel better > we need to fully submit to Jesus and how He saves and guides us. Words alone are not enough to tell you about this > so we trust you to God to prove Himself in you . . . with us all

 

[Greg J.]

Hi guys,

I'm going through difficult times in my life and I wanted to seek some advice on what I can do. Some background on me, I am a 19 year old university student studying electrical engineering for my second year. School right now is stressful and I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. A lot of my thoughts and worries are really preventing me from listening to lectures, and a lot of these worries have to do with Christianity and religion on the whole. Please read about my past experiences and help me understand why I feel this way and what I can do about it.

During my first year at university I began doing meditation based off a book on Hinduism I was reading at the time. I was very focused on improving myself through meditation, and I was sleeping very little during the first 6 months of university and studying all the time. I was very egotistical about my marks and wanted to become the best in the class. Even during the first few months of school I began having intrusive sexual and harmful thoughts. For example, I would see a goose and feel an urge to have sexual intercourse with it, which I knew I would never do. Nevertheless this created a lot of anxiety for me, not to mention my thoughts of stabbing people or hurting myself. After a few months of poor self care where I didn't share my problems with anyone, I began developing bad anxiety pain and had trouble concentrating on anything. At this point I can't read a textbook for more than 10 minutes straight. I started prioritizing my health, so I stopped my bad study habits and egotistical desires. I started talking my problems out to my parents, which helped a load. Most importantly is that I began believing in God. Before this time I was raised in a household of non religious faith, but both my parents believed in God yet never talked to me about God.

So, one day during the school term I prayed to God to help me recover, and on the same day I met with some Christian mercenaries at my school. They preached to me about Christianity, and gave me a free version of the Bible to read. I started reading a little bit of Genesis, with no serious intention on understanding anything. My dad told me soon after to stop reading all these different books on philosophy, so I quit reading the Bible. I also soon quit meditation because I feared it may have also caused some anxiety to come up from my past wounds (but maybe now I feel like that may not be true).

Now after 8 months of torment, I went back home to relax and recover for 4 months. I was doubtful of my belief in God, uncomfortable with praying to Him. My mom influenced me to start believing more in God when she told me about how her belief in God made her strong. She told me how she was going through very difficult times in university and how prayer really helped her. She told me that I need to trust God and believe in good, and that God will never abandon me. I'm still a little skeptical but I became more serious about praying each morning after evening for my health and happiness.

One day I prayed for a mentor to help me get better. The same day, I volunteered for an old family friend of mine and I shared my problems with him. He recommended me to read the Bible, telling me that it was a road map that teaches you between right and wrong. He told me to connect spiritually to God, to never give up and keep praying. But I was so afraid of reading the Bible, fearing that it would cause me to start overthinking a lot of things, because at this time my mind would not stop constantly thinking about things I was uncertain about. I would be in a constant state of fear, and worries would not leave me. I was afraid that reading the Bible would cause it to get worse, and I told myself to stay simple. At this point though, I recognized that both times when I prayed for health, the very same day a Christian told me to read the Bible, and now I think it's an omen. I told myself to ignore it, but I constantly felt guilty that I was just being weak, and that I should try reading it. So, after a long time I summoned the courage to read it, and realized that I don't overthink the things in the Bible as much as I thought I would.

Now I am in university again and I just cannot stop thinking about becoming Christian. After the past 4 months my health improved but I feel like I still have a lot of problems, and I'm so scared. It seems like I am always analyzing my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and I hate it. It's so hard for me to live a simple life. So once again I prayed for God to show me the way, and the next day I saw a flyer about a religious conference. I went to it, but now I still feel confused as to what to do. I don't feel like I want to become Christian because I was always non religious in my life, and I'm afraid religious belief is going to bind me and remove some of my freedoms. My mom told me how religion can also be destructive in a way, and I'm just stuck in these feelings of guilt. Feeling guilty that I'm not following the path God laid for me, or feeling guilty that I'm not strong enough to look into Christianity. Personally now I know that God respects my decision, and I realize that I cannot know what God wants for me. I have to make this decision on my own.

So I was thinking of joining a Christian Club as a way to get out of my comfort zone and see how Christians are in real life. Yet I'm afraid because I cannot keep the anxious feelings and thoughts away from my mind. It's difficult for me to make a decision. I have a religious therapist now, so I'm more confident I can direct my questions to him. He told me to take it at my own pace, and yet I still constantly think if I should join the club later in a few months when I feel like I have less workload or if I should join now. A large part of me wants to remain a simple believer in God like my parents and not become Christian, yet another part of me tells me to explore Christianity and make a decision based on what I feel is right for me. Should I be courageous, not let my anxiety control me, and go attend the club? Should I stop relying on omens to lead me, and just simply not force myself to religious???? I just feel so confused and I don't feel confident in my self. I really just want to study engineering, but I need to become healthy to do that... Please help!

Nothing you wrote is all that strange. I've experienced it as many others have.

Every anti-Jesus/God action (such as studying Hinduism with the intent to be helped by it and some kinds of meditation) is a sin, and sins give Satan and his kingdom more access to you, and all they want to do is steal your life, destroy, and kill you. Everything done believing in the God and his words helps our relationship with Jesus Christ. Jesus is the only one who can drive Satan off. Humans do not have that power in themselves.

“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27, 1984 NIV)

The fact that your thoughts are so troubling indicates to me that you may have some kind of mental illness that is worse than general anxiety, such as schizophrenia (hopefully not, but something). I would see a psychiatrist and tell him your symptoms—a Christian one, if possible (there's directories of them online). If the psychiatrist diagnoses something then the medication he prescribes has a much better potential of helping you. Consider that you might have to try some different meds to find the one that works best for you, so don't delay. Some of those meds take 6 weeks for full effectiveness.

However, the spiritual and the physical are connected and can influence each other.

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32, 1984 NIV)

Jesus' death set us free from being slaves to Satan, which doesn't mean Satan can't attack, deceive, or influence Christians (we're all on the same earth), but it means we can now draw closer to God and God will help us down the path to being free of Satan oppression. The only long-term solution to spiritual oppression is to be joined with God (which happens when you get saved), but he limits what he will do until you give him moral access to do whatever he wants with you (remember he loves you enormously), and that is done by accepting his offer of salvation.

You may not be ready to commit yet, but asking Jesus to forgive you your sins with the genuine intent being of obedient to him thereafter is the only path to God. It isn't being obedient that saves you; it is the genuine intent—the yielding of your will. But not actually doing something in obedience to God means you didn't really mean it. If you aren't sure about the reality of Jesus or God, then you can still make that commitment. Through seeking God (acting on your yielded will), he will grant you to genuinely believe in him.

Start reading the New Testament in a Bible to get to know what Jesus is like and the things he promised. He is real, alive, and well. The parts of the Bible that show us what he was like are showing us his unchanging nature. What he did for someone 2000 years ago, he would do for you (in your situation, not the situation you read about from 2000 years go). We look for principles (which are always true) in what Jesus talked about. You can ask him for anything consistent with his loving nature.

I recommend you get a New Living Translation Bible (NLT), because it is a translation from the original Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic designed to convey the meaning of the verses of the Bible as simply as possible. If possible get an NLT "Study Bible," which includes notes added by that particular publisher to help you understand some of the more difficult passages in the Bible.

A Christian club is a good idea to find friends, but just associating with them won't fix your mental issues, although you can ask and keep asking them to pray for you to be healed.

Sometimes at some sort of social gathering, a question is posed as a way to start conversation. One I've heard more than once is: if you could go back in time, what would you tell your younger self. I would only need to tell myself one thing: Tell all that is going on in your heart and mind to a psychiatrist or you will pay with decades of more pain that you are capable of imagining. (I was terrified of seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist, so strong language would have been needed.)

 

[Albion]

Hello, King George! As I read your post, I could see what you were thinking and going through, but I kept running into items or decisions that made me think to myself, 'That was an unfortunate choice on his part,' or something like that.

What I think best is for you to avoid picking up on some conference being sponsored by who knows who or joining a random Christian club on campus or anything like that, which could lead you wrong and which are not intended for people in your position.

But many well-known denominations run classes for a few weeks in duration that introduce inquirers to the faith in a systematic way. The most common are the Alpha course and Christianity Explored. And they do not expect that you will necessarily join their church at the end, like some courses that are really for people who are about to or just have joined some church.

 

[Halbhh]

Hi guys,

I'm going through difficult times in my life and I wanted to seek some advice on what I can do. Some background on me, I am a 19 year old university student studying electrical engineering for my second year. School right now is stressful and I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. A lot of my thoughts and worries are really preventing me from listening to lectures, and a lot of these worries have to do with Christianity and religion on the whole. Please read about my past experiences and help me understand why I feel this way and what I can do about it.

During my first year at university I began doing meditation based off a book on Hinduism I was reading at the time. I was very focused on improving myself through meditation, and I was sleeping very little during the first 6 months of university and studying all the time. I was very egotistical about my marks and wanted to become the best in the class. Even during the first few months of school I began having intrusive sexual and harmful thoughts. For example, I would see a goose and feel an urge to have sexual intercourse with it, which I knew I would never do. Nevertheless this created a lot of anxiety for me, not to mention my thoughts of stabbing people or hurting myself. After a few months of poor self care where I didn't share my problems with anyone, I began developing bad anxiety pain and had trouble concentrating on anything. At this point I can't read a textbook for more than 10 minutes straight. I started prioritizing my health, so I stopped my bad study habits and egotistical desires. I started talking my problems out to my parents, which helped a load. Most importantly is that I began believing in God. Before this time I was raised in a household of non religious faith, but both my parents believed in God yet never talked to me about God.

So, one day during the school term I prayed to God to help me recover, and on the same day I met with some Christian mercenaries at my school. They preached to me about Christianity, and gave me a free version of the Bible to read. I started reading a little bit of Genesis, with no serious intention on understanding anything. My dad told me soon after to stop reading all these different books on philosophy, so I quit reading the Bible. I also soon quit meditation because I feared it may have also caused some anxiety to come up from my past wounds (but maybe now I feel like that may not be true).

Now after 8 months of torment, I went back home to relax and recover for 4 months. I was doubtful of my belief in God, uncomfortable with praying to Him. My mom influenced me to start believing more in God when she told me about how her belief in God made her strong. She told me how she was going through very difficult times in university and how prayer really helped her. She told me that I need to trust God and believe in good, and that God will never abandon me. I'm still a little skeptical but I became more serious about praying each morning after evening for my health and happiness.

One day I prayed for a mentor to help me get better. The same day, I volunteered for an old family friend of mine and I shared my problems with him. He recommended me to read the Bible, telling me that it was a road map that teaches you between right and wrong. He told me to connect spiritually to God, to never give up and keep praying. But I was so afraid of reading the Bible, fearing that it would cause me to start overthinking a lot of things, because at this time my mind would not stop constantly thinking about things I was uncertain about. I would be in a constant state of fear, and worries would not leave me. I was afraid that reading the Bible would cause it to get worse, and I told myself to stay simple. At this point though, I recognized that both times when I prayed for health, the very same day a Christian told me to read the Bible, and now I think it's an omen. I told myself to ignore it, but I constantly felt guilty that I was just being weak, and that I should try reading it. So, after a long time I summoned the courage to read it, and realized that I don't overthink the things in the Bible as much as I thought I would.

Now I am in university again and I just cannot stop thinking about becoming Christian. After the past 4 months my health improved but I feel like I still have a lot of problems, and I'm so scared. It seems like I am always analyzing my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and I hate it. It's so hard for me to live a simple life. So once again I prayed for God to show me the way, and the next day I saw a flyer about a religious conference. I went to it, but now I still feel confused as to what to do. I don't feel like I want to become Christian because I was always non religious in my life, and I'm afraid religious belief is going to bind me and remove some of my freedoms. My mom told me how religion can also be destructive in a way, and I'm just stuck in these feelings of guilt. Feeling guilty that I'm not following the path God laid for me, or feeling guilty that I'm not strong enough to look into Christianity. Personally now I know that God respects my decision, and I realize that I cannot know what God wants for me. I have to make this decision on my own.

So I was thinking of joining a Christian Club as a way to get out of my comfort zone and see how Christians are in real life. Yet I'm afraid because I cannot keep the anxious feelings and thoughts away from my mind. It's difficult for me to make a decision. I have a religious therapist now, so I'm more confident I can direct my questions to him. He told me to take it at my own pace, and yet I still constantly think if I should join the club later in a few months when I feel like I have less workload or if I should join now. A large part of me wants to remain a simple believer in God like my parents and not become Christian, yet another part of me tells me to explore Christianity and make a decision based on what I feel is right for me. Should I be courageous, not let my anxiety control me, and go attend the club? Should I stop relying on omens to lead me, and just simply not force myself to religious???? I just feel so confused and I don't feel confident in my self. I really just want to study engineering, but I need to become healthy to do that... Please help!

Hello and welcome! I'm encouraged by your story and optimistic for you. You will want to learn more from the One Who taught us --

"Love one another, as I have loved you."

Now, reading to learn what Christianity is, you should begin by reading where Christianity begins -- starting in the Gospel of Matthew; the 4 gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. (I recommend the popular NIV version (below), both clear and accurate.) It's important to realize this is a life long absorption of what is good, and the way to read is to read with real listening until full, which on some days could be just 1 or 2 verses even, when Christ is speaking, for me. And then to meditate on what you read some by remembering, or just dwelling with the words, later, perhaps before falling asleep. So, in your Bible you'd turn all the way to Matthew, and start there. And it's fine for Matthew in particular to begin at verse 18, because the names won't mean a lot yet except to Jews (and perhaps after you've read much more in the Bible).
Or online:
https://biblehub.com/niv/matthew/1.htm
I recommend the NIV version. Here's a very crucial thing to know about joining any Christian group -- they should visibly be doing "love one another" if they are truly Christian, because Christ said: "By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." You should see that, and if you don't, pick another group or church instead until you find it.

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

Said you wanted to see how Christians are in real life, my advice is do so with a grain of salt. People of all stripes and backgrounds exist regardless of labels. Christianity isn't a monolithic religion of perfect believers. What we have is a general set of values and principles to help us and others, it's something that's personal as we first relate to God and then to people. If you judge your faith by your expectations, especially based on others, you'll be disappointed and hopeless. Just remember you're human and them too, also it's about Jesus' righteousness which justifies us before God and not our perfection.

I feel for you as I've been there with doubts and fears. It's easy to worry and whelm ourselves about everything. When it's too much, slow down and prioritize for the day. If something can wait then leave it, also it's not necessary to do something all at once and not even in a day. What matters most for example is finding the time for it when needed, or if it's important to you. Reading and studying the Bible is an example, do so at your own pace; if a chapter is too much for a day then read part of it etc. Simply be honest with yourself about it and not excuse yourself from seeking God.

 

[Uber Genius]

I met with some Christian mercenaries at my school. They preached to me about Christianity, and gave me a free version of the Bible to read.

Think they prefer to be called "missionaries."

I don't feel like I want to become Christian because I was always non religious in my life, and I'm afraid religious belief is going to bind me and remove some of my freedoms.

Good intuition. It will bind you. It will bind you to operating the way you were designed to operate.

A few things that may help...

If Christianity is true then in order to operate the way God designed you to operate you must be related to God in alignment with that design.

In engineering how do they describe a system that operates the way it was designed to operate? They say it has integrity.

So your frame of I want to be king of my life and have sex with whomever I want and use them as objects is morally neutral if atheism is true.

However, atheism is false. If Christianity is true then why would any engineer want to harbor false beliefs about the world. This could be disastrous.

My mom told me how religion can also be destructive in a way, and I'm just stuck in these feelings of guilt. Feeling guilty that I'm not following the path God laid for me, or feeling guilty that I'm not strong enough to look into Christianity

This may be a misunderstanding of the Christian message. Guilt is a feedback mechanism built into the human soul in the form of a conscience. What engineer ignores important feedback from any system?

You are strong enough to investigate how the world operates both physically (through applied physics and engineering) as well as metaphysically.

These video resources might help highlight some of the evidence for God's existence:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWyWFV9K5Ei0jiTttfnDpXQ

These are tough questions and you are in a transitional period in your life. Take your time to discover what is true about the world and enjoy college. God will help you get a rich experience of his presence when you are ready to trust him. But as a future engineer, the more you perceive about the real world we live in the better off you will be.

 

[Albion]

Think they prefer to be called "missionaries.".

Yes. I took that to be what he meant, but I did instantly picture two guys
saying, "Psst. We have some great Christian literature here, but it'll cost you!"

 

[Uber Genius]

Yes. I took that to be what he meant, but I did instantly picture two guys
saying, "Psst. We have some great Christian literature here, but it'll cost you!"

"Take our Christian literature...or die."

 

[Serving Zion]

Hi guys,

I'm going through difficult times in my life and I wanted to seek some advice on what I can do. Some background on me, I am a 19 year old university student studying electrical engineering for my second year. School right now is stressful and I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. A lot of my thoughts and worries are really preventing me from listening to lectures, and a lot of these worries have to do with Christianity and religion on the whole. Please read about my past experiences and help me understand why I feel this way and what I can do about it.

During my first year at university I began doing meditation based off a book on Hinduism I was reading at the time. I was very focused on improving myself through meditation, and I was sleeping very little during the first 6 months of university and studying all the time. I was very egotistical about my marks and wanted to become the best in the class. Even during the first few months of school I began having intrusive sexual and harmful thoughts. For example, I would see a goose and feel an urge to have sexual intercourse with it, which I knew I would never do. Nevertheless this created a lot of anxiety for me, not to mention my thoughts of stabbing people or hurting myself. After a few months of poor self care where I didn't share my problems with anyone, I began developing bad anxiety pain and had trouble concentrating on anything. At this point I can't read a textbook for more than 10 minutes straight. I started prioritizing my health, so I stopped my bad study habits and egotistical desires. I started talking my problems out to my parents, which helped a load. Most importantly is that I began believing in God. Before this time I was raised in a household of non religious faith, but both my parents believed in God yet never talked to me about God.

So, one day during the school term I prayed to God to help me recover, and on the same day I met with some Christian mercenaries at my school. They preached to me about Christianity, and gave me a free version of the Bible to read. I started reading a little bit of Genesis, with no serious intention on understanding anything. My dad told me soon after to stop reading all these different books on philosophy, so I quit reading the Bible. I also soon quit meditation because I feared it may have also caused some anxiety to come up from my past wounds (but maybe now I feel like that may not be true).

Now after 8 months of torment, I went back home to relax and recover for 4 months. I was doubtful of my belief in God, uncomfortable with praying to Him. My mom influenced me to start believing more in God when she told me about how her belief in God made her strong. She told me how she was going through very difficult times in university and how prayer really helped her. She told me that I need to trust God and believe in good, and that God will never abandon me. I'm still a little skeptical but I became more serious about praying each morning after evening for my health and happiness.

One day I prayed for a mentor to help me get better. The same day, I volunteered for an old family friend of mine and I shared my problems with him. He recommended me to read the Bible, telling me that it was a road map that teaches you between right and wrong. He told me to connect spiritually to God, to never give up and keep praying. But I was so afraid of reading the Bible, fearing that it would cause me to start overthinking a lot of things, because at this time my mind would not stop constantly thinking about things I was uncertain about. I would be in a constant state of fear, and worries would not leave me. I was afraid that reading the Bible would cause it to get worse, and I told myself to stay simple. At this point though, I recognized that both times when I prayed for health, the very same day a Christian told me to read the Bible, and now I think it's an omen. I told myself to ignore it, but I constantly felt guilty that I was just being weak, and that I should try reading it. So, after a long time I summoned the courage to read it, and realized that I don't overthink the things in the Bible as much as I thought I would.

Now I am in university again and I just cannot stop thinking about becoming Christian. After the past 4 months my health improved but I feel like I still have a lot of problems, and I'm so scared. It seems like I am always analyzing my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and I hate it. It's so hard for me to live a simple life. So once again I prayed for God to show me the way, and the next day I saw a flyer about a religious conference. I went to it, but now I still feel confused as to what to do. I don't feel like I want to become Christian because I was always non religious in my life, and I'm afraid religious belief is going to bind me and remove some of my freedoms. My mom told me how religion can also be destructive in a way, and I'm just stuck in these feelings of guilt. Feeling guilty that I'm not following the path God laid for me, or feeling guilty that I'm not strong enough to look into Christianity. Personally now I know that God respects my decision, and I realize that I cannot know what God wants for me. I have to make this decision on my own.

So I was thinking of joining a Christian Club as a way to get out of my comfort zone and see how Christians are in real life. Yet I'm afraid because I cannot keep the anxious feelings and thoughts away from my mind. It's difficult for me to make a decision. I have a religious therapist now, so I'm more confident I can direct my questions to him. He told me to take it at my own pace, and yet I still constantly think if I should join the club later in a few months when I feel like I have less workload or if I should join now. A large part of me wants to remain a simple believer in God like my parents and not become Christian, yet another part of me tells me to explore Christianity and make a decision based on what I feel is right for me. Should I be courageous, not let my anxiety control me, and go attend the club? Should I stop relying on omens to lead me, and just simply not force myself to religious???? I just feel so confused and I don't feel confident in my self. I really just want to study engineering, but I need to become healthy to do that... Please help!

I think you would gain a lot from this booklet:

https://adonai-reigns.life/the-gospel

I would encourage you to relax about the decisions that you think you have to make about religion, because while you have said that you think you are putting too much emphasis on "following omens", the truth is that God works things together for our salvation (if we will be the sort of person who goes that way), and ultimately that is who you are choosing to become.

I would not follow anyone who wants you to follow them or to join them, because they are only doing it for self gain (religious people get addicted to making "converts"). But if you keep asking the questions to the people who talk sense, then eventually you will find the answers. And the bible is like that too, but it's a big book, it is hard to get through and make sense of, if you have no understanding of it to brgin with. That is why I shared that little booklet with you, because it gets you thinking of the bible in a way that every time you read it, you will learn something new.

So hopefully you can understand a bit better now that God is bigger than religion and He is happy for you to go with the flow and end up being who He is leading you to be, but also there is something valuable in your ability to think that He is bringing into fruition for His purpose of sharing with others

If you find that you are not able to switch off the thinking about philosophy and religion (that really is The Word of God within us: 1 John 2:14), then maybe it will be more productive to take 5, maybe walk around the block and smile at a few people, let your mind go into that praise mode where you can thank God for the world around you, (because that is prayer), and then coming back with a fresh mind to get the job done.

It's nice to see you here today, and I hope you can appreciate the variety of views!

 

[KingGeorge]

Thank you all very much. It joys me to see how many responses I've received. I understand that I don't need all the answers, and that life isnt' all white and black. I'll do my best to take things slowly

 

[sea5763]

Romans 6:16. You are worried about being bound by Christianity and trapped by it, but the truth is you are either a slave to sin or to God there is no in between. As far as joining a Christian club it can vary depending on what people you meet. You’re test about whether Christianity is good or not should be the character of our founder Jesus Christ, not people who still struggle with sin.

 

[aiki]

A large part of me wants to remain a simple believer in God like my parents and not become Christian, yet another part of me tells me to explore Christianity and make a decision based on what I feel is right for me. Should I be courageous, not let my anxiety control me, and go attend the club? Should I stop relying on omens to lead me, and just simply not force myself to religious???? I just feel so confused and I don't feel confident in my self. I really just want to study engineering, but I need to become healthy to do that... Please help!

All right, let me see what I can do for you. A few questions:

Do you know anything about Jesus? If so, what?
Why do you think God exists? And why do you think believing in Him will do you any good?
If there is a God and He made you, do you think He has a reason for doing so? If so, what might that reason be?

When we try to live apart from the purpose for which God made us, fear, frustration, emptiness, and unhappiness eventually result. Many try to fill the void at the core of who they are with various interests, and subjective illusions of meaning and purpose, and short-lived times of self-gratification. But none of these things can make up for living in accord with the purpose for which God made each of us. Only in living God's way can true fulfillment and peace be found. Do you want to be whole? Or will you pursue a life of endless efforts to distract yourself from the ultimate uselessness of a life lived apart from God? Jesus said:

Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

I've walked with God for over forty years and I can tell you that it is a life full of meaning, purpose and the fulfillment God promises to all who live as He made them to live.

 

[Holoman]

Hi guys,

I'm going through difficult times in my life and I wanted to seek some advice on what I can do. Some background on me, I am a 19 year old university student studying electrical engineering for my second year. School right now is stressful and I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. A lot of my thoughts and worries are really preventing me from listening to lectures, and a lot of these worries have to do with Christianity and religion on the whole. Please read about my past experiences and help me understand why I feel this way and what I can do about it.

During my first year at university I began doing meditation based off a book on Hinduism I was reading at the time. I was very focused on improving myself through meditation, and I was sleeping very little during the first 6 months of university and studying all the time. I was very egotistical about my marks and wanted to become the best in the class. Even during the first few months of school I began having intrusive sexual and harmful thoughts. For example, I would see a goose and feel an urge to have sexual intercourse with it, which I knew I would never do. Nevertheless this created a lot of anxiety for me, not to mention my thoughts of stabbing people or hurting myself. After a few months of poor self care where I didn't share my problems with anyone, I began developing bad anxiety pain and had trouble concentrating on anything. At this point I can't read a textbook for more than 10 minutes straight. I started prioritizing my health, so I stopped my bad study habits and egotistical desires. I started talking my problems out to my parents, which helped a load. Most importantly is that I began believing in God. Before this time I was raised in a household of non religious faith, but both my parents believed in God yet never talked to me about God.

So, one day during the school term I prayed to God to help me recover, and on the same day I met with some Christian mercenaries at my school. They preached to me about Christianity, and gave me a free version of the Bible to read. I started reading a little bit of Genesis, with no serious intention on understanding anything. My dad told me soon after to stop reading all these different books on philosophy, so I quit reading the Bible. I also soon quit meditation because I feared it may have also caused some anxiety to come up from my past wounds (but maybe now I feel like that may not be true).

Now after 8 months of torment, I went back home to relax and recover for 4 months. I was doubtful of my belief in God, uncomfortable with praying to Him. My mom influenced me to start believing more in God when she told me about how her belief in God made her strong. She told me how she was going through very difficult times in university and how prayer really helped her. She told me that I need to trust God and believe in good, and that God will never abandon me. I'm still a little skeptical but I became more serious about praying each morning after evening for my health and happiness.

One day I prayed for a mentor to help me get better. The same day, I volunteered for an old family friend of mine and I shared my problems with him. He recommended me to read the Bible, telling me that it was a road map that teaches you between right and wrong. He told me to connect spiritually to God, to never give up and keep praying. But I was so afraid of reading the Bible, fearing that it would cause me to start overthinking a lot of things, because at this time my mind would not stop constantly thinking about things I was uncertain about. I would be in a constant state of fear, and worries would not leave me. I was afraid that reading the Bible would cause it to get worse, and I told myself to stay simple. At this point though, I recognized that both times when I prayed for health, the very same day a Christian told me to read the Bible, and now I think it's an omen. I told myself to ignore it, but I constantly felt guilty that I was just being weak, and that I should try reading it. So, after a long time I summoned the courage to read it, and realized that I don't overthink the things in the Bible as much as I thought I would.

Now I am in university again and I just cannot stop thinking about becoming Christian. After the past 4 months my health improved but I feel like I still have a lot of problems, and I'm so scared. It seems like I am always analyzing my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and I hate it. It's so hard for me to live a simple life. So once again I prayed for God to show me the way, and the next day I saw a flyer about a religious conference. I went to it, but now I still feel confused as to what to do. I don't feel like I want to become Christian because I was always non religious in my life, and I'm afraid religious belief is going to bind me and remove some of my freedoms. My mom told me how religion can also be destructive in a way, and I'm just stuck in these feelings of guilt. Feeling guilty that I'm not following the path God laid for me, or feeling guilty that I'm not strong enough to look into Christianity. Personally now I know that God respects my decision, and I realize that I cannot know what God wants for me. I have to make this decision on my own.

So I was thinking of joining a Christian Club as a way to get out of my comfort zone and see how Christians are in real life. Yet I'm afraid because I cannot keep the anxious feelings and thoughts away from my mind. It's difficult for me to make a decision. I have a religious therapist now, so I'm more confident I can direct my questions to him. He told me to take it at my own pace, and yet I still constantly think if I should join the club later in a few months when I feel like I have less workload or if I should join now. A large part of me wants to remain a simple believer in God like my parents and not become Christian, yet another part of me tells me to explore Christianity and make a decision based on what I feel is right for me. Should I be courageous, not let my anxiety control me, and go attend the club? Should I stop relying on omens to lead me, and just simply not force myself to religious???? I just feel so confused and I don't feel confident in my self. I really just want to study engineering, but I need to become healthy to do that... Please help!

Hello there

I can relate to a lot of what you are going through, and let me tell you, you are not alone. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder around 6 years ago and my brain operates in a very similar way to yours. It will not stop over-analysing everything! Once it gets hooked on something it is very hard for me to stop thinking about it.

I have to tell you though, that things can and do get better. You can get to a place where you feel you're living a normal life. A few things that help me:

• Medication - I went to the doctor and got medication for it which really helps to ease the anxiety
• Mindfulness - when my mind starts obsessing about something, I bring my focus to something I'm doing, can be very simple like washing the dishes, and I describe in minute detail everything I'm doing to myself. This stops the bad thoughts from overwhelming me. It is most difficult at first, but does get easier with time
• Relaxation/meditation - I found autogenics very helped but there are lots of types. I liked doing ones guided by tapes, progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery. When the intrusive thoughts come into your mind, gently just go back to focusing on the exercise as best you can.

Now with regards to your question on Christianity, I think you should take things slowly, and at a pace you're comfortable with. Don't try to be all courageous but take small steps. The Bible is a collection of a lot of books so it's possible to start reading anywhere really.

I would start by reading a gospel like Mark or Luke. They are not very long and will cover the life and works of Jesus. You can read it and see how you feel after. Choosing a religion is of course a big decision, but there is no rush. You have time.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Hi guys,

I'm going through difficult times in my life and I wanted to seek some advice on what I can do. Some background on me, I am a 19 year old university student studying electrical engineering for my second year. School right now is stressful and I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. A lot of my thoughts and worries are really preventing me from listening to lectures, and a lot of these worries have to do with Christianity and religion on the whole. Please read about my past experiences and help me understand why I feel this way and what I can do about it.

During my first year at university I began doing meditation based off a book on Hinduism I was reading at the time. I was very focused on improving myself through meditation, and I was sleeping very little during the first 6 months of university and studying all the time. I was very egotistical about my marks and wanted to become the best in the class. Even during the first few months of school I began having intrusive sexual and harmful thoughts. For example, I would see a goose and feel an urge to have sexual intercourse with it, which I knew I would never do. Nevertheless this created a lot of anxiety for me, not to mention my thoughts of stabbing people or hurting myself. After a few months of poor self care where I didn't share my problems with anyone, I began developing bad anxiety pain and had trouble concentrating on anything. At this point I can't read a textbook for more than 10 minutes straight. I started prioritizing my health, so I stopped my bad study habits and egotistical desires. I started talking my problems out to my parents, which helped a load. Most importantly is that I began believing in God. Before this time I was raised in a household of non religious faith, but both my parents believed in God yet never talked to me about God.

So, one day during the school term I prayed to God to help me recover, and on the same day I met with some Christian mercenaries at my school. They preached to me about Christianity, and gave me a free version of the Bible to read. I started reading a little bit of Genesis, with no serious intention on understanding anything. My dad told me soon after to stop reading all these different books on philosophy, so I quit reading the Bible. I also soon quit meditation because I feared it may have also caused some anxiety to come up from my past wounds (but maybe now I feel like that may not be true).

Now after 8 months of torment, I went back home to relax and recover for 4 months. I was doubtful of my belief in God, uncomfortable with praying to Him. My mom influenced me to start believing more in God when she told me about how her belief in God made her strong. She told me how she was going through very difficult times in university and how prayer really helped her. She told me that I need to trust God and believe in good, and that God will never abandon me. I'm still a little skeptical but I became more serious about praying each morning after evening for my health and happiness.

One day I prayed for a mentor to help me get better. The same day, I volunteered for an old family friend of mine and I shared my problems with him. He recommended me to read the Bible, telling me that it was a road map that teaches you between right and wrong. He told me to connect spiritually to God, to never give up and keep praying. But I was so afraid of reading the Bible, fearing that it would cause me to start overthinking a lot of things, because at this time my mind would not stop constantly thinking about things I was uncertain about. I would be in a constant state of fear, and worries would not leave me. I was afraid that reading the Bible would cause it to get worse, and I told myself to stay simple. At this point though, I recognized that both times when I prayed for health, the very same day a Christian told me to read the Bible, and now I think it's an omen. I told myself to ignore it, but I constantly felt guilty that I was just being weak, and that I should try reading it. So, after a long time I summoned the courage to read it, and realized that I don't overthink the things in the Bible as much as I thought I would.

Now I am in university again and I just cannot stop thinking about becoming Christian. After the past 4 months my health improved but I feel like I still have a lot of problems, and I'm so scared. It seems like I am always analyzing my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and I hate it. It's so hard for me to live a simple life. So once again I prayed for God to show me the way, and the next day I saw a flyer about a religious conference. I went to it, but now I still feel confused as to what to do. I don't feel like I want to become Christian because I was always non religious in my life, and I'm afraid religious belief is going to bind me and remove some of my freedoms. My mom told me how religion can also be destructive in a way, and I'm just stuck in these feelings of guilt. Feeling guilty that I'm not following the path God laid for me, or feeling guilty that I'm not strong enough to look into Christianity. Personally now I know that God respects my decision, and I realize that I cannot know what God wants for me. I have to make this decision on my own.

So I was thinking of joining a Christian Club as a way to get out of my comfort zone and see how Christians are in real life. Yet I'm afraid because I cannot keep the anxious feelings and thoughts away from my mind. It's difficult for me to make a decision. I have a religious therapist now, so I'm more confident I can direct my questions to him. He told me to take it at my own pace, and yet I still constantly think if I should join the club later in a few months when I feel like I have less workload or if I should join now. A large part of me wants to remain a simple believer in God like my parents and not become Christian, yet another part of me tells me to explore Christianity and make a decision based on what I feel is right for me. Should I be courageous, not let my anxiety control me, and go attend the club? Should I stop relying on omens to lead me, and just simply not force myself to religious???? I just feel so confused and I don't feel confident in my self. I really just want to study engineering, but I need to become healthy to do that... Please help!

do you see a doctor for your general anxiety disorder regularly and/or are you on medications?

I only ask because so many things you are speaking of are related to fear and it seems to me that you have an unhealthy fear in your life right now that doesn't seem under control.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi guys,

I'm going through difficult times in my life and I wanted to seek some advice on what I can do. Some background on me, I am a 19 year old university student studying electrical engineering for my second year. School right now is stressful and I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. A lot of my thoughts and worries are really preventing me from listening to lectures, and a lot of these worries have to do with Christianity and religion on the whole. Please read about my past experiences and help me understand why I feel this way and what I can do about it.

During my first year at university I began doing meditation based off a book on Hinduism I was reading at the time. I was very focused on improving myself through meditation, and I was sleeping very little during the first 6 months of university and studying all the time. I was very egotistical about my marks and wanted to become the best in the class. Even during the first few months of school I began having intrusive sexual and harmful thoughts. For example, I would see a goose and feel an urge to have sexual intercourse with it, which I knew I would never do. Nevertheless this created a lot of anxiety for me, not to mention my thoughts of stabbing people or hurting myself. After a few months of poor self care where I didn't share my problems with anyone, I began developing bad anxiety pain and had trouble concentrating on anything. At this point I can't read a textbook for more than 10 minutes straight. I started prioritizing my health, so I stopped my bad study habits and egotistical desires. I started talking my problems out to my parents, which helped a load. Most importantly is that I began believing in God. Before this time I was raised in a household of non religious faith, but both my parents believed in God yet never talked to me about God.

So, one day during the school term I prayed to God to help me recover, and on the same day I met with some Christian mercenaries at my school. They preached to me about Christianity, and gave me a free version of the Bible to read. I started reading a little bit of Genesis, with no serious intention on understanding anything. My dad told me soon after to stop reading all these different books on philosophy, so I quit reading the Bible. I also soon quit meditation because I feared it may have also caused some anxiety to come up from my past wounds (but maybe now I feel like that may not be true).

Now after 8 months of torment, I went back home to relax and recover for 4 months. I was doubtful of my belief in God, uncomfortable with praying to Him. My mom influenced me to start believing more in God when she told me about how her belief in God made her strong. She told me how she was going through very difficult times in university and how prayer really helped her. She told me that I need to trust God and believe in good, and that God will never abandon me. I'm still a little skeptical but I became more serious about praying each morning after evening for my health and happiness.

One day I prayed for a mentor to help me get better. The same day, I volunteered for an old family friend of mine and I shared my problems with him. He recommended me to read the Bible, telling me that it was a road map that teaches you between right and wrong. He told me to connect spiritually to God, to never give up and keep praying. But I was so afraid of reading the Bible, fearing that it would cause me to start overthinking a lot of things, because at this time my mind would not stop constantly thinking about things I was uncertain about. I would be in a constant state of fear, and worries would not leave me. I was afraid that reading the Bible would cause it to get worse, and I told myself to stay simple. At this point though, I recognized that both times when I prayed for health, the very same day a Christian told me to read the Bible, and now I think it's an omen. I told myself to ignore it, but I constantly felt guilty that I was just being weak, and that I should try reading it. So, after a long time I summoned the courage to read it, and realized that I don't overthink the things in the Bible as much as I thought I would.

Now I am in university again and I just cannot stop thinking about becoming Christian. After the past 4 months my health improved but I feel like I still have a lot of problems, and I'm so scared. It seems like I am always analyzing my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and I hate it. It's so hard for me to live a simple life. So once again I prayed for God to show me the way, and the next day I saw a flyer about a religious conference. I went to it, but now I still feel confused as to what to do. I don't feel like I want to become Christian because I was always non religious in my life, and I'm afraid religious belief is going to bind me and remove some of my freedoms. My mom told me how religion can also be destructive in a way, and I'm just stuck in these feelings of guilt. Feeling guilty that I'm not following the path God laid for me, or feeling guilty that I'm not strong enough to look into Christianity. Personally now I know that God respects my decision, and I realize that I cannot know what God wants for me. I have to make this decision on my own.

So I was thinking of joining a Christian Club as a way to get out of my comfort zone and see how Christians are in real life. Yet I'm afraid because I cannot keep the anxious feelings and thoughts away from my mind. It's difficult for me to make a decision. I have a religious therapist now, so I'm more confident I can direct my questions to him. He told me to take it at my own pace, and yet I still constantly think if I should join the club later in a few months when I feel like I have less workload or if I should join now. A large part of me wants to remain a simple believer in God like my parents and not become Christian, yet another part of me tells me to explore Christianity and make a decision based on what I feel is right for me. Should I be courageous, not let my anxiety control me, and go attend the club? Should I stop relying on omens to lead me, and just simply not force myself to religious???? I just feel so confused and I don't feel confident in my self. I really just want to study engineering, but I need to become healthy to do that... Please help!

You are one who has an open heart and I truly feel that God is just one step away from becoming your Savior. And this is how you do it.

Kneel down
Repent of your sins, basically admitting you have done things in your life that make you feel bad.
Ask Jesus Christ of Nazareth to cleanse you from those sins.
Then ask him to send His Comforter to you for guidance and eventually gifts.

From there submit to the fact that you are forgiven. You have been cleansed. And that the Holy Spirit will guild you through your new journey..walking with Jesus Christ of Nazareth. He will walk with you 24/7 like a small still voice. As long as you present yourself as an open vessel, He will fill it continually.
God bless