Concerned about some of the fruits of my wife's spirit

[unfinishedclay]

Here I must disagree with you slightly. In my experience many believers judge other believers very harshly for a whole host of things, up to and including not being forgiving enough. It is almost like it is shine sort of competition to prove how much "more Christian" one can be than their peers. But again it seems much of this harsh judgement is reserved for sins which that person is not particularly partial to.
You can really see this in another thread which I wrote questioning the appropriateness of returning hostility with hostility.
Love versus Hostility
The very first reply I get is from somebody questioning the appropriateness of the thread in this forum. Although I did not name this or any person in my thread(hate the sin not the sinner), this person practically acknowledges that the behavior I was addressing was theirs, and that their behavior is justifiable because of the actions of another (they made me do it), and that some how questioning that behavior is not appropriate in this forum. With that being said this person is one of the harshest and most critical of others whom they either disagree with or find disagreeable.

I realize that when there is an environment of people correcting one another, there is also that risk of harshness. Honestly, I've been harsh before many times - and of those many times, I regret only a few. I'm one of those people who do believe that some folks' attitudes, abrasiveness, and entitlement often beg for a hardcore response (while others just need to be flat-out ignored) - in person and online. No violence, no belittling, no malice. But sometimes a good old fashioned chewing out is the only way to get a message across and we see it done right in the New Testament, too. No sin in it when it's called for, serves the purpose set before us, and done in tough love. (Jude 1:17-22 Pay close attention to that 17th and 22nd verse)

When I used to be timid and almost mousy as a new believer over 20 years ago, I was lead to read this: Ezekiel 3:8-9 and actually several chapters in that book. But certain passages, including verses 8 and 9, certainly stood out to me.

I read your OP. It did not deserve a harsh response nor did it deserve all the heckling that it got. (Some people just joke to the point where so much joking defines their whole purpose. That has to be their sad story, not yours.)

And the harsh correction in question doesn't need to be said to you for your concerns. It's your wife's actions that do need hardcore (not harsh) correction, especially from her employer. I've had to go toe-to-toe with employees about ethics and did not fire them when I did. Hopefully, I did give some people something to think about when they later went to work somewhere else. Some actions do call for firmness and rebuke. As a young woman, I couldn't even come to believe that until I had to let go of what touchy feely idealistic sermons were saying and read the Bible just for what It says. Of course, that's not a ticket to go and be mean-spirited at all nor harsh toward everybody (not even to most people). Every communication - whether spoken softly or firmly - is with love, forgiveness, respect, and introspection.

And remember the message about judging. When we read the manner in which people were judged in old and new Testaments, those thrown stones were real physical stones. The same Jesus Who told us not to judge in such a way called an entire crowd (just as did John the Baptist) a "generation of vipers." And He told us to observe to do what He did in discipling others. That doesn't mean we are to go to such extreme. But understand that the term "judge" was in a different context than we interpret it today. As a result, our gospel is severely watered down and enables a plethora of offenses among believers. Offenses beyond word wars. Financial theft. Domestic violence. Child abuse in many forms. Infidelity. Dishonor of marriage.

 

[Les Castor]

Ahh ok, thanks for elaborating! And yes, I agree. God is SO complex, who can fully comprehend Him? However, we certainly have the Bible painting a picture of His character and Who He is. Not to mention being imprinted onto our heart.

This may belong more in controversial theology but the church we attend teaches that the bible is nice but is likely incomplete, revised, and altered to suite the whims of man. We are taught that regardless of what the Bible, be it the King James ,NIV, or whatever the true litmus test is does this particular course of action, statement, etc show love for God and love for others. 99.99% of the time it is a straight yes or no. We are taught that deep down in your heart of heart you know what the answer is. We are taught that we many not get it right 100% of the time and that is OK as long we are not lying to ourselves about our true intentions.
A rather dramatic example our pastor gave is that if an insane man in his heart of hearts believed that he was doing right by murdering babies (and when I say insane I mean truly insane to the point that he truly believed that this was what he was being called to do), will find more favor in the eyes of the Lord than a calculation man who saves babies in order to exploit the social currency of being a hero for his own selfish ends.

 

[Les Castor]

I realize that when there is an environment of people correcting one another, there is also that risk of harshness. Honestly, I've been harsh before many times - and of those many times, I regret a few. I'm one of those people who do believe that some folks' attitudes, abrasiveness, and entitlement often beg for a hardcore response - in person and online. No violence, no belittling, no malice. But sometimes a good old fashioned chewing out is sometimes the only way to get a message across and we see it right in the New Testament, too. No sin it when it's called for, serves the purpose set before us, and done in tough love. (Jude 1:17-22 Pay close attention to that 17th and 22nd verse) When I used to be timid and almost mousy as a new believer over 20 years ago, I was lead to read this: Ezekiel 3:8-9 and actually several chapters in that book. But certain passages, including those, certainly stood out to me.

I read your OP. It did NOT deserve a harsh response nor did it deserve all the heckling that it got. (Some people just joke to the point where so much joking defines their whole purpose. That has to be their sad story, not yours.)

And the harsh correction in question doesn't need to be said to you for your concerns. Your wife's actions do need hardcore (not harsh) correction, especially from her employer. I've had to go toe-to-toe with employees about ethics and DID NOT fire them when I did. Hopefully, I did give some people something to think about when they later went to work somewhere else. Some actions do call for firmness and rebuke. As a young woman, I couldn't even come to believe that until I had to let go of what touchy feely idealistic sermons were saying and read the Bible for what It says. Of course, that's not a ticket to go and be mean-spirited and harsh toward everybody (not even most people). Every communication - whether spoken soft-spoken or firmly - is with love, forgiveness, respect, and introspection.

And remember the message about judging. When we read the manner in which people were judged in old and new Testaments, those thrown stones were real physical stones. The same Jesus Who told us not to judge in such a way called a entire crowd (just as did John the Baptist) a generation of vipers. And He told us to observe to do what He did in discipling others. That doesn't me we are to go to such extreme. But understand that the term "judge" was in a different context than we interpret it today. As a result, our gospel is severely watered down and enables a plethora of offenses among believers. Offenses beyond word wars. Financial theft. Domestic violence. Child abuse in many forms. Infidelity. Dishonor of marriage.

You should read the other thread, as ludicrous as it sounds. It is as if I am being told that the idea of being loving instead of scornful has no place in a Christian marriage forum.
As for rebuke from my wife's work, I guess it is a culture I just don't understand. When I asked her if she is worried about getting in trouble she just shrugged her shoulders and said that they all do it and her supervisor is the worst when it comes to that stuff. She explained that as long as the entire department sticks together finance and compliance will never break the wall of silence. She claims that this is normal in energy companies so I shouldn't worry about it. She says that this would be one thing if she worked for a sole proprietor but since this is a corporation is not like she is stealing from people. So in a way I guess I can appreciate that there is a line she has drawn and she doesn't feel she is victimizing any one in particular.
For what is worth, in a previous life I was a social worker but left that job when we relocated for my wife's career. So I guess I do see things a little different from her. For her entire career she had always worked for corporations where as everywhere I have worked, college intern included, revolved around social work and assistance ministry.

 

[BNR32FAN]

That's a dangerous road to go down. I mean nitpicking your wife's behavior and second-guessing whether she is applying scripture correctly in her everyday actions. It is our own lives that we should go over with a fine-toothed comb, not others'.

Eight years is a long time. I think that demonstrates that she has come a long way from her wayward youth and stuck with it. It also sounds like you have a remarkable amount of trust in your marriage, such that she is willing to accommodate your concerns and absorb you into her plans. Be careful about expressing too much generic disapproval about how she conducts the minutiae in her life. Although some of her decisions sound questionable, it also sounds like she has a good grasp of workplace expectations. If you go down that road, you might compel your wife to secrecy. No one wants to feel constantly criticized.

I would politely point out that as a husband and family Spiritual leader he should be concerned with his wife’s behavior. The thing that concerns me is when he mentioned that what she was doing was wrong she didn’t stop doing it. That is something to be concerned about. She is knowingly and willfully committing sin. My advice would be to talk with her for sure and let her know your concerns. Perhaps being around the wrong crowd could be clouding her better judgement. As a Christian she should strive to set herself apart from those who are worldly. I don’t mean to disassociate with them but to stand strong in the Spirit unwavering. That’s my thoughts.

 

[unfinishedclay]

She explained that as long as the entire department sticks together finance and compliance will never break the wall of silence.

Does that not sound like the Enron scandal back around 2001?

She claims that this is normal in energy companies so I shouldn't worry about it. She says that this would be one thing if she worked for a sole proprietor but since this is a corporation is not like she is stealing from people. So in a way I guess I can appreciate that there is a line she has drawn and she doesn't feel she is victimizing any one in particular.

This was one of the mindsets that enabled corporate corruption. Stock-holders and other investors (beginning with employees who have families) are often at stake.

Brother, don't apologize for your concerns. "Christian" mediocrity and a status-quo outlook will absolutely rebuke you for well-founded concerns about actions that should not even be named among us who say we love Christ. I'm one of those spouses, too, who have confronted similar stuff for years and felt quite defeated because I'm perceived as being too negative about pointing out what's wrong. So, years later, here come consequences along with the IRS. And do those people who told me to stop being hard on my husband get sued? Do they get questioned by the IRS? No. But I do.

Don't let anybody downplay what you saw. Just spend some time in your prayer closet with Bible wide opened and ask God. Seek Him fervently. Shut out the ignorant challenges that have so easily been typed against you behind a simple computer screen. It's easy for people to tell you that you were wrong for correcting your wife when the stakes for them telling you are no higher than the dust on the ground. Sorry. But it's just true.

When I asked her if she is worried about getting in trouble she just shrugged her shoulders and said that they all do it and her supervisor is the worst when it comes to that stuff.

It sounds like my husband has a longer criminal background as a youth than your wife had as a shoplifter in her youth. But I assure you that years into our marriage, I've heard this type of statement from him and it indicates that the very voice that convinced him to commit crimes in his youthful past is the same voice that still says these words to him when he's tempted to cross lines during this particular chapter of his life. This indicates the pattern of thinking still exists. Spiritually, it's a stronghold that was either never torn down or was re-built stronger. Sure, your wife may be delivered from other patterns of thinking. But this particular pattern of thinking is what fueled shoplifting during her previous life. The thinking is just at a higher level now. God gives us discernment about this - not to pound on the person doing the wrong, but to point it out to that person with Bible passage, to pray for that person, and address it when necessary.

Is your wife exposed to the teaching of the full gospel? Remember Hebrews 4:12 and that it explains the effectiveness of the gospel in the life of a true believer. I understand that there are churches who present the gospel as "nice". (I believe this is done in serious error, for one of many reasons. I know of a former married couple who were under a "nice" ministry. It enabled him terribly. She was physically abused until she ran from that marriage. Her husband was a man who was positioned very highly in a ministry when they were together.)

May I suggest that you listen to youtube messages within her earshot? Messages from Francis Chan, Paul Washer, and Tim Conway of Grace Community Church? Many of their messages have compelled me to kneel in repentance about buried issues of mine brought to revelation when listening to them. These videos are simple suggestions that I hope will help her. But nothing will help like fervent prayer for her. I'm telling you I do not think you were wrong for questioning your wife's actions and you were not nitpicking.

 

[Les Castor]

Does that not sound like the Enron scandal back around 2001?

That is a very interesting commentary but I would have to say no. I remember well the Eron and by extension the Arthur Anderson scandal and although rooted in greed and corruption the reason why, the execution and the intent was very different from what my wife and her cohorts are doing. In the Eron case it was a concerted effort by upper management to fabricate a facade of a hyperprofitable company to hide one which was mired in toxic debts. This was to ensure inflated stock prices in order to both hide mismanagement and grunted hefty returns for stockholders. The case of what my wife and her buddies are doing is more akin to bleeding the profitability of a strong company by inflating overhead costs. I know what point you are trying to make and I agree with what I believe your overarching asertion that ultimately this type of breech of trust is a bad thing, but I wanted to throw in a little back ground information about the event you mentioned since it had such an impact on my local area. Mind you I am not trying to nitpick you I just wanted to share something which I figure you may find interesting as well.

I'm one of those spouses, too, who have confronted similar stuff for years and felt quite defeated because I'm perceived as being too negative about pointing out what's wrong. So, years later, here come consequences along with the IRS. And do those people who told me to stop being hard on my husband get sued? Do they get questioned by the IRS? No. But I do.

I have noticed too that people tend to like to judge others for being too critical when they do not have to deal with any of the fall out of the behavior you are critical of. If I may ask, read your husband involved in some sort of financial impropriety at his place of employment ? You mentioned issues with the IRS, one thing that a lot of people do not realize is that income from illegal sources (drugs, prostitution ,theft, extortion, embezzlement, murder for hire, etc) are taxable at the same rate that legal income from a 9 to 5 are. People often times forget that tax evasion is what brought down AL Capone. This is one of the reasons I am a little scared that the benefits my wife gets from the buddy buddy system in the department she works in could be considered a taxable benefit which she is not being upfront about. So it is quite possible that even if her employer doesn't take issue with her misusing her corporate expenses for personal benefit the IRS might.

May I suggest that you listen to youtube messages within her earshot? Messages from Francis Chan, Paul Washer, and Tim Conway of Grace Community Church? Many of their messages have compelled me to kneel in repentance about buried issues of mine brought to revelation when listening to them. These videos are simple suggestions that I hope will help her. But nothing will help like fervent prayer for her. I'm telling you I do not think you were wrong for questioning your wife's actions and you were not nitpicking.

This may be the most practical piece of advice I have yet received regarding my actual concerns.

I understand that there are churches who present the gospel as "nice". (I believe this is done in serious error, for one of many reasons.

This reminds me a lot of something I half remember hearing but made a lot of sense. I think it went like this.
Two devils were each presenting to Satan his plan to destroy man. The first devil said that they should cause man to deny the existence of God through subjecting him to unimaginable horror in order to cause man to lose his faith in goodness and in extension God. The second more shrewd devil said instead of that they should put before man a plethora of pleasures of the flesh and then convince man that God is indeed real and that it is his will that man live in pleasure and that salvation is freely given with NOTHING (obediance included) expected in return.

 

[Les Castor]

The thing that concerns me is when he mentioned that what she was doing was wrong she didn’t stop doing it

I appreciate what you are saying but I want to take that though one step further. I can accept that what I consider what I may consider wrong may not be what she or someone one else considers wrong. After all I am sure that there is some Amish guy out there some where that believes that it is wrong for Christians to be congregating on a forum over the Internet regardless of what we may be discussing. So I don't think it is really fair to say that a wife should drop a behavior solely on the merit that her husband says she is doing wrong; the husband should have to have a compelling reason to condemn a behavior and the wife should have a fair opportunity to defend it, and both sides should fully weigh the merits of the other side's argument. In the situation with my wife, I have informed her of why I believe what she is doing is incorrect, she did not rebut with why she believes she is correct. Instead she actually agrees that what she doing isn't correct but states she will continue in her course of behavior because there is no enforcement mechanism in place to punish her for her behavior. (In the case of her work, the department manager will cover for her, in the case of her covering up her tags with snow, the threshold of reasonable doubt is too high to for a successful prosecution under the Criminal Code of Canada). That is the thing that I really find troubling, it is one thing to not know one is doing wrong, it is another to not agree one's actions are wrong when told, it is honestly in a totally different galaxy when one agrees he/she is wrong but is unconcerned because consequences are impractical to enfirce.

 

[unfinishedclay]

I know what point you are trying to make and I agree with what I believe your overarching asertion that ultimately this type of breech of trust is a bad thing, but I wanted to throw in a little back ground information about the event you mentioned since it had such an impact on my local area. Mind you I am not trying to nitpick you I just wanted to share something which I figure you may find interesting as well.

Hopefully all I'm doing is actually overarching and I certainly stand corrected if that comparison to Enron is extreme. Just know I'm not comparing activity to activity. I'm comparing corrupt attitudes to corrupt attitudes of full departments that presume everybody on the outside to be unimpacted. The facts that you gave in explaining are definitely interesting. Too many people I know were also impacted. But again, I'm not making a parallel between specific details but between presumptions and corrupt collaborations.

I have noticed too that people tend to like to judge others for being too critical when they do not have to deal with any of the fall out of the behavior you are critical of. If I may ask, read your husband involved in some sort of financial impropriety at his place of employment ? You mentioned issues with the IRS, one thing that a lot of people do not realize is that income from illegal sources (drugs, prostitution ,theft, extortion, embezzlement, murder for hire, etc) are taxable at the same rate that legal income from a 9 to 5 are. People often times forget that tax evasion is what brought down AL Capone. This is one of the reasons I am a little scared that the benefits my wife gets from the buddy buddy system in the department she works in could be considered a taxable benefit which she is not being upfront about. So it is quite possible that even if her employer doesn't take issue with her misusing her corporate expenses for personal benefit the IRS might.

No, my husband wasn't involved in illegal business activity. But this information that you gave on IRS is useful. Thanks.

This reminds me a lot of something I half remember hearing but made a lot of sense. I think it went like this.
Two devils were each presenting to Satan his plan to destroy man. The first devil said that they should cause man to deny the existence of God through subjecting him to unimaginable horror in order to cause man to lose his faith in goodness and in extension God. The second more shrewd devil said instead of that they should put before man a plethora of pleasures of the flesh and then convince man that God is indeed real and that it is his will that man live in pleasure and that salvation is freely given with NOTHING (obediance included) expected in return.

Which passages can I find this in? Was it in the Old Testament?

 

[mama2one]

I remember well the Eron .

you must have been attuned to news when you were only 13
usually all about middle school stuff and friends at that age


some of the things your wife's doing seem immature for late 20's, early 30's
maybe her behavior is immaturity and not spiritually related?
do you think she's immature for her age?

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I appreciate what you are saying but I want to take that though one step further. I can accept that what I consider what I may consider wrong may not be what she or someone one else considers wrong. After all I am sure that there is some Amish guy out there some where that believes that it is wrong for Christians to be congregating on a forum over the Internet regardless of what we may be discussing. So I don't think it is really fair to say that a wife should drop a behavior solely on the merit that her husband says she is doing wrong; the husband should have to have a compelling reason to condemn a behavior and the wife should have a fair opportunity to defend it, and both sides should fully weigh the merits of the other side's argument. In the situation with my wife, I have informed her of why I believe what she is doing is incorrect, she did not rebut with why she believes she is correct. Instead she actually agrees that what she doing isn't correct but states she will continue in her course of behavior because there is no enforcement mechanism in place to punish her for her behavior. (In the case of her work, the department manager will cover for her, in the case of her covering up her tags with snow, the threshold of reasonable doubt is too high to for a successful prosecution under the Criminal Code of Canada). That is the thing that I really find troubling, it is one thing to not know one is doing wrong, it is another to not agree one's actions are wrong when told, it is honestly in a totally different galaxy when one agrees he/she is wrong but is unconcerned because consequences are impractical to enfirce.

You seem like a very devoted servant of God brother. Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m sure your actions aren’t dictated by consequences. They’re dictated by the feeling you get from the Holy Spirit telling you something is wrong. To me being driven by consequences means it’s ok as long as I don’t get caught.

 

[Les Castor]

you must have been attuned to news when you were only 13
usually all about middle school stuff and friends at that age

I wish I could take the compliment and claim that my knowledge from Enon is from a first hand memory from the news from when I was a preteen but unfortunately most of what I know of the cause and effect is from the multiple case studies which were covered in the lectures of one of my social work coarse in uni.

he things your wife's doing seem immature for late 20's, early 30's
maybe her behavior is immaturity

Yes i believe she is really immature in some aspects for her age, and that's one if the reasons I only began to consider the spiritual question recently. I began to wonder perhaps could her immaturity have a spiritual component. However, I may not be the best judge of how mature a person should be for their numerical age because in my former line of work and my current volunteer work I children and teens who have a wide swing in the maturity level both over all and in certain life aspects from their numerical age. I have counseled 8 year olds from broken homes who practically take care of themselves, they know how to cook, do laundry, sign their parents names to school forms so on the surface they seem extremely "mature" or even over mature for their age. Yet when you start talking to them you learn that they have very very extreme bottled up anger issues as the result of what amounts to a stolen childhood. The fact that this rage is repressed and not dealt with correctly you would say that their emotional maturity lags far behind both their physical and social maturity. Then you have those children from any type of home whom really are like little adults and really are emotionally, socially and intellectual mature just because. I have also dealt with teens who fall into the same catagoery as my wife when she was a teen. Due to developing physically earlier in life they feel that they want to emulate what they think it means to be an "adult" these young ladies tend to be the ones who dress too provocatively for their age and environment, engage in risky social behaviors like drinking and smoking underage and as a result engage in petty crime (shoplifting) or behave in manipulative manners in order to obtain the markers of "adultness" (i.e makeup and clothing their parents refuse to buy). Mind everyone I am not [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] shaming women nor am I making a comment on how women should behave. I am speaking about children.
So I would say that I am not a fair judge of how mature my wife should be at 33. I have seen people much younger than her that show a much higher evel of maturity in certain life aspects and much lower in others and I have seen people much older than her do the same.
Even looking at the two of us you would be hard pressed to determine which one of us is more mature depending on what metric you make your determination on.
If you metriced us on our hobbies you may be tempted to rule in her favor. She packed up her hello kitty and board games when she was teenybopper and now she enjoys car modding; whereas I still collect star wars action figures and am a regular at table top role playing games. It's actually kind of funny when we went to her boss's Christmas party she wore her hot black coctail dress while I wrote a sport coat with Boba Fet cufflinks and a Darth Vader tie. I look young for my age, so when we arrived together her coworkers joked (all in good fun) that she wasn't able to find a sitter for the evening.
Then if your metric were spiritual growth and social responsibility I would say that I may show signs of higher maturity.

 

[Les Castor]

You seem like a very devoted servant of God brother. Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m sure your actions aren’t dictated by consequences. They’re dictated by the feeling you get from the Holy Spirit telling you something is wrong. To me being driven by consequences means it’s ok as long as I don’t get caught.

Exactly why I wrote this post to begin with. I completely agree with you. This is exactly why I asked if the fruits of my wife's spirit, those fruits being her attitude that temporal consequences or the lack there of is the reason to do or not do something, is indicitive of a spiritual deficiency.
However, if you read the earlier replies to this thread the majority of the comments either criticize me for being "too judgemental" on my wife or are a call back to some beef that certain posters have with another individual.

 

[Les Castor]

Which passages can I find this in? Was it in the Old Testament?

This is not biblical just something I heard in a religious context that made me scratch my head and think huh? What if ... but u would venture to guess it was made a reminder of if you love the Lord you keep his commandments.

Hopefully all I'm doing is actually overarching and I certainly stand corrected if that comparison to Enron is extreme. Just know I'm not comparing activity to activity. I'm comparing corrupt attitudes to corrupt attitudes of full departments that presume everybody on the outside to be unimpacted. The facts that you gave in explaining are definitely interesting. Too many people I know were also impacted. But again, I'm not making a parallel between specific details but between presumptions and corrupt collaborations.

In the late 2000's I was a social worker and we were dealing with a lot of the collateral damage that was inflicted on the children of those affected. Let me tell you, with that collapse and the reverberations info Arthur Anderson, you had a lot of high paying jobs evaporate almost over night. This caused children who were accustomed to a certain lifestyle thrown head first into one drastically different. So 7 to 8 years out you start seeing highschool age teens who have some what adjusted to their new reality but still don't completely undestand why, that coupled with puberty leads to some very interesting results.

 

[BNR32FAN]

Exactly why I wrote this post to begin with. I completely agree with you. This is exactly why I asked if the fruits of my wife's spirit, those fruits being her attitude that temporal consequences or the lack there of is the reason to do or not do something, is indicitive of a spiritual deficiency.
However, if you read the earlier replies to this thread the majority of the comments either criticize me for being "too judgemental" on my wife or are a call back to some beef that certain posters have with another individual.

I think it is a delicate situation brother. Do you both attend church and Bible study together? Perhaps more fellowship with other Christians and more bible study will refill her with The Spirit. I have noticed I can sometimes get a little complacent in my faith at times when I miss church and bible study. Another thing that I have found also helps to refill me with the Spirit is volunteer work at my church. It’s possible that she is just being around nonbelievers more than fellow Christians and in comparison to their sinful nature her’s is not as bad. She could be lowering her own expectations of herself in comparison to nonbelievers. I think being around more Christians we tend to always be on our absolute best behavior and narrows our path in which we walk in The Spirit. I’ve noticed myself widening the path I walk a bit when I’m around my old friends who are nonbelievers. I will pray for you and your wife to be filled with The Spirit and that God will guide you both in your walk with Christ brother.

 

[Les Castor]

I think it is a delicate situation brother. Do you both attend church and Bible study together? Perhaps more fellowship with other Christians and more bible study will refill her with The Spirit. I have noticed I can sometimes get a little complacent in my faith at times when I miss church and bible study. Another thing that I have found also helps to refill me with the Spirit is volunteer work at my church. It’s possible that she is just being around nonbelievers more than fellow Christians and in comparison to their sinful nature her’s is not as bad. She could be lowering her own expectations of herself in comparison to nonbelievers. I think being around more Christians we tend to always be on our absolute best behavior and narrows our path in which we walk in The Spirit. I’ve noticed myself widening the path I walk a bit when I’m around my old friends who are nonbelievers. I will pray for you and your wife to be filled with The Spirit and that God will guide you both in your walk with Christ brother.

Yes brother we do attend church together, and she does seem to enjoy it. This week though I think I am attending alone again. She left on Friday for another trip and she says she should be back Sunday afternoon. I am praying that she doesn't run into our causes any trouble on this trip.
It's interesting when you say bring around other Christians helps one be on their best behavior. That for the most part is true, but how much of that is the result of us wanting to appear a certain way rather than expressing on the outside that which is on the inside?