Christian counseling?

[Servant68]

Was at my weekly Bible study Thursday night and one of the members mentioned that the church wàs looking for volunteers to get training in counseling.

I asked what resources were available currently for counseling since I attended a few sessions during my divorce and found them very helpful.

You'd have thought I just admitted to being a serial killer from some of the reactions.

I explained that the person I saw wàs an actual psychiatrist and had great insight into the psychological damage done by divorce.

A man in my group who is currently separated from his wife sat silently and then quickly got up and left without saying anything he was so upset.

I think everyone can benefit from counseling no matter how emotionally healthy they are. And I think Christians as a whole especially need counseling from what I've observed.

But I do think there are a couple of big issues in this regard. First, I think there is a stigma attached to counseling and second, there's a huge demand in the church that isn't being met.

Thoughts?

 

[blackribbon]

One more concern....that they feel they can provide counseling (why they are looking for volunteers) when they think so poorly of the value of someone who admits that they have gotten Christian counseling.

Personally, I worry about "lay" counselors who only have brief training and got their position by volunteering. I think counseling is a calling and not just a volunteer job like parking lot attendant or even VBS teacher where you are given a lesson plan to follow.

My son had a bunch of issues when we first discovered that he was ADHD (as an adult) and I got a counselor on top of the medical side of the diagnosis. I was being proactive because he was in EMT school and I wanted him to have an established relationship with a counselor BEFORE he saw or experienced something horrific so that he had a safe place to go with his feelings. This was not through the church so it was done with a lot of prayer. The counselor we were referred to was a person who attended our church and had just lost her dad like my son had (even if the time in life was different).

My son is now having more issues and I was looking for a Christian crisis center to send him too for deeper counseling on a daily basis. None to be found other than if you are pregnant or having a marriage problem. It is sad because my daughter and I also need some Christian support as we help him and we are the collateral damage of his crisis.

Why do people believe that becoming a Christian means that suddenly everything in your life will be perfect including your mental health?

 

[Servant68]

There is a pervasive attitude in the church that if you need counseling, then you aren't a good Christian.

I attended a church in Arizona in which the pastor was awesome and delivered thought-provoking and life-changing sermons. He often challenged traditional "Christian" views on subjects such as seeking counseling, drinking, keeping up appearances, etc.

Ironically, it was his associate pastor that I initially sought out for advice on my failing marriage. He told me that my wife's heart was too hardened to save the marriage and to just let it end gracefully. Turned out to be spot-on advice.

Personally, I worry about "lay" counselors who only have brief training and got their position by volunteering

I agree. Most Christian "counselors" I've met are little more than nice people who are good listeners. It wasn't until I met a real psychiatrist who was also a Believer and knew what questions to ask and how those answers helped diagnose unhealthy thought processes.

 

[dayhiker]

When i was young there was definately negative attitudes toward psychiatrists, etc. I don't think that attitude was just people in the church but almost everyone where I lived.
Where I live I don't see as much negative feelings toward councillors, coaches etc.

Councillors of all types need a lot of training. A masters or PHD level training is years of study. Volunteers will not come any where near this training level. Plus they go to week long conferences once or twice a year.
My life experience says there are a lot of people with a lot of different issues they are trying to resolve. Most lay people can't even diagnose what is wrong let along know a therapy that will solve the problem. I have taken Divorce Care and Grief Share which do help a lot of people. Those are generic wisdom that most people figure out living their life.

 

[JAM2b]

For a time my sons and I were homeless in a long-term shelter. One of the requirements for staying there was that I had to be in counseling. I had trouble with the application for process for health care benefits which would have included professional counseling and had to go with whoever would do it for free.

There was a women's ministry who offered lay counseling. I was paired with a woman in her late 50's who had been a stay-at-home mom, housewife, and Sunday School teacher her whole entire adult life. Once her kids were grown she took a few classes, and became a "counselor" but never intended to earn money off of it because she didn't need money; it was only because she wanted to give back and minister to people. I knew so much about her because during the sessions she talked about herself a lot.

She did not have listening skills, psychology education, or life experiences to draw on in order to qualify for serious counseling. She ignored my needs and insisted that she knew what my true needs were, which was really just what she wanted to focus on because she got so much out of it for herself. I also noticed while meeting with her for a couple of months, that she was not very mature. She had not grown through difficult circumstances and didn't have the wisdom, attitude, humility, understanding, or behavior of someone who had learned some lessons. Her world revolved around her close knit circle of family and friends who were just like her. Her "counseling" reflected that.

Basically, she was a very good Sunday School teacher who was trying to play rescuer to fill her boredom and give herself more meaning for her life. I tolerated the sessions until I no longer had to see her. I didn't have respect for her. She didn't help me. I was already progressed beyond what she could do. Seeing her was only hurtful and a waste of my time and effort. It was one of the most frustrating counseling experiences I have ever had, and I've quite a few.

 

[Celticroots]

I think counseling can help if someone wants the help. And if they and the therapist are a good fit.

I am wary of Christian counseling. I had it once through my church, and although the woman was kind, and not a bad listener, I felt like she didn't have enough experience to help me in what I was seeing her for. I felt like I wasn't making progress.

I am sure there a wonderful Christian counselors and I might be open to seeing one providing they had the right amount of credentials and schooling, and had the right attitude regarding mental health issues (depression, anxiety) and treated hundreds if not more people with mental health issues. And understood mental health issues are not due to sin, or weakness or any other stupid thing.

I absolutely would not trust a lay person, a "volunteer" with my mental health.

Also, what is wrong with secular therapists? By secular I don't mean atheists, but someone whose business is not included with the church.

Two therapists (a past one) and the one I am currently seeing, have helped me tremendously. I consider them both answers to prayers. Their services are not offered through a church.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I had once partaken in a Christian singles group that had seriously damaged people in it, usually divorce's or people having come out of bad relationships.

I recall one woman that said she did not trust men (outside her co-workers) one bit as result of her cheating husband. For years she didn't date, and still vows to never date due to her mistrust in men.

They also gave "testimonials" where the content of the conversations was so personal and disturbing I thought, "Do I need to be hearing this?" But apparently, it was more a miserly loves company situation. One time at a social gathering at someone's B-day party...good times became awkward when someone decided to have a cathartic experience that turned into at least a half-hour long prayer circle.

One of those "come to Jesus" moments I guess I was thinking, "Can we just say a short prayer, and enjoy the party?"

They were seriously obsessed with giving testimonials. That wasn't the group to be doing it in, I even mentioned to the leader that they may want to find some other section of the Christian community for that kind of thing.

 

[blackribbon]

It actually is very therapeutic and healing to "tell your story". There is a reason the judges let 150+ girls/women tell their experiences with Dr Nassar after he was already going to get the highest level of sentencing. It isn't that misery loves company but rather verbalizing your issues is an important step in healing.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

It actually is very therapeutic and healing to "tell your story". There is a reason the judges let 150+ girls/women tell their experiences with Dr Nassar after he was already going to get the highest level of sentencing. It isn't that misery loves company but rather verbalizing your issues is an important step in healing.

True, but there is a time and a place for that kind of thing. More at a church or some Bible study function...but at Birthday/BBQ?

In this case, he rehashed something (the same thing) that was already performed at said Bible study. Apparently, someone missed it. (Could have taken him off to the side to tell him).

At first, I thought he was just going to give a summary of it, but he decided to go for a lengthy, half hour dramatic experience. He sucked some guy who is known to do singing in the group, and asked him to sing a song. Even he was thrown off by trying to pull some song out of the air. He said so himself.

There is such thing as over doing it.

 

[rubyinprogress]

Was at my weekly Bible study Thursday night and one of the members mentioned that the church wàs looking for volunteers to get training in counseling.

I asked what resources were available currently for counseling since I attended a few sessions during my divorce and found them very helpful.

You'd have thought I just admitted to being a serial killer from some of the reactions.

I explained that the person I saw wàs an actual psychiatrist and had great insight into the psychological damage done by divorce.

A man in my group who is currently separated from his wife sat silently and then quickly got up and left without saying anything he was so upset.

I think everyone can benefit from counseling no matter how emotionally healthy they are. And I think Christians as a whole especially need counseling from what I've observed.

But I do think there are a couple of big issues in this regard. First, I think there is a stigma attached to counseling and second, there's a huge demand in the church that isn't being met.

Thoughts?

I agree that counseling is helpful. I am biased...I am a licensed professional counselor. I work at a Christian counseling agency that was started by a man and his wife who were in a Sunday school class and one of the other couples suddenly divorced with "no warning". They realized that marriages needed support and they became proactive in helping that happen.

There is a stigma in the church, although it is improving. There is also a problem of such unrealistic expectations on Christians (if you're a Christian you should be happy all the time, you should not have problems, you should certainly not have marriage problems, your kids should be well behaved...ad nauseum). Oh and lest I forget, you should never, ever, under penalty of certain eternal hell have a same gender attraction. So, the result is that people don't feel safe sharing their struggles in church. A Christian counselor provides the confidentiality needed to "Confess your sins one to another that you might be healed." We confess to God for forgiveness, but healing comes through CONNECTION with other believers. Honest, sincere, no holds barred connection. So that if a person is struggling with porn they can talk about it, having lustful thoughts toward a coworker, have a teenager who is acting out, they have a safe place to work through these issues and get help. People come into my office and share things they've "never told anyone". Until the church can provide that level of trust building confidentiality Christian counselors are the safest place for people to get the help they need.

I rambled. I hope I addressed your post.

 

[Servant68]

Oh and lest I forget, you should never, ever, under penalty of certain eternal hell have a same gender attraction.

There is a man that lives a few houses down from me who is a wonderfully outgoing and intelligent guy. When I bought my house, he came over and introduced himself as a Christian man who was single.

He's confided in me over the past couple of years that he is a recovered homosexual who is divorced and is struggling with same-sex attraction issues. I feel bad for the guy. Great guy and enjoyable to talk to, but extremely effeminate. I assumed he was gay as soon as we started talking the first time we met. Still, I refuse to treat him any differently than any other brother in Christ and am always welcoming and pleasant when I see him around town.

 

[rubyinprogress]

There is a man that lives a few houses down from me who is a wonderfully outgoing and intelligent guy. When I bought my house, he came over and introduced himself as a Christian man who was single.

He's confided in me over the past couple of years that he is a recovered homosexual who is divorced and is struggling with same-sex attraction issues. I feel bad for the guy. Great guy and enjoyable to talk to, but extremely effeminate. I assumed he was gay as soon as we started talking the first time we met. Still, I refuse to treat him any differently than any other brother in Christ and am always welcoming and pleasant when I see him around town.

I am glad he has you for a friend.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi rubyinprogress .... welcome to CF ... Mature singles used to be much more active a year or so ago. Glad you stopped by.

 

[rubyinprogress]

Hi rubyinprogress .... welcome to CF ... Mature singles used to be much more active a year or so ago. Glad you stopped by.

Hi Dayhiker, I remember you from CC. I have been on this site for 5 years but I tended to get into a discussion and people would get rude and I would sign off. I think I have learned my lesson. I am not going near any theological discussions or scientific debates. I just want to "hang out" with other believers.

 

[dayhiker]

Good to run into you again, rubyinprogress .... Its good to learn what threads to be apart of and which ones to avoid. Just like any place else in life we have to learn what our boundaries are. I'm apart of a small Christian message board. There is one guy who irritates me a lot. So I read most of the posts, but I never post because I don't want to interact with this one guy. The owner of the message board doesn't interact with him either, so I think at some point he may leave for good .. then I'll start posting again.

 

[Sammy-San]

Was at my weekly Bible study Thursday night and one of the members mentioned that the church wàs looking for volunteers to get training in counseling.

I asked what resources were available currently for counseling since I attended a few sessions during my divorce and found them very helpful.

You'd have thought I just admitted to being a serial killer from some of the reactions.

I explained that the person I saw wàs an actual psychiatrist and had great insight into the psychological damage done by divorce.

A man in my group who is currently separated from his wife sat silently and then quickly got up and left without saying anything he was so upset.

I think everyone can benefit from counseling no matter how emotionally healthy they are. And I think Christians as a whole especially need counseling from what I've observed.

But I do think there are a couple of big issues in this regard. First, I think there is a stigma attached to counseling and second, there's a huge demand in the church that isn't being met.

Thoughts?

What is counseling exactly? Exercising textbook knowledge in helping others?

One need a license to be a counselor, but what does that mean exactly? One needs a license to exercise textbook knowledge over a person they are trying to help, or just needs a license to use that title?

 

[blackribbon]

Counseling does not require a license unless you are a professional licenced counselor. I suspect that anyone can declare themselves a counselor on almost any subject...sort of like a life coach.

 

[dayhiker]

Today I hear quite a few people using the word life coach if they are outside the university degree to standard test to licensed by one the licensing boards. I think life coaches work well for some parts of ones life but also think they wouldn't work for other issues.

 

[Northbrook]

In Greek Orthodoxy, there is a famous book: Orthodox Psychotherapy, by Metropolitan Hierotheos Vlachos. He's a metropolitan (bishop), not a therapist, and his point is that the Greek Orthodox Church is a HOSPITAL which SIN-SICK people enter and can be cured. I have sins like anyone else, but I also need therapy for my addiction (to food). So I listen to Ancient Faith Radio's "Healing Addictions" radio program with Russian Orthodox priest Fr. Christophe Lepoutre. To listen to Ancient Faith Radio (free internet radio for Orthodox Christians, all in English, many converts), go to http://www.ancientfaith.com/.