Baptist dating a charasmatic totally in love but devided on theology and deperate

[hockeyplayer]

Hey everyone, if you can help at all please do so... Me and my girlfriend are totally and completely in love we want to marry each other but we are so devided over the bible and i feel really bad as so far we cant work this out and we get in really big fights... you see the problem is im pretty much i dont believe in tounges and the gifts as they are used in the churches today... To me it all seems like show. Whereas she is hardcore charasmatic and believes in everything on tv and all the gifts... WE totally love each other but she wants to be a pastor, yet if i cant support her in her calling then it cant work....

Is there anyways we can save this without one of us giving up our faith which neither is prepared to do?

I also hope this dosent become a debate on charasmatic vs.fundamentalist because weve already tried that and it just dosent solve anythign so please help..
thanks so much to all of you.

 

[Briseis]

I personally would never consider dating someone in the first place if they didnt belive as I did. Not because I think ppl who dont are bad, but just because it can cause so many problems and be painful. The only solution I see is the obvious. Accept each others beliefs. I dont mean to accimilate the beliefs to become your own, but just accept the fact that you believe differently and forget it. But clearly, that is not easy. This is a very difficult situation. If you were to marry and she became a pastor, not only would you disagree with her beliefs, but also with her career, and this could cause a lots of problems concerning acceptance in general. I am not a voice of authority and do not want to be heard as one. I do not wish to be negative, but I dont see how it would work.

 

[jesuslivesinme]

I went through almost the same thing, except i was charismatic. You see growing up as a pastors son, in a pentecostal church. Not that I had anything against baptist, but i always thaught that i would end up with a girl from my congregation...(totally falsE) one day God prepared a way for me to meet my future wife. she was baptist, and me pestecostal. We had debates and I wouldn't budge at all. Before we met she had arrangments to go to Mali, AFrica for one year (which right now we are in the 4th month) while she left, I asked myself... I know we are meant for each other, but what church are we going to go to, how is my ministry going to be backed by my wife(future) going to work out, well God had other plans. I was open, and one thing led to another, my beliefs are not the same, But i dont share everything to the letter. But god showd me that my ministry with youth was going to be accomplished at her church, and ive been going there for a little over a month and do i regret it...not at all. even if it caused grief upon my family. I know it was God's will. As for the speaking in tounges, it is a subject which is biased. I believe in it, but not all out. God is the same foreever and ever..he did it once why not again?. but i do believe that some congregations OVER used it and bad rep followed. I suggest that you pray together that God opens both of your hearts, that you go and talk to other people, get all of the facts you can...than chart out what you believe. But as you said it is hard for a couple that dont have the same belifs. You will be in my prayers! but dont forget...If you are truly meant to be together...I belive that God will provide. God speed

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i would have a hard time dating someone who didn't believe in the same things as me. for the most part though, baptists and charasmatic/pentecostals aren't all that different when it comes to beliefs. the only difference really is the issue of spiritual gifts. but i understand your frustration and i would just ask God about it and try not to let my feelings for that person get in the way of what God has to say about it. you are both christians so its possible that God's plan is for you to be together. praying

 

[Catherineanne]

Is there anyways we can save this without one of us giving up our faith which neither is prepared to do?

First of all, I am very pleased for you both. I love to hear stories of happiness, and you are both very much blessed in one another, if you are so much in love.

My advice, such as it is, is for you to concentrate on what you both believe. Every single point where you agree wholeheartedly, and can never disagree. If you find a point of contention, put it to one side; it does not matter half as much as where you agree. This is what love means.

When you have run out of areas of agreement to celebrate, then and only then should you turn to areas of disagreement. With any luck, by then they will have resolved themselves.

In terms of your girlfriend's faith and possible ministry, you are entitled to disagree with her beliefs, but you are not entitled to undermine her faith, or her calling, in any way. So your part is to support, and to withhold criticism. If you love her as you say, this should be no problem. And your girlfriend will need to give you the same respect, and the same space for your beliefs.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

back in the mid 60s AD, Nero would have cooked you both without regard to your doctrinal positions.
Giving up faith is rejecting Jesus Christ as your savior.
I think the enemy enjoys using our pet doctrines in order to sow division among us, generating anger and hate over things that do not matter.

 

[ahmunmun]

Hockeyplayer - As a Charismatic Christian myself, I can offer you some issues to think about.

I find it hard to talk to other Christian friends about my denomination, let alone a boyfriend!

For example, the Holy Spirit usually fills me up when I'm in church and I'll start shedding tears. Other Charismatic Christians understand this experience, but if I talk to Christians of other denominations about this, they would think it's strange. This is one reason why I can't go to a church of another denomination, because the Holy Spirit won't fill me up there because He knows it would cause division between me and the church. I love the Holy Spirit so much that I would want Him to do what He desires, so that's why I only go to a charismatic church, so the Holy Spirit can fill me up whenever He wants, without worry about causing division.

Also, my brother is autistic. My family has been seeking a miracle for a long time. There are Charismatic churches that say, "May God's miracle rest upon your brother! Divine healing is part of the atonement, so believe it will happen!" There are conservative churches that say, "Don't expect a miracle. It might not be God's will." I tell these conservative churches that a Charismatic church that I attended pursued miracles, and many people got one. Their response was for me to watch out, because that church could be a cult. Do you see exactly how important it is for me to go to a Charismatic church? Because only they will pray for a miracle for my brother! I can't even talk to conservative churches about miracles because they think less of the gift of healing, and they believe that it's "cultic."

Back to your situation... Even though dating someone with a different denomination can work, I would ask that you think about a few things. Firstly, if one day the two of you get married, will you be attending church together? If so, then is one of you okay with switching to a church of a different denomination just to be with the other person? What about your future children? Which denomination will they be converted into? If one child has an illness (like my brother does), are you willing to go to Charismatic miracle services to get the healing? Or will you think those services are strange? Also, what if you catch your wife praying in tongues at home? Will you be uncomfortable? I know many non-Charismatics who are uncomfortable when they hear people praying in tongues...

Just because I can't date a Christian of a different denomination, doesn't mean you can't. I can't because the Charismatic denomination means too much to me. I want to go to a Charismatic church so the Holy Spirit will touch me! I want to pursue a miracle for my brother! I believe in divine healing in the atonement! I just cannot see myself dating a person who doesn't support my belief. I don't want to ever shut my mouth about the Holy Spirit, about miracles, about tongues, etc... If one of you you feel as strongly about your denomination as I do, then I would advise you two to think about dating someone with the same denomination. Otherwise, if you're both willing to drop the denomination debate, then it will work.

I also recommend that you talk to people from the Spirit-Filled/Pentacostal/Charismatic forum. Maybe learning more about our denomination will help you see things from our view, and thus understand your girlfriend more. I also think your girlfriend should learn more about your denomination.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

hockeyplayer,

I don't believe that one needs to give up their faith in order to support another in their faith. I reccommend that you both read From This Day Forward by Cokie (Roman Catholic) and Steven Roberts (Jew)-they both strongly support one another's religious faith, but obviously they do not share the same convictions. I really don't think speaking in tongues should divide the two of you, you both follow Jesus.

DIANE

 

[inchristalone221]

We have a similar situation. We have very different theological positions on some things (not many though). For example, I am a calvinist, whereas she is slightly arminian. She believes in a future antichrist, I believe the prophecy is already and continually fulfilled in the Roman pope. In short, we are both baptist, but I am a reformed baptist and she is a southern baptist.

We get along because we share the same gospel. We both profess Christ crucified and substitutionary atonement. We both profess, as did Augustine, "In essentials unity, in nonessentials liberty, and in all things charity."

Our theological discussions are some of my favorite moments in our relationship. We have very friendly, very considerate discussion, knowing that we love each other and that we both serve the same Lord.

 

[bliz]

back in the mid 60s AD, Nero would have cooked you both without regard to your doctrinal positions.
Giving up faith is rejecting Jesus Christ as your savior.
I think the enemy enjoys using our pet doctrines in order to sow division among us, generating anger and hate over things that do not matter.

You took my answer, Mr. Cheese!

Neither one of you is being asked to give up your faith. Your faith is not in Baptist theology, I assume, but in Jesus Christ. Or, perhaps this is hard to deal with becasue way too much of your faith is in Baptist Theology. (You posted, so we are going to talk about you and what you can do.) To date, Baptist theology has saved no one from their sins, nor has any other Chrisztian perspective.

Sit down together and make a list, I hope a very long one, of all the areas of life and theology where you share beliefs. You hold far more in common than you hold in difference.

The Bible commands husbands to love their wifes as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the Church? He gave up His life for His bride, the Church. What are you willing to give for your bride? Your life is not required... just a few non-salvation issues.

And if you are not willing to do so, you need to sever the relationship and go your seperate ways becasue the relationship will never work out.

 

[inchristalone221]

I have to disagree. He does not have to surrender on his doctrinal positions. In my case, neither she nor I have given up a single one of our opinions yet. We talk about them, but we talk about them considerately out of respect for one another and for our love. I have no doubt that we will gradually change beliefs together, but it will NOT be for the purpose of conforming to one another. It will be because of scripture and scripture alone, and we will grow together and believe more of what scripture teaches.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

It sounds like you are unequally yoked. What is more important? Your girlfriend or your beliefs? It sounds harsh and it isn't meant to be, but when two people especially believers disagree on what to believe the repersussions are enormous. What kind of church will you attend? Or will you go seperatly? What will you teach your children? If youreally want to try to get this to work I think your first step would be for you to study the gifts from a perspective of why they are still used today. And for her to study the gifts from a perspective of why they were only for then. One of you may change your stance on it and things could work out. But you have to both be openminded to the others way of thinking.

 

[Sketcher]

I believe that if you two can't agree on what church to go to and if you can't worship together in harmony, you're asking for problems when you marry and have kids. Especially in this situation - she wants to be a pastor, for crying out loud. If you can't support her calling and can't agree on what to teach the children then you two should not marry each other.