Alone at Mass

[Meowzltov]

One of the paradoxes of introverts is that we feel most alone in crowds.

Where I live, in Southern California, all the Catholic parishes have been absolutely gigantic. You never sit next to the same person again. There is no way to make friends simply by going to Mass. You make friends in Catholic churches by becoming part of smaller groups within the group such as Choir or Catholic Daughters. I for example know people at my parish because I volunteer at the parish office and attend a small faith group Bible study.

My problem is that I never see any of my Catholic friends when I go to Mass (except the priest! ha!). I could be visiting at some church in a strange city, for all the people I know. I know it's much harder for me, because I'm just simply awful at remembering faces and names--I FULLY admit I have a problem with this. But quite honestly, when there is a sea of a thousand people, I think it would be hard for even an extrovert to work up to the usual circle of friends.

It wasn't always this way, because I used to have a family. I loved to have my husband kneeling next to me. And as much as it was a distraction to be vigilant over my kids, keeping them from bugging each other during Mass, it was wonderful. Even after the divorce, just having my son and daughter gave me more get up and go to get up and go to Mass.

Now they are gone.

You know, I am actually quite happy and fulfilled in my life of celibacy and service. I'm a virtual nun and it's wonderful. I'm exactly where God wants me to be.

The only time it gives me problems... is at Mass. It's not like I sit there longing for family. Actually those thoughts don't even go through my mind. It's just that there is this constant feeling of emptiness that is present. Like the vacant seat next to me.

Even nuns have other sisters to sit with.

 

[MikeK]

I'm sorry.

Thank you for the volunteer work you do. Parishes need involved parishioners!

 

[S.ilvio]

One of the paradoxes of introverts is that we feel most alone in crowds.

Where I live, in Southern California, all the Catholic parishes have been absolutely gigantic. You never sit next to the same person again. There is no way to make friends simply by going to Mass. You make friends in Catholic churches by becoming part of smaller groups within the group such as Choir or Catholic Daughters. I for example know people at my parish because I volunteer at the parish office and attend a small faith group Bible study.

My problem is that I never see any of my Catholic friends when I go to Mass (except the priest! ha!). I could be visiting at some church in a strange city, for all the people I know. I know it's much harder for me, because I'm just simply awful at remembering faces and names--I FULLY admit I have a problem with this. But quite honestly, when there is a sea of a thousand people, I think it would be hard for even an extrovert to work up to the usual circle of friends.

It wasn't always this way, because I used to have a family. I loved to have my husband kneeling next to me. And as much as it was a distraction to be vigilant over my kids, keeping them from bugging each other during Mass, it was wonderful. Even after the divorce, just having my son and daughter gave me more get up and go to get up and go to Mass.

Now they are gone.

You know, I am actually quite happy and fulfilled in my life of celibacy and service. I'm a virtual nun and it's wonderful. I'm exactly where God wants me to be.

The only time it gives me problems... is at Mass. It's not like I sit there longing for family. Actually those thoughts don't even go through my mind. It's just that there is this constant feeling of emptiness that is present. Like the vacant seat next to me.

Even nuns have other sisters to sit with.

Thank you for this post. I share your feelings at Mass. I attend with my mother most Sundays but I know empathise with you.

You put my efforts to shame hen I compare my service.

I must strive harder...

 

[LivingWordUnity]

Open Heart,

Thank you for sharing with us. I'm an introvert, too.

It's good that you feel happy and fulfilled with living a life of celibacy and service.

 

[pdudgeon]

me too. my church is smaller, so i do see faces that i am familiar with at least, but I'm still new enough that I'm not really plugged into the various groups at church. The closest I come is the group that attends daily mass (except for mid week---no mass on Wednesdays).
It seems like they are all multi-taskers at church, and very involved, but i haven't found another niche yet.
so i kind of hang out on the fringes, glad to be there.
all of my years of service were done before i arrived at being Catholic,
so i have a good involvement and service history, but nothing involved with the church currently.

Oddly enough it's similar to what i imagine being in the Secret Service would be like...
calm on the surface and paddling madly beneith the water.
most of what i do is hidden and known to God.

 

[Meowzltov]

Oddly enough it's similar to what i imagine being in the Secret Service would be like...
calm on the surface and paddling madly beneith the water.

LOL

 

[Fantine]

One ministry you could volunteer for would be driving someone to Church who doesn't have transportation. I know California doesn't have much public transportation available.

We take a man who lives in an assisted living center to Church sometimes. He uses a walker for balance, but he gets around just fine, and the walker fits easily in the car.

 

[pdudgeon]

One ministry you could volunteer for would be driving someone to Church who doesn't have transportation. I know California doesn't have much public transportation available.

We take a man who lives in an assisted living center to Church sometimes. He uses a walker for balance, but he gets around just fine, and the walker fits easily in the car.

that's a good idea, but the niche is already filled by others in the church.

 

[Fantine]

You could put yourself on a list to substitute, or to fill this need when another person requests help. I really think you would enjoy it.

 

[Meowzltov]

One ministry you could volunteer for would be driving someone to Church who doesn't have transportation. I know California doesn't have much public transportation available.

This was so important to me back when I didn't have a car. The bus only ran every other hour on Sunday, meaning I'd have to wait an hour and a half for Mass. It was such a long walk that I'd be sweaty and worn out by the time I'd get there, and in the summer heat it was just impossible. I was utterly dependent on rides from other parishioners.