Addicted to being numb

[Godsgirl481]

I'll do anything....and I mean anything to numb myself on the inside. When I was little I used sex and cutting. I stopped cutting a year ago and got heavy into pot and alcohol. Now my favorite drug is coke and pain pills cause they numb the best. I don't have to have just one drug though...I could replace anyone with the next...just as long as I have something to numb myself all the time. Guess I am addicted to being numb

 

[jesus freakin]

then maybe you should stop doing drugs and actually do something to your life and find some help.

 

[AudioArtist]

You're obviously doing that to hide some sort of pain. Sure, it's fun and works now but it'll be far worse later on if you don't stop immiediately and face the reasons WHY you need to feel that way. I think.

 

[Godsgirl481]

then maybe you should stop doing drugs and actually do something to your life and find some help.

Finding help is not as easy as it sounds

And Yes, there are reasons why

 

[AudioArtist]

It must be terrible in your situation. I'm sorry, but I don't know much about this stuff! Just pray that you can get in contact with an organization that can help you.

 

[oldrooster]

Finding help is not as easy as it sounds

And Yes, there are reasons why

Help is as close as your nearest NA meeting, there will be a lot of folks there who will understand what you have been through. I know, I have been clean 6 years now......

 

[Godsgirl481]

help is about talkimg...something that i do not want to do

 

[hischildsindik]

I'll do anything....and I mean anything to numb myself on the inside. When I was little I used sex and cutting. I stopped cutting a year ago and got heavy into pot and alcohol. Now my favorite drug is coke and pain pills cause they numb the best. I don't have to have just one drug though...I could replace anyone with the next...just as long as I have something to numb myself all the time. Guess I am addicted to being numb

Bams, I'm sorry you feel as if you have to be numb to get through life. I can empathize with that, although I never got into drugs so much. I did turn to alcohol for a while, but for me there are other ways... other things, just as addicting. I've read some of your other posts in another thread so I understand a bit where you are coming from. I come from similar background, so I can understand a bit. If you ever need an ear, or in the case of this being internet, a couple of eyes and a heart to listen, please do not hesitate to PM me.

It is hard to talk, very hard to talk. It took me 4 hours once to tell a good friend of mine that my biological father had sexually abused my brother and sister... that wasn't even me and it still took 4 hours. By the time I started talking about mine, it didn't take as long, but it was harder to tell. Just talk and tell what you can, Bams, and some will listen with their heart and reach out.

I went into therapy for a few years. Now, due to other things happening and creaping up, I have gone back and am on antidepressants for now. I know God listens, He always does. It just sometimes helps to have that instant feedback from another. If you like hugs... here you go.

 

[cynjo59]

Do you have a trusted friend, even someone online, that you can talk with? There is a reason that you do these things. I suspect (and you can correct me if I'm wrong) that there is abuse of at least one type in your past. You strive to feel "numbness" because it at least is not pain. Yet, there is not one type of hurt that you feel that Jesus does not understand and not one that He cannot heal. I was a victim of abuse, and while I did not deal with it in the same way you appear to be, it nearly ruined my life. It was not until I came to know Jesus as my Savior, and as my Friend that I was able to get past my past. No, I have not forgotten it, but it no longer has power over me and it no longer influences everything I do. And best of all, it no longer hurts. I pray the same for you. Feel free to e-mail me if you like.

 

[Godsgirl481]

Hischild...thank you for that. I will keep you in mind if I need to vent in a PM. The best way to get to know me is in the Journal pages.


cynjo59....yes...I have had sexual, physical, and mental abuse in my past. My parents were into Wicca and Santanism too...so I get soooo confused when it concerns God

 

[cynjo59]

There is no need to be confused about God- He said that He is not the author of confusion. You can claim Jesus as your Savior right this moment and trust Him to do a work in your life. That empty place you try to fill with numbness was meant to be filled by Him and not by anything else. All you need to do is tell Him that you know you need Him, acknowledge that you are unworthy of His love (we all are) and ask Him to take control of your life from this point on. Then believe in what He has promised, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16. This is not to say that satan will not attack you and try to convince you that nothing happened when you prayed and asked God into your life. He surely will, but, the Bible says, "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world." Praying for you...

 

[Godsgirl481]

I was saved when I was 14...just lost my way

 

[JustChillun]

There is a nationwide bunch of places (one near you somewhere) called Teen Challenge (but you don't have to be a teenaged person to go there, they take lots of adults, too), and if you go in to their place andstick to their program they will stick by you. They will not only help you to lose the need for numb, but to heal the hurts and move on in ways you never realized you could go, and become the person you thought you could never get to be, by the free gift of Jesus in your life. The mess we make with our own life sometimes takes a while to straighten out (sort of like cleaning a messy kid's bedroom after a toy fest), but these are people who will stick it out, and stick with you, as well as teaching simple, basic life skills that perhaps abusive persons didn't take the time to teach to you (everything from how to handle challenging situations, to budgeting and balancing a checkbook!)


I strongly encourage you to get to a Teen Challenge, there's one in San Antonio Texas (but they're all over the USA and world) that just opened a women's group, and has been working with men for quite some time.

 

[Godsgirl481]

are they Christian based? I will write the name down...thank you

 

[spidersbane]

i know exactly what you mean. i struggle with the same problem. it doesnt matter what is is as long as you can forget about stuff for awhile. I do whatever i can get my hands on, meth,coke, pain pills, weed, alcohol, shrooms, downers, etc. like you i really dont have a DOC. In my opinion this is almost worse than being hooked on a specific drug, and alot harder to get rid of. Also, a quick question, why is this area in the non-christian group? I know alot of Christians including myself that are strung out, in fact most of the friends i have with that lifestyle were raised christian and claim Christianity themselves but just hurt to badly to handle it. Is there anwhere in western OK that ya'll know about to get help for this? i need it, and i know some of my friends want it. But NA meetings etc. are not helpful, i have been. we are all about 20, so focused toward that age may help vs. a bunch of 30-50 year olds forced to be there by court. thanx
Bams 481, hang in there man.

 

[Godsgirl481]

to answer your question about why it is here...it was the first place i found about addictions. I tryed crack for the first time last night....I liked it. I have done coke, pain pills and weed too

 

[visionary]

Self-medicating for the pain, the pain of the past that emotionally, physcially, mentally you want to forget. No matter how many times, and way that you have tried to bury it, it doesn't go away. You may have even reached the point that it is now your way of life.THE HABIT. Recognise the HAbit and the Pain. They are two separate things. EMotionally, and mentally if not physically you need to have the pain (you know, maybe even have tried to suppress the memory) dealt with. Prayerful ask for guidance from God to lead you to those who can help you the most with this. God will put that person in your path, and with prayer from God and a shoulder to cry on. You can grow stronger and feel better as you rid yourself of this blight in your past. Only God can clean it out of your system. He is the best Temple cleaner I know. Can get rid of the demons that pester you. He can give you the peace that passes all understanding and will if you but open up your heart wider than you have ever done before.

 

[LilRitt04]

help is about talkimg...something that i do not want to do

sometimes it is about venting and getting your thoughts straight. i have done drugs, i have had sex, i got pregnant at the age of 14...it was rought (i miscarried). but it was rough. my boyfriend had left me, and ultimatley i turned to drugs, alcohol, pain killers, anything to get away from the pain i felt.

yes...I have had sexual, physical, and mental abuse in my past. My parents were into Wicca and Santanism too...so I get soooo confused when it concerns God

God puts things in our lives to teach us lessons. I call them my storms. When i go through a storm (like i did with drugs, sex, and alcohol) i figured there was no more God, there was nobody to help me...i felt that i had hit rock bottom. i probably did...but i finally said "God IM DONE" and i gave it all to God. i took every drug stash that i had in my room, and threw it away and took the garbage outside and didnt look back. and i have been clean since. you cant do it. just remember what is says in phillippians "i can do all things through christ who gives me strength." no matter what storm you go through no matter what happens to you, at the end of that storm God is there whether you want him to be or not. but if we never went through any kind of storm than we would never learn. its like school you have to go to learn and when you get out you are educated...(or at my school edumacated). just remember you may be going through something now but in the end it will all seem worth it, you will have a great testimony and something to share with young people.

 

[Soulikz]

This storie reminds me of Mike Gugliemucci's - And he went on to save wayyyyyyyyyyyy over 13,000 people...always remember, there is hope!





In times like these just pray..like lil rit said, just have some time with god... and say god im done...

whereever your source is...(friends for example) as soon as you see em...even before contact.. walk off (whenever i have urges a go into the school toilets and pray, and it seems to work). i am not sure if your in uni or any thing... so say you have an urge to get more, is soon as it comes into your mind, pray. if you happen to go to parties, just resist, and instead ring up your youth pastor and havve a chat with him.... you get the jist...whenever you even think about doing anything...find a quiet place...and pray...

i have found this works for me, and i hope it can help u to.

 

[d0c markus]

this thread breaks my heart, I can do nothing but pray for you and tell you what you've heard before "God Loves You." My eyes are teary eyed and I long for Christ to fill that void you are suffering. We love you, and please dont think of it as a cliche, know it. In one post you said, "help requires talking which is something i dont want to do" but you posted here, you have spoken about it. I can only pray that God would open you up further, that you may overcome this adversity.


God be with you.

Mark