A difficult experience

[Ciaros]

Hello,
So I've been searching for those who are experiencing what I am going through and have yet to find anything. So, here's my story. My girlfriend of two years has went down to Anaheim for the FTTA or Full Time Training in Anaheim for a year. I knew she wanted to go through this program since the very beginning of the relationship, so it wasn't a huge hit. Yet, several months before she left, she told me that she wanted zero contact from me because I would be distracting to her (kinda proud of this). I know the meaning behind it, she sacrificed her greatest treasure in order to experience the Lord more as we all should. Since her departure, it's been both a praise to the Lord that He may reveal more of Himself to me but also a struggling time.

It's been little over three months so far without any contact. I've been writing in a journal, having every entry giving the impression that I am talking to her about my day. Towards the end of her quarter down there, I was planning on sending this journal to her, and having her write in the remaining pages so that I may read. However, after talking to my mother a while ago, she stated it may not be best to do so until she's done for the year. This in fact broke my heart and will to write in it. What made matters worse, after talking to her mother about the journal, though she didn't know the answer, her mother said that she'll be coming back up in January. This made my heart skip a beat but also tacked on more obstacles to face. So I thought to myself I could handle not seeing her or going to our home meetings for a week or so. Apparently, the FTTA has no breaks like normal schools, so she'll be here for a month until the next quarter starts in mid February!

I don't go to her church nor go to church often but I have spoken to some brothers and sisters about the issue. I've gotten mixed results and after landing on some sites that gnash their teeth at the FTTA trainers and the idolizing of Witness Lee (that's what many had said in other forums), I'm frightened and even more troubled. Yet, the only thing that stands out from what a brother said, "Honor God and he'll honor you. If you truly love her, you'll stay away until that year is done." While I'll more or less go this route, I just feel like whatever I attempt to do, fails or doesn't go according to plan. I know she sacrificed me for the Lord and I had to sacrifice her without much choice. Yet, I fear the pain and discomfort I will face in January.

Its a lot that I've been through and there's really no question that could simplify all this. Just to write this out and get it further off my chest in hopes I may find something that will aid me in January is helping. I suppose really all I ask is for prayer and encouragement.

 

[TigerKanga]

Its hard to have a relationship if you don't spend time together. Its impossible if you don't communicate at all. Maybe your girl is the exception that proves the rule.

 

[ServantJohn]

I met this girl about 14 years ago and we did much of the same thing. I went away for 6 months with no contact after the first couple of weeks. After the 6 months was up, I came back and we got married. We have been married 12 years now.

 

[Forealzchola]

from what im understanding correctly she is going to be away for a year with no contact?

 

[Ciaros]

Initially, I thought it was her leaving for a year with no contact. As it turns out, she'll be coming back here in January until her next quarter starts in mid February.

I hope I didn't come across as if I was planing to leave her. Though oddly enough some FTTA members said that these relationships don't make it. I know she's the one God planned for me, for he has answered my prayers about meeting this woman.

I suppose the point of the original post was the torment January and February will give me for upholding the decision for zero contact.

 

[prllrp]

Hi Ciaros,

Do you have any advice for someone going through the same thing? I have agreed to not contact my boyfriend of 2 years.

 

[Inkachu]

This thread is almost three years old, hon...

 

[prllrp]

Yeah, it's a long shot. But I was hoping that after 3 years (>length of program), OP might have learned something that might help me get through this.

 

[Ciaros]

Saw this shoot up in my email today and completely forgot I posted this.

Anyway, prllrp, I don't know the entire situation, however it was an experience that I would not trade anything else for. Simply put, in those two years of separation, I looked more to the Lord and His body that anything else. A verse that I came across during that time, John 15:7 "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." This brought me to a realization, that I should not use my own resources to "survive" this endeavor. Instead, I should remain in His Spirit, His Word, and take Him completely as the indwelling Christ. Of course, this seemed easy but it took me at least three months until I finally given the situation to the Lord. Then eventually all seemed peaceful within my spirit. Those two years of separation weren't easy but I can truly say that because of Him, we're still together and will eventually marry in His time.

If you have certain questions, I'd be happy to answer. Or even share the entire experience.

 

[Inkachu]

Ciaros, I'm curious as to your ages (you and this girl) and if you're still in a committed, exclusive relationship? Also, if you've been together for five years (you were together 2 yrs prior to the OP, which is 3 years old), why are you not married yet?

 

[Ciaros]

25 (my age) and 24. We weren't married yet because I was still in school and wasn't financially stable. To clarify more, when she was in a year into the program, I just started my Radiologic Technology program which took two years to complete. I guess it was the Lord's way of saying that we weren't ready just yet for marriage. Now that I've landed a full time position and able to support her financially, we can move onto marriage which is now in the works.

 

[prllrp]

Saw this shoot up in my email today and completely forgot I posted this.

Anyway, prllrp, I don't know the entire situation, however it was an experience that I would not trade anything else for. Simply put, in those two years of separation, I looked more to the Lord and His body that anything else. A verse that I came across during that time, John 15:7 "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." This brought me to a realization, that I should not use my own resources to "survive" this endeavor. Instead, I should remain in His Spirit, His Word, and take Him completely as the indwelling Christ. Of course, this seemed easy but it took me at least three months until I finally given the situation to the Lord. Then eventually all seemed peaceful within my spirit. Those two years of separation weren't easy but I can truly say that because of Him, we're still together and will eventually marry in His time.

If you have certain questions, I'd be happy to answer. Or even share the entire experience.

Dear Ciaros,
Thank you so much for your reply--I needed to read that. I read that John verse recently, but didn't fully want to embrace it. But no matter what happens, you are right--I need to give everything to Him, especially for these two years.
I can't private message because I don't have enough posts, so I'm sorry for the spam.
Did you stick with zero contact and would you advise it?
Another question I do have is about attending church. I go to a campus church regularly, but occasionally, my boyfriend would take me to home meetings. As such, people from his church often invite me to fellowship, and I feel like I'm sitting on two different chairs of church cultures. Did you ever have to go through this? If so, what did you do?

 

[Ciaros]

In all honesty, we didn't stick with the zero contact simply because her breaks in between terms. Would I advise sticking with zero contact? Yes. It's a hard task but he, even the Lord, would be very appreciative of you. The Lord remembers those sacrifices we make in order for Him to gain more ground here on earth and within us.

I don't know where you are at in life in terms of education, job, etc. However, think of these next two years as a way to advance further in life. Whether finishing school or even completing those pesky goals that we sometimes put off.

As the church deal, yeah, I had that same experience. In truth, I was a "church hopper" before I met her. I've experienced college campus churches, Baptist, Presbyterian, and so on. All were good to attend however I just felt that something was missing. When she brought me to the home meetings, red flags went up everywhere. It felt like a cult especially when we prayed. Hearing Amen after each little pause bothered me dearly. Even all their books felt it was based off of Witness Lee and Watchman Nee. Yet, one thing that kept me coming to see them was their happiness with the Lord. It was like a giant bible study full of happy Jesus lovers. I have never truly seen this type of happiness. Even that happiness extended on the Sunday meetings. It wasn't mere doctrines or theology that brought them together, it was their happiness of the indwelling Christ that shined out when they shared what enjoyment they received throughout the week. What captivated me more was that I felt at home. This was a sweet foretaste of what is to come when Jesus Christ returns. Even to this day, I always get so excited to attend the Sunday meetings. To hopefully share what I enjoyed during the week or what a member shared from their week.

So, hopefully that answers some questions and I'd be happy to answer more if needed.

 

[prllrp]

In all honesty, we didn't stick with the zero contact simply because her breaks in between terms. Would I advise sticking with zero contact? Yes. It's a hard task but he, even the Lord, would be very appreciative of you. The Lord remembers those sacrifices we make in order for Him to gain more ground here on earth and within us.

I don't know where you are at in life in terms of education, job, etc. However, think of these next two years as a way to advance further in life. Whether finishing school or even completing those pesky goals that we sometimes put off.

As the church deal, yeah, I had that same experience. In truth, I was a "church hopper" before I met her. I've experienced college campus churches, Baptist, Presbyterian, and so on. All were good to attend however I just felt that something was missing. When she brought me to the home meetings, red flags went up everywhere. It felt like a cult especially when we prayed. Hearing Amen after each little pause bothered me dearly. Even all their books felt it was based off of Witness Lee and Watchman Nee. Yet, one thing that kept me coming to see them was their happiness with the Lord. It was like a giant bible study full of happy Jesus lovers. I have never truly seen this type of happiness. Even that happiness extended on the Sunday meetings. It wasn't mere doctrines or theology that brought them together, it was their happiness of the indwelling Christ that shined out when they shared what enjoyment they received throughout the week. What captivated me more was that I felt at home. This was a sweet foretaste of what is to come when Jesus Christ returns. Even to this day, I always get so excited to attend the Sunday meetings. To hopefully share what I enjoyed during the week or what a member shared from their week.

So, hopefully that answers some questions and I'd be happy to answer more if needed.

Dear Ciaros,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and honest reply. I feel the same way about the church, haha--guess God will lead me on that. Also, thank you for the reply--I do need to focus on getting my tests, graduation, and applications out of the way. You've answered all my questions. Thanks again and God bless your marriage plans!

 

[FutureTrainee]

Hi all,

I'm going through the same situation. I was wondering if the op and the sister asking questions could share on their experiences. I'm going to the training and I want to keep my time there without distractions. I feel the Lord will gain so much in this time alone there in the training! Any of your experiences will be a great help to encourage me to stay on this path.

Regards,
FutureTrainee