(Somewhat of a vent) I’m so lost I don’t think I have much hope left

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’m in need of prayers, though I’m not sure if god will listen. I can’t really put it in words well but I crossed the line with god. I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility on here or anything but it’s the only help I can get.





God isn’t drawing me or chastening me which i used to want. I resisted conviction almost everytime and pushed god out of my mind completely. God warned me of a specific sin and I didn’t listen. I ended up giving myself completely to this sin and I threw away my possible relationship with God.



I’ve committed abominations which anyone would condemn if I said them out loud which is why I’m being so vague. I feel that I’ve rejected god too many times and now I’ve been given over to my own destruction. I’m only coming to my senses because I chose to. I was somewhat aware of my spiritual situation but I ignored it thinking eventually the Holy Spirit would come back and god would tolerate my sins.



Now that I’m reaping what I’ve sown and facing consequences of my sin I’m trying to come back to god. I don’t want to die in my sins and I don’t want to be like this anymore. The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change. God has given me a lifetime of chances and I rejected every one. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage so I don’t see any forgiveness for me.





I feel judgement has already been made and my heart has been permanently hardened. I know this sounds accusing but I think I may be sealed in my hardness of heart like pharaoh.



I’ve tried to bear fruits and be good but it’s really obvious that’s I bear bad fruits and I’m not.





In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier.

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We need to learn to value God's Word in our hearts. It begins with sincere thankfulness for His loving Spirit. You may need to make some effort on your part.

As a first step, if I were you, I would see if I can still feel compassion. I would find some stranger, a beggar perhaps, asking for some money. I would then look at them until I can see myself, until I can feel sincere compassion for them in my heart. If I can, then I would give them something out of that pure compassion for them. I would then immediately thank God that He let you walk in His Spirit, with all sincerity. Just whisper the words thank you God. And I would not forget that it's His Spirit in mankind that cares about the suffering of others; otherwise, if you get puffed up in yourself for being charitable, you are not going to be sincerely thankful.

You need to prepare for the devil in your mind. He will be accusing you of being selfish and trying to get rid of your guilt by trying to buy God's forgiveness. Just say to the devil that you don't care. Tell him so long as the beggar got some comfort, that's all that matters. He will express that you don't really care about anyone but yourself. Just tell him that it's God's Spirit in mankind that cares about others and you were thankful to feel it even for a moment.

Make sure you forgive everyone who has hurt you in the past. If you can't, then ask in Jesus' name for God to help you with that. There is power in the Name of Jesus. Ask God to teach you how to worship Him in the name of Jesus. Mention that Jesus said if we asked for bread, God would not give us a stone. Read the bible.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’m in need of prayers, though I’m not sure if god will listen. I can’t really put it in words well but I crossed the line with god. I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility on here or anything but it’s the only help I can get.





God isn’t drawing me or chastening me which i used to want. I resisted conviction almost everytime and pushed god out of my mind completely. God warned me of a specific sin and I didn’t listen. I ended up giving myself completely to this sin and I threw away my possible relationship with God.



I’ve committed abominations which anyone would condemn if I said them out loud which is why I’m being so vague. I feel that I’ve rejected god too many times and now I’ve been given over to my own destruction. I’m only coming to my senses because I chose to. I was somewhat aware of my spiritual situation but I ignored it thinking eventually the Holy Spirit would come back and god would tolerate my sins.



Now that I’m reaping what I’ve sown and facing consequences of my sin I’m trying to come back to god. I don’t want to die in my sins and I don’t want to be like this anymore. The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change. God has given me a lifetime of chances and I rejected every one. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage so I don’t see any forgiveness for me.





I feel judgement has already been made and my heart has been permanently hardened. I know this sounds accusing but I think I may be sealed in my hardness of heart like pharaoh.



I’ve tried to bear fruits and be good but it’s really obvious that’s I bear bad fruits and I’m not.





In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier.

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I believe you are being oppressed. This is going to sound silly, but quietly, within yourself, tell Jesus that you Trust His Blood and Holy Spirit to work with you, starting as you are and that you give Him your entire being to work with.

Out loud, say "Get thee behind me accuser", in the Name of Jesus Christ.

Keep doing this when you feel this way.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’m in need of prayers, though I’m not sure if god will listen. I can’t really put it in words well but I crossed the line with god. I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility on here or anything but it’s the only help I can get.





God isn’t drawing me or chastening me which i used to want. I resisted conviction almost everytime and pushed god out of my mind completely. God warned me of a specific sin and I didn’t listen. I ended up giving myself completely to this sin and I threw away my possible relationship with God.



I’ve committed abominations which anyone would condemn if I said them out loud which is why I’m being so vague. I feel that I’ve rejected god too many times and now I’ve been given over to my own destruction. I’m only coming to my senses because I chose to. I was somewhat aware of my spiritual situation but I ignored it thinking eventually the Holy Spirit would come back and god would tolerate my sins.



Now that I’m reaping what I’ve sown and facing consequences of my sin I’m trying to come back to god. I don’t want to die in my sins and I don’t want to be like this anymore. The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change. God has given me a lifetime of chances and I rejected every one. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage so I don’t see any forgiveness for me.





I feel judgement has already been made and my heart has been permanently hardened. I know this sounds accusing but I think I may be sealed in my hardness of heart like pharaoh.



I’ve tried to bear fruits and be good but it’s really obvious that’s I bear bad fruits and I’m not.





In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier.

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I prayed for you. Sometimes, there will be dark moments in your life, but God will heal you. If possible, I recommend speaking to a pastor or priest about this. He/she can help you.

Just an additional suggestion to add to the excellent insight offered to you here and in your other posts...

"I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility on here or anything but it’s the only help I can get."

I think there's a reason you don't feel reassured...

"The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change."

Sorry to be blunt, but why would you be willing to suffer such condemnation habitually while seemingly rejecting God's drawing to release you from that condemnation?

As has been offered to you, conviction from the Holy Spirit leads to repentance (agreeing with God on what He says is sin), asking for His help in turning from that sin, which all leads to freedom.

The condemnation from the devil offers NO SOLUTION, means for you to remain in a state of despair and self-abuse, and closes your eyes and ears to God's grace, mercy and compassion.

Here's a lie - your sins are too horrendous and you are beyond redemption. Again, quite frankly, if that's the state you want to remain in, then expect that you will never experience reassurance from God or anyone.

Know this, though, choosing to severely judge yourself and wallow in self-hate is not a sign of true humility toward God.

Being willing to take one step in His direction by putting into practice some of the godly advice given, is humility toward God.

The choice is entirely yours, friend. Any of the folks here reaching out to you are perfectly willing to walk you through this, because we have all been there! Our goal is to encourage you to keep your eyes on Jesus. He alone is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

HIS desire for you?

Luke 4:18-19 NKJV

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.”

Praying fervently for you. God bless!

biblegateway.com

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’m in need of prayers, though I’m not sure if god will listen.

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So a question. If you had a kid (let's say a wild teenager type) who broke your heart a 1000 times and still one day reached out for you to forgive them? Would you do it? Your answer is YES? Oh how wonderful? With you having doubt God would do the same I guess that makes you more loving then God! Maybe I can get your audio graph? I think that would make you a pretty famous person.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I can’t really put it in words well but I crossed the line with god.

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No you probably don't need to out it in words. It probably wouldn't be to edifying for us to hear it. After all it might remind us of something or things we've done ourselves too.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured....

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Did anyone tell you about the blood of Jesus which blots out our sins and if we confess our sins he's faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness? If they haven't well there's your answer. Oh and by the way.....DON'T commit a sin that's WORSE then the sins you believe you've committed prior! And what sin would that be? A worse sin then what you've already done is TO MAKE LIGHT or the precious blood of Jesus which has the power to do what I said above. You see I believe God would say to you I can handle the sins you've committed in the past BUT, BUT if you choose

(and remember it's you choosing) if you choose to hang on to doubt about what that precious blood will do in your behalf, that it will make you pure and holy without blame before him in love and put you into the position of being just as if you'd never sinned then indeed there's no way that God can help you. Don't look for a 1001 other solutions either for this is it. When you make a decision and rise up and do so boldly that what Jesus said is true....that you can come BOLDLY to the throne of God's grace to find grace and help in time of need, that is BECAUSE OF his precious blood then you'll have your righteousness consciousness restored and have your peace with God come back. God longs to do this for ones like you (and he's done it for me too) and he will do it for you!

Alessa_the_jaz said:

and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility

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You're not? Seems to me I've read in the Bible that we are our brothers keeper. Gen 4:9 Maybe the Bible was wrong in saying that? What do you think?

Alessa_the_jaz said:

God isn’t drawing me

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Yes he is! He's using me right now. Look I don't waste my time with people and I believe God puts in me what to say to others and I believe he's led me to say what I have.

You are not God's counselor.

Trust Him to decide what He wants to do with you.

All of us have been selfish pleasure seekers and control seekers. We all have needed to do what you need to do.

That nasty stuff is not God; so do not trust and obey that negative dirty nonsense. That belongs to Satan who can share his problem with you.

So, trust God's word instead,

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’m in need of prayers, though I’m not sure if god will listen. I can’t really put it in words well but I crossed the line with god. I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility on here or anything but it’s the only help I can get.





God isn’t drawing me or chastening me which i used to want. I resisted conviction almost everytime and pushed god out of my mind completely. God warned me of a specific sin and I didn’t listen. I ended up giving myself completely to this sin and I threw away my possible relationship with God.

I’ve committed abominations which anyone would condemn if I said them out loud which is why I’m being so vague. I feel that I’ve rejected god too many times and now I’ve been given over to my own destruction. I’m only coming to my senses because I chose to. I was somewhat aware of my spiritual situation but I ignored it thinking eventually the Holy Spirit would come back and god would tolerate my sins.

Now that I’m reaping what I’ve sown and facing consequences of my sin I’m trying to come back to god. I don’t want to die in my sins and I don’t want to be like this anymore. The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change. God has given me a lifetime of chances and I rejected every one. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage so I don’t see any forgiveness for me.

I feel judgement has already been made and my heart has been permanently hardened. I know this sounds accusing but I think I may be sealed in my hardness of heart like pharaoh.

I’ve tried to bear fruits and be good but it’s really obvious that’s I bear bad fruits and I’m not.


In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier.

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The devil owns your past. But you can give your present and your future over to Christ and find full forgiveness of sins.

So then the devil will remind you of what he owns -- your past. Choose to stop listening to him. Rather repent at the foot the cross. Confess your sins to Christ and accept His free forgiveness and the changed life that comes with it.

"Old things passed away - all things become new" 2 Cor 5

I’m in need of prayers, though I’m not sure if god will listen. I can’t really put it in words well but I crossed the line with god. I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility on here or anything but it’s the only help I can get.

A person truly crying out to God is every Christian's responsibility so that makes you my responsibility. Here I am. Warning, I'm not here to sugarcoat and water down the truth or comfort you as a friend would do to preserve our friendship. I'm here to tell you the truth as a brother would to save you from self-destruction.
So you have crossed the line with God and you've gotten some advice that you didn't follow. These are short comings that anyone over thirteen years old have committed so I assure you that God will listen if you are speaking from your heart. So that is what you truly need to do is speak from your heart in sincerity, because if you are speaking from some sort of worldly desire God knows you're speaking is not genuine and it will seem that he is just not listening. Speak from your heart.

God isn’t drawing me or chastening me which i used to want. I resisted conviction almost everytime and pushed god out of my mind completely. God warned me of a specific sin and I didn’t listen. I ended up giving myself completely to this sin and I threw away my possible relationship with God.

Remember, God is also our Heavenly Father. If God is not drawing you or chastising you, it is because you're completely ignoring him. If our elderly father keeps telling us over and over to come see him and we continue to ignore him, he's going to quit telling us to come see him. If our adult farther tells us we're handling our finances wrong over and over and we continue to ignore him, he'll quit trying to "chastise" us on how to handle finances. Read your own words. "(I) pushed god out of my mind completely". How can anybody, anything or any higher power help us in any way if we place them in that status @ Out of our mind. So change that. Stop ignoring God and he will listen and guide you. As far as your sin. The only way to throw away your chance of a relationship with God is to remain in this sin with no remorse or desire to escape it. It seems to me I already see both of those.

I’ve committed abominations which anyone would condemn if I said them out loud which is why I’m being so vague. I feel that I’ve rejected god too many times and now I’ve been given over to my own destruction. I’m only coming to my senses because I chose to. I was somewhat aware of my spiritual situation but I ignored it thinking eventually the Holy Spirit would come back and god would tolerate my sins.

We all commit many abominations that anyone would condemn. What makes yours different? Sin is sin in the eyes of God. It's different only in the eyes of man. Is lying worse than robbing a bank? Is robbing a bank worse than murder? Is murder worse than rape? It depends on whose eyes you're looking at it through. Read your own words again. "my own destruction". Self destruction is a self decision, not God's. Change you decision and stop ignoring your Heavenly Father. Become what He created you to be. A child of the Most High God, a child of the Creator of the universe.

Now that I’m reaping what I’ve sown and facing consequences of my sin I’m trying to come back to god. I don’t want to die in my sins and I don’t want to be like this anymore. The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change. God has given me a lifetime of chances and I rejected every one. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage so I don’t see any forgiveness for me.

I reaped what I sowed for 10 years. I faced the consequences of that 10 years but now have a blessed life and blessed marriage. I wanted to come back to God because I knew what I had there. I didn't want to be like I was anymore. No, I guess I didn't want to die in my sins but with the mess I had made of my life, that was the least of my worries. Let me repeat what you said but about my own self at 28 years old. "God gave me a lifetime of chances and I rejected everyone. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage to me, my family and my friends, so I didn’t see any forgiveness for me" but I was looking at it through man's eyes, then! I seen it through God's eyes. I just knew that I had worked for 10 years 'without" God to get in the bottom of the pit I was in and if it was going to take me 10 years to get out of it "with" God, I was willing to do that. As for the statement you made "The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change" I simply do not buy that at all because there is nothing in this post that even remotely suggests that is true. If you really believe that it's only because you are believing a lie. So stop it. And believe the truth.

I feel judgement has already been made and my heart has been permanently hardened. I know this sounds accusing but I think I may be sealed in my hardness of heart like pharaoh.

Gosh, to this I say, stop playing God with yourself. God may not like that because only "He" has the power to judge and "He" made it clear in His Word you have not received your judgment from Him. He also made it clear in His Word that "He" hardened Pharaoh's heart and he did that only to accomplish His own will. In your self decision to self destruct you are taking your own judgment in your own hands. You can lie to yourself but God does not lie! He said in His Word, Draw closer to Him, and He will draw closer to you. What more do we need?

I’ve tried to bear fruits and be good but it’s really obvious that’s I bear bad fruits and I’m not.

There can't be any of us that bear good fruit unless we are grafted into the good tree, the tree that God's Word says we will be grafted into.

In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier

Who is it that has come into the body of Christ over the last 2000 years, that could not say these same words. "In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier". You are no different. Tonight, close the last chapter of your old life and open the first chapter of your new life. I'm here, on Facebook (by the stream) or at, More-about-Jesus@atmc.net God bless in your battle, and your win. Larry H.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’m in need of prayers, though I’m not sure if god will listen. I can’t really put it in words well but I crossed the line with god. I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility on here or anything but it’s the only help I can get.

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We are all called to help one another and genuinely truly care about one another in Christ, and that's why you are seeing so many of us replying to you and trying to help you on here right now in this thread, etc.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

God isn’t drawing me or chastening me which i used to want. I resisted conviction almost everytime and pushed god out of my mind completely. God warned me of a specific sin and I didn’t listen. I ended up giving myself completely to this sin and I threw away my possible relationship with God.

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I don't think you threw away your possible relationship with God, but I do think he is now waiting on you to move now, or for you to make the next move now, etc.

If it was just only out of sheer rebelliousness that you gave into this sin time and time again, and didn't stop it when He asked you to stop it, then stop it now if you still can, etc.

Or else ask for His help with it if you now can't, etc, and just be very, very honest and very, very sincere with Him about it now if you now can't, etc.

Because if you can still do that, then He's not going to abandon of forsake you in your time of need, but will help you out if you are willing to humble yourself before Him and just simply ask, etc.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’ve committed abominations which anyone would condemn if I said them out loud which is why I’m being so vague. I feel that I’ve rejected god too many times and now I’ve been given over to my own destruction. I’m only coming to my senses because I chose to. I was somewhat aware of my spiritual situation but I ignored it thinking eventually the Holy Spirit would come back and god would tolerate my sins.

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Ok, well stop walking in your pride, and now humble yourself before Him, and quit and completely stop all of those abominations out of rebelliousness if you can, etc.

And if you are at a point now where you can't quit them on your own any longer, then do what I just now said above this just now earlier, if you can't quit it completely on your own any longer, etc.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

Now that I’m reaping what I’ve sown and facing consequences of my sin I’m trying to come back to god. I don’t want to die in my sins and I don’t want to be like this anymore. The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change. God has given me a lifetime of chances and I rejected every one. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage so I don’t see any forgiveness for me.

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There is always forgiveness available for anyone who wants to truly change, etc.

But I got to be 100% honest with you right now, as I speak from a great, great deal of past very personal experience, etc. God will touch our circumstances a lot of the time if we don't want to truly change, etc.

And this is not because He's being cruel, or doesn't care, etc, but is because His number one highest priority is first making sure you make it into Heaven, etc. Only the children He doesn't ever care about never have their circumstances touched or changed, etc, and this is because they were "never his", and were never ever meant to make it into Heaven to ever begin with, etc.

How much he has to do this will be up to you, but he'd rather have you homeless or broke and destitute and cold and lonely and alone and living on the street, or being in jail or prison, or will sometimes even take you to the point of death here by touching your circumstances here, if He has to take it that far, etc, in order to save you for Heaven, etc.

Please don't make Him have to take it that far with you, ok

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I feel judgement has already been made and my heart has been permanently hardened. I know this sounds accusing but I think I may be sealed in my hardness of heart like pharaoh. I thought I was saved during everything but I wasn’t. I haven’t felt the Holy Spirit’s presence.

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You may not feel it again until you have the desire to repent or change now, etc, since you have rejected it so many times now, etc. But that's only due to it being "your move" now, like I said earlier, and God is now waiting on you now to decide the next move forward, etc.

And like I also said just now earlier, God is not afraid to take the risk of touching our circumstances in order to try to take us there, etc. And all I am saying to you right now is to please not make Him have to do that, or take it that far with you, etc.

I did the same as you, and He had to take it that far with me, and it was "not pleasant", etc. So please don't make Him have to do that, ok.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’ve tried to bear fruits and be good but it’s really obvious that’s I bear bad fruits and I’m not.

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Don't worry about bearing a lot of good fruit right now, but get yourself and your own act together first, etc.

Bearing good fruit will come after that and/or later, etc.

God knows you can't do much good for anyone else right now with the state you are right now currently in, and needs you to get your own act together and get right with Him first, etc.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier.

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Nothing you can do about what's behind you now, or what you already done did, etc. But God needs you to get right with Him now, and get your own act together first, before you can take any other steps forward with Him now first, etc.

Will say a prayer or two for you.

God Bless.

Alessa_the_jaz said:

I’m in need of prayers, though I’m not sure if god will listen. I can’t really put it in words well but I crossed the line with god. I’ve gotten some advice but I don’t feel reassured and I know I’m not anyone’s responsibility on here or anything but it’s the only help I can get.





God isn’t drawing me or chastening me which i used to want. I resisted conviction almost everytime and pushed god out of my mind completely. God warned me of a specific sin and I didn’t listen. I ended up giving myself completely to this sin and I threw away my possible relationship with God.



I’ve committed abominations which anyone would condemn if I said them out loud which is why I’m being so vague. I feel that I’ve rejected god too many times and now I’ve been given over to my own destruction. I’m only coming to my senses because I chose to. I was somewhat aware of my spiritual situation but I ignored it thinking eventually the Holy Spirit would come back and god would tolerate my sins.



Now that I’m reaping what I’ve sown and facing consequences of my sin I’m trying to come back to god. I don’t want to die in my sins and I don’t want to be like this anymore. The thing is I don’t think I genuinely want to change. God has given me a lifetime of chances and I rejected every one. My sins have hurt others and done a lot of damage so I don’t see any forgiveness for me.





I feel judgement has already been made and my heart has been permanently hardened. I know this sounds accusing but I think I may be sealed in my hardness of heart like pharaoh. I thought I was saved during everything but I wasn’t. I haven’t felt the Holy Spirit’s presence.



I’ve tried to bear fruits and be good but it’s really obvious that’s I bear bad fruits and I’m not.





In the end I’m to blame but I wish I’d responded to god’s calls earlier.

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You can always come home to Him. The door is still open. It appears you have an inner struggle with that because you still desire sin.

Come as you are. He is waiting with open arms. Admitting and confessing is what He wants. Only He can change your heart as He reveals the abundance of his love for you.

Come as you are. dirty and all and let him clean you up.

The more you try to clean yourself up, the more you'll fail. Come just as you are.

Jo555 said:

You can always come home to Him. The door is still open. It appears you have an inner struggle with that because you still desire sin.

Come as you are. He is waiting with open arms. Admitting and confessing is what He wants. Only He can change your heart as He reveals the abundance of his love for you.

Come as you are. dirty and all and let him clean you up.

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Additionally, there is quite a bit wrong with your thinking, and feeling. You appear to be under deception.

I'm not saying you haven't sinned and shouldn't be repentant ... But he doesn't want you hopeless and helpless because you are not. More i can say, but I'm thinking it would do good right now. Maybe another will be more help there

May He show you the great love He has for you, and his desire to comfort and heal you, in Jesus name.

Nothing can separate you from his love. I'll continue to pray for you.

Jo555 said:

You can always come home to Him. The door is still open. It appears you have an inner struggle with that because you still desire sin.

Come as you are. He is waiting with open arms. Admitting and confessing is what He wants. Only He can change your heart as He reveals the abundance of his love for you.

Come as you are. dirty and all and let him clean you up.

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Additionally, there is quite a bit wrong with your thinking, and feeling. You appear to be under deception.

I'm not saying you haven't sinned and shouldn't be repentant ... But he doesn't want you hopeless and helpless because you are not. More i can say, but I'm thinking it wouldn't do good right now. Maybe another will be more help there

May He show you the great love He has for you, and his desire to comfort and heal you, in Jesus name.

Nothing can separate you from his love. I'll continue to pray for you.