Daughter Following the Wrong Path

[Sketcher]

Actually, I had dinner with his family yesterday, I asked my daughter to give me her boyfriends mothers number and they accepted to come over for dinner. My husband and I told them how we felt about their relationship. We didn't mention religion as one of the problems, but we said she was too young and we wanted her to focus on school and church and we didn't feel comfortable with her dating and having sex yet. Their response was quite surprising to me. First of all, they knew about the two dating from the moment it started. Apparently, he liked her and then asked her out. We got mad at them for not informing us about it and the parents apologized to us and explained they were worried and thought it would be better if our daughter was the one to tell us. They then told us, they didn't have a problem with the relationship and they weren't strict parents and are and I quote: 'we prefer to let out children experience things for themselves without us helicopter parenting them'. They told us they lived in Geneva and Paris (I thought only the dad was born in France but his mother grew up there as well) before moving to the US and they let their kids drink responsibly upon turning 16 and allow weed, but smoking cigs to them is haram. To me, they just seem crazy Muslims who were have western European views on adolescence.

I don't know what in your description is "crazy" about them. There are various levels of moderation and Westernization among Muslims. I grew up with a couple of Muslim guys, their parents were involved in the community. There were only two differences between them and the rest of us, behaviorwise - their dad got them up early in the morning to pray, and they were careful to avoid pork products. That's it. I would much rather live next to these Muslims than I would to the violent hardliners in the news. Your description of the family sounds closer to that of the guys I knew rather than the hardliners.

This doesn't make the relationship good of course, but if we don't give due credit to those we have disagreements with, that's a trap.

 

[Joined2krist]

Lord havd mercy. They sound like they are allowing their son experience s-x with your daughter just like they are allowing him drink and smoke weed, eventually they will look for a muslim for him to marry. This is quite sad, hang in there.

 

[nicogarzanderson]

Lord havd mercy. They sound like they are allowing their son experience s-x with your daughter just like they are allowing him drink and smoke weed, eventually they will look for a muslim for him to marry. This is quite sad, hang in there.

That's what I'm worried that they say they don't care but when he's going to get married that's when they'll be different. I don't like that one bit.

 

[nicogarzanderson]

Two years later with an update, thank you guys for your messages, advice and listening to me. I suddenly remembered this because of a recent news I heard that took my family and I by surprise. My daughter is now 19 and living in Amsterdam with the same young man, it seems as if there's nothing stopping them from being together, no matter how hard her father and I have tried. They both moved to the same city and attend the same university, they do not live together thank goodness.
My daughter has been updating me on their relationship often, I think mainly its to get a rise out of me since I disagree with most of the things happening. I just can't help but pray for her. It still seems like any negative thoughts I share or think only pushes them together. It also seems like his parents were right, because according to my daughter, he stopped experimenting around. He prays all five times, he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke anything, doesn't gossip, goes to the mosque on Friday, most of his friends are now Moroccans or Turkish since there's a lot of them in Amsterdam.
She also has her fair share of Muslim female friends amongst other internationals. I don't know what to think of this drastic change, what if he's in the process of converting her or attempting to marry her behind our backs—this topic has been brought up by the both of them. I did research and her father and I don't need to be there for it to happen. I don't know what to think. She still is Christian, though it seems to me like she knows more about her boyfriends religion than mine, even participating in Ramadan when she's never done Lent.
As an update, it doesn't seem like they're ever going to split as its been over three years and at this stage, it seems to late for her father and I to say anything. She still talks to her brother (they're very close and he often defends her) and I but barely to her father as all he does is express disappointment.

 

[tturt]

Wonder if she knows how he can treat her if they marry?

 

[Carl Emerson]

Have you considered asking friends in close fellowship to fast and pray for a break through - also to take the matter to your church elders and seek authoritative prayer from them ???

I did this 10 years ago and we are seeing a beautiful breakthrough now.

 

[nicogarzanderson]

Have you considered asking friends in close fellowship to fast and pray for a break through - also to take the matter to your church elders and seek authoritative prayer from them ???

I did this 10 years ago and we are seeing a beautiful breakthrough now.

I did twice actually on sporadic occasions, with my pastor and asked my sister to pray for me, nothing has changed or seems to be different. She's less secretive yes, but aside from that, nothing else. All I can do is put in a few words from her during my prayers because I feel bad if my pastor and sister do so again, I haven't asked those in my circle as I do feel embarrassed about this or dislike the thought of them knowing about my personal life hence why I came here.

Thank you for your message Carl, it means a lot.

 

[nicogarzanderson]

Wonder if she knows how he can treat her if they marry?

Exactly! This is my fear, all the stories and reports and verses from the Quran stating you can beat your wife! And all those TikToks of those happy perfect Muslim couples seem to be some weird indoctrination...

 

[Carl Emerson]

I did twice actually on sporadic occasions, with my pastor and asked my sister to pray for me, nothing has changed or seems to be different. She's less secretive yes, but aside from that, nothing else. All I can do is put in a few words from her during my prayers because I feel bad if my pastor and sister do so again, I haven't asked those in my circle as I do feel embarrassed about this or dislike the thought of them knowing about my personal life hence why I came here.

Thank you for your message Carl, it means a lot.

I think modern Christianity expects and sometimes demands responses from God in our time table.

Yet we know He stores up prayers in a bottle...

So prayer for the 'impossible' should be made with thanks so the matter is released to peace.

Then it is in His hands.

Take heart from This passage in Romans...

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?

36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

So the seed of faith, with the breath of God is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or think.

Don't give up...

... and His time is better than our time.

 

[tturt]

Wonder if she would watch an episode with a female guest of "Forsaking my Father's Reliigion" with Mohamad Faridi.

I don't know why we go to whatever our parents say don't go in that avenue.

For the sake of your relationship, I wouldn't say anything else about him to her.

 

[nicogarzanderson]

Wonder if she would watch an episode with a female guest of "Forsaking my Father's Reliigion" with Mohamad Faridi.

I don't know why we go to whatever our parents say don't go in that avenue.

For the sake of your relationship, I wouldn't say anything else about him to her.

Exactly, I stopped questioning their relationship and refrain from commenting but she keeps telling me things to rile me up. It's a big thing with teens, when we as parents say something isn't right they run towards it.

But I will take a look at Forsaking my Father's Religion! Thank you for your message.

 

[d taylor]

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Well i am no parent (been single all my life) but i do teach kids.

But you bring up a lot of questions, that before stating any advice need to be asked.

Like you say your family is in church everyday, that is kind of hard to believe unless you are catholic or some church that meets everyday.

With that said, going to church means really nothing spiritually (and eventually morally) if you are not a born again child of God.

That bring to the question has your daughter just been a body in a church pew. And has never actually grasped what God is offering people, when He offers them to become a born again child of God. To become part of the family of God.

Now are you equipped if you are a born again child of God. To show your daughter and her boyfriends religious beliefs how false this religion is.

Have you or can you challenged him and what he believes religious wise and done this is such a clever way that your daughter will not get mad at you. But as to show his beliefs so these beliefs will be exposed for what they are, a faith in a false god and religious system.

just a few thoughts.

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[tturt]

He's written a book, "Forsaking my Father's Religion," and is on YT.

 

[nicogarzanderson]

Like you say your family is in church everyday, that is kind of hard to believe unless you are catholic or some church that meets everyday.

Well, almost every day since we're quite active in our church activities not only services but also volunteering for fundraisers, bible study, and helping out with Youth Groups that kind of thing.

Have you or can you challenged him and what he believes religious wise and done this is such a clever way that your daughter will not get mad at you. But as to show his beliefs so these beliefs will be exposed for what they are, a faith in a false god and religious system.

How would I be able to do this? I'm honestly not very good at debating things like that.

 

[d taylor]

Well, almost every day since we're quite active in our church activities not only services but also volunteering for fundraisers, bible study, and helping out with Youth Groups that kind of thing.


How would I be able to do this? I'm honestly not very good at debating things like that.

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Well there are a few ways.

One that comes to mind is if yall are at like a supper setting where everyone (you, your daughter and this boy, etc..) is gathered together. Or just a setting something like this, but it just needs to be where no one is in a hurry going somewhere. So the conservation will have to develop and not be forced.

But you could ask this boy or make a statement. Something like you are muslim, i do not know much about your religion, what do you believe. You even could ask do you believe muslims and christians believe in the same God.

I do not want to make this to long of a post. But just compare the muslum religion with The God (Jesus, The Father, Holy Spirit) of The Bible. You need to establish with your daughter that the muslim religion is not the same as what believers in Jesus believe.

But there is a big part of this that needs to be established with your daughter, Does she see a difference or does she even care. If she does not even care then you may have a hard time showing your daughter that. This boy and his beliefs are not a solid path to establish a relation with and eventually go down.