Provoke Not Your Children to Wrath

[Gentle Lamb]

Hello Brethren,

I have a question on my mind. As a young person (not yet married/a parent) I have seen a lot of focus placed on the scripture that says Honor your father and your mother. However, little attention is paid to the scripture that says Provoke not your children to wrath. I have seen in many family relationships (including my own) how a general lack of care and kindness and general meanness towards the children has made the relationships between the parents and the children difficult. However, I have also seen that the burden is placed more on the children to honor parents, even when parents at times make it difficult to be honored by treating the children with a lack of kindness/affection. Are there any parents out there who have any input and reflection on this particular scripture who can offer any insight on their parenting experiences? How have these verses been lived out in your lives? Are there other people out there who have felt that the burden of honoring parents was placed on their shoulders though their parents were provoking them to anger?

Ephesians6:2-4
2Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise) 3That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 4And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

 

[Junia]

i have noticed that too. i stick with the definitions of child abuse laid by the law and by those working in social work, mental health etc so i say that abuse isnt just beatings, and it makes me sad to see how often children are teased, humiliated, belittled, yelled at, ignored, threatned with violence or toys destroyed etc and it being passed off as ok because no hitting is happening.

Jesus very tender with little children. i absolutely believe He would be concerned with their rights or needs.

 

[Rescued One]

Hello Brethren,
I have a question on my mind. As a young person (not yet married/a parent) I have seen a lot of focus placed on the scripture that says Honor your father and your mother. However, little attention is paid to the scripture that says Provoke not your children to wrath. I have seen in many family relationships (including my own) how a general lack of care and kindness and general meanness towards the children has made the relationships between the parents and the children difficult. However, I have also seen that the burden is placed more on the children to honor parents, even when parents at times make it difficult to be honored by treating the children with a lack of kindness/affection. Are there any parents out there who have any input and reflection on this particular scripture who can offer any insight on their parenting experiences? How have these verses been lived out in your lives? Are there other people out there who have felt that the burden of honoring parents was placed on their shoulders though their parents were provoking them to anger?

Ephesians6:2-4
2Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise 3That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 4And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!! I feel so extremely sad that many parents discipline with anger and criticize their children instead of teaching and nurturing them. Those same parents attend church services frequently or as often as their church expects (holy days, etc.)

 

[Radagast]

However, little attention is paid to the scripture that says Provoke not your children to wrath. I have seen in many family relationships (including my own) how a general lack of care and kindness and general meanness towards the children has made the relationships between the parents and the children difficult.

And these are the parents who so often wind up never seeing their grandchildren.

Personally I think that, where parents have sinned in this regard, they need to repent, seek forgiveness, and make an effort to heal the relationship.

 

[Rescued One]

Life isn't that simple. There are other reasons that grandparents don't see some of their grandchildren.

 

[Radagast]

Life isn't that simple. There are other reasons that grandparents don't see some of their grandchildren.

Of course there are. Not least the current lockdown.

My point was that when elderly people are totally estranged from their children, there is often a reason. In many cases, the reason is the issue raised by the O.P.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

i have noticed that too. i stick with the definitions of child abuse laid by the law and by those working in social work, mental health etc so i say that abuse isnt just beatings, and it makes me sad to see how often children are teased, humiliated, belittled, yelled at, ignored, threatned with violence or toys destroyed etc and it being passed off as ok because no hitting is happening.

Jesus very tender with little children. i absolutely believe He would be concerned with their rights or needs.

You are right, Jesus is very tender towards the little ones, and He cares how they are treated. Look at the way He talks about them.

Mark 10:14 (KJV) But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

Matthew 18:6 (KJV) But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

Derek Prince said something so interesting, he said there are no delinquent children, only delinquent adults. Meaning that many parents are not doing their duty and are leaving their children unparented. I find it so sad in Christianity that the children so many Christians go astray. I find it very telling. If parents are Christians and shining as lights in a dark world, why aren't more of the children attracted to the light to continue in it for the salvation of their souls?

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!! I feel so extremely sad that many parents discipline with anger and criticize their children instead of teaching and nurturing them. Those same parents attend church services frequently or as often as their church expects (holy days, etc.)

Yes, the discipline with anger and criticism is sad. The Word of God says our speech should be seasoned with grace - Colossians 4:6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

But correcting a child with anger and criticism is correction without love, which leads to destruction. It amounts to corrupt communication. Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

That, in turn, leads to rebellious children... who are 2x or more than 2x more difficult to win as souls for Christ!!! I can say that firsthand.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

And these are the parents who so often wind up never seeing their grandchildren.

Personally I think that, where parents have sinned in this regard, they need to repent, seek forgiveness, and make an effort to heal the relationship.

Repentance is correct... but before someone can repent, they need to recognize their actions have been sinful and most often the parents do not ever come to that point. Which leads to broken generational relationships with families keeping kids from seeing the grandparents. Very sad!

 

[Radagast]

Repentance is correct... but before someone can repent, they need to recognize their actions have been sinful and most often the parents do not ever come to that point. Which leads to broken generational relationships with families keeping kids from seeing the grandparents. Very sad!

I agree 100%.

 

[Rescued One]

Yes, the discipline with anger and criticism is sad. The Word of God says our speech should be seasoned with grace - Colossians 4:6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

But correcting a child with anger and criticism is correction without love, which leads to destruction. It amounts to corrupt communication. Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

That, in turn, leads to rebellious children... who are 2x or more than 2x more difficult to win as souls for Christ!!! I can say that firsthand.

And it's horrible that angry parents might be attending church regularly but the children may turn against the church.

I find it so refreshing that you care about this topic becaeuse you know your Bible.

 

[Rescued One]

Of course there are. Not least the current lockdown.

My point was that when elderly people are totally estranged from their children, there is often a reason. In many cases, the reason is the issue raised by the O.P.

The lockdown hasn't affected the situation I'm in.

I wasn't going to bring this up, but I've tried to explain Ephesians 6:4 to my DIL and son twice (about a year apart). Now they don't want to see me and don't want me to see their children.

I've been self-isolating, but my daughter brought her two little granddaughters to see me last week and they and I had a wonderful time! We were outdoors in the yard and on the porch. The youngest one is 1 yr. and 9 mos.

 

[Radagast]

I wasn't going to bring this up, but I've tried to explain Ephesians 6:4 to my DIL and son twice (about a year apart). Now they don't want to see me and don't want me to see their children.

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

And it's horrible that angry parents might be attending church regularly but the children may turn against the church.

I find it so refreshing that you care about this topic becaeuse you know your Bible.

Yes, it's a very important topic to me. The kingdom of God can only advance when we put His principles into action. Many souls are being lost though they are being brought up in church from an early age because they are not seeing the principles put into action and it's very sad. Children who are brought up in Christianity without seeing the truth of the gospel lived out in the lives around them are far more rebellious than children who have grown up without the knowledge of Christ, and that is very bad.

The Word of God also speaks against the anger that parents have.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NKJV)
31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:8 (NKJV) But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

The lockdown hasn't affected the situation I'm in.

I wasn't going to bring this up, but I've tried to explain Ephesians 6:4 to my DIL and son twice (about a year apart). Now they don't want to see me and don't want me to see their children.

I've been self-isolating, but my daughter brought her two little granddaughters to see me last week and they and I had a wonderful time! We were outdoors in the yard and on the porch. The youngest one is 1 yr. and 9 mos.

This is a sad situation, I'm sorry to hear this I'm happy that you were recently able to spend time with the little ones! These are unprecedented times. With everyone having to spend so much time at home, I think many people are in a period of reflection. You did no evil in trying to explain the scriptures to your son and daughter-in-law. May God open their eyes to see the truth of the scriptures. He makes everything beautiful in its time.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Proverbs 30:11-14

11 There are those who curse their fathers

and do not bless their mothers.

12 There are those who are pure in their own eyes

yet are not cleansed of their filthiness.

13 There are those—how lofty are their eyes,

how high their eyelids lift!—

14 there are those whose teeth are swords,

whose teeth are knives,

to devour the poor from off the earth,

the needy from among mortals.

A portion of scripture amongst the many others fft

 

[Rescued One]

Yes, it's a very important topic to me. The kingdom of God can only advance when we put His principles into action. Many souls are being lost though they are being brought up in church from an early age because they are not seeing the principles put into action and it's very sad. Children who are brought up in Christianity without seeing the truth of the gospel lived out in the lives around them are far more rebellious than children who have grown up without the knowledge of Christ, and that is very bad.

The Word of God also speaks against the anger that parents have.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NKJV)
31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:8 (NKJV) But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.

Do you have a camera on my Bible studies? LOL.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Do you have a camera on my Bible studies? LOL.

Lolol The Holy Spirit is moving

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I found some very good articles on this subject if anyone is interested in reading:

Fathers (and Mothers), Do Not Provoke Your Children! - Tim Challies

7 Ways Parents Unfairly Provoke Their Children - Tim Challies

16 Ways to Provoke Your Children to Anger

How Can You Avoid Provoking Your Child to Anger?