I use to find online a way to express myself in ways I couldn't face to face with people in the real world. Now I find online to be a place that is anything but that. Reality is I have no real family or friends, nothing to lose and don't honestly care but its a shame. The microfraction of hope I have left for this life is not to hide in the synthetic world of online. Maybe for most people they have something to lose. I've got nothing, absolutely nothing. The only gift I've ever given myself is the acceptance that this life is nothing more then a blink of an eye and its only what comes next that makes me fearful. I live in Christ so I have nothing to fear, but not having Christ is fear to me. Nothing in this life or world can take that from me, but it is the only fear I accept. Being human I have needs and wants, hopes and dreams. I have sin and regret, bad habits and much to learn. But if I died today it would be in peace, and I would be going home. I am keeping that in light. People can't get blood from a stone, they can't take what someone doesn't have. All I have is a need for human companionship, but it doesn't mean I have it. Even if I did, and I did, it doesn't mean I'm living for this world and not the promise of Christ for what comes next. Not saying that to sound dramatic but for all my struggles and loss of hope for worldly things I consider this life a blink of an eye. Its enough of a challenge living day by day without giving a care what anyone can add to it.