Dear brothers and sisters.
I dont know if this is at all a good place to post this..
There is so much nonsense on the internet, also on these Christian pages of every sort. So many people who speak, who have a lot of pride.
What I need is some people with a good lenght of life experience, visdom and above all humility.
Those who truly have nothing to say, who havent experienced what I have, please hold back..
I've been a personal believer for some 10 years now. Especially during the first few years I was so on fire, I told everyone about the beauty of the Gospel and the Love of Jesus. I even experienced a healing during prayer and had a lot of expectation.. I spend a lot of time in prayer and in church because I wanted it and loved it.
But over time, the zeal got less, I spend less time with the Lord.. I dont know what came first, the loss of zeal or the abandon of disciplined prayerlife. I got disillusioned because I sensed that my prayer was mostly a monologue and I fell into the habit of seeking comfort with human beings who end up hurting me, because I really needed a tangible love.
Fast forward 7 years and I am barely hanging on.. I pray more out of obligation than anything else.. I am one of those lethargic stone faced people that I couldn't imagine I'd turn into. One of the people who look half asleep in church. I mean, I can keep doing this, going through the motions.. I am there intellectually, but my heart is not burning at all.
I have read much in the Bible and read, seen and heard so many great testimonies about miracles and salvation in every area of life. For a very long time I prayed fervently for the baptism in the Holy Spirit.. but it didn't happen.. I mean I know I have the Spirit in me, otherwise I couldnt believe in Jesus. But visions, hearing Gods voice, spoeaking in tongues, being led to give words of wisdom or knowlege, being led in terms of where to go and whom to marry.. these things I read about and I found so cool... but it didnt happen at all to me. And I end up just feeling disapoointed and left out.
I think there just must be more than this. I begged God to touch me, but he seems to not do it.
I was also recently so disappointed because he didnt heal my dearest family member and a family friend.. we truly believed he would, we called upon his name and confessed his Word of power and authority very much.. But death, empty hard death and suffering was the only result we saw on this side of eternity, much to our shock and sorrow.
Anyone been in this situation?
I cannot live without Jesus.. but this mediocre, boring, never experiencing really truly seeing or hearing him, or his supernatural power, its just wearing me out.
And please, dont give an answer unless you really have something meaningful to say. I am so tired of the superficiality .. its so easy to write something..
Kate
I dont know if this is at all a good place to post this..
There is so much nonsense on the internet, also on these Christian pages of every sort. So many people who speak, who have a lot of pride.
What I need is some people with a good lenght of life experience, visdom and above all humility.
Those who truly have nothing to say, who havent experienced what I have, please hold back..
I've been a personal believer for some 10 years now. Especially during the first few years I was so on fire, I told everyone about the beauty of the Gospel and the Love of Jesus. I even experienced a healing during prayer and had a lot of expectation.. I spend a lot of time in prayer and in church because I wanted it and loved it.
But over time, the zeal got less, I spend less time with the Lord.. I dont know what came first, the loss of zeal or the abandon of disciplined prayerlife. I got disillusioned because I sensed that my prayer was mostly a monologue and I fell into the habit of seeking comfort with human beings who end up hurting me, because I really needed a tangible love.
Fast forward 7 years and I am barely hanging on.. I pray more out of obligation than anything else.. I am one of those lethargic stone faced people that I couldn't imagine I'd turn into. One of the people who look half asleep in church. I mean, I can keep doing this, going through the motions.. I am there intellectually, but my heart is not burning at all.
I have read much in the Bible and read, seen and heard so many great testimonies about miracles and salvation in every area of life. For a very long time I prayed fervently for the baptism in the Holy Spirit.. but it didn't happen.. I mean I know I have the Spirit in me, otherwise I couldnt believe in Jesus. But visions, hearing Gods voice, spoeaking in tongues, being led to give words of wisdom or knowlege, being led in terms of where to go and whom to marry.. these things I read about and I found so cool... but it didnt happen at all to me. And I end up just feeling disapoointed and left out.
I think there just must be more than this. I begged God to touch me, but he seems to not do it.
I was also recently so disappointed because he didnt heal my dearest family member and a family friend.. we truly believed he would, we called upon his name and confessed his Word of power and authority very much.. But death, empty hard death and suffering was the only result we saw on this side of eternity, much to our shock and sorrow.
Anyone been in this situation?
I cannot live without Jesus.. but this mediocre, boring, never experiencing really truly seeing or hearing him, or his supernatural power, its just wearing me out.
And please, dont give an answer unless you really have something meaningful to say. I am so tired of the superficiality .. its so easy to write something..
Kate