- Apr 18, 2017
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We are having trouble with our 16 year old daughter. She's stunningly beautiful both physically as well as her personality and spirit. People are drawn to her and adore her. She's a youth group leader in our church (preteens and younger teens). Every younger girl around her idolizes her, and parents see her has an excellent role model for their kids. She has so many people wanting her to babysit that she has to turn many jobs down.
But lately she's been seeking attention from boys to a degree that isn't healthy or safe. I know it's normal for teen aged girls to want attention from boys, to have a boyfriend. But we've discovered that in the last 5 weeks alone she has:
1) broken up with her actual real boyfriend because he is too "boring". He was a nice kid who treated her with respect. Fine, fair enough, her call.
2) allowed a completely random 20 year old stranger who was drunk to kiss her (down town during Canada Day celebrations when we allowed her to go off to buy some food). She gave him her number and has been chatting with him daily since, and met up with him a couple of times too, lying to us in the process. As far as I can tell, other than a few kisses nothing else has happened. This guy is from another country and is only here for a few months on a work visa (professional soccer). Not OK in the slightest. Safety issue, highly inappropriate.
3) yet another boy who was an exchange student this past year and is now back home in his country, has been sending her "dick picks". Not ok at all. Especially because she thinks it's funny and didn't want to block him.
4) decided she loves yet another boy. He was also an exchange student at her christian school this past year for 4 months, and they remained digital pen-pals after he returned to his country. Less then 2 weeks ago he declared that he had feelings for her and suddenly they are "in love". Would be mostly harmless if it wasn't for the fact that it's on top of all these other things.
4) we have her phone now, for the time being, and it's constantly getting messages from boys. Some are kids we know and they are regular friends and nothing inappropriate is being said. Others are just a little too familiar with her, like they think they are her boyfriends. "Morning baby", "hi babe", etc.
5) decided she loves yet another boy. He was also an exchange student at her christian school this past year for 4 months, and they remained digital pen-pals after he returned to his country. Less then 2 weeks ago he declared that he had feelings for her and suddenly they are "in love". Would be mostly harmless if it wasn't for the fact that it's on top of all these other things.
She didn't try to defend her behavior, she cried and said she was sorry, that she knew the things she was doing were wrong. She swore up and down she was still a virgin (although we didn't ask) and that she just liked the attention.
She's torn between two worlds. On the one hand there is her faith, her family, and the values we've tried to instill in her. On the other is the peer pressure and this constant bombardment from the world that this kind of stuff is normal and ok and even a good thing.
Her mother and I have our share or marriage issues (as you can read in another post I made), but we're doing our best and trying to do better. Right now we're just really feeling defeated. We're scared for the souls of our children, frankly. Oh I know everyone sins, everyone makes mistakes, and she's not going to hell for messing up a few times. But we're really feeling like we've dropped the ball as parents and that they are heading down the wrong path because of us.
Anyway, this is more "rambly" than I intended. My main point was a prayer request. For my daughter, for our family, and more specifically for today.
I am taking my daughter out to lunch, just her and me, to chat about this stuff. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm scared I will say the wrong thing, ask the wrong question, and drive her away.
Please pray that God will give me courage, wisdom, grace, and every other tool I'll need. And most of all that he would give me the words to say.
But lately she's been seeking attention from boys to a degree that isn't healthy or safe. I know it's normal for teen aged girls to want attention from boys, to have a boyfriend. But we've discovered that in the last 5 weeks alone she has:
1) broken up with her actual real boyfriend because he is too "boring". He was a nice kid who treated her with respect. Fine, fair enough, her call.
2) allowed a completely random 20 year old stranger who was drunk to kiss her (down town during Canada Day celebrations when we allowed her to go off to buy some food). She gave him her number and has been chatting with him daily since, and met up with him a couple of times too, lying to us in the process. As far as I can tell, other than a few kisses nothing else has happened. This guy is from another country and is only here for a few months on a work visa (professional soccer). Not OK in the slightest. Safety issue, highly inappropriate.
3) yet another boy who was an exchange student this past year and is now back home in his country, has been sending her "dick picks". Not ok at all. Especially because she thinks it's funny and didn't want to block him.
4) decided she loves yet another boy. He was also an exchange student at her christian school this past year for 4 months, and they remained digital pen-pals after he returned to his country. Less then 2 weeks ago he declared that he had feelings for her and suddenly they are "in love". Would be mostly harmless if it wasn't for the fact that it's on top of all these other things.
4) we have her phone now, for the time being, and it's constantly getting messages from boys. Some are kids we know and they are regular friends and nothing inappropriate is being said. Others are just a little too familiar with her, like they think they are her boyfriends. "Morning baby", "hi babe", etc.
5) decided she loves yet another boy. He was also an exchange student at her christian school this past year for 4 months, and they remained digital pen-pals after he returned to his country. Less then 2 weeks ago he declared that he had feelings for her and suddenly they are "in love". Would be mostly harmless if it wasn't for the fact that it's on top of all these other things.
She didn't try to defend her behavior, she cried and said she was sorry, that she knew the things she was doing were wrong. She swore up and down she was still a virgin (although we didn't ask) and that she just liked the attention.
She's torn between two worlds. On the one hand there is her faith, her family, and the values we've tried to instill in her. On the other is the peer pressure and this constant bombardment from the world that this kind of stuff is normal and ok and even a good thing.
Her mother and I have our share or marriage issues (as you can read in another post I made), but we're doing our best and trying to do better. Right now we're just really feeling defeated. We're scared for the souls of our children, frankly. Oh I know everyone sins, everyone makes mistakes, and she's not going to hell for messing up a few times. But we're really feeling like we've dropped the ball as parents and that they are heading down the wrong path because of us.
Anyway, this is more "rambly" than I intended. My main point was a prayer request. For my daughter, for our family, and more specifically for today.
I am taking my daughter out to lunch, just her and me, to chat about this stuff. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm scared I will say the wrong thing, ask the wrong question, and drive her away.
Please pray that God will give me courage, wisdom, grace, and every other tool I'll need. And most of all that he would give me the words to say.