Is it wrong to prioritize grandson over son?

[Emptyvessel]

I am about to be married to a wonderful man with an 8 yo grandson. His grandson was born to his son and his then fiancee. The relationship did not work out but the 2 are coparenting wonderfully. My fiance loves his grandson and I love that and I believe that is a beautiful thing, the boys live in a different State than him, 9 hours drive away, so it is hard to see them regularly, but he travels 2-3 times a year to visit them.

Now, we are getting married in about 2 months time, he suggested he should then send his son home alone and his grandson stay with us for a week right after our wedding, and I shot that down, because that is excluding his own son and having him driving home alone and of course it is our honeymoon and we need time alone after just being married. He then suggested that we fly over to visit a week after our wedding and I will fly back after a few days and he would stay 2 more weeks because he really wants to spend time with grandson alone then. My heart aches for the 2 sons.

Between us, we have 5 kids, 4 adults and a highschooler. The grandson has a priority over all of them and some days, I feel like it is over me, he denied it. He would obige when I disagree, but, he would keep trying. I love him, and all he does, but this grandson thing is kind of looking to me like an obsession.

I am starting to wonder if this is something I want in our marriage. At this point, I am wanting to push this wedding before this fundamental thing is being sorted out. Please share your thought.

He loves my girls, no doubt about it. I love his sons and then his grandson. Prayers, caring and communicating among me and his boys, him and my girls are regular and natural. I am heartbroken to tell him I cannot marry him till this is being sorted out.

I cannot find any scripture to support loving grandkids over our kids is wrong. The way he doing is likely to cause jealousy and rivalry among our offsprings. He is going to be my husband and I am ready to submit to him as with the Lord. I cannot bear to see this bias/favor causes division.

 

[Vambram]

In my opinion, even though both you and your fiance already have children from different marriages, your husband to be ought to try to make you the priority above the rest of everyone else in the family. Clearly, I don't understand why it appears that your fiance loves the grandson more than his own son.
Has he explained why it looks like he seems to be obsessed with his grandson.

 

[tturt]

Wonder if he looks at the grandson as an opportunity to do things improved over how he enacted with the son like spending one on one time, etc

 

[Rescued One]

It's beyond me why you are getting married if you and he make life so complicated that you can't make decisions without online help!

 

[Grafted In]

Obviously this troubles you. That will not go away after you say " I do" and then it will be too late and you will find yourself in a miserable situation, in my opinion.
I would not marry this man until or unless God reveals to you the reason for your concerns.
Marriage is for life.
That's a pretty big red flag.

 

[mourningdove~]

I am starting to wonder if this is something I want in our marriage. At this point, I am wanting to push this wedding before this fundamental thing is being sorted out. Please share your thought.

He loves my girls, no doubt about it. I love his sons and then his grandson. Prayers, caring and communicating among me and his boys, him and my girls are regular and natural. I am heartbroken to tell him I cannot marry him till this is being sorted out.

I think it is very wise of you to want to sort out this issue with your fiance before getting married.
If it can't be sorted out in a way that is acceptable to you, I'd indefinitely postpone the wedding.

I am not so much concerned for how your fiance favors his grandson over the son, or other family members.
May be healthy, maybe not. Family dynamics are sometimes hard to understand.
But my concern is that your fiance may also favor his grandson over you, whether he realizes it or not.
And if he does, that behavior will cause problems ... and hurt ... for you in your marriage.

The way I see it, this issue is an opportunity for you to see how well you and your fiance can work thru issues together.
So much of marriage is about being able to work thru our differences in a healthy, productive way.
But if two married people cannot resolve their issues together? That can make for a very lonely and unhappy marriage.
Better to remain single, than to be in an unhappy, emotionally lonely marriage ... least in my book it is.

God bless you. I hope it all works out well for you.