Our daughter of 18 graduated this last May. She got a phone at 15 when she started a job. She quit the job last year to concentrate on graduating. My wife tends to be more restrictive with our children then I am. When she was 17 I gave her more freedom on her choices of media usage.
Well, it has been 5 months since graduation and she has not gotten a job nor does she have a car. We have been shopping for a car and she understands that she has to have money and a job in order to get out on her own. Somehow she has gotten ideas for a career that are outside our ideals for her.
(Challenge 1)
She originally wanted to be a vetrenarian. In fact, when she was 14 I encouraged her to volunteer at the local vet. She did and they ended up hiring her. However, after 2 years she decided it was not for her. She said that the majority of the job was putting animals down and that is not what she expected.
She thinks she is interested in forensic science. However, since we are not a wealthy family (I teach at a christian school), the funding is beyond our ability as parents. So, here is where some of the present problems come in. My wife is VERY concerned that she not go away to a public university because of the peer influence and my daughter's desire to date. So, we would like her to go to a Christian university where thare would have a more conducive atmosphere and opportunities. The problem as I see it is that those options are over $30,000 a year. So, I would like her to go to our local community college for her cores while she stays at home. Then she can better make a dicision for her career path and she would not have such a debt burden when she gets out. Again her mother is concerned of the public school peers and influence.
(Challenge 2)
I have been monitoring our internet usage and recently noticed that there was heavy usage after midnight. So on further inspection, the apps that are accessing are tiktok, netflix and hulu. I have not shared this with my wife yet as I think she would not respond well. I feel like it is better for our daughter to explore things under the umbrella of our home than to play the authoritarian and restrict her freedoms so much that she would leave and make some very bad decisions. I would like to talk to her alone and give her advice while allowing her to still have the choice. My wife on the other hand, I am sure, would want to tell her that we will not support the activity and would stop paying for her phone service.
If we become "restrictive" in that manner, I am sure she would make the choice to get into a college ASAP withoout thought of future indebtedness.
The root of these problems comes from all the garbage that has happened to our family. I have taught in Christian schools for more than 26 years. Throughout that time there have been many problems. The principal of one of my previous schools is serving 35 years in prison for sexual abuse of 2 of the students. The supporting church that we were part of was destroyed through it and many things resulted with some very bad church fights and etc... Because I was the assitant principal I found myself and my family at the center of a lot of church controversy and many people were not nice to my family through it.
Then the church from the next school I taught had an issue internally and split over some simple issue. Bad words, feelings developed... Anyways, my childrens' view of church has been damaged. My oldest no longer attends church and my daughters are very distant in their attitudes towards it.
So, with all that, I am not wanting to push them away.
I know I have said a lot here, but if you have some insights or advice, I would appreciate anything you can share. Please keep our family in prayer.
Well, it has been 5 months since graduation and she has not gotten a job nor does she have a car. We have been shopping for a car and she understands that she has to have money and a job in order to get out on her own. Somehow she has gotten ideas for a career that are outside our ideals for her.
(Challenge 1)
She originally wanted to be a vetrenarian. In fact, when she was 14 I encouraged her to volunteer at the local vet. She did and they ended up hiring her. However, after 2 years she decided it was not for her. She said that the majority of the job was putting animals down and that is not what she expected.
She thinks she is interested in forensic science. However, since we are not a wealthy family (I teach at a christian school), the funding is beyond our ability as parents. So, here is where some of the present problems come in. My wife is VERY concerned that she not go away to a public university because of the peer influence and my daughter's desire to date. So, we would like her to go to a Christian university where thare would have a more conducive atmosphere and opportunities. The problem as I see it is that those options are over $30,000 a year. So, I would like her to go to our local community college for her cores while she stays at home. Then she can better make a dicision for her career path and she would not have such a debt burden when she gets out. Again her mother is concerned of the public school peers and influence.
(Challenge 2)
I have been monitoring our internet usage and recently noticed that there was heavy usage after midnight. So on further inspection, the apps that are accessing are tiktok, netflix and hulu. I have not shared this with my wife yet as I think she would not respond well. I feel like it is better for our daughter to explore things under the umbrella of our home than to play the authoritarian and restrict her freedoms so much that she would leave and make some very bad decisions. I would like to talk to her alone and give her advice while allowing her to still have the choice. My wife on the other hand, I am sure, would want to tell her that we will not support the activity and would stop paying for her phone service.
If we become "restrictive" in that manner, I am sure she would make the choice to get into a college ASAP withoout thought of future indebtedness.
The root of these problems comes from all the garbage that has happened to our family. I have taught in Christian schools for more than 26 years. Throughout that time there have been many problems. The principal of one of my previous schools is serving 35 years in prison for sexual abuse of 2 of the students. The supporting church that we were part of was destroyed through it and many things resulted with some very bad church fights and etc... Because I was the assitant principal I found myself and my family at the center of a lot of church controversy and many people were not nice to my family through it.
Then the church from the next school I taught had an issue internally and split over some simple issue. Bad words, feelings developed... Anyways, my childrens' view of church has been damaged. My oldest no longer attends church and my daughters are very distant in their attitudes towards it.
So, with all that, I am not wanting to push them away.
I know I have said a lot here, but if you have some insights or advice, I would appreciate anything you can share. Please keep our family in prayer.