It was a couple years after I came to faith in christ. I loved the lord but like with every born again christian I struggled with the flesh. Wanting to have things in the world like to work out in a gym and stuff wich I was putting before god. I new god was calling me to just him alone. I will copy something I wrote to a brother in christ describing what happened more clearly if it's ok. I became a born again christian about 10 years ago i was radically on fire for the lord preaching the word in righteousness against many who were even at my church. I studied the Bible every day. Although I feel like I was put in a bad place to start in that I was going to a church that taught once saved always saved and many of its members I new where not genuinely born again and many of the other ones i new had devided interests. But I began blending with them more and more about a couple years after my anitial conversion. About a few years after I became a christian, i started out with didvide interests, and watching secular movies and TV, I was quenching the holy spirit, and had divided interests like wanting some things in the world. Then shortly after it led to brazin sin in order to shut out the noise of the holy spirit. I was not even really tempted to it but I almost did it in a state of insanity, I continued with this sin about 4 or 5 times and each time I felt the holy spirit warning me, and about the fifth time I felt him warn me not to do it once more, but without thinking and suddenly thinking I would just confess it to him I did it again. I think the reason I did it was because I was depressed and was almost trying to self harm because i was still trying to drown out the noise of the holy spirit. I could have said no and not done it. It felt as though he left me immediately after in that i could watch secular movies do secular things and i no longer felt his conviction. The next day i woke up and tried to confess it like it says in 1st john 1 verse 9 if we confess our sins he is faithfull and just to forgive. But this time i couldnt feel his assurance anymore and was panicked. and now it's been 8 years since, for the last 8 years I've been trying to convince myself that everything is OK and to hide from the experiance I hade. And the fact I didn't feel the holy spirit with me anymore. But I have now totally come to my senses and can't hide anymore I am faced with guilt and fear. My question for you is if you believe a christian can lose salvation? and if you would have any advice or words to say to me from the lord? Thanks.Hello again newme20, I will renew (to further emphasize) my recommendation/advice to seek counsel from your pastor concerning all of this .. e.g. Hebrews 13:17. This will also help him know how to be in prayer for you, specifically.
That said, I have a question for you for clarity's sake (about some of what you just wrote). When you said that you were still driven to other things, how quickly (after the day that you came to saving faith) did you begin to desire and pursue "other things" again? (by "other things" I assume that you mean things of this world, yes?)
Also, it's important to remember that our "feelings" are normally the very last thing that we should be listening to (concerning spiritual matters), especially when sin is involved. Satan is masterful at using our feelings to convince us that what God says is not true (at least for us anyway). So, first and foremost, we need to be continually growing in the knowledge and understanding of God's word (because the better that we know the Truth, the quicker and easier it will be to recognize Satan's lies and deceptions/half-truths about it).
Finally, we must be DETERMINED to believe/trust God by ~always~ choosing to take Him at His word, no matter what (no matter what our "feelings" are telling us in the moment and/or what Satan may be whispering in our ears, IOW, ~anything~ that tells us otherwise). By doing so (by choosing to believe/trust exactly what God says to us in His word as true), you will also be both honoring and pleasing to Him (unless you feel that He is ~not~ worthy of your trust for some reason, and if that is the case, please let me/us know right away).
This (trusting God/His word, rather than Satan and/or your feelings) is not easy for us to do at first (as our feelings are hard for us to look past), but I promise you that it will become easier and easier to do as time goes on
Here are three verses that I believe you will find useful to remember (as practical/real life help in winning the spiritual battle that you are facing).
2 Corinthians 105 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Ephesians 612 Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.James 47 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
So, whenever you have thoughts/feelings that enter your mind that you know are not true (anything that stands opposed to what God tells us in the Bible, IOW), take those thoughts "captive" immediately and REFUSE to accept them (again and again and again, as often as necessary). This will be difficult to do at first and it will not "feel" natural (as I said above), and Satan will probably continue to attack you with the same thoughts/feelings over and over again, so it will probably become both frustrating and tiring to do so, but when you persevere in resisting the enemy (even so), know that He will finally "flee from you", just like God promises us that He will (this will not happen w/o a great deal of effort and persistence on your part, especially when you first begin to do so).
If you miss him (meaning Satan ), no worries, because he'll be back , but I think you'll find that his "visits" will become shorter and less frequent once he realizes that you are going to resist him whenever he shows up (by believing/trusting God's truth instead of his lies).
Lastly, the feeling of "hollowness" that you are experiencing right now will begin to lesson (as you begin to put your faith and trust in God/in His word again, and begin to walk in obedience to it, of course) and the "joy" of your salvation (which includes that "feeling" of closeness to Him) will return to you over time (so be patient). Remember, it's not God who leaves us when we sin, rather, we're the ones who choose to distance ourselves from Him (and thereby from the close fellowship that we once experienced with Him).
So (for instance), the next time that you ask God to forgive you and cleanse you of your sins (1 John 1:9), choose to believe (to know) that that is EXACTLY what has happened .. because He told you that it would (even if it doesn't "FEEL" like it has in the moment). Nothing in our lives is more important than knowing Him and growing in our relationship with Him, our loving Abba (heavenly "Father") who ~always~ wants what is best for us
God bless you!!
--David
p.s. - I've found that choosing to look for things to rejoice in and thank Him for throughout the day (even the simplest of things) is a great help to my walk because it helps me draw nearer to Him (and it helps us move toward being obedient to the wonderful commands that follow, which are all a GREAT blessing to us, yes )
1 Thessalonians 516 Rejoice always;17 pray without ceasing;18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus..
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