First of all I am sorry you are struggling with this. We have had a number of folks, both men and women, who struggle with different drives or sexual refusal. It is difficult, really for both parties. It is painful for you to be rejected, and not good for him to do something out of duty, especially if he actually finds it distasteful.
He either doesn't touch me at all or barely touches me for two seconds and wants just jump into sex. He doesn't do certain things which I do for him... he does not do for me.. He has in the past said that thinks women nether region it's "gross" which really really hurt me. But since then he apologized for that but it doesn't take back the fact that he thought that way. (And I keep myself very groomed and clean so I know hygiene is not an issue) He pretty much will loose his erection every time he touches me down there.
You need to focus on this. That is unusual. You definitely need to ask him further, not to apologize, but to explain. Did he have misconceptions of female anatomy before marriage? Is he turned off by the appearance, odor, etc.? Did he think that it was wrong or bad all along but was just excited before marriage?
There are a number of things that can cause differences in drive. But this seems like a red flag that really should come first. He had all this excitement--then when he encountered your actual anatomy he did not, and called it gross. Apology isn't the issue. You need to figure out what the problem is.
Beyond that, here is a checklist thread for this issue because it comes up often. See if any of these might apply based one what you know. Then you might ask him to go through the list separately and see what you each indicate.
Low sex drive--check list
-Abuse
-Anxiety about sex
-Bad relationship in general, fighting, bullying, lack of communication, resentment, sex used as bargaining chip, etc.
- Child birth (late pregnancy, immediately after child birth, nursing, etc. can all play a role)
-Dissatisfaction with particulars, lack of know-how or technique
-Drugs, prescription or otherwise
-Erection difficulty
-Guilt over previous sexual activity
-Hormone levels
-Ingrained teaching that sex is wrong or dirty
- Lack of attraction
- Lack of sleep
- Lack of nutrition
- Mental Health (depression, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, etc.)
- Never had drive
- Obesity (impact on libido, also body image)
-Pain during sex
- Physical damage to mechanism
-Physical limitations (weight, disability, sickness)
- Pornography
-Premature [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]
-Pressure to do particular, unwanted activities
- Sexual or emotional attachments outside of marriage (cheating, or excessive masturbation, etc.)
-Stress (new children in home, busy work schedule, over-commitment in time)
-Religious convictions that sex is wrong or dirty
- Waiting to have sex until marriage and "turned off" drive