When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?
*
I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
*
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
*
All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
*
If all is not lost, where is it?
*
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
*
The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.
*
I tried to get a life once, But they told me they were out of stock.
*
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway though.
*
It was so different before everything changed.
*
Some day's you're the dog, and some day's you're the hydrant.
*
Nostalgia isn't what it use to be.
*
Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
*
A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
*
I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few.
*
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
*
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
*
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
*
Living on Earth is expensive, But it does include a trip around the sun.
*
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if your in the bathroom.
*
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
*
Never knock on death's door, ring the bell and run (he hates that).
*
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
*
When you are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess.
*
If you are living on the edge, make sure your wearing your seatbelt.
*
There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead.
*
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
*
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
*
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
*
Its not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
*
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
*
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
*
I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
*
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
*
All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
*
If all is not lost, where is it?
*
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
*
The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.
*
I tried to get a life once, But they told me they were out of stock.
*
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway though.
*
It was so different before everything changed.
*
Some day's you're the dog, and some day's you're the hydrant.
*
Nostalgia isn't what it use to be.
*
Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
*
A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
*
I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few.
*
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
*
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
*
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
*
Living on Earth is expensive, But it does include a trip around the sun.
*
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if your in the bathroom.
*
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
*
Never knock on death's door, ring the bell and run (he hates that).
*
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
*
When you are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess.
*
If you are living on the edge, make sure your wearing your seatbelt.
*
There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead.
*
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
*
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
*
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
*
Its not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
*
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
*
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
