I think I just got bad luck or maybe its because of my mental illness but I think I should stay away from Churches for a while. What happened was I went twice to this church and the first time I saw the pastor give a message on worship, which was good because I need help with that because I still have to fight these delusions of grandure that I have so it makes it hard to worship sometimes. I have decided to just read the psalms from the heart and hopefully it will be good enough.
Anyways the 2nd sunday that I went there was this other pastor there who gave a sermon about serving in the church. It seemed ok at first but then he said some stuff about westbouro church and also about these people who believe they are God and called them a bunch of nutcases and some people laughed. It hurt me because when I was manic I thought I was all kinds of things from the Bible and I guess he would think I was a nutcase too. I thought we should pray for the lost and the people who are confused I know If I had my choice I would have never gone manic and thought I was more than I am.
I mean even though I am as normal now as I can get I still have to fight off these delusions sometimes and I dont want to go to a place which would think of me as a nutcase. It hurt and I could not stop crying so I left with my husband and decided to just listen to through the bible and listen to NRB and bott radio since I can get them on my roku. I also listen to alot of other preachers, too many to list really but I have stopped watching regular tv because I felt it was pulling me away from God and I dont want that to happen again so if I can keep sane I plan on keeping keeping studying the Bible and trying to learn all I can even though these pills dull my mind and I have a hard time learning. I asked Jesus to help me learn so hopefully He will.
Anyways the 2nd sunday that I went there was this other pastor there who gave a sermon about serving in the church. It seemed ok at first but then he said some stuff about westbouro church and also about these people who believe they are God and called them a bunch of nutcases and some people laughed. It hurt me because when I was manic I thought I was all kinds of things from the Bible and I guess he would think I was a nutcase too. I thought we should pray for the lost and the people who are confused I know If I had my choice I would have never gone manic and thought I was more than I am.
I mean even though I am as normal now as I can get I still have to fight off these delusions sometimes and I dont want to go to a place which would think of me as a nutcase. It hurt and I could not stop crying so I left with my husband and decided to just listen to through the bible and listen to NRB and bott radio since I can get them on my roku. I also listen to alot of other preachers, too many to list really but I have stopped watching regular tv because I felt it was pulling me away from God and I dont want that to happen again so if I can keep sane I plan on keeping keeping studying the Bible and trying to learn all I can even though these pills dull my mind and I have a hard time learning. I asked Jesus to help me learn so hopefully He will.