Troubled Son Help

[worriedmom19]

Recently, I recieved a call from the principal and assistant principal at my son's high school. They informed me that my son and two of his friends had created a newspaper project for school. In certain areas of the project, they had made obvious drug references such as making the date 4/20/50 and having random events occurr at 4:20 in the morning. Also, I was shocked to see that they had named a town name related to marijuana and had named the newspaper the Washington Chronicles (with chronic underlined). The school made the desicion to give them a 0 on the project and notify me. What do you think of this?

Obviously I have to address several concerns. What should be my punishment for the newspaper? How should i go about in finding out if my son is really using drugs as well (i suspect he is)? And how should the school be involved in this punishment? HELP PLEASE

 

[CountryLady]

Hello worriedmom19, I could just sit my son down and talk to him, he doesn't lie well, it shows on his face. But we have yet to come across this problem, he just turned into a young teenager. My daughter when she was young went through a little wild stage, but then my late husband was here to help.

The only thing I know to suggest is to talk to your son, seek counseling as it often helps. I have no idea about the punishment either for the newpaper. I'm afraid I'm not much help. I will pray for you and your son. Big hugs to you. God bless you.

 

[rasplundjr]

How old is he?

I used to do stuff like that when I was in Jr High but was never involved with drugs.

 

[lawtonfogle]

He made have made references, but they have to prove he did it with malicious intent to lower his grade. Anything else is asking for a lawsuit. Now, so many refences seems to suggest he meant to do this, if it was only one or two things, I would say it might have been accidental. Have you talked to him yet.

 

[Veiled Viper]

If you suspect he's using drugs,I say search his room,backpack and his clothing.You will find evidence.
I used to smoke pot as a teen.I was never able to hide it completely.
If he's high,he'll be careless and forget where he hides things.
You might find pipes,rolling papers,small containers,etc.
He'll also be spending lots of money if this is a habit.
Does he carry Visine?
There are so many ways to tell.
Whatever you do,don't enable him.
My parents enabled me,BigTime!
I became emotionally hooked on my drug of choice.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Simple way to test. Get a recent piece of his hair (make sure it is his, if you must, clip a very few (so he won't notice) off as he sleeps, and send it in for a drug test. I think the hair hold info for up to 6 months for many drug types.

 

[bliz]

The school has done it's punishment - he flunked the project. I don't know that you need to add additional punishment on top of that.

 

[FollowHisPath]

You say that you dont think she doesnt need to do any more punishment? What if her son IS doing drugs? He needs punishment for that. Kids need bounderies from both school AND from home!

 

[bliz]

You say that you dont think she doesnt need to do any more punishment? What if her son IS doing drugs? He needs punishment for that. Kids need bounderies from both school AND from home!

And what punishment do you think is appropriate for a kid who used drugs? And what is the purpose of this punishment?

If he really should be punished, call the cops on him, do not hire him a lawyer, do not post bail and let him fend for himself in jail and/or prison. That will indeed punish him. Of course, it will permently damage the relationship between parent and child,will risk his health, safety and sanity but he will have been punished!

There is a reason why parents seeking advice about how to help their teens do not seek that advice from teenagers themselves.

There is no punishment that I know of that will cause a teenager who is using drugs to stop using drugs. There are courses of action that may make it less likely that the child will continue to use drugs, but being grounded for a month does not make a kid desire to get high any less, in fact, it will almost certainly make them want to get high all the more.

 

[3girls2dogs]

And what punishment do you think is appropriate for a kid who used drugs? And what is the purpose of this punishment?

If he really should be punished, call the cops on him, do not hire him a lawyer, do not post bail and let him fend for himself in jail and/or prison. That will indeed punish him. Of course, it will permently damage the relationship between parent and child,will risk his health, safety and sanity but he will have been punished!

There is a reason why parents seeking advice about how to help their teens do not seek that advice from teenagers themselves.

There is no punishment that I know of that will cause a teenager who is using drugs to stop using drugs. There are courses of action that may make it less likely that the child will continue to use drugs, but being grounded for a month does not make a kid desire to get high any less, in fact, it will almost certainly make them want to get high all the more.

And sitting by while he does drugs and doing nothing will not "permently damage the relationship between parent and child,will risk his health, safety and sanity"?

I don't see how doing nothing benefits the child.

I got booted from my house for doing drugs as a teen, and trust me, when it came to a choice of continuing to do them and having nowhere to live, and stopping and having a chance for a normal life, I stopped. It took rehab, but I stopped. And my relationship with my grandmother (whom I lived with at the time), while it did suffer for a bit because of MY OWN stupidity in doing drugs in the first place, is airtight now that I am an adult and realize that her harsh punishment probably saved my life.

To the OP: I am in no way saying that you should boot your son....I don't know from your post if he is actually doing drugs or trying to appear to be doing so. Since the school failed him, their role in the punishment is, effectively, over. As far as finding out whether he is doing drugs, ask him. You may get more information about it than you thought, and may at the very least, be able to gauge by his reaction to you whether further investigation is needed. I wish you luck in finding your answers, and I hope and pray that your son is not doing drugs and just pulled a dumb prank to appear "cool" with his peers.

 

[Shizzle]

Just because he knows of drugs, does not necessarily mean he does them. I would definitely not punish him for the newspaper.

If you search his room, you should do it when hes not there, put it back when your done so he wont notice, and keep in mind if you were going to hide your weed anywhere, it would probly be in the most inconspicuos and buried places. And keep in mind if he smokes weed, at different time periods he will have some and not have some because hes constantly buying and using it. does he ask for money alot? If you find weed on him, confronting him may not be the best option. It might be better to leave a note on his bed or something.

 

[chrislife]

To assume he uses drugs because he makes a joke of them in a school project is a bit of a leap in my opinion. How many people who aren't sexually active tell dirty jokes? I suspect he just thought he was being funny and testing to see what he could get by his teacher.

If in doubt, look for evidence... but I wouldn't jump to conclusions based on his having a questionable sense of humor.

---Christina

 

[Serenity432001]

Recently, I recieved a call from the principal and assistant principal at my son's high school. They informed me that my son and two of his friends had created a newspaper project for school. In certain areas of the project, they had made obvious drug references such as making the date 4/20/50 and having random events occurr at 4:20 in the morning. Also, I was shocked to see that they had named a town name related to marijuana and had named the newspaper the Washington Chronicles (with chronic underlined). The school made the desicion to give them a 0 on the project and notify me. What do you think of this?

Obviously I have to address several concerns. What should be my punishment for the newspaper? How should i go about in finding out if my son is really using drugs as well (i suspect he is)? And how should the school be involved in this punishment? HELP PLEASE

Hi worriedmom, I am new to this site as well and just saw this thread and was wondering how things are going? I've just been thru a very difficult time with my then 16 year old son and made some very tough decisions that did involve the police, detention, boot camp & etc.--hardest decisions ever made and the thing about damaging the relationship is at the time the relationship was already damaged. He hated me, had no respect for me & etc. It's been since May that he's been living with us again and things are much better. Our relationship is good now and he does show respect and even says he loves me instead of I hate you. Turns out he was using drugs and I didn't know it and was upset with myself for not knowing it because I am a recovering addict and thought I'd know. Anyway to make a long story short, he decided he wanted to join the air force and he knows you have to pass a drug test so I think anyway, he's not using now and he is suppose to go into the air force in March. That made a world of difference for several reasons--he has a goal now & it's something HE wants to do & like I've already said they drug test him. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone & you are in my prayers.

Blessings

Lisa P

 

[eturner74]

If you think your son is doing drugs take him for a drug test and if he is put him in rehab