Sharing this from the "What's on your mind thread":
I'm sharing this not to seek sympathy, but to share the power of God within my life, in case anyone here has yet to experience this. I'd consider this a testimony of sorts. Perhaps some of you can relate. It was my first encounter with such a situation but I've never felt closer to God.
I was having a conversation about God with someone who holds significant importance in my life tonight. I had introduced them to God, brought them to my church once, and they are genuinely excited about becoming a believer. They shared their experiences and enthusiasm for learning more about God. They had downloaded religious apps, they were showing me their notebook full of notes they'd taken, and even showed me inspirational Biblical videos they had watched that inspired them. We were having an engaging discussion about how God was impacting our lives. Then in came a non-believer.
I explained the topic of our conversation and the positive effects God had on us. They began with probing questions, the kind meant to trip you up so they could smack you down. Initially, they remained civil, but their anger started escalating when I suggested they seek God themselves to experience what we were talking about. Their questions became more aggressive, and they grew increasingly agitated. They refused to let me provide answers, instead resorting to shouting over me instead of letting me answer. Whenever I attempted to respond, they would interrupt immediately by yelling, then claiming I had no answers. I told them I would answer them if they let me, and they'd respond with, "Well then !#$@ing answer the !@$# question!" So I'd try, and they'd start yelling again. I don't yell back, so when they start yelling I stop to let them yell till they're done, which then they reply with, "SEE?! You have nothing!"
This went on for at least an hour. I tried to convey my takeaway from my faith journey; that we need God in every aspect of our lives, not just when we can't handle things on our own. We think we can handle everything, and then when we can't, we turn to God, when really we should be turning to God for everything. They countered that this need for God was a sign of weakness on my part. I admitted to my weakness, stating that with God, I found strength. They argued that this very need for something external made me weak. They believed that true strength meant being self-sufficient, and if I was more like them, I'd have real strength and I wouldn't need to rely on some fairy-tale deity.
In an attempt to prove their point, they started slapping me across the face. They kept questioning my belief of the existence of God, asking why, if God loved me SO much, would he allow this to happen to me. According to them, an all-knowing and all-good God would not permit such suffering. They asserted that they were the one with real/actual power, because they were bigger and stronger, claiming that this was the reality of power and that my belief in God was crap.
In that moment, emotionally, I didn't feel an ounce of anger. Before finding God, that would have been the first thing I felt. I know I would have been livid. I would have started screaming at them or trying to hit them back. I would have thought, 'HOW DARE YOU! I'LL SHOW YOU!'. Instead, I felt fear and deep sadness. The fear stemmed from the realization that this person was physically superior to me, and even if I used my best self defense, they could have killed me with their bare hands easily. There's no doubt in my mind, that I would end up in the hospital or worse. The sadness came from knowing this person. They weren't a stranger to me. They're very important to me just as the first person mentioned is. It hurt because I recognized that, in that moment, they were so far from God's grace.
Despite the fear and sadness, I also felt a sense of pride. Not in myself but in my faith? I realized that I held such deep conviction in God that I was willing to endure physical harm for it. I refused to abandon my faith or turn my back on Him because I believe in Him so strongly, that agreeing simply to end the physical pain wouldn't be worth losing Him. They could have slapped me all night, beat me into the ground, and I would not cave. Not only was I willing to get beaten for it, I have been praying to God since then like Jesus called to him on the cross.
I'm not angry, not at all, but my heart aches for them. I fear the consequences they may face from God. I've just been thinking about how far they are from God, how He could save them if they let Him, and what God said about persecution and thinking of his wrath. Every time I think of, "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the lord." I start crying. I start praying to God, "Please forgive them Father. Don't be angry at them. Please show them mercy and love. Please help them find you. Please forgive them." I fear God's wrath for them. I know He will act justly, but I don't want them to be punished, I want them to be saved and loved, so I'm just crying and praying. It's 4am and I'm still crying because I just want nothing but the best for them.
Despite the physical pain, I maintained a smile. I wanted to cry because it definitely hurt, but I held back. It brought me genuine happiness to recognize the depth of my faith, so that helped me keep my smile. I didn't realize it was already that deep and all I want is more. I can attest that Holy Spirit was with me throughout, as I would have lost my composure otherwise. But I reminded myself that God told us we would be persecuted. People warned me that I would start losing people in my life. Just days ago, I had been content, thinking that I was handling things really well because no one has walked away from me. My ability to remain calm and smile likely prevented further harm, as responding with anger could have escalated the situation. I just started a devotional a few days ago about praying dangerously. Instead of praying carefully as I have been, "Thank you father for all you do, please bless and watch over this person, and that person. Help me find wisdom in your word." I started praying for God to test me, to make me stronger, to break my walls down. Well, I got what I prayed for.
This ordeal has only reaffirmed my faith and my willingness to stand firm in God. I now know without a doubt that I would endure anything for the sake of my faith in God. It has also answered the questions I've been pondering recently. Instead of pushing me away, this experience has only drawn me closer to God. It has shown me that with God, I possess a kind of strength I have never had. A strength that allows me to endure physical assault, ridicule, and mockery while still smiling and harboring no hatred in my heart. This strength is a testament to the transformative power of faith.
God is good, my friends, always.
