- Nov 25, 2018
- 153
- 129
- 34
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Episcopalian
- Marital Status
- Single
I'm driving myself and my family crazy. Recently, in an effort to treat my bipolar depression, doc tried my on Lamictal. Boy did it help with the depression. It activated me into a perpetual mania. We tried to control said mania, but nothing worked. Doc took me off lamictal and upped my anti-manic meds. I came down to equilibrium. The anti-manics are sedating, but it sure beats crawling out of my skin from mania.
When I'm manic, I suffer from very powerful grandiosity, goal directed behavior, and impulsivity. I'll often abruptly quit jobs or switch college majors, I'll drink and do drugs, and I'll change my living situation. I am currently working a job in the mental health field that I absolutely LOVE. My goal is to become a peer support specialist and I am very excited. I have a tremendous amount of passion and talent in what I do; I communicate well, I empathize, and I have compassion.
I had this grandiose vision that I was going to finish my accounting degree (my college major once upon a time) and move to Manhattan to work in the financial sector. I certainly have the ability to do this if I want to. But the thing is, deep down I don't want to. I enjoy helping others. I love what I do now. The money would be nice, but I have a very low opinion of corporate America and wouldn't be fulfilled working for them. It would be a self-serving venture designed to fulfill wordly desires of wealth and status.
I spent several weeks fighting back against this impulse. I was successful, but I am still troubled at how powerful it was. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was so agitated. I moved away from God's will and desired to work for my own will. If anyone can relate or offer some perspective, that would be awesome. I definitely moved away from God for a minute there. My thinking was, why am I obligated to help others? Don't I deserve to serve myself? This goes against my core values. Self-serving breeds iniquity.
When I'm manic, I suffer from very powerful grandiosity, goal directed behavior, and impulsivity. I'll often abruptly quit jobs or switch college majors, I'll drink and do drugs, and I'll change my living situation. I am currently working a job in the mental health field that I absolutely LOVE. My goal is to become a peer support specialist and I am very excited. I have a tremendous amount of passion and talent in what I do; I communicate well, I empathize, and I have compassion.
I had this grandiose vision that I was going to finish my accounting degree (my college major once upon a time) and move to Manhattan to work in the financial sector. I certainly have the ability to do this if I want to. But the thing is, deep down I don't want to. I enjoy helping others. I love what I do now. The money would be nice, but I have a very low opinion of corporate America and wouldn't be fulfilled working for them. It would be a self-serving venture designed to fulfill wordly desires of wealth and status.
I spent several weeks fighting back against this impulse. I was successful, but I am still troubled at how powerful it was. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was so agitated. I moved away from God's will and desired to work for my own will. If anyone can relate or offer some perspective, that would be awesome. I definitely moved away from God for a minute there. My thinking was, why am I obligated to help others? Don't I deserve to serve myself? This goes against my core values. Self-serving breeds iniquity.